Tuesday, January 31

a post i'm digging.

I just read a really amazing post at Georgia Trying Something New. I wanted to link you guys to it because it opened my mind further to labels with sexuality and I'm all about opening my mind! You guys should be too! As my long time readers know I support Gay Rights big time and so I think it's great after a post I made a few months ago to be able to touch back on that subject a bit. I am passionate about so many times, sometimes things get sort of lost in the past of my blog. Anyways, here is a link to the post - hope you guys enjoy! Leave Georgia a comment or follow - she's a really great blogger ( and shes from New Brunswick - extra points!). She blogs a lot about health and fitness and that is how I originally found and fell in love with her blog - you will too.

Visit Georgia Here

Big Love,

Sunday, January 29

harry potter humor.

Sundays always have been and probably always will be my most lazy day ever. I usually don't shower or get dressed or move. I even eat less because I'm so uninterested in going to the kitchen. This Sunday in particular, as I worked all day yesterday and all day tomorrow, I've been pretty non functioning. So for anyone else out there who isn't up for a big read but maybe a small laugh, I thought I'd share some of my favorite funny harry potter pins. I always get a crack out of them but if you aren't a big fan then you won't understand them and probably find them a lot less funny than me. And you're a loser for not liking Harry Potter.
This is in participation with Piquing My Pinterest. :)

Source: comediva.com via Bailey on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Becky on Pinterest

Hope you got a good laugh, guys!

Remember to follow if you havnt already - atm Im 7 followers away from my own domain. Wahoo!

Big Love,

Saturday, January 28

day by day.

Do you ever look at the weight you have to lose (or with any big lifestyle change really) and think "Well fuck. That is daunting." Yeah. Me too. When I started this journey I felt I had 101 lbs to lose. That's a lot of fucking pounds, a lot of work and it seemed like it would be a million years to get there. Now I've lost almost 40 lbs (hopefully 40 - i weight in Monday! please be gone plateau!) and the future 60 don't look as hellish.

Then all of a sudden my uncle informed me that I'm not 5'9. I disagreed. I've been 5'9 in my head for quite a few years and I wasn't prepared mentally for the shock that was about to hit me. We went into the kitchen, stood against the wall and he measured me like when we were kids. I'm 5'8..and a quarter. I had an identity crisis.

So tonight I looked up the healthy weight for a girl who is 5'8 - its between 132-164 depending on your frame. I like to think that underneath all this my frame isn't huge so I choose to shoot for medium frame. So I really think I should change my goal weight to 145. So that means I have even more weight to lose. Once again .. daunting.

Tonight I was inspired by my friend April who writes at 30 Before 30. Like me, she is trying to lose weight. She wrote a post basically about all the little changes she has made along the way. I thought it was a really really good idea for her own sake and to show others the little changes you can make to your lifestyle as well.

When you have ALL this weight to lose it's like.. how the FUCK am I going to turn my life around? Clearly to lose that much weight I need to make power moves and kick my ass. Yes, you do have to kick your ass but it also depends SO much on combinations of tiny changes. So I'm going to copy April and just give you guys exmaples of the little things Ive done (some started in Sept, some are as recent as this week) to slowly turn my life around. Day by day people, day by bday!

1. I cut out all meat besides Chicken and Fish. It's healthier, its lower in calories and this rule makes it a helluva lot easier to stay away from the bacon and the burgers!

2. I measure and weigh everything religiously. I also record it all into a calorie counter so I know exactly what Im burning and eating everyday. Weight loss is calories in and calories out so it really is helpful to record.

3. I measure the tiny stuff. Ketchup, salad dressing, a french fry here, a smartie there. I count it all. I try to pick at things less too because all that stuff adds up.

4. I allow myself one diet soda a day. The only two things I drink (when not intoxicated) are water and diet soda. I drink WAY too much diet soda, Im talking SHAMEFUL amounts. I have a dependance and that dependance keeps me bloated. So I cut back.

5. I use Twin.. like.. ALL the time. I never add sugar to anything. I use it in smoothies, on fruit and if I were to bake, Id use splenda for sure.

6. I park far away from the door.

7. I eat smaller portions every few hours. It helps with metabolism.

8. I try REALLY hard to not eat late at night but I sleep in and stay up late and it's a struggle for me. I also work until 8, hate to take leftovers or pay for food so sometimes I end up eating dinner late. It's a work in progress.

9. I drink less. When I drink, I try to be smart about what I'm drinking. No coolers or sugar based shit. Hard liquor - gets you drunk for less calories especially if you drink it straight. If I mix, I use diet sodas.

10. I wear sexy underwear. It doesn't help me lose weight but it makes me feel more confident and when you feel more confident and love yourself more you treat yourself better like treating yourself to healthy food and exercise.

11. I pack snacks for work. If you work around food or treats you know how hard it is! I am tempted daily by chips, bars, ice cream and fast food. It's fucking ridiculous. So I pack little things to snack on if I really can't take the heat.

12. I look for activities I genuinely like. No one wants to force themselves to do a bunch of work out shit they hate. Sometimes you have to try something a few times to see past the agony of the work out and think hey.. i kind of enjoy doing this. It may take you a while but find something you like that keeps you active at the same time.

13. I reflect - a lot. I give my horn a toot when I look better in an outfit, I give myself an applause if I have a good work out, I give myself shit if I'm being lazy and havn't hit the gym in a few days and I question myself when I'm staring down the carrot cake. I know it sounds crazy but I'm an impulsive eater (and buyer - you should see me closet) and that needs to change so when I do these things I need to take a step back and think hey.. do i actually need or even want that? usually, if i have to ask myself, the answer is no. There's nothing wrong with cheering yourself on or giving yourself a slap in the head.

I think 13 is good.. I don't believe in that superstitious shit. I hope that one of you out there somewhere maybe found help in one of my tips. Take it a day a day at a time, learn something new every day because there is so much to be learned about this whole weight loss shit and about yourself! I know that even 10 or 20 lbs can seem so hard but you definitely have it in you!

Happy Weekend Guys!
Big Love,

Tuesday, January 24

the skinny on why fad diets keep you fat.

I've been mulling this one over in my head for a few days. Everyone who reads my blog faithfully (so not that many people) should know how I feel about fad diets-I think they are bullshit. I wasnt sure whether to write a whole blog about it or not because its not that interesting for most and I don't want or aim to offend and/or discourage them. I just want people to know that there is no fucking secret to losing weight - unless just having healthy life style changes is a huge secret. You have to stop being a lazy glutton and turn your life around - eat healthy, exercise, be more fit. Seriously. There it is. There's the secret!

I think it's great when people want to lose weight and get healthy so they can feel better and live longer, more productive and satisfying lives. It's amazing, I'm working on it everyday and I'm so happy. I'm glad I finally got off my ass and made these changes and that's just the thing- I had to make some serious changes and so would anyone else.

If you are looking for some easy out then you don't want this enough. If you want a better body, better health then you need to work your ass off for it! You don't get to take a pill, do a few situps, drink a smoothie or wear some vibrating belt and see life changing results.

Why do you have to make lifestyle changes? Because your lifestyle is what made you fat in the first place. You don't move enough and you don't eat the right things and you definitely don't eat them in moderation. These things are not easily learned either when you are so used to them, believe me, I know! Even when I started eating healthy I still wanted 2000 calories of healthier food or I wanted to eat my calories i was allowed in ice cream. Not good.

You have to retrain your brain, usually over an extended period of time, because the way to lose weight is to change your life - eat healthier, move more. This is where fad diets come in. Fad diets tell you to do whatever, and then lose weight quickly, and bam you're skinny. But where is that fad diet when you're back to your lifestyle, with absolutely no tools on how to keep the weight off and live healthy, falling back into your old habits and you gain all if not more of your weight back? They are off finding other other people to buy their product.

And that's exactly what a fad diet it - its a product. You shouldnt have to PAY for weight loss unless they are giving you some really amazing lifestyle skills to help you out (take this pill = not an amazing lifestyle skill.) The only thing I recommend paying for when it comes to weight loss is healthy grocieries, a gym memership, work out equipment (depending on what type of exercise you enjoy) or a weight watchers membership - the only plan I support.

Here are a few tips to help you identify whether your fad diet is "the real deal" or not.
If it says any of the following things - run away .. fast!
- It asks you to pay.
-It asks you to pay for things you can get anywhere else.
-It tells you you can eat whatever you want.
-It says you dont have to do any exercise.
-The person selling to you has never lost any weight
-The person selling to you is a paid actor
-There is a person selling it to you.
-You will drop (insert obscene amount of weight here) in just TWO WEEKS!
-It's on an infomercial

Basically if its a fad diet it doesn't work. Actually... I take it back. It does work.. until its over. The latest trend in my town, which clearly sparked enough interest for me to write this as everyone asked my opinions on it, is Visalus. If you havn't heard of it, basically you replace breakfast and lunch with a smoothie then you eat dinner like you regularly would. They call it the 90 day challenge because Im guessing you do that for 90 days.

My first thought was -I fuckin love smoothies. Then I thought wait.. I already make my OWN smoothies. I like drinking them when I choose to. I would fucking despise smoothies after about smoothie 20 which wouldn't even be two weeks in. I had a friend approach me about doing it and i definitely listened. i wanted to know all about it because I would never just be like "oh its crap".I dont want to discourage anyone using it because its great they want to try something. But there is a lot of shady stuff about this project.

For one thing - it's a fucking pyramid scheme if you havn't noticed. Buy the products, sell to 3 and get your products FREE. That's a pyramid scheme people. There are TONS of videos promoting this product on youtube - search, I dare. The thing is, it's all DISTRIBUTORS. These people are pushing the product because they sell the product. Who cares if it works? They are making a dollar. Notice how they are all fit and attractive? They have probably been that way for a long day, they may have never eve been over weight. You will not look like them by 90 days of smoothies magic.

Does it work? You know, I have no idea because I havn't tried it. Clearly eating less calories, like you will if you follow the Vi plan, will make you lose weight. That's common sense. What happens when the challenge is over? Yes you can continue to eat healthy and work out (but the commercials say you dont have to so maybe you wont) but if you were just drinking smoothies and eating dinner like you normally do - what healthy habits did you even pick up?

This could be a great jump start for a diet, I will admit. Even for 14 days it could be a slim down if you wanna get into a skinny person dress for your birthday. Some people like to do fasts and stuff like that to get rid of water weight and see a change in the scale as motivation. But if you know what want to lose weight and you know how its done - then JUST FUCKING DO IT, MAN!
I've also read that some people use it to tone up, which is fine but there are a million products like that out there (I recommend Whey protein - you can use it for toning or weight loss - ladies, you wont bulk i promise.).

The issue I had with waiting to write this blog was that I really really really want people to succeed. I never want to discourage people from making a change and getting healthy but I also don't want people to fucking kidd themselves! And you know what, maybe they aren't. Maybe this challenge will work for them and they will lose all the weight and they will look great and thats awesome - like PROVE ME WRONG! be my guest, i would love to see everyone who is using this stuff or any fad stuff to succeed because clearly they want to. But I really dont see it happening. And if it doesnt work my biggest advice is to not give up, to get real, and to get moving.

Im including two videos (that it took me forever to find) by a woman who gave a real honest review and was not a distributor of the Vi products. Most of the videos, like I said, are made by people who distribute it and its hard to find a review that sounds like it wasn't written by the CEO of the company. Just something to broaden your pool of knowledge on the Vi Products.

Anyways. I will get heat for this, I know I will and Im prepared. But I do know a little bit of what Im talking about. I have done everything. I've done low carb, no carb, no dairy, vegetarian, no food at all, purging, chewing and spitting, special k diet, 17 day diet.. ive done it all. And im finally changing my life and doing it right and Iv lost almost 40 lbs, I can run 5k and Im the happiest Ive ever been. THIS is real, its results and its healthy. Ask anyone you know who has lost a significant amount of weight how they did it. No fad, no paying for products.. just living healthy. If I can do it, you can too.

Big Love,

I suggest going to about 3:30 in this video for more review on the company and the product.

Monday, January 23

styles i fucking despise.

Before I start I will admit now that I don't think I have amazing style. I'm a plus size girl so for much of my life I wore whatever would fit me. I shopped exclusively from the sears catalogue until gr.8. I wear aerie lounge pants to work 3 times a week. I'm not saying these things because I think that my style is some revolutionary shit that no one has caught onto or that it's better than any of the things I post. I'm simply stating the styles that I don't care for. So if you read this, and you rock one or all of the stlyes its a)not a personal attack on you (but you may have bad style and b)stop whining about how I have shitty style too and i dont know what im talking about because this is my blog and not yours..so gtfo if you cant take the heat! yeah. thats my monthly Hardcore Bailey moment.

Let's get the ball rolling and start offending people! Pretty much everyone knows that this is my most hated hated hated thing so clearly its #1.

1.) I don't give a fuck how comfortable these fuckers are. They are ugly as shit and you look stupid. I promise you that you can find shoes that are cheap and comfortable and look decent. You do not need to settle for wearing crocs..ever. I don't care if they are fur lined - is this a joke that the whole world is playing on me?

2.) You are not Flo Rida's groupy (I hope) and you probably aren't even wearing apple bottom jeans. Fur is nasty and fur boots are even more nasty. Puke.
Source: us.asos.com via Erin on Pinterest

Fur Part B
Source: tumblr.com via Kim on Pinterest

Really????? Okay...

3.) Do I even need to explain this? You look foolish.
Source: gilt.com via Lauren on Pinterest

4.) I hugely support piercings and even tattoos but eyebrow piercings are something that I think niether the ladies or the bros pull off. Dudes especially.. huge turn off.

5.)Nothing screams trash to me louder than this symbol on clothes, or as a sticker or on jewelry or anywhere - sooooo trashy.The worst is a permanent tattoo of a fucking playboy bunny..on anyone. It's disgusting. I don't have anything against Playboy or people who read it or the bunnies or rabbits or whatever they are.. I just think sporting clothes and tattoos with the symbol is trashy. I'm gonna bet a pretty stellar amount that the girls who sport all this shit don't actually read Playboy, know absolutely nothing about it and just a heads up ladies -you're never gonna be a playboy bunny so just give up the dream and get an education..

oh nice. super classy!

6.) This fabric should be used for NOTHING. Shirts, skirts, dresses.. nothing. I MAY make exceptions for heels..but suede is a much better suited material for the style I'm talking about. Velvet is so nasty, it's almost funny how stupid it is that it's actually sort of coming back in style. See this dress im posting? I actually remember when I lot of my girl friends had this like.. exact dress. Courtney - you are so guilty! You know how old we were? We were eight and it was picture day, and our parents dressed us. It was also the 90s - the biggest decade of shitty style EVER! There is absolutely no need for velvet ever now.

7.)I get a lot of heat for this one but I don't care. It's cool with me that people do it, It's just not my thing. Why the fuck would I (over)pay 50$ to fucking advertise for Hollister/Aeropostale/Lacoste/Abercrombie/AmericanEagle Etc. Like what thought goes into wearing a blue tshirt with Hollister plastered across it? It's boring. I personally would just rather wear a plain shirt.. and not be a walking commercial. I'm cool with repping your favorite sports team or something but I don't need anyone to know where I shop by reading my chest (or my ass - which is super tacky by the way). I just don't get it and I think it looks super middle school..which is fine if you are in middle school.

And with that, I think I'm done. There are a ton more styles I hate but its getting close to 2:30am and I don't want to start posting pictures of people I actually know in real life and saying that I hate what they are wearing my exhaustion could lead to that! So I will quit while I'm ahead and already offended half the population of Grand Manan.

Again, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or personally attack anyone, it's just a blog post and it's meant for a laugh. If you are not laughing..go through your closet.

Have an awesome week guys! And if you're not already a follower, take the 5 seconds to follow! I'm 10 away from 100 - so excited!

Big Love,

Saturday, January 21

i confess.

I'm linking up with The Blonde Ambition for Confessional Friday :) It's technically Saturday I guess because its 12:30 but I needed something quick and fun after that heart and soul blog I wrote the other night. I recieved so much amazing response to it - I even had my grandmother dropping the F bomb!! oh yeah!- and I'm really thankful for all my readers. I'm so glad that I can write stuff like that and people can relate to me, and laugh and cry with me and feel a little less alone. That's sort of the point. So thanks to everyone who comments and emails me - I really appreciate it and love hearing from you! But back to the point..here are some confessions from the Bailster this week.

1.) While I'm proud of the fact that I'm Booze free since NYE.. I confess that I'm not so proud of the fact that I havn't shaved my legs since then. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't go out in public in shorts to work out, play vball, etc. It's getting seriously scary.

2.) I confess that all day I looked forward to that moment tonight that I could unzip my pants and put on PJS.

3.) I confess that I am choosing to sober drive instead of party for the 3rd weekend in a row because I genuinely would rather do that. I'm getting super lame.

4.)I confess that I am super excited for the end of February when I reward myself for 6 weeks no drinking with over drinking.

5.) I confess that I online shop every single day.

6.) I confess that I would love to start making money off of my blog. I did an appraisal and it said my blog was worth 25 000$..wheres the cheque? aha I would never give up my blog for money but it would be cool to do some advertising and stuff. Maybe in the future.

7.) I confess that working with the public is starting to make me like people a lot less.

8.)I confess that I judge people who have trashy, ugly tattoos.

9.)I confess that I hope karma kicks the asses of all the internally ugly people i've been faced with lately.
Source: imgfave.com via Salma on Pinterest

10.)I confess that Im struggling with the weight loss plateau I am going through.

got advice for that last one? aha.

big love. xo

Tuesday, January 17

A Letter To me : Dear Teenage Bailey

Dear Teenage Bailey ;
You are a crazy bitch, you know that? Sit down. I have a lot of shit to let you in on. I know you’re good at sitting down so just do as you’re told.
Dont steal the fun dip and the eyeshadow. You get caught. The truth is, the law is the law, and I know you have issues with authority (no, it doesn’t ever go away) but stealing is wrong. You know that. Yeah, yeah yeah. Walmart is a big bad corporation who under pays their slaves overseas to make cheap shit for us – WE KNOW! But that doesn’t mean you should steal it, you fucking hippy. So just put the eye shadow that you can’t afford back and pay the 50 cents for the fun dip if you need it so bad.
I take that back. Take the fun dip. It’s a good story, gets a laugh eventually, and all your friends took so much shit that even if you don’t take anything, you get charged for being an accomplice. Take the fun dip-life experience is cool.
Your hair.. it looks like shit, keep growin' those bangs out girl. Don’t worry too much about it though, I know you love it and really, that’s all that matters. You need to love more of you actually. You need to embrace you because..you’re not that bad.
You know how you’ve lost 40 lbs? And then someone you love and trust brought you down about it? Don’t let them. Don’t let anybody. The truth is you won’t make it this time, you won’t lose the weight but eventually you do. It was your choice to give up and it will be your choice to start again. Eventually you figure out that other people can go fuck themselves if they have anything negative to say because this is about you! There is hope though, I promise you.
That important person..yeah.. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, he just has no idea how to reach out to you or how to communicate with you. You will figure it out in time.
Forget the bitches. You stay friends with some then become great friends even though they are total fucking bitches right now. They are going through rough shit, just like you do and some shit is worse than yours. Let them go through their shit and do you. Some are just bitches and eventually you will do your own thing, they will do theirs. You will be better off and they might be too.
Despite what anyone thinks, there actually is life after high school. And that life...oh my god... is so much fucking better! Even when it sucks, it’s STILL better than high school. Those people older than you, who say they miss high school.. its because they are stuck there, and you miss..never will be. You will miss your friends but you still maintain some really great friendships that started way back in Mrs.Wetzels Kindergarten class. You will also meet a TON of new friends.
Things aren’t going to be easy but they are going to be okay. When it comes to your self image, your hopes and dreams, boys, friends... it gets better. All the tough shit you go through? There’s totally light at the end of the tunnel no matter how desperate it feels.
Like with that guy you like? Yeah I know, he likes your friend (or maybe even ALL of your friends, just not you) and its true, he is never going to like you, at least not in high school. You’re chubby and you’re weird. You also don’t ever put yourself out there which isn’t a huge reason as to why you’re single but it helps. You’re also modest and you won’t be having sex anytime soon and sweetie, sex is the fucking goal in high school. Somewhere down the road though, when you’re a little cuter, a lot more confident, less weird (well you never get less weird to be honest) and high school is long gone.. he gives you a bit of attention. But by then you’re so much stronger and you don’t even want to give him the time of day ..and it feels good. In fact, this sort of shit happens a few times. Boys who you always thought were cute or liked end up hitting on you. They may not want to date you but its okay because quite frankly, many of them turn out to be losers.
Oh and here is the kicker! You meet great guys away from Grand Manan who actually like you for who you are. Some just think you’re hot..which is great too. Some just want to use you, because.. well.. that’s sort of a guy thing. But you do meet guys who change the way you see yourself, in good and bad ways. You get a fake id and travel (i’ll get to that) to places where you are legal and you go out and guys hit on you ! Then you even turn nineteen which is super great. I know, it sounds crazy but don’t let those grand manan boys make you feel like every guy everywhere is going to think you’re an ugly piece of shit because they wont and truth is, you’re not. You will always have a hard time finding beauty in yourself but lucky for you, others wont.
So that traveling thing? Yeah. You know how you dream of traveling the world, helping people, seeing new things, and meeting people who will open your mind?. Chase and embrace that dream because its 100% achievable. I don’t want to ruin too much for you, but you have some really great adventures all before you are even out of your teens.
Stand up to her. She’s a bitch. You won’t regret it.
You’re not alone. I know you feel like you are in this deep, dark, scary place that no one else can relate to or understand. I know you feel like if you reach out, you will be judged. But I promise you, so many of your friends and peers feel the exact same way. That girl you envy who is so beautiful, she hates herself too and she looks in the mirror and feels like shit, the same way you do. I promise you feel better about yourself and your life so soon! Being a teenager is hard and being older is not easy but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel – promise.
On the real though, stop wearing so much eyeliner. And stop putting it all on your water line..you look crazy. I know, everyone is doing it, but it ain’t right!
Dont worry about missing school. Don’t worry about those sick days where your period is so bad you can barely walk. If the teachers make a big deal about it.. fuck em. You can catch up pretty quick because regardless of what you think, you are actually pretty intelligent. You find it out a little later but you definitely should’ve applied yourself more, you could do really well.
Don’t worry about anything, actually. Embrace your days. Life goes so quick and you don’t want to look back and think “fuck, i just worried my days away. I was too busy being anxious about things that hardly even mattered that I didn’t get to do this and that or enjoy everything”. Enjoy every single moment.
Don’t sweat being a total volleyball bench warmer. You know how you think you have the talent to be a good player? The truth is you do but the sad truth is you’re too overweight which keeps you from being quick on the court, in shape, strong and agile. Also, since you do know you’re not quick, you try a lot less. You will get into shape, keep playing recreational vball and you will see more skills come out. Its not high school anymore but it makes you feel better and you have a ton of fun doing it.
Don’t sweat the whole awkward girl who doesn’t get attention from guys or party thing either. I am most proud of you for being that girl. You rarely do stupid shit to get attention from guys and its a big part of who you are. You will one day love that you waited until you were ready to party to do it. That fearless “I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks I’ll do what’s right for me” thing is great and you will appreciate it all one day and yeah, it didn’t go away.
Treat your momma better. I know you love her and she’s the only person in the entire world who you can be yourself around and let everything out on and she just turns around and keeps on loving you. I know that that makes it easier to take everything out on her but she doesn’t deserve it. She seems a little overbearing and controlling and
is a total “SMother” , I know, I get that..but she loves you more than anyone ever will. The control freak thing never goes away so you oughta get used to it now. Turns out you’ll probably be the exact same way.
STOP comparing yourself to your friends, and to your enemies and to your cousins and brothers and people you don’t even know on the street. You are YOU. Be the best you... cause she has potential to be great.
Most of all love your self and love your life. This body, this person you were born to be, this life.. they are the only ones you’ve got as far as I know. Be brave, it’s scary but that’s what makes it great!
Jump head first into every scary chance you are given. Making every day count - making the best of all your situations will make you so happy! Be the best Bailey you can be - Be grateful, caring, compassionate and always, always always true to yourself.
Big Love,
Your future, much better looking and even more awesome self.
Bailey. 2012 Edition

Sunday, January 15

being bailey.

Source: imgfave.com via Bailey on Pinterest

I have a hard time accepting how selfish and spoiled pretty much everyone, including myself, is. If everyone in the world was living the way I do, then fine, whatever, whine about not having an ipod but looking at statistics like these makes me so ashamed.

On a happier note, I have received some interesting suggestions for what I will call my site when I have my own domain. My favorite so far is Being Bailey - what do you guys think?

Big Love,

Wednesday, January 11

i need you!!

It's January 11th - almost two weeks into the new year already! If this year goes half as fast as last year did, I need to get my ass in gear cause time fucking flieeesss! How are you doing with all your resolutions? I've altered some, stuck to others and totally ignored 2 or 3 (can't lie to ya'll!).

You know what makes a resolution better? A reward. I love to reward myself for doing good things..even simple things that I should be doing anyway. I know you should just do certain things without being asked or without expecting congratulations, thanks or rewards.. just do it. But fuck that shit - I like rewards, a little motivation!

My favorite thing to reward myself for is weight loss. Losing weight in itself has hundreds (seriously!) of amazing rewards but sometimes going to the gym 5-6 times a week isn't easy. It is TOTALLY worth it, I promise, but as most of you probably already know, the mental fight to get there can be tough. Eating well can be tough too..especially with SO many temptations, TASTY temptations, around all the time! But it is possible. So when you fight the urges and you fight your own lethargic ways and you get to the gym and eat well and lose weight - why not reward yourself? why the fuck not !

So here are some future rewards I have put in place for myself. I may not actually end up following through but I set them for myself for motivation aha.

1) When I have reached 40lbs lost (3 lbs away!!!) I get to buy a few things I've been eying from forever 21!
2) When I run 10k for the first time, I will get fitted for and buy myself new running sneakers.
3) When I look decently good in the new party dress Mom bought me for Christmas, I get a weekend in Freddy with the girls.

I'm thinking I should give myself some sort of reward when I reach halfway and Im leaning towards a massage! My body can get pretty sore from work outs and times and even if it didnt, who wouldnt like a massage? I feel sorry for the one doing the dirty work but.. definitely considering that. I would love to get your input - what do you guys think?

Another thing I would like to reward myself with has to do with my blog. My blog, like weighft loss, is already extremely rewarding on its own! I've learned so much about myself, others, my worth my talents and my passion for writing all while finding my own voice.

Recently my sister in law who blogs over at Live Happe asked if I had ever considered paying Blogger and having my own domain - free of the blogspot label. I didn't even know it was possible and not only is it possible - but it's only 10$ ! Basically, I would get a site name like baileysfuckingawesomeblog.com without the blogspot business in it. It's easier to remember and I would get more traffic!

I am definitely considering now! I have thought about it and I decided that I would reward myself with the 10$ fee but only when I reach 100 followers. So with that being said, if you are reading this, especially if you are a regular reader, PLEASE take 30 seconds to follow. Just go to the top right of this page, and click "join this site".

I've also considered starting a facebook page for my blog. I don't really feel like its popular enough yet so I thought I would use it as another reward. When I get to 120 followers, I will set up my own facebook page!

This is where I REALLY need you guys and your comments! When I get my own domain and then continue on to make a facebook page I will be needing a new blog name! I could keep the old one because I don't really feel like I've outgrown it yet, but the domain is definitely taken.

My current blog name is The Middle. I chose this because when I started this blog I was in the middle earth of growing up. I was sort of over being a teenager but not quite ready to be an adult. I'm definitely not an adult yet but Im growing each day and I think that I need a more suited blog name and since I need to think of one anyway, this would be the perfect opportunity.

Im looking for something that sort of encompasses all of my blog in a few short words which is a lot to ask really. I don't want it to be just about losing weight because i was a blogger before this journey and once I reach my goal weight I will still be a blogger. Not only that but I blog about a lot of topics. It'd be cool if it was a bit sassy, my blog is always honest and real so that could be an inspiration for it. I'd like for it to represent how I'm growing as a writer and a person and a woman, it can definitely have SOME sort of reference to weight loss/healthy lifestyle/getting fit and or sexy. I know this is a lot of information but its just ideas. I really need some creative ideas -I'm SOO not creative! I need help readers, HELP ME!

Anyways, sit on it, sleep on itm spit me out some ideas, let me know :)

Thats all for tonight, pretty lame blog I know! But my last one was filled with a lot of emotion and im still sort of recovering from that ahah. Gotta recuperate before I spit another at ya! But yes... 2 demands tonight - FOLLOW and suggest some new blog names for me!

Thanks guys!!
Big Love!!

Sunday, January 8

most anything is possible.

Riding orange elephants through the milky way may not be possible. Setting, striving and reaching your goals is.

I used to say there was actually no way I could ever run more than 5 minutes let alone run 5k or 10k or whatever k. I wasn't strong enough, i was too heavy, I didn't have it in me, I wasn't a runner. Even when I started working out, running 10 minutes was a huge feat for me and I couldn't see myself advancing much further.

I used to think my body couldn't lose weight. I thought something was wrong with me that was keeping me from losing weight - that was just all the crazy thoughts in my head. I thought I would always be grossly over weight, I would never get a boyfriend, never get married, never have kids, never feel good about myself. I thought a lot of things that were 100% false.

I set a goal in the fall to run in a 5k race by March - or at least be able to run 5k, without stopping by March. I set this goal so that I would be able to run the actual race in the spring sometime with my sister in law. Even this week that seemed impossible. Then today happened.

Today I ran 5.8km, without stopping, without thinking..I just ran. I ran, not until I couldn't run anymore, I just went on a run, and came home. I knew I had done well so I got in my car and I went and I measured it. As I got to the half way mark in my car and turned around, I started to cry. I cried harder as I reached my drive way and realized I had just ran almost 6km. Me.. I did that.

To some people that is no big deal. To people who can run halfs and marathons, 6km is just a warm up run. For me, it's like I ran a marathon. It was my own personal marathon. I started this journey as a 251 lb girl (and yes, i just revealed my weight to you! the craziest thing iv ever done on my blog to date) and I have been doing things since then that I never knew I could do. I don't know many people who weigh over 200lbs and are as active as I am and Im so proud of how far I have come. I'm on fire.

Source: google.com via Jamie on Pinterest

So since I just came out with my weight(which is a huge deal, you dont even know how huge it is) I might as well tell you my current weight. You can figure it out anyway if you minus 37 from 251. I weigh 214lbs. I reached 215 before New Years and if you have been reading my blog for a while you may remember I promised to tell you my weight if I reached the goal...well..that was the goal. So you are just getting what I promised.

So 214 it is. I am a 214lb girl who just ran 6km and thats amazing...at any weight, infact. I'm going to keep doing amazing things until I'm my goal weight of 150lbs and basically until I die. I refuse to let that number matter anymore as long as I keep getting better and stronger.

Telling my weight is a huge personal struggle. Girls who weigh 130lbs keep their weight a secret. But really, it's no ones business anyway and it shouldn't matter. It's a number...it's not who I am. I have a feeling that anyone who would judge me over this probably wouldn't read my blog..and I hope they don't. I love my readers, they are all supportive and amazing and that's why I feel I can post this without worrying what the reactions of those reading are.

The important thing here is that I've lost 37lbs. It's a lot of pounds. I've become stronger and more confident. I've made a lot of change and I'm about to make more. I just put in my notice at my job (which I'm not insanely fond of) and I may even make a change in location. Life is short.. and I believe in making positive changes for yourself and doing things that scare the shit out of you often.

I still want to lose 64 lbs (this may change as i get closer to goal). I am going to do it and some day I'm going to be able to say I lost 100lbs. That's great and I can't wait and I'm thankful for those who are supporting me and are here for the long haul :)

This is all going to happen because its possible and .. mostly anything is possible :)

Thanks so much to everyone for all the support. :)
Big love,

Friday, January 6

I'm It.

Apparently, I got tagged! aha. I had no idea what this meant and I'm still not sure but here are the rules..maybe you can make sense of it!
here are the rules:
1. post these rules.
2. you must post 11 random things yourself.
3. answer the ques­tions the tag­ger set for you in their post.
4. cre­ate 11 new ques­tions for the peo­ple you tag to answer.
5. go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
6. no stuff in the tag­ging sec­tion about ‘you are tagged if you are read­ing this.’ blah blah blah, you legit­i­mately have to tag 11 people!

its not that hard. im just excited that i was "tagged". by who? a bloggoddess named Cyn who writes at Misadventures of a Chunky Goddess. You MUST check her out! She's very kick ass and she says a lot of outrageous things which I like...oh and shes also on an amazing weight loss journey and she looks pretty FABULOUS!
So..without further adieu.
random things about me:
1. i was a vegetarian for 3 years.
2. i have no middle name really. i have a letter..j.. and thats it. not jay or jae or any other weird combination of letters. just J. i like it. has a nice ring to it.

3. i can fit my fist in my mouth. and no...its not sexy.
4. i wake up a lot and my shoulders are out of joint. it scares the piss out of me. but i pop it back and go back to sleep. its fucked.
5. iv never been on a real date.
6. i have a somewhat rational but mostly irrational fear of all guns besides potato guns and water guns and cap guns.

7. i dont really get awkward and i can talk my way through most awkward situatons.
8. sometimes in the back of my head i still think im going to be a famous performer when i grow up. i think i missed the train like 5 years and 120 lbs ago.
9. i dont really like strawberries. they dont do much for me unless they are lathered in whip cream or in strawberry shortcake..with whipped cream lol. and strawberry flavored things disgust me. im a raspberry and cherry kinda lady.
10. i got caught stealing fun dip and an eye shadow from walmart once.
11. i hate the word panties.
The 11 bloggers I am tagging… (please note.. you do NOT have to do this! at all. i do not care if you do not repeat this.. at all. haha im just excited i got tagged. this is more for me about getting blogs that i love more attention)
1. krystle from
skinny jeans dreams2. robin from live happe
3. georgia from
georgias trying something new
4. bailey from
the middle
5. christina from
who wears short shorts
6. miss april from
30 before 30
7. ayla from
life as a fat girl
8. ruthanne from
Ruthanne with an E
9. erinjo from my life as erinjo
10. bailey (oh yeh..same name!) from lost and found.
11. sam from while in my teens

my 11 questions from cyn
1. what is your middle name & the story behind it? haha. funny you should ask as I just talked about it in my random things. basically my mother chose J because there's a shit ton of people in my family who's names start with J... lame-o.
2. what is the best concert/show you have ever been to? i've seen bands i like a lot more than LMFAO, but they put on the best show and i had the best time. i was also the most intoxicated and with the most friends so that might have had something to do with it.
3. favorite perfume/body spray? im a simple girl. i like hailey and i like the vanilla body shop spray - mmmmm.
4. would you ever have plastic surgery & if so what would you have done? i would have plastic surgery at the end of my weight loss journey if i have any disgusting skin id like to dispose of. id also lift the girls up. i dont need em bigger, but perfect and perky is cool. id also get a booty. that'd be fun.
5. what is your biggest fear? i hate the dark and i hate maggots. im also not down with muskrats or raccoons. dont forget my previously mentioned fear of guns.
6. who do think is the most annoying celebrity right now? the situation. he makes me sick.
7. who is the funniest person you know? i think everything and everyone is funny. of course i know some people who are especially talented at making me laugh but i dont know how i'd choose just one!
8. favorite disney princess? pocohontas. duh. most relate-able anyway.
9. someone
(other than spouse/partner) that just melts your butter big time? rob kardashian
10. favorite form of exercise? volleyball.
11. what is your dream profession? write for a magazine or be a performer.

my 11 questions for those i tagged AREEEE :
1. why is your favorite color your favorite color?
2. have you ever been in trouble with the law?
3. if you could go one place in the entire world for one week, free of charge, where would you go?
4. if you could take one person with you, who would it be?
5. if there was one disease you could cure (that doesn't already have one, clearly) what would it be? why?
6. what is your guilty pleasure?
7. what is your least favorite acronym or.. whatever those things are called? (ie : wtf, btw, lol, lmfao, ftw)
8. would you rather have 12 toes or a hugeee nose?
9. who was your favorite backstreet boy?
10. what is the one electronic device you wouldn't miss at all?
11. if i want to be your lover, do i gotta get with your friends?

okay! i will try my best to let everyone who i tagged know through their blogs..tomorrow. because its 3am. and i vowed not to stay up late again but i did. oops.

i know this is super far form anything i ever do but i was just too excited about being cool enough to be recognized and tagged that i could not avoid doing it!

hope everyone is having an awesome week. :)

big love.

ps. just realized i tagged myself. im sorry. that was no on purpose ahah. and now i dont have time to tag someone else. watever. cry my a river.

Monday, January 2

resolution advice + nye photos.

I've been thinking the past few days, as pretty much everyone else is, about all my new years resolutions and the idea of resolutions in general. I even googled it, because I google everything I'm unsure about and I thought wikipedia gave a pretty good idea. The first thing said about a New years Resolution wsa the following :

"A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that a person makes to one or more lasting personal goals, projects, or the reforming of a habit. This goal must be reached by the next New Year. Keep in mind that this is a goal, not a wish and should be something that you as a person could strive for."

I thought it was interesting that they mention that it is not a wish and there was an emphasis on striving and committing to the resolution as it is a goal. You must WORK to achieve these goals and to make these resolutions happen. I think we all have to remember this while making resolutions.

I've seen a lot in the blogosphere and with the weightloss website I use about resolutions being a bit silly. In a way I kind of agree, you can't just like put off all good decisions and say "oh, i will do it at new years" because as my good friend at Skinny Jeans Dreams says, there is nothing to it but to do it. If you want something, or if something needs to be done, you have to just do it, not wait until January because when it comes down to it...how many resolutions have you actually stuck to?

I've had a lot of resolutions and every year I vow to lose weight. I have also vowed to stop eating meat, stop chewing my finger nails and figure my shit out, all more than once. The funny thing about it is that I have lost weight, stopped chewing my nails and I was a vegetarian for more than 3 years but I started all these things on my own time, when I was ready, when the moment was right. I still havn't got my shit together but that's for another day.

What I'm saying is that you can't just say its a resolution and its done, you have to be committed as wikipedia said. It's like a drug addict, you can't just tell them to quit or drag them to rehab.. they have to want it with all their heart and soul to quit and it's the same thing with any big changes you make in your life. If you're heart and mind isn't all in, you will most likely fail.

That is the biggest resolution advice I have, which is what this post was intended to be about. I want you all to stick to your resolutions. If your resolution is to lose weight, do it. Start setting small goals and make everyday about being a healthier, awesomer you. You CAN do it, but that's just it..only you can do it, and there is no easy way which leads to my 2nd resolution advice.

Do NOT try a fad diet. I promise you right now that if you have started a low carb diet, a sugar free diet, a dairy free diet, a pill/supplement diet, a "im gonna wrap myself up in this weird plasticky stuff til it squeezes me skinny diet" that you are most likely going to FAIL at it. You might lose weight but you will gain it back. Why? Because changes are you cannot go without dairy or bread or sugar for the rest of your fucking life, especially if you like this things because you will lose control and binge the shit out of it.

Losing weight is about moderation. People always ask me what diet I'm on, what program Im doing.. im doing the smarten the fuck up and eat healthy and work out diet is what I'm doing. If you want to lose weight and keep it off you have to get fucking REAL. You have to eat less shit, eat more healthy food and work your ass off so you can be toned and fit and sexy!

That being said, chances are you're gonna want a piece of fucking cake before you die. I eat whatever I want, I really do. Sometimes that can get me into trouble but I've gotten to know myself and how I operate and if I think Im going overboard I say "bailey, you cant have any more god damn ice cream this week. theres no need" and then i dont eat it and i lose a lb because I disciplined myself. Self discipline works wonders.

The thing with eating the desserts and eating the treats and eating the meals that may not be so grand for you is that you just don't eat them everyday and you don't have to eat a man sized portion of it. control yourself and don't eat until you're so full you wanna puke. Some people take the approach "well i only let myself eat this every once in a while im gonna eat so much of it that at the end i wont even enjoy it cause i wont be able to button my pants" and that, my friends, is how we got fat in teh first place. that or emotional eating but we won't even touch that topic today.

My third piece of resolution advice (you know what..i realize these are all about weight loss and not everyone needs to lose weight so im sorry to those of you who are skinny, in shape and perfect..oh wait..no im not) is to seriously exercise. We NEED exercise to be healthy and it does amazing things for you mentally and emotionally as well. I havn't exercised in almost two weeks and Im an emotional wreck, no joke. I'm grumpy, I'm disappointed, I'm depressed. I'm also depressed from drinking, which is another thing you need to do in moderation if you want to lose weight and stay happy!

So back to exercising. In my opinion, those who lose weight by just eating less do not look as good (especially when what they are eating, even if it is less, still isn't that healthy). They look a little loose and they don't glow in that healthy way that those who work out regularly glow. Those who lose weight by eating healthy and working out look so much healthier and fit and strong and sexy. That's just my opinion but I think it's a pretty good one.

Also, exercising speeds up your weight loss and strength training does WONDERS. There was such a huge difference in my body from when I lost 30 lbs by eating less compared to when I had lost 30 lbs this time and was working out and doing a ton of strength training. It is not a myth that a pound of muscle is better than a pound of fat - it is still a pound but that lean muscle takes up SO much less space. I feel better and look better than I ever did with strength training - its one of my biggest recommendations.

So those are my main pieces of advice. I really want everyone to succeed on all their goals for this year but it's all up to you! I still havn't figured all of mine out but I may create a more thorough list of what I'm shooting at some point this month.

What are your guys resolutions??

big love.

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