Monday, November 29

New Project!

(I'm just going to post here what I posted to the event on FB.)

In October of this year, it was estimated that up to 210,000,000 (210 million) children are living as orphans world-wide, most orphaned by HIV-AIDS. In 2007, it was estimated that 150, 000, 000 (150 million) of those children were living on the streets. In October of 2009, after graduating high school, I was lucky enough to spend two months in Guatemala on a volunteer abroad program in an orphanage.
For those of you who know me, you know how much it meant to me to be able to spend those two months at the orphanage. It housed around 100 children from as young as 4 days to as old as 14 or 15. The experience changed my life, changed the ways I look at my own life and the way I prioritize things. Of all the heartbreaking things I experienced at the orphanage, the lack of baby supplies was something that really got to me. Many times I would see babies being changed, and cleaned up with a pair of jeans or a shirt – not exactly the fabric you want to be using as toilet paper. During my last week at the orphanage one of the “senioritas” told my friend and I that they were in the biggest need for wipes which leads me to the task at hand.
At the end of February 2011 I will be returning to Guatemala and doing three weeks at the same orphanage. I would love to be able to give back to the orphanage a bit of what the kids gave to me, only in the form of wipes, baby powder and other supplies instead of hugs, kisses and the cutest smiles you’ll ever see. I’m asking that if you feel it’s right for you that you help not me, but the kids, and donate a package of wipes, a bottle of baby powder or whatever you wish to donate – a toy, clothes, whatever! There are no limits, rules or anything to this project – just as long as I can fit it in a suitcase! Haha.
There are millions of orphans in this world, millions of victims, millions of people hurting and suffering every day. We can’t save everyone; I’m just putting a chance out there for you to put a little sunshine in the world, to help possibly improve a tiny part of one of those 210,000,000 children’s’ lives. I know that money is tight and especially over the next two months, money is tighter but even a 2$ donation would make a difference. Any money donations will go 100% to buying supplies, which I will buy in Guatemala as it is more convenient.
If you have any questions I can be contacted through Facebook, by email and by phone. If you have a donation, you can bring it to my work, mail it (inquire for my address), deliver to my house or simply give me a ring and I will pick it up (if it is on Grand Manan). Everything counts!
Bailey.j.small@hotmail.com
506-662-3605 (Home
506-662-4515 (Mobile)
506-662-3103 (Work)
Thank you so much if you took the time to check out this group and actually read into it! If you can’t donate, but you know a friend who would be interested, please let them know. I will be accepting donations right up until I leave – February 9th. Thank you so much.

Sunday, November 14

Say No To Fur Vests.

Well I suppose after two weeks it’s time for an update on my get thin and healthy shenanigans. I havn’t exercised once and I eat cake for every meal. Ha. Just kidding! I’ve been doing alright and am proud of my progress thus far but I DO need to shape up and I’m going to!

I haven’t been perfect of course but I’ve been trying and any progress is good progress. The videos I’m doing with Sheri are going well and getting better each time. When it is bad, it’s funny - we are blessed with sarcasm and the ability to laugh at ourselves which helps a lot. I don’t feel so discouraged, I just keep going. I’m going to start going to the gym as well as doing the videos soon because I feel I should be getting some more intense cardio in but I don’t want to wear myself out too bad – I do work 40 hours a week and it can be a lot. I have huge respect for women who have children, work hard and still manage to work out and stay healthy – you are goddesses, absolute goddesses! Thanks to my dearest Diana who has said she’d start going to the gym with me – yay!

So I’ve only lost a few lbs but I’m feeling good. The food thing is the hardest – especially working at Vernes. I’m constantly surrounded by food – GOOD, unhealthy, fattening food. When it’s slow I just want to eat it all. It’s a struggle every second of every day I’m there but it will get easier and my will power will hopefully get stronger! If anyone has any tips for how I can say no to the food, leave me a comment ! I will try anything because it truly is so hard. I’m starting a new meal plan that is low carb so a bit of structure with my diet will hopefully help me keep away from the junkfood – we’ll see!

So moving onto other news! I’m finally starting to really commit to my trip in February. I’m in the process of booking flights to Jeremys and then I will be headed to Guatemala after a few weeks there. Hoping to stay with them for about three weeks because I miss them so much all the time and I haven never even met the newest additions. Once in Guatemala, I think I will spend the first few weeks volunteering again at the orphanage. It’s a big commitment for me though because I feel I’ve been working so hard – three jobs in the past year – to have enough money to go and then it’s just like BAM- 1000$ gone for the flight and 800$ gone for volunteer – that’s a lot of hours of work disappearing into thin air. But I believe it’s worth it and I’m really excited to get back there. I was so happy and it will be different but hopefully just as good if not better!

So speaking of the orphanage I just thought I’d lay out a little baby part of an idea I’ve been having. I just want to know if it seems stupid because when I bring it up to my mother she just looks vacant and unresponsive so I’ve can’t tell if it’s stupid or if she’s just giving her usual reply to my ideas. Since I’m traveling around Central America hopefully I’m just taking like one big huge backpack, I’m not dragging suitcases everywhere so I thought maybe I could just take one HUGE suitcase with me to Guatemala and fill it with stuff for the orphanage. The stuff my mom sent in the mail (bad idea) never made it and I could just leave the suitcase there and be done with it and they need so much stuff so I think it would be perfect! I remember one of the last days I was there one of the ladies who worked with the kids I did came up to me and my friend Jossy and told us that they really needed baby wipes. I was never able to send any and it weighs on my heart everyday because it’s such an easy thing and to us it’s just like baby wipes. I saw them wipe the babies bums with jeans and rough fabrics all the time because they didn’t have friggin baby wipes. How sad is that? It’s so fixable so this time I think I will take just fill up a suitcase with essentials and some clothes and stuff and cart it to Guatemala, and leave the suitcase there.

If I have to I will buy the stuff myself but if you want to help out and maybe give me a few items – that would be perfect. Even passing the word along to someone who might be interested in helping me out – that would be amazing. For more details on what type of items I am looking for or what you can do to help or even if you just want to email me aha, it is bailey.j.small@hotmail.com. Or you can message me on facebook or call my house. If you don’t live on the island or do and still wish to email me an item message me for my address. I do not leave until the first of February so this is just my idea starting.. there is lot’s of time to let it marinate aha.

So tomorrow I weigh in – so wish me luck! Also a humongous, giant, statue of liberty sized thank you for all of the support! I never even dreamed anyone would read my blog let alone that I would get so many comments and messages (and even a card in the mail from a special lady) with words of wisdom, praise, advice, constructive criticism, etc – it was amazing. I am truly blessed and surrounded by amazing people – you made me feel so great in a difficult spot!


And lastly, to everyone with and without style, NEVER BUY A FUR VEST. I have no idea why they are in style but eventually everyone will wake up from this fashion coma and realize that much like the mullet, fur vests need to stay in the vault – forever!
Love to all, as Jason informed me, four readers! Haha.
<3.

Monday, November 1

Fat, Fabulous..and Faking It.


If you asked me how much I weigh I would probably laugh in your face and sarcastically exclaim '115lbs. Im up a few', then continue to make some self deprecating comment about myself and possibly make you uncomfortable. The aim being to make you laugh and take the train of thought totally away from what I actually weigh. That's because I'm the FFG - the fat, funny girl. I've been the fat kid my whole life so yes, I am rather comfortable and if at all possible, 100% uncomfortable at the exact same time.

Unless you have been fat, you actually have no idea how it feels. On the defense though, we are all insecure. What gender, heck, what SPECIES are we, if we aren't struggling to live up to societies ideas for what we should weigh, or how big our muscles/boobs should be, or have many "packs" we need to be happy and to be accepted. But being fat... I'm not gonna lie, it can be tough, it's the longest, hardest, most exhausting issue I've had to deal with - and I've had to deal with it my whole life. There is curvy..and then there is fat. I am fat. I'm not big in nice places and I carry my weight like a big sign that says 'Fat Kid'. So lose weight you say.. yeah...it's not that easy.

You see.. I'm an emotional eater. Have you ever seen Austin Powers? Fat Bastard says, "I'm eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat." It's sort of like that. Something goes wrong, I eat, something goes right, I eat, things just don't go - you guessed it, I still eat. It probably started when I was around the age of 8 - about the year I decided dieting was a good idea. Yes - I've been dieting and trying to be skinny on and off for over 10 years. If I needed hands to count how many times I'd starved myself, tried to make myself throw up, measured myself, weighed myself, exercised like a psycho or started a new diet - fuck octopus - I'd be a centupus. (100 arms.. i don't think there is actually a centupus but you get where I'm going). So at eight years old as my already shitty eating habits were really getting developed, I was starting to get depressed and also hit puberty which was mostly game over for the ole' Bailster.

Fast forward about 8 years and I actually had some progress losing weight. I lost 40 lbs, felt real good, something bad happened and things spiraled out of control. I'm back where I was and I regret it everyday of my life. Letting my emotions have control over my body is tough - I'm the most emotional person I know, I do most things with my heart. So here I am at 19, totally fat, totally miserable, and I've been in this place for quite some time. Now.. I've said this probably 400 times but I actually feel like I'm done. I'm tired of the thousands of shitty deals that come with being stuck in this permanent fat suit : im fat! obviously, im unattractive, im out of shape, everytime i eat its like i have a million judgemental eyes staring at me saying WHY ARE YOU EATING?! Then there is the obvious fact that few to no guys notice im alive, and if they do it's because they are unfortuantely the wingman to a guy who wants to get with my friend. I never get to share clothes with my friends, and I have the most gorgeous friends in the world which also makes me look at myself and think - honestly, bailey, what the fuck? go bury yourself somewhere. When I look in the mirror or at the scale it's like there are knives being tossed around in my huge stomach.

Now I know I did the whole blog about being beautiful and how there are a million outrageous standards for beauty in our society but this is also about health. Like I said -I'm not curvy, I'm not built like some curvy sexy latina. There is a difference. In our society, I'm disgusting and I'm unhealthy. I've never had a white guy tell me I'm beautiful, I've never really had a boyfriend and that is okay - but I would rather a guy not like me because I'm rotten not because I'm totally disgusting to look at. So I'm going to fix it.

This is my way of being accountable. Now all the five people (Yes , it's gone up from 3) who read my blog will know and maybe someone else will hear it through the grapevine and when I want to eat the shit out of the cupboards, I will think - nope, because those faithful blog readers will wonder why I'm getting fatter when I announced I was going to get skinnier. I'm blessed with one hell of a mother who a)cooks for me and b)will cook what I want her to cook for me. Also, I'm blessed with the most kick ass boss ever and we are starting some ridiculous "sexy slim something in six" which she has promised me is not six months, it's six weeks..and I'm gonna start kicking some ass. I'm gonna lose some weight, I'm gonna take off to Central America for a while, and I'm gonna come back not looking like a big piece of shit. Actually, I wish to come back looking like a sexy bitch and I'm not sure if I have the right combination of physical genetics for that but we will see what happens.

So if you can help me out by not offering me copious amounts of junkfood or telling me to take a lap (I will consider it encouragement, not offensive), it would be appreciated. This is really scary for me, but being fat forever is too. It scares me to think that if I lose a bunch of weight, and guys still don't pay attention to me and I still feel ugly.. that I will have wasted all this time and effort. But I don't think that's going to happen - I think that even being healthy and in shape in the first place is a magnicicent idea. So wish me luck.. it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

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previous blog entries.