Thursday, November 24

Shit I Don't Get Part 4

It's back. I must be a moron because there is a lot of shit I don't get. Or, everyone else is morons for giving me so many incomprehensible situations. You decide.
Status Attacks : I have a lot of issues with the way people act on facebook. I could probably do a whole blog about it. The thing I really am not a fan of is posting shitty things about people, especially over jealousy. We’ve all wanted to do it. I know I have definitely wanted to be like “[insert moron here] is a stupid fucking moron and everytime they come into the store i want to throw the ice cream machine at them”. But I don’t. I have a filter and if I actually got to know people who seem like idiots, I would like them because I tend to like everyone and we are all human. Mostly I think people need to realize that calling someone ugly doesn’t make you any prettier and you writing statuses about them probably doesn’t phase them, in fact it’s only phasing you. You are putting all this extra anger and energy into something that is only taking from you and no one else gives a shit. Just because someone likes it doesn’t make the person you are attacking ugly, fat, stupid, sluttty or whatever it is you think they are. It just proves that you are letting them hurt you even more.
Status Attacks Part 2 : Attacking your stupid bf/gf/husband/wife/ex and his/her new gf/bf/mistress/mistrer? Okay. Listen ladies and gents. If the person you are with cheats on you... or moves on... then you need to move on. If you are stupid enough to stay with them, you need to deal with the fact that it is not a monogamous relationship anymore. Yes, people make mistakes and sometimes they never do it again but mostly they do, don’t fucking kid yourself. You want to know why your significant other is cheating on you? Because you are letting them and they, like everyone else in this world, are totally down with having their cake and eating it too. I love cake. So don’t be getting all pissed and buck wild in your statuses, attacking all the girls your husband is cheating on you with when you clearly know he’s a cheater. He’s a loser, you need to move on and you’re making yourself look pathetic. The only people who are liking your status and commenting are your mothers, your sisters and the other morons who are letting/have let their partners cheat on them incessantly. Make the right decision and move on. Please. For the sake of ALL of our newsfeeds. On the real, have some respect for yourself. If you disrespect yourself enough to let someone treat you that way then why should they treat you any better?
Curse Words : I understand being offended by offensive statements. If I tell you to go fuck yourself, you are certainly allowed to be offended. If I say, You are fucking amazing, then you need to relax. I hate getting shit for cursing. As you may notice if you read my blog regularly, I swear like a pirate and I use whatever words I wish. This is because I don’t believe in a)letting anyone tell me what I can and cannot say and b)giving random made up words power over how they affect me. I use fuck mostly as an adverb like very. Instead of you are very silly, you are fucking silly. That just means you’re silly, maybe even more silly than the average joe. It doesn’t mean anything offensive, in fact, I like silly people. I understand that people use curse words in a negative way A LOT, and I too use them when I’m angry or upset but 85% of the time I’m not using them to be offensive so there is no reason to be offended. If you don’t like it on my facebook or on my blog to the point where it’s a decision whether I stop using them for you to keep me in your life, you may have to delete me and stop reading my blog. That is a sacrifice Iam personally willing to make because Im not going to let a simple little word change my whole life. I just don’t get it.
Why I can’t resist bacon : I can resist many things. I have changed my eating habits SO much in the past few months and I can keep my hands off most things with a bit of effort but I have the hardest time avoiding bacon. What the fuck is it about bacon that is so ridiculously amazing? Whenever it is around it is like my world is just a little bit better. After New Years I’m giving up anything that doesn’t fly or swim permanently..in other words Im giving up cows and pigs ... and bacon. AHH! I know I can do it once I cut all that out completely but right now I do eat those things and if there is bacon sitting there.. I just can’t do it aha. All of a sudden my mom is making bacon frequently and its always at work all hot and fresh and delicious. WTF! Can you guys resist bacon? Cause I seriously can’t. And I literally never cook it. I’ve never cooked it in my life. Actually that is a lie, Courtney and I tried once. I think we almost burnt her house down. We couldn’t even see there was so much smoke. My point is.. I don’t even try to eat it..its just there..taunting me. Life is hard.
Trends: Ever noticed how trends tend to come to Grand Manan about a year after they hit everywhere else? Now..I’m not trying to say that I started any of these trends, that I was the first on the island, or anything like that. All I’m trying to do here is point out that no one ever needed to talk about me behind my back or make fun of me because I dressed different than everyone else, because later (and when it was out of style, thanks)ended up doing it too .
Example 1: tapered jeans. So many people thought they were so ugly when I decided I was going to rock them in like..grade 10 or 11. Eventually everyone wore them and everyone still wears them. I was not the first around here but very few people bought into it at first They aren’t as popular as they were but I certainly was on the right track.
Example 2: colored extensions. I did this when i was like 15. I had like 8 colored extensions. I also had my real hair pink, purple, blue, red, yellow, green, black .. everything. I got a lot of shit for it. People thought and said i was a fucking weirdo, which I was, but hello.. like.. 7 years later.. look at you! All of a sudden every girl and their fucking shi’tzu has a little pink streak in their hair. Everyone gave me crazy fucking looks and now its cute and trendy. Haters gon’ hate.
Example 3: leggings. HOLY. I did this in grade 8. I had black leggings and a white skirt that I loved. When I went to Florida in grade 7 thats what all the girls were wearing and I thought it was the most wonderful idea in history. It took almost a year before this trend caught on and girls still wear it but no one understood what the fuck I was doing. I was doing the best idea at the time bitches.
It doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter that I was the bomb and that eventually everyone realized it was a good idea, but only when everyone else did it and it seemed okay. It feels good though, deep in my vain soul, that i wasn’t crazy and that these WERE good trends and eventually people realized it..after me. But what feels better is that I did it without anyone’s approval and I did it because I wanted to. I always went with my own stupid teenage style. I was always true to myself and I didn’t need everyone else to be wearing something to feel like I had the right to. I did whatever the fuck I wanted and that’s more than I can say for a lot of the girls I went to high school with.
So that is the end of Part 4 of Shit I Don't Get. I don't get a lot of shit. Mostly I don't get people and the crazy things they do so I'm sure there will be more parts and parts until someone shuts my blog down for being too offensive. Hope you enjoyed, have an awesome weekend and Happy Turkey Day to my American readers.
Big Love.
Bail.

7 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laugh this morning. Bet your momma loves your adverb lol. Congratulations on being yourself, regardless of what others think.

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  2. I love you too much for the english language to express.

    A) Any one who claims they can resist bacon is either: lying, a vegan, has no taste buds, or delusional.

    B) I completely agree with every word you said about the status attacks, and the cursing of course. You know how much I support and endorse cursing like a sailor ;)

    And may I just say that I laughed my ass off during the portion about trends and high school... I don't think I need to say too much else on that one. You summed it up pretty nicely. But holy hell, hilarious.

    C) As for your singleness, that is a GRAND mystery to me. You're amazing.

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  3. I can't resist bacon, either. Have you ever had brussels sprouts roasted with bacon? Amazing. Also, meat wrapped in bacon is amazing. I eat mostly veg and fish, but put either of those things in front of me and I'm all NOM NOM NOM.

    Also, yeah, I'm with you about FB drama. Some things are meant to stay private or face-to-face conversation. I don't talk badly about people in my FB because it's tacky and hurtful and it'll always get back to the person in question.

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  4. I agree about the facebook thing. ITS FACEBOOK NOT YOUR DIARY!! go buy a damn diary if you want to talk about your relationship or any other personal details that involve other peoples lives.
    I have definitely wanted to post some shit in anger before, but I don't. What good does it do?

    I hate how people go from "in a relationship" to "its complicated" to "in a relationship" again all in ONE day! Grow up already!


    And the colored hair thing... *ahem* I have colored my hair since I was like 12 so its all good :P

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  5. You never cease to amaze me...you are an innovator and I love you dearly! XOXO

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  6. Another great post, as always. Hilarious and so true. I don't get any of it either!

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  7. Lol at mistrer...and I love cake. Good thing you don't know how to not burn bacon...and I won't tell you how easy it really is. ;) For the record, I'm older, and much less stylish than you, and I ALWAYS thought you were a trendsetter in school. :) And what the hell is "pituxio", word verification generator?!

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