Friday, December 31

a whole new year!

Oh hey 2011. So weird. 2011.. it even looks weird. I honestly can’t believe its 2011 – I’m going to be twenty this year. Excuse my French, but that shit is messed up. In some twisted bailey way I feel like 2010 went so fast but soooo slow. I guess that would be partly because it was so uneventful.. it just all blurred and slugged along but since I can’t remember any of it it seems as though it went fast.

I know people say this all the time but I have a REALLY good feeling about 2011. This past year for me has been a year of no achievement – I literally did nothing with myself besides work and make bad decisions. I have sometimes scattered and unsure plans for 2011 but they are big plans and I truly intend to make it a fabulous year no matter where I end up, what I do or who I meet – I believe in 2011! Haha.

Do you have your new years resolutions ready? I can’t believe I still feel so seriously about new years resolutions after 20 years (okay..10 years i suppose) of making a million and accomplishing one most likely by mistake. I suppose there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a better person or do better for yourself or for others, at least it’s in your head. This year I really am going to try to put forth an effort with somethings. In 2010 I finally stopped chewing my nails which wasn’t one of my resolutions but I’m glad it happened and it should've been on my list..then I would’ve accomplished something! Aha.

So I’m trying to compile a HUGE list of resolutions for the new year so that a)I am being more cautious about being a better me for myself and for friends/family/strangers and b)I figure if I did about 1 for 10 in 2010..then if I try for 100 and I get 10 in 2011...that’s 10 things I’m doing better or at all aha. Probably a stupid theory but one I’m going to put to the test anyway! So here is a list of things I wish to accomplish or.. get better at..or WHATEVER in 2011.

Maybe you are making a list, maybe you aren’t. Either way...have an amazing 2011. Make it your best year, and continue to try new things and make everyday better than the one before. Do what makes you happy, no matter what anyone thinks. Time flies.. faster and faster each year and eventually I want us all to be able to look back and regret nothing and be satisfied with how we lived our lives and how much we loved everyone and what we did to make our life really mean something special. Happy New Year, everyone!

Bailey’s Resolutions for 2011
Eat less meat!
Stop using the word gay as a slang word.
Listen and experience more music.
Get a tattoo.
Build my self esteem.
Eat more organically; reduce processed foods in my diet.
Exercise more often.
Write more often.
Do things that scare the shit out of me.
Become more independant.
Have my first real relationship. (Maybe i’m going a bit overboard?)
Climb something ridiculous.
Let everyone know how much I love them.
Acquire a cute pair of heels and wear them with confidence.
Make someone feel beautiful.
Do something dramatic with my hair.
Explore a new religion
Become more fluent in Spanish
Learn to cook.
Feel pretty.
Buy and wear a bathing suit.
The list goes on but.. who cares? Aha.

There you go!
So goodbye 2010, I won’t miss you much. Thanks for any new friends and good times (and believe me, I did have a few!) but I’m ready for bigger, better things. Cheers.

Tuesday, December 28

Decluttering my life.

I’ve been feeling really inspired to write all day. I don’t know if inspired would be the right word but just stressed out and worked up over life to the point where I needed to let loose a bit in the form of writing. I’m mostly stressed out with the fact that I’m leaving so soon and have no plan and nothing figured out. I was suppose to leave in October and I’ve done well to stick around until now. My life has really been going backwards for the past year of being on Grand Manan and I’m just ready to figure it out and get out of here. Don’t get me wrong, Grand Manan is beautiful and home..but I’m melting into a pile of nothingness here!!

So when I get stressed out about that sort of stuff I tend to clean,and organize as some metaphoric was of attempting to clean and organize my life. Tonight I threw out 2 garbage bags full of clothes and 2 more of garbage from my room I felt no use for anymore. I have to say – it feels good and it’s a start to organizing my future. While I was digging I found a card that Gina got me and I really liked it – it’s just a cute one but it has The AbC’s of lifes journey in it and I really loved it and wanted to share it with whoever wanted to listen. I think if I try to stick to these ABC’s for 2011 or if anyone does.. we will feel more satisfied and feel more clarity with everything (lame sounding, I know but try!)So I’m just going to share them for tonight and then I will prob write again soon about my crazy hectic head and where the hell my life is going. I hope everyone’s break is amazing, mine finishes tonight but I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few days with friends and family – I truly needed it! Happy New Year !!
The ABC’s of Life’s Journey
Appreciate who you are
Be nice to everybody
Choose your own Road
Dodge negativity
Envision your destination
Flaunt your fabulousness
Go where your heart leads
Have Faith
Investigate life’s twists and turns
JUMP!
Keep on keepin on
Laugh lots
Make Friends
Never Litter
Observe the scenery
Play often
Quit Worrying
Relax
Stop and smell the flowers
Take it one step at a time
Unload your excess baggage
Venture into the unknown
Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes
X-pect the best
Yield to fun
Zone out occasionally – its good for you!

So ...if we all tried at least one of these every once in a while, I think we’d be a bit more satisfied!

I think I will write again soon about everything and maybe some new years resolutions.. and I want to know everyone else’s! I had a list of 11 last year and I think I did 2.. good work, bail lol

Until next time. xoxo.

PS. I havn’t gained any weight over the holiday and I have no clue how it is possible – did anyone else eat EVERYTHING THEY SAW over the break? Cause I totally did. FOOD EVERYWHERE! I’m going to have to eat water and kelp for months.

pps. i've been into a few random youtube musicians lately and i just wanted to put a few names out there for people who are looking for real people, with real talent.. cause some of these people are insane. so go to youtube and search around for the following :

justin robinett
tyler ward
ahmir
sam tsui
christina grimmie
mike tompkins (pbpproductions - you have to see him!)

Monday, November 29

New Project!

(I'm just going to post here what I posted to the event on FB.)

In October of this year, it was estimated that up to 210,000,000 (210 million) children are living as orphans world-wide, most orphaned by HIV-AIDS. In 2007, it was estimated that 150, 000, 000 (150 million) of those children were living on the streets. In October of 2009, after graduating high school, I was lucky enough to spend two months in Guatemala on a volunteer abroad program in an orphanage.
For those of you who know me, you know how much it meant to me to be able to spend those two months at the orphanage. It housed around 100 children from as young as 4 days to as old as 14 or 15. The experience changed my life, changed the ways I look at my own life and the way I prioritize things. Of all the heartbreaking things I experienced at the orphanage, the lack of baby supplies was something that really got to me. Many times I would see babies being changed, and cleaned up with a pair of jeans or a shirt – not exactly the fabric you want to be using as toilet paper. During my last week at the orphanage one of the “senioritas” told my friend and I that they were in the biggest need for wipes which leads me to the task at hand.
At the end of February 2011 I will be returning to Guatemala and doing three weeks at the same orphanage. I would love to be able to give back to the orphanage a bit of what the kids gave to me, only in the form of wipes, baby powder and other supplies instead of hugs, kisses and the cutest smiles you’ll ever see. I’m asking that if you feel it’s right for you that you help not me, but the kids, and donate a package of wipes, a bottle of baby powder or whatever you wish to donate – a toy, clothes, whatever! There are no limits, rules or anything to this project – just as long as I can fit it in a suitcase! Haha.
There are millions of orphans in this world, millions of victims, millions of people hurting and suffering every day. We can’t save everyone; I’m just putting a chance out there for you to put a little sunshine in the world, to help possibly improve a tiny part of one of those 210,000,000 children’s’ lives. I know that money is tight and especially over the next two months, money is tighter but even a 2$ donation would make a difference. Any money donations will go 100% to buying supplies, which I will buy in Guatemala as it is more convenient.
If you have any questions I can be contacted through Facebook, by email and by phone. If you have a donation, you can bring it to my work, mail it (inquire for my address), deliver to my house or simply give me a ring and I will pick it up (if it is on Grand Manan). Everything counts!
Bailey.j.small@hotmail.com
506-662-3605 (Home
506-662-4515 (Mobile)
506-662-3103 (Work)
Thank you so much if you took the time to check out this group and actually read into it! If you can’t donate, but you know a friend who would be interested, please let them know. I will be accepting donations right up until I leave – February 9th. Thank you so much.

Sunday, November 14

Say No To Fur Vests.

Well I suppose after two weeks it’s time for an update on my get thin and healthy shenanigans. I havn’t exercised once and I eat cake for every meal. Ha. Just kidding! I’ve been doing alright and am proud of my progress thus far but I DO need to shape up and I’m going to!

I haven’t been perfect of course but I’ve been trying and any progress is good progress. The videos I’m doing with Sheri are going well and getting better each time. When it is bad, it’s funny - we are blessed with sarcasm and the ability to laugh at ourselves which helps a lot. I don’t feel so discouraged, I just keep going. I’m going to start going to the gym as well as doing the videos soon because I feel I should be getting some more intense cardio in but I don’t want to wear myself out too bad – I do work 40 hours a week and it can be a lot. I have huge respect for women who have children, work hard and still manage to work out and stay healthy – you are goddesses, absolute goddesses! Thanks to my dearest Diana who has said she’d start going to the gym with me – yay!

So I’ve only lost a few lbs but I’m feeling good. The food thing is the hardest – especially working at Vernes. I’m constantly surrounded by food – GOOD, unhealthy, fattening food. When it’s slow I just want to eat it all. It’s a struggle every second of every day I’m there but it will get easier and my will power will hopefully get stronger! If anyone has any tips for how I can say no to the food, leave me a comment ! I will try anything because it truly is so hard. I’m starting a new meal plan that is low carb so a bit of structure with my diet will hopefully help me keep away from the junkfood – we’ll see!

So moving onto other news! I’m finally starting to really commit to my trip in February. I’m in the process of booking flights to Jeremys and then I will be headed to Guatemala after a few weeks there. Hoping to stay with them for about three weeks because I miss them so much all the time and I haven never even met the newest additions. Once in Guatemala, I think I will spend the first few weeks volunteering again at the orphanage. It’s a big commitment for me though because I feel I’ve been working so hard – three jobs in the past year – to have enough money to go and then it’s just like BAM- 1000$ gone for the flight and 800$ gone for volunteer – that’s a lot of hours of work disappearing into thin air. But I believe it’s worth it and I’m really excited to get back there. I was so happy and it will be different but hopefully just as good if not better!

So speaking of the orphanage I just thought I’d lay out a little baby part of an idea I’ve been having. I just want to know if it seems stupid because when I bring it up to my mother she just looks vacant and unresponsive so I’ve can’t tell if it’s stupid or if she’s just giving her usual reply to my ideas. Since I’m traveling around Central America hopefully I’m just taking like one big huge backpack, I’m not dragging suitcases everywhere so I thought maybe I could just take one HUGE suitcase with me to Guatemala and fill it with stuff for the orphanage. The stuff my mom sent in the mail (bad idea) never made it and I could just leave the suitcase there and be done with it and they need so much stuff so I think it would be perfect! I remember one of the last days I was there one of the ladies who worked with the kids I did came up to me and my friend Jossy and told us that they really needed baby wipes. I was never able to send any and it weighs on my heart everyday because it’s such an easy thing and to us it’s just like baby wipes. I saw them wipe the babies bums with jeans and rough fabrics all the time because they didn’t have friggin baby wipes. How sad is that? It’s so fixable so this time I think I will take just fill up a suitcase with essentials and some clothes and stuff and cart it to Guatemala, and leave the suitcase there.

If I have to I will buy the stuff myself but if you want to help out and maybe give me a few items – that would be perfect. Even passing the word along to someone who might be interested in helping me out – that would be amazing. For more details on what type of items I am looking for or what you can do to help or even if you just want to email me aha, it is bailey.j.small@hotmail.com. Or you can message me on facebook or call my house. If you don’t live on the island or do and still wish to email me an item message me for my address. I do not leave until the first of February so this is just my idea starting.. there is lot’s of time to let it marinate aha.

So tomorrow I weigh in – so wish me luck! Also a humongous, giant, statue of liberty sized thank you for all of the support! I never even dreamed anyone would read my blog let alone that I would get so many comments and messages (and even a card in the mail from a special lady) with words of wisdom, praise, advice, constructive criticism, etc – it was amazing. I am truly blessed and surrounded by amazing people – you made me feel so great in a difficult spot!


And lastly, to everyone with and without style, NEVER BUY A FUR VEST. I have no idea why they are in style but eventually everyone will wake up from this fashion coma and realize that much like the mullet, fur vests need to stay in the vault – forever!
Love to all, as Jason informed me, four readers! Haha.
<3.

Monday, November 1

Fat, Fabulous..and Faking It.


If you asked me how much I weigh I would probably laugh in your face and sarcastically exclaim '115lbs. Im up a few', then continue to make some self deprecating comment about myself and possibly make you uncomfortable. The aim being to make you laugh and take the train of thought totally away from what I actually weigh. That's because I'm the FFG - the fat, funny girl. I've been the fat kid my whole life so yes, I am rather comfortable and if at all possible, 100% uncomfortable at the exact same time.

Unless you have been fat, you actually have no idea how it feels. On the defense though, we are all insecure. What gender, heck, what SPECIES are we, if we aren't struggling to live up to societies ideas for what we should weigh, or how big our muscles/boobs should be, or have many "packs" we need to be happy and to be accepted. But being fat... I'm not gonna lie, it can be tough, it's the longest, hardest, most exhausting issue I've had to deal with - and I've had to deal with it my whole life. There is curvy..and then there is fat. I am fat. I'm not big in nice places and I carry my weight like a big sign that says 'Fat Kid'. So lose weight you say.. yeah...it's not that easy.

You see.. I'm an emotional eater. Have you ever seen Austin Powers? Fat Bastard says, "I'm eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat." It's sort of like that. Something goes wrong, I eat, something goes right, I eat, things just don't go - you guessed it, I still eat. It probably started when I was around the age of 8 - about the year I decided dieting was a good idea. Yes - I've been dieting and trying to be skinny on and off for over 10 years. If I needed hands to count how many times I'd starved myself, tried to make myself throw up, measured myself, weighed myself, exercised like a psycho or started a new diet - fuck octopus - I'd be a centupus. (100 arms.. i don't think there is actually a centupus but you get where I'm going). So at eight years old as my already shitty eating habits were really getting developed, I was starting to get depressed and also hit puberty which was mostly game over for the ole' Bailster.

Fast forward about 8 years and I actually had some progress losing weight. I lost 40 lbs, felt real good, something bad happened and things spiraled out of control. I'm back where I was and I regret it everyday of my life. Letting my emotions have control over my body is tough - I'm the most emotional person I know, I do most things with my heart. So here I am at 19, totally fat, totally miserable, and I've been in this place for quite some time. Now.. I've said this probably 400 times but I actually feel like I'm done. I'm tired of the thousands of shitty deals that come with being stuck in this permanent fat suit : im fat! obviously, im unattractive, im out of shape, everytime i eat its like i have a million judgemental eyes staring at me saying WHY ARE YOU EATING?! Then there is the obvious fact that few to no guys notice im alive, and if they do it's because they are unfortuantely the wingman to a guy who wants to get with my friend. I never get to share clothes with my friends, and I have the most gorgeous friends in the world which also makes me look at myself and think - honestly, bailey, what the fuck? go bury yourself somewhere. When I look in the mirror or at the scale it's like there are knives being tossed around in my huge stomach.

Now I know I did the whole blog about being beautiful and how there are a million outrageous standards for beauty in our society but this is also about health. Like I said -I'm not curvy, I'm not built like some curvy sexy latina. There is a difference. In our society, I'm disgusting and I'm unhealthy. I've never had a white guy tell me I'm beautiful, I've never really had a boyfriend and that is okay - but I would rather a guy not like me because I'm rotten not because I'm totally disgusting to look at. So I'm going to fix it.

This is my way of being accountable. Now all the five people (Yes , it's gone up from 3) who read my blog will know and maybe someone else will hear it through the grapevine and when I want to eat the shit out of the cupboards, I will think - nope, because those faithful blog readers will wonder why I'm getting fatter when I announced I was going to get skinnier. I'm blessed with one hell of a mother who a)cooks for me and b)will cook what I want her to cook for me. Also, I'm blessed with the most kick ass boss ever and we are starting some ridiculous "sexy slim something in six" which she has promised me is not six months, it's six weeks..and I'm gonna start kicking some ass. I'm gonna lose some weight, I'm gonna take off to Central America for a while, and I'm gonna come back not looking like a big piece of shit. Actually, I wish to come back looking like a sexy bitch and I'm not sure if I have the right combination of physical genetics for that but we will see what happens.

So if you can help me out by not offering me copious amounts of junkfood or telling me to take a lap (I will consider it encouragement, not offensive), it would be appreciated. This is really scary for me, but being fat forever is too. It scares me to think that if I lose a bunch of weight, and guys still don't pay attention to me and I still feel ugly.. that I will have wasted all this time and effort. But I don't think that's going to happen - I think that even being healthy and in shape in the first place is a magnicicent idea. So wish me luck.. it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Wednesday, October 6

Beautiful

Alright. Here comes a doozy. I know it’s been weeks and weeks but the main thing I can blame it on other than the obvious – myself and my own laziness – is the lack of inspiration in my life. My friends are gone, I don’t do much for fun, I work all day, and while I like my job it, much like my life, lacks inspiration to write. I know that sometimes the things I write about aren’t exactly poetic but a lot of it comes from things in my life provoking me to write or express it, I don’t just sit down and shit out random words onto my keyboard.

So anyways.. I was youtubing like a champion and came across this video. I suggest you watch it because a)it’s pretty bitchin’ in a thought provoking type way and b)it might help you better understand where I’m coming from if society hasn’t already made you understand where I’m coming from. Previously mentioned video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U&feature=related

Okay so..ridiculous. It’s insane what a little photoshopping can do to the average girl. I mean, great, sweet, you can do some cool things with photoshop but that’s not the point. The point is that they do this to women and men all the time, put it all through the media, and tell us that these people actually look like this and basically that we are beautiful if we look like that too. I know that it’s not that simple and not every add is like this, and not everyone falls into that trap, but think about it. Think about what you would look like if you could be the most beautiful person you can think of..I bet it’s not even an everyday person and if it is in fact a celebrity, they don’t even actually look like that.

The sad thing is that the celebrity is beautiful and fine how they are and probably talented and successful yet our standards of what is beautiful have become so high, farfetched and fake that they are photoshopped and fucked with to the point of this ridiculous idea of perfection even though they are already extraordinarily beautiful. Did you know that Kate Hudsons eyes aren’t even blue? On magazine covers and even television commercials her eyes have been photoshopped blue. Why? I have no idea! She is amazingly beautiful and talented, yet someone feels the need to make her eyes a different color. That is so fucked up! I found these pictures.. of amazingly beautiful people who apparently had to be photoshopped.. WHY?? They are so gorgeous.. I would kill to look like they do without being edited.. there was no need for any of it!
http://www.hemmy.net/2007/05/25/celebrities-before-and-after-photoshop/

The scary part of it all is that so many people buy into it. I know I do. I have never felt beautiful in my life and I feel totally useless if I don’t have a shit ton of make up on and my hair done. I may still feel the same if I hadn’t grown up thinking that you had to be blonde, skinny and perfect to be beautiful or loved but I might not. Millions of girls might feel be more comfortable with themselves if these stupid superficial ideas of beauty hadn’t been shoved down their throats. It seems like there is no one there saying “you’re beautiful without make up, you’re beautiful because you’re you” which is true. The most beautiful girls in the world are the girls who are natural and who comfortable with themselves and who are beautiful from the inside out. Nothing is more beautiful to me than a girl who is confident and funny and smart.. external beauty fades. What will it mean when you’re 80 and you have no personality?

I think it would be awesome if we could look in the mirror and say “wow, my freckles are awesome”, “i love my blonde hair”, “i love my pale skin”, “i’m so glad i have hips”, “being tall is amazing”, etc etc etc. It doesn’t matter what we do, we’re too big, too small, our butts are too big, too small, our boobs are never big enough, our nose, our lips, our hair, everything.. and things are so in and out of style.. magazines telling us we can only wear this because we’re this size and to color our hair this color because the moon is in this place and god forbid you don’t wear this make up brand because you WILL look like a gremlin, and the guy you like WILL disregard your existence.

It’s all really fucked up. I think wearing make up is fine and wearing nice clothes is great – i’m a shopaholic. The point I’m making is that.. we have to start seeing beauty in other things. I see beauty in my friendship with my best friends – when I can sit with them and we finish each others sentences, and say stupid shit no one else would understand, and laugh til we can’t breathe. I see beauty when someone takes a shopping cart for an elderly lady at the save easy. I see beauty when I drive around my hometown and realize how blessed I am to live in such a beautiful place. I see beauty when my customers smile and say thank you and they mean it. I see beauty in peoples laughter. I see beauty in new friendships. I see beauty when someone stands up for someone they don’t know. Beauty is not always just how skinny someone is or how pretty their face is or how many guys/girls rhink they are hot..it’s who they are and how they make the world a better place.

I’d love to see society get back to seeing beauty in a more natural way. There are lot’s of inspiring campaigns started – by Dove and even by Tyra Banks. She is a bit of a freakshow at times but she has amazing vision for changing people’s perspectives of beauty. She thinks that our definitions of beauty should expand and I agree. If we all tried to see the true beauty in every person and everything.. I think we could really surprise ourselves.I know not everyone agrees with me but I really hope that someday we start seeing things a little differently. I know this rant has been insane but tonight it really hit me how insane my standards are for how I should look. I have a long ways to go before I’m beautiful but I also know that I don’t need to be perfect because it’s not even real.

I don't like standard beauty - there is no beauty without strangeness." -Karl Lagerfeld”

And one more video for your viewing pleasure.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_wIXAP8iAg&feature=related

Sunday, September 5

Secrets.

They say that everyone has a secret. I didn’t ever really have any secrets, ever. Sometimes I had a secret crush or I secretly wanted to punch my friend in the face because what they were saying was idiotic but never a true secret. If I had one about a guy it eventually would come out. Who can honestly keep those types of things inside forever when you have a zillion girlfriends and too many drinks? Those are unimportant secrets. I am talking about the kind where it burns at your heart and your soul and your conscience because you know, even if it is deep deep down, that it hurts you, and it hurts the person/people involved, and if anyone ever knew your secret, even more people would be hurt by it. I never had one of these secrets.

I have friends who carry big secrets, and lies. Maybe a few friends know, but they are things that no one can know, because maybe they would get hurt or the friend would get hurt. I have never been a liar or a sneak. You pretty much always know what I am up to. It is not that I have no faults, but my imperfections lie in (many) completely different things. Up until I was 19, which is the age I am now, I never did anything so horrible or sneaky or mean that I felt I needed to lie about it or cover it up, or just say nothing at all. Now I do.

Now I know what you are thinking – what the hell could she be hiding? Honestly.. it probably wouldn’t affect you. Knowing may shock you, but you will never know, because I will never tell. It’s a secret I will take to the grave most likely, or at least until I am married to someone I trust enough to share it with. It won’t affect them and it probably won’t affect how they view me. It was a mistake but a mistake I will never feel okay with.

The point I have been trying to get to is how insane secrets can be. How they can totally set fire to your insides. The fear of someone finding out, the guilt you feel for it. Not all secrets are bad, but they usually are – otherwise, why are you hiding it? Do you have a secret.. where when you think about it, you could totally vomit all over the place? I didn’t until now.

I have learned decently quickly to put it away. To tell myself that yes, I did something I should feel sorry for but I can’t let it hold me forever. It wasn’t the first, and it won’t be the last. I will keep this a secret but I think that.. keeping secrets is mostly a negative thing. If you feel like you are holding something on your shoulders that is too big for you.. let it go. You don’t have to scream it to the world or make a blog about it to be able to let it go (and yes..this is my way of letting it go) but .. write it down, burn it, eat it, tell your dog.. something. Get it off your chest. This is the first time I’ve done anything with my secret besides think it in my head. I’ve never wrote about having one, told anyone about it, sang about it.. anything. It actually feels pretty good.
I guess this is kind of my way of being accountable for my actions as well. Not that anyone thinks I’m saintly or anything but I do make mistakes and I probably didn’t suffer enough consequences for some of the things I’ve done. So here you go world – I have a secret and I hope to god it’s the last one I ever have because a)I like to talk and b)I hate to hold things inside.

So in conclusion, I’m one hell of a blabber mouth tonight. I hope all is well. Good thing that after two weeks of not posting I posted a boring novel of soul bearing. You’re welcome. Good night, and good bye.

What’s your secret?

www.postsecret.com

Tuesday, August 17

Reflection.

Have you ever reflected on your life? The choices you've made, the paths you've chosen, friends you made, changes been through? Have you ever thought about all the good things that have happened to you? All the things you are blessed with? The things you take for granted? I find myself thinking about bad aspects of my life, or bad things that happen and I don't like that so a while ago I decided to list 100 things i like/love about life in general. At first it took me a second but once I really got thinking, finding 100 was insanely easy and with a bit more time I could've gone to 200 or more. If i had gotten really specific my list would be pages long.I think it's important, especially when you feel low or like there is nothing good going in your life, that you think about the things you have to love or appreciate in your life. There is SOMETHING, no matter what. I definitely challenge everyone to try it, because it make me happy just thinking about it. I will leave my list at the bottom for ideas or if you are just interested. :)

So I found a secret I wanted to post this week as well!
Photobucket

It might cut off so just incase, it reads "I intentionally missed my flight because I saw a guy in line wearing a turban. I was terrified but I didn't feel guilty."

So some people would consider this racist, some would consider it stereotypical, some would considerate it totally legit and some just plain stupid. It made me think, where is the line between you know.. intolerance and stereotypes? I don't know if this situation would make me nervous just because i'm a pretty tolerant person and I try not to be stereotypical. I'm open-minded and smart enough to know that just because there are cultures who wear turbans who have committed terrotist acts does not mean every person you see wearing a turban is a terrorist or a bad person at all. there are people of every color, shape, size, religion, race, etc who are horrible people - terrorists, rapists, murderers, liars, cheats, etc etc etc. But I certainly do have stereotypes and I find it hard to shake them, even if they are little. I think that the best thing we can do is to just try our best to see every person as a person and not as a race or a religion or even an age, sexuality, gender. where do you think the line is? would you cancel your flight solely because a man wearing a turban was present?

lastly, if you read my list at the end, you may notice that pretty harmonies is one of them. it was inspired by this video that a friend posted on facebook. these dudes are amazing. they have beautiful voices, they have those most amazing arrangements and the harmonies are just outrageously good. i love them. im totally in love. my heart is melted in a puddle because of these guys. so at least check out this video im posting and if you are into it i suggest : fireflies, it's very pretty. then hero/heroine and possibly a little 'in my head'. oh yeh. jason derule. its pretty interesting. then justinrobinettmusic is like..a leg to their channel and i think it smostly just the one dude and he does a very nice cover of the only exception by paramore which i would check out..or.i guess i already did but .. if i was you . anyways. do it. now



So..thats it! . Haha. Quite a lot really. Big Love!. xo

100 things i like and/or love :)
1. My best friend
2. My Yankee blankee
3. Phone calls from my nephew
4. Clementines
5. The colour purple
6. My mother
7. Microwaveable things ie: soup, pizza pockets, alphaghetti, etc.
8. Rummi, as in the card game
9. Shopping online
10. Quetzaltenango, Guatemala
11. Watching movies
12. Pictures
13. Big Brother (the tv show)
14. Traveling
15. Friends
16. My izzle group and our reunions
17. Spanish
18. Boots
19. The smell that comes from the dryer through the little vent that leads to outside a house
20. Tide to go
21. Latinos
22. Smoothies
23. Scented Markers
24. Having money
25. The orphanage
26. Greys Anatomy
27. Notes/Bulletins
28. Bananas
29. Diana’s (my xela house mom) spaghetti
30. Harry Potter Series (including the movies)
31. Tye die
32. Cuddling
33. Pot lucks
34. Old charismatic cars
35. The Beach
36. Kayaking
37. Endorphins
38. Gambling
39. Kraft Dinner
40. Clear Skin
41. Tenting
42. Long talks
43. Peppermint Tea
44. Cuddling in blankets when cold
45. Laughing/Smiling
46. Piano
47. Respect
48. Pretty scents
49. Cool sunglasses
50. Baby laughs
51. Kissing
52. Texting a boy you like.
53. Pictures
54. Blogging
55. Postsecret
56. Reading Jodi Picoult novels
57. Long emails from friends
58. Meeting new interesting people
59. Trying new things
60. Meaningful tattoos
61. Seeing a couple who look like they are in love
62. Mutual lust
63. Lipstick
64. Natural beauty
65. Puns
66. Body butter
67. Grade 12 biology
68. Sarcasm
69. Grand Manan
70. Minigolf
71. Facebook
72. Forever 21
73. Invisible Children
74. Harry Potter
75. Songs with memories attached to them
76. Pretty harmonies
77. Eye liner
78. Jungle jims
79. Crazy hair
80. Nose rings
81. Sexually explicit raps
82. Tie dye
83. Volleyball
84. Authentic grand manan events
85. Funky/antique/oldschool jewelry
86. Hugs
87. Millers pond
88. Making money
89. Fresh, salty air
90. Christmas
91. Hearing a good song you havn’t heard in a while
92. Lazy Sundays at Rachie’s
93. Chat roulette with friends
94. Fun hats/banadanas
95. Online shopping
96. Writing funny songs off the top of my head
97. Partying
98. Seeing people’s true colors
99. My amazing,diverse and fun family
100. My Health

Thursday, August 12

Release.

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So I'm going to post a video to a dance for you. If you watch So You Think You Can Dance, you have probably seen it. I don't watch the show, but a lot of my friends do, and one posted this video on youtube and I had to watch it. I decided to post it because it moved me so much. Then I decided to kind of write a blog about that sort of thing because I've been noticing it so much lately. Not youtube videos or So You Think You Can Dance but.. the things in life that send shivers up your spine, or move you, or inspire you. For some people a basketball game can be emotional, or a good movie. Because I'm a baby, a lot of things make me emotional, I cry in tv shows and movies. But some things move me, I feel it in my bones and in my heart and this video was one of the things. The story behind it was amazing and the way they portrayed it through dance was amazing. It's insane how you can portray so many things through art - playing an instrument, singing, acting, writing, painting and in this case dancing. There are so many mediums through which you can express yourself or be inspired. For me it's singing and playing piano. It doesn't matter how I'm feeling, I can sit down at my piano and learn a song or do one I already know and if I'm happy I can kind of soak it up and play about it and if I'm sad I can release it through it. I think it's important that we find something like that for ourselves. Whether it's going for a run, or taking a nap or playing cards or whatever it might be.. find some place where you are you and you can release anything negative and bask in anything positive.

So here is the video (I have to link you because I couldn't find any that would let me embed, due to copyright issues Im guessing.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORx1faKKecQ&feature=related

Some other videos that I remember from past seasons that I thought were good are :

Lacey and Kameron - Dancing
Katee and Twitch - Mercy
Chelsie and Mark - Bleeding Love

I'm sure there are some amazing dances but I don't really watch tv so I have a hard time following shows like this.

Anyways.. I hope this week has been great for everyone and if you live on GM, I hope you got out in the sun cause it's been beautiful!. xo biglove

Monday, August 9

Fear.

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This picture is of a real wall at a festival called The Burning Man festival. Google it if you want, I don't know TONS about it, but anyways. I love the concept and decided to post it because I've been thinking today about how scared I am to leave.

I'm leaving for Europe in October. I'm super excited, the family I am living with seem like they are going to be great. I'm going to be an au pair and the girls are going to be great I can tell, and their mom Abby seems super great, think i will get on with her super well. Honestly, there isn't much more I could ask for. The thing I'm scared about is making friends. I've never had an issue making friends really, I like everyone and find it extremely easy to talk to just about anyone. But going to a new country, to a town, where everyone has their own friends and its a different culture..it just makes me nervous. Usually you just need one link, one person you know who can kind of kick start your social life in a new place. I don't have that at all.

In Guatemala it was easy. First of all, I had 4-5 different roomates by the time I left and a lot of them had a bunch of friends by the time I got there that I connected with. Then I worked at an orphanage AND went to a spanish school, and lets face it, being not guatemalan makes you stand out and it was easy to find people who could speak english and who you had tons in common with because i mean.. you both went to guatemala, you prob had SOMETHING you could talk about together. and on top of that, all the locals were super friendly so i made friends with them as well. it's not that i think europeans are rude or anything, but people aren't going to approach me for fun, i'm just another person with my own things going on to them, if they notice me at all, they wont know im canadian and friendless. im sure i will meet people somehow im just realizing how different its going to be than guatemala. I think that I will get along good with the family but i don't want to constantly be under abbys feet.. i dunno. anyways..now im just ranting! aha.

Basically.. my blog was going to be about fear. And facing it. Looking in the eyes and saying fuck you, excuse my francais. I try to do things that scare me and this one is going to be big on the list. I have a good feeling about it though.. I'm keeping optimistic. i was super nervous about my trip to guatemala last august/september and it turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me so I can't let my fear of being a loser get in the way, hahaha! I guess i could use the age old tactic of going to a bar alone, having too many drinks, and approaching complete strangers. whatever works, eh?

i didnt see a secret this week that particularly spoke to me so i didnt post one. there were a few about people being scared of this generation of kids coming up and i can't even get started on that subject, lol.

so i wish i had something ACTUALLY interesting to say but i honestly don't. i've just been working and hanging out with my amazing friends when i can. i HAVE met more people though, especially after this last shameful weekend i just had, so I must be getting close to my goal of 15 new friends. Yizzzayyy. When i move to europe I will definitely be posting some at least half interesting blogs im sure and maybe even some vlogs, pretty crazy stuff for sure. aha

Anyways, I think that's all from me, to my two readers, probably Tam and Maddy, i love you guys .haha

PS. I have a fun little story. I was picking up Maddy for a slushie run and I parked like..perpendicular to her house about a meter from it. These kids were driving by on their bikes and I dunno if it was for fun or to be entertaining but one of the kids went through the space, instead of around my car, and at the exact same time maddy opened the door and biffed the kid on the bike. HA. i guess you kinda had to be there but its funny, i promise.
ok. adioss...

Monday, August 2

August Rush

August Rush is such a good movie, if you havn't seen it, you should. Good soundtrack too, which you will enjoy more if you like the movie most likely.

Anyways, the title and that little ramble has nothing to do with anything. August is here though, I welcome you August! The summer has been pretty awesome so far, I've had some fun, relaxed, tanned, spent time with friends, partied and have been trying to make the best of the time I spend away from work! So just to update quickly on the Summer Bucket List for anyone(also know as no one) who is interested, I have only succesfully completed 5 of the 14 things I listed. I have two months left (I said I was giving myself through to the end of September) but I better get crackin' I'd say! The ones I have done are : Jumped off the high diving board, jumped off the wharf, slept under the stars, Tea Time and Magic Mountain! They were all pretty awesome. Jumping off the wharf was such a rush, I honestly recommend it to anyone who likes a little adrenaline rush. The tide was pretty low so it was a nice little drop. The same night my friends and I made a home made slip n slide and honestly.. that should've been on my list but oh well, it was fucking awesome. It was the most fun I'd had in a really long while. See my facbeook for pictures, aha. I have also befriended over half of my goal. so..YAY!

So a quick shout out to my friends youtube. He just bought a videocam and has started capturing some of the crazy antics him and the boys get up to. To see some pretty interesting videos, check his youtube out, it is http://www.youtube.com/user/jasong1342 I recommend Tequila Group Puke :)I kind of want to add the Cliff Jumping they do to my bucket list..we'll see!

To motivate me into being a little more dedicated to my bloggeroo, I think each Sunday or monday I'm going to post my favorite sunday secret from postsecret.com, my favorite site. I've done a blog post about it I'm pretty sure. So hopefully when i look at the sunday secrets, I will think..you need to post your favorite one and you might as well write a nice blog about something interesting while you are add it. and VITO!!

Okay. Soooo.. very last thing I wanted to mention is the most hilarious youtube video. It's a girl basically teaching other ugly girls how to make yourself appear attractive. It's pretty accurate, really. hahaha. So I had it posted on my facebook but if you didn't see it or you don't have me on facebook, check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYpwAtnywTk

Alright. Have a fun summer, do what you want, you only live once, HAVE FUNNNN!. xo

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PS. I chose this as my favorite secret not because I feel I have huge boobs or anything like that but because everything is relative. Some girls might be sad because they want huge boobs but then if you have huge boobs you are insecure because sometimes people may define you by it, or you think it's the only thing people notice and they are always looking. Small boobs, big boobs, no boobs - everyone gets insecure and we always wish for what we don't have. Just try to be happy with what you have because you're probably great no matter what.

Sunday, July 11

Jimmy Mcpherson

On facebook I am a fan of "Everybody I know is getting married or pregnant, I'm just getting drunk" and sometimes they post funny pictures off of the site "funniest photos ever". I thought one was funny so I kept searching through them and I found this report and it is honestly one of the funniest things I've ever read. The teachers comments make it that much funniest and I think everyone should totally read it. I guess you need some sort of knowledge to find it funny but you'd have to be a complete moron to not find it funny at all so..I hope you find it funny haha. Anyways.. here is the link, check er oooot.

http://photonexter.com/index.php?show=885

Thursday, May 13

duckfaces and shit randy hates.

Two posts in one week, holy ole fart, im a blogetter and a half. I found a few interesting sites today that I think are pretty unknown and might interest a few people.

Okay. First off.. hahah.. I am laughing thinking about it. You know the girls on your facebook, or maybe even a few special guys, who feel the need, IN EVERY PICTURE, to pucker their lips? And not just pucker them but like.. totally distort their face in the process? This site is pretty much dedicated to these people but not in a positive way. It is www.antiduckface.com and the pictures are funny but the captions are funnier. At this point I havn’t totally figured out if it’s guys or girls but it’s totally hilarious. It actually sounds like a few of my friends ranting on. I love that the writers do not support the overuse of bronzer and that stupid ass pale gross pink lipstick color girls think is nice. THANK YOU! Its SICK. Anywhooo. That is one site you should check out.

THEN that site sent me to another site called www.shitrandyhates.com The site is exactly what it says..it’s a dude talking about all the things he hates. This guy is decently good so far, but DOES ramble a bit : warning, posts are pretty long sometimes! I have only read a few but he makes a few really funny points and I kind of enjoy it. Check it out if you’re into that kind of humor.

On a personal note its my cousins birthday tomorrow or in 45 minutes – she’ll be 18 and i love her so..HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!. Then the next day it’s my friend Cassie’s 18th birthday so..happy birthday to her as well! My bestie’s birthday coming up as well, then mine.. so rock on May!!

Ouh..tomorrow is my last day at my job. I don’t even think I’ve mentioned my job on here partly because I work 40 hours a work so when I’m not at work, I try not to think about it. But i do actually LOVE it. I work at a daycare. I used to be the person who “hated kids” but ever since working at an orphanage in Guatemala and starting my job at the daycare I totally dig kids..under the age of 5. Anyways, it was just a 12 week job and I am inevitably on the 12th week so.. tomorrow is my last day. I will miss ALL of the kids, but I shall admit I picked favourites. Anyways.. when I look at them I realize I won’t be a part of their lives anymore and they won’t be a part of mine which makes me sad because I want to watch them grow and learn but.. that’s life. Gotta move on.. keep on keeping on. Anyways.. what can ya dO!.

Alright..its nearly midnight so I should head to bed so I’m attentive for my last day haha. Have a great weekend 2 blog readers. Xo

Me with Rach+Cass..and jason..lol Happy Birthdays Girls.xo
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Sunday, May 9

too much to handle.

OKAY! I know.. bad bailey.. it's been pretty much a month since my last post. The good thing is - I have lots to say and no one actually reads this blog so.. SAFE.

number one on the agenda - formspring.me (i think) have you heard of it? basically, you get an account, people ask you questions, then you answer them. they can ask them anonymously or, if they have an account, they can chose to post their account name. at first i just liked reading peoples answers and asking questions but i have created an account because I like to answer questions and i've seen some super good ones on a few sites. so this is my formspring : www.formspring.me/thegreatescapex

i named my formspring the great escape because of number 2 on the agenda. i have been totally loving the song 'the great escape' by patrick watson lately. it has this nice coldplay type feel. if you have seen the sweet commercial for orange juice where they light up an inuit community and give them all orange juice - this song is the one playing. it has also been on greys anatomy which is where i get TONS of my music! i will post the video to great escape, you should check out his music, i am right now and hes good :)

okay. 3rd. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! to all the mothers in the world - it has GOT to be the hardest job in the world. i work just 40 hrs a week at a day care and that is hard enough for me. raising a child would be the hardest thing ever as far as i am concerned! my mother is sooo amazing and i am so thankful because i know not everyone was as lucky as i was. but many were, so happy mothers day to all the amazing moms in this world!

alright so.. yeah. that is not as many things as i was thinking but check out my formspring, ask me a few questions, check out patty dub.. and have a great week! and today is sunday, so dont forget to check out the sunday secrets at postsecret.com MY FAVORITE!. <3

xo.

Saturday, April 17

Joseph Vincent

Okay I know I'm all about the like..musically talented youtube stars but this guy caught my eye today. His name is Joseph Vincent , he is around my age and has been playing for 5 years. He says he plays mostly by ear which, to me, is an amazing talent. i can pick up piano songs by ear but.. guitar is just sooo different and more complex in my head. anyways, he does some really great covers. i really liked the lady gaga - bad romance cover he does so i'm posting that one but check out his other stuff. i recommend his 'she will be loved' cover as well, its nice. his voice is so like..pure and chocolately ahaha. the fact that he is like outstandingly attractive is also a plus and maybe possibly blurring my talent radar but you decide.



www.myspace.com/josephvincent

Wednesday, April 7

ZUMBA ZUMBA ZUMBA

Have you tried Zumba yet? Tonight was my second class, my best friend started teaching it in my hometown this week. In a SUPER small town, where most people are scared to try new things, and most don't even participate in the same old things, an estimated 30 people showed up! I was so excited for 2 reasons : 1)i knew it made Tam happy and 2)These people HAD to be happy while doing Zumba. If you havn't heard of it, you need to crawl out from the rock you've been hiding under for the past 3 months! www.zumba.com describes Zumba : "The Zumba® program fuses hypnotic Latin rhythms and easy-to-follow moves to create a one-of-a-kind fitness program that will blow you away." And believe me, it does. It's not only a great work out but it is amazingly fun and perfect for all different types of people. I saw people who I had never seen work out in their lives, fitness freaks, students, seniors, dancers and some people who just plain had no rhythm - very different groups of people - and still everyone had fun and was pretty much at the same level because no one had tried it before. I think everyone should try it atleast once. Check out the website, check out some youtube videos on it, they are all over the place! Find a Zumba class near you and give it a go, you will not be disappointed. If you are - you are no fun!!

Monday, April 5

Love

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Click it to see the full thing . It says : I told her I understood..but no matter how she explained it, all I ever heard was "you're not worth waiting for".

Post Secret is one of my favorite sites and I have probably already talked about it but I don't remember. Anyways, this is one of the new sunday secrets I checked out today. It just made me think about when someone breaks your heart. It doesn't matter if they say I still love you or it's not you it's me... you are still hurt and something is not right. I think that when something like that happens we always say "Oh well this is my fault, what could I have done better, how can i be better for this person, how can i make them want me, love me, see me." I think that's such a horrible frame of mind though. Sometimes we do make mistakes, mess up, do things that maybe make us undeserving of someone's love. That doesn't mean that every time something goes wrong you need to change yourself for someone. If someone doesn't want you, maybe they are undeserving of your love and attention. I think if the person you love, even if it is a friend, a family member, a bf/gf.. if they don't see you for who you are and love that person, what makes them deserving of your love? I've seen way too many friends go through a break up and try to change for someone forever.. the way they look, their friends, their hobbies.. is it really worth it? as teenagers especially we get so absorbed in being in relationships and fitting in .. it's too bad. i'm not saying i've never gotten batty over a guy , i'm totally guilty too. it would just be bomb if we could look at someone and be able to tell is this person going to hurt me? is this person going to use me? will this person love me and care for me properly? before we get in too deep. but i guess that is part of falling love and dating and forming friendships and caring about people - sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and put your heart on the line, and sometimes you might regret it. but when i think about it, you can find some really great things when you put it all out there. you just have to decide if some pain is worth eventually finding great friends and someone to love. im reminded of a friend who kept getting hurt by a guy constantly because he was hurt before her. she never gave it up though, she loved him enough to put her heart on the line over and over and over. now they are one of the happiest couples i know, and truly happy, truly comfortable. we all thought she was crazy!

anyways..the whole point of this little tyrade i guess is that you're probably going to get hurt but at least you will be putting yourself out there and never think you are too good, but don't think you don't deserve happiness or what you want. because you do. everyone deserves their happiness!

check out postsecret.com

love.

Sunday, March 28

Flawed Design

So when I first started this blog I planned on talking about myself more and all that but mostly I've just been sharing things I'm interested in, things that catch my eye. So I deleted my introductory post and changed up my mental design for what I wanted my blog to be about. I still don't think anyone will see this but if they do, it makes me happy, because I want other people to see the things I have come across that intrigue me. Anyways, it's been a while since I shared something or even wrote on here so I just wanted to share a bit of hope. Everyone has heard of the sites fml(fuckmylife).com and textsfromlastnight.com, and while these sites can be amusing, they mostly reflect the sad, disappointing or the immoral things in life. So my friend Sarah sent me a link to givesmehope.com one day, and I fell in love! Every few weeks I go read it for some inspiration. The stories are so inspiring and hopeful, they make me realize how many good people there are in the world, and what we are truly capable of. Please give it a visit. The story that gave me the idea to share the site with my blog was this : Two months ago, my best friend died in a fire.

I was told that he would've made it out alive, except he ran back to try save his two-year-old half-sister. They found him holding her, she died in his arms while he was trying to protect her from the flames.

A brother's LOVE GMH .

www.givesmehope.com


Oh. And PS. The title is also a great song by Stabilo - Flawed Design. Youtube it. :)

Sunday, March 14

Chat Roulette

Alright. About a month ago a friend was telling me about a site called chat roulette. Basically, you go on a site, and are instantly connected to someone that could be anywhere in the world, and you can chat with them, either through typing or via webcam. Your mic can also be used but neither have to be. I decided quickly this mostly a pervert site, I saw a bunch of weiners and was nexted pretty frequently as well as nexted everyone else pretty frequently. (Nexting - chosing to find someone else to chat with). I forgot about it until a few weeks later when I showed up to a friends house and her and another friend were causing a riot on the site. That day was the end of me, I've been loving chat roulette ever since. Some people are on their to get some action, some to meet interesting people, and some to cause a riot - like my friends and I do. Most people are finding out about this site now, it is absolutely booming in popularity. I just found a video about it, and thougth I would share the video as well as a link to the site and a description about it and my experience with it. It's not for everyone, but if you are ever bored, it can definitely get interesting. Check it out. www.chatroulette.com


chat roulette from Casey Neistat on Vimeo.

Monday, March 8

Carly Maicher

So I'm just putting up a quick link for music lovers. This is a link to my friend Carly's myspace. She's an amazing musician and has this beautiful, soulful, rich voice that I love so so much! You should check her out if you love hearing new music!. Just go to the site below or click this entries title - Carly Maicher! xo.

www.myspace.com/breakinglight

Thursday, March 4

Gag Me.

What the heck? I had no idea this was even legal, but apparently it is. This is a video about stores, most that you will know, and possibly shop at, that take used products like UNDERWEAR and put that back on the shelf! The part that really gets me is about hanging them out over night to release the odor.. DISGUSTING! who wants used panties? not me! Check it out.

Retailers caught selling used lingerie
Retailers caught selling used lingerie

Lilly Scott

I am doubting anyone will see this but I am watching American Idol and I thought Lilly Scott was just very.. inspiring. I think this season is incredibly unique and full of ACTUAL artists.. people who could just make music I, personally, could love. I usually get SO bored of this show after the auditions but I'm really enjoying it this season thus far. So check out her performance.. I'm diggin' it.

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