Tuesday, January 17

A Letter To me : Dear Teenage Bailey


Dear Teenage Bailey ;
You are a crazy bitch, you know that? Sit down. I have a lot of shit to let you in on. I know you’re good at sitting down so just do as you’re told.
Dont steal the fun dip and the eyeshadow. You get caught. The truth is, the law is the law, and I know you have issues with authority (no, it doesn’t ever go away) but stealing is wrong. You know that. Yeah, yeah yeah. Walmart is a big bad corporation who under pays their slaves overseas to make cheap shit for us – WE KNOW! But that doesn’t mean you should steal it, you fucking hippy. So just put the eye shadow that you can’t afford back and pay the 50 cents for the fun dip if you need it so bad.
I take that back. Take the fun dip. It’s a good story, gets a laugh eventually, and all your friends took so much shit that even if you don’t take anything, you get charged for being an accomplice. Take the fun dip-life experience is cool.
Your hair.. it looks like shit, keep growin' those bangs out girl. Don’t worry too much about it though, I know you love it and really, that’s all that matters. You need to love more of you actually. You need to embrace you because..you’re not that bad.
You know how you’ve lost 40 lbs? And then someone you love and trust brought you down about it? Don’t let them. Don’t let anybody. The truth is you won’t make it this time, you won’t lose the weight but eventually you do. It was your choice to give up and it will be your choice to start again. Eventually you figure out that other people can go fuck themselves if they have anything negative to say because this is about you! There is hope though, I promise you.
That important person..yeah.. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, he just has no idea how to reach out to you or how to communicate with you. You will figure it out in time.
Forget the bitches. You stay friends with some then become great friends even though they are total fucking bitches right now. They are going through rough shit, just like you do and some shit is worse than yours. Let them go through their shit and do you. Some are just bitches and eventually you will do your own thing, they will do theirs. You will be better off and they might be too.
Despite what anyone thinks, there actually is life after high school. And that life...oh my god... is so much fucking better! Even when it sucks, it’s STILL better than high school. Those people older than you, who say they miss high school.. its because they are stuck there, and you miss..never will be. You will miss your friends but you still maintain some really great friendships that started way back in Mrs.Wetzels Kindergarten class. You will also meet a TON of new friends.
Things aren’t going to be easy but they are going to be okay. When it comes to your self image, your hopes and dreams, boys, friends... it gets better. All the tough shit you go through? There’s totally light at the end of the tunnel no matter how desperate it feels.
Like with that guy you like? Yeah I know, he likes your friend (or maybe even ALL of your friends, just not you) and its true, he is never going to like you, at least not in high school. You’re chubby and you’re weird. You also don’t ever put yourself out there which isn’t a huge reason as to why you’re single but it helps. You’re also modest and you won’t be having sex anytime soon and sweetie, sex is the fucking goal in high school. Somewhere down the road though, when you’re a little cuter, a lot more confident, less weird (well you never get less weird to be honest) and high school is long gone.. he gives you a bit of attention. But by then you’re so much stronger and you don’t even want to give him the time of day ..and it feels good. In fact, this sort of shit happens a few times. Boys who you always thought were cute or liked end up hitting on you. They may not want to date you but its okay because quite frankly, many of them turn out to be losers.
Oh and here is the kicker! You meet great guys away from Grand Manan who actually like you for who you are. Some just think you’re hot..which is great too. Some just want to use you, because.. well.. that’s sort of a guy thing. But you do meet guys who change the way you see yourself, in good and bad ways. You get a fake id and travel (i’ll get to that) to places where you are legal and you go out and guys hit on you ! Then you even turn nineteen which is super great. I know, it sounds crazy but don’t let those grand manan boys make you feel like every guy everywhere is going to think you’re an ugly piece of shit because they wont and truth is, you’re not. You will always have a hard time finding beauty in yourself but lucky for you, others wont.
So that traveling thing? Yeah. You know how you dream of traveling the world, helping people, seeing new things, and meeting people who will open your mind?. Chase and embrace that dream because its 100% achievable. I don’t want to ruin too much for you, but you have some really great adventures all before you are even out of your teens.
Stand up to her. She’s a bitch. You won’t regret it.
You’re not alone. I know you feel like you are in this deep, dark, scary place that no one else can relate to or understand. I know you feel like if you reach out, you will be judged. But I promise you, so many of your friends and peers feel the exact same way. That girl you envy who is so beautiful, she hates herself too and she looks in the mirror and feels like shit, the same way you do. I promise you feel better about yourself and your life so soon! Being a teenager is hard and being older is not easy but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel – promise.
On the real though, stop wearing so much eyeliner. And stop putting it all on your water line..you look crazy. I know, everyone is doing it, but it ain’t right!
Dont worry about missing school. Don’t worry about those sick days where your period is so bad you can barely walk. If the teachers make a big deal about it.. fuck em. You can catch up pretty quick because regardless of what you think, you are actually pretty intelligent. You find it out a little later but you definitely should’ve applied yourself more, you could do really well.
Don’t worry about anything, actually. Embrace your days. Life goes so quick and you don’t want to look back and think “fuck, i just worried my days away. I was too busy being anxious about things that hardly even mattered that I didn’t get to do this and that or enjoy everything”. Enjoy every single moment.
Don’t sweat being a total volleyball bench warmer. You know how you think you have the talent to be a good player? The truth is you do but the sad truth is you’re too overweight which keeps you from being quick on the court, in shape, strong and agile. Also, since you do know you’re not quick, you try a lot less. You will get into shape, keep playing recreational vball and you will see more skills come out. Its not high school anymore but it makes you feel better and you have a ton of fun doing it.
Don’t sweat the whole awkward girl who doesn’t get attention from guys or party thing either. I am most proud of you for being that girl. You rarely do stupid shit to get attention from guys and its a big part of who you are. You will one day love that you waited until you were ready to party to do it. That fearless “I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks I’ll do what’s right for me” thing is great and you will appreciate it all one day and yeah, it didn’t go away.
Treat your momma better. I know you love her and she’s the only person in the entire world who you can be yourself around and let everything out on and she just turns around and keeps on loving you. I know that that makes it easier to take everything out on her but she doesn’t deserve it. She seems a little overbearing and controlling and
is a total “SMother” , I know, I get that..but she loves you more than anyone ever will. The control freak thing never goes away so you oughta get used to it now. Turns out you’ll probably be the exact same way.
STOP comparing yourself to your friends, and to your enemies and to your cousins and brothers and people you don’t even know on the street. You are YOU. Be the best you... cause she has potential to be great.
Most of all love your self and love your life. This body, this person you were born to be, this life.. they are the only ones you’ve got as far as I know. Be brave, it’s scary but that’s what makes it great!
Jump head first into every scary chance you are given. Making every day count - making the best of all your situations will make you so happy! Be the best Bailey you can be - Be grateful, caring, compassionate and always, always always true to yourself.
Big Love,
Your future, much better looking and even more awesome self.
Bailey. 2012 Edition


7 comments:

  1. One of your best blogs yet...amazing! I told you it would get better and that school days were definitely not the best days of your life...if they were some of us would be in for some pretty horrible days after we get out of school. Love you XOXOXO

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  2. this is just awesomeness magnified...
    i did something similiar on my other blog as part of a meme challenge & it was really enlightening.
    it took me 20+ years to figure out a lot of the things you wrote about -- so rock on mama!

    xxoo
    cyn

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  3. "there actually is life after high school" ~ haha! Who would have thought this at 17/18? ;) Fun post!

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  4. Great post, Bailey!

    "Most of all love your self and love your life"

    100% agree!!

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  5. Love this :)

    If we only knew then what we know now...

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. Bailey, this was my favorite post so far. Not only did I most DEFINITELY laugh at some pics, as predicted, but I also had some pretty serious teary moments.

    I cannot find words in the english language that properly convey how incredibly proud I am to have you as one of my closest, and most trusted, friends. You inspire me on a daily basis. I can honestly say that there are many things about myself that YOU have been responsible for teaching me, whether you knew it or not.

    You are seriously and truly one of the most incredible human beings I know, and I am so glad to see you are finally starting to see and embrace your major awesomeness.

    I will always be thankful for the day I was officially made an Izzle.

    xx

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