Riding orange elephants through the milky way may not be possible. Setting, striving and reaching your goals is.
I used to say there was actually no way I could ever run more than 5 minutes let alone run 5k or 10k or whatever k. I wasn't strong enough, i was too heavy, I didn't have it in me, I wasn't a runner. Even when I started working out, running 10 minutes was a huge feat for me and I couldn't see myself advancing much further.
I used to think my body couldn't lose weight. I thought something was wrong with me that was keeping me from losing weight - that was just all the crazy thoughts in my head. I thought I would always be grossly over weight, I would never get a boyfriend, never get married, never have kids, never feel good about myself. I thought a lot of things that were 100% false.
I set a goal in the fall to run in a 5k race by March - or at least be able to run 5k, without stopping by March. I set this goal so that I would be able to run the actual race in the spring sometime with my sister in law. Even this week that seemed impossible. Then today happened.
Today I ran 5.8km, without stopping, without thinking..I just ran. I ran, not until I couldn't run anymore, I just went on a run, and came home. I knew I had done well so I got in my car and I went and I measured it. As I got to the half way mark in my car and turned around, I started to cry. I cried harder as I reached my drive way and realized I had just ran almost 6km. Me.. I did that.
To some people that is no big deal. To people who can run halfs and marathons, 6km is just a warm up run. For me, it's like I ran a marathon. It was my own personal marathon. I started this journey as a 251 lb girl (and yes, i just revealed my weight to you! the craziest thing iv ever done on my blog to date) and I have been doing things since then that I never knew I could do. I don't know many people who weigh over 200lbs and are as active as I am and Im so proud of how far I have come. I'm on fire.
So since I just came out with my weight(which is a huge deal, you dont even know how huge it is) I might as well tell you my current weight. You can figure it out anyway if you minus 37 from 251. I weigh 214lbs. I reached 215 before New Years and if you have been reading my blog for a while you may remember I promised to tell you my weight if I reached the goal...well..that was the goal. So you are just getting what I promised.
So 214 it is. I am a 214lb girl who just ran 6km and thats amazing...at any weight, infact. I'm going to keep doing amazing things until I'm my goal weight of 150lbs and basically until I die. I refuse to let that number matter anymore as long as I keep getting better and stronger.
Telling my weight is a huge personal struggle. Girls who weigh 130lbs keep their weight a secret. But really, it's no ones business anyway and it shouldn't matter. It's a number...it's not who I am. I have a feeling that anyone who would judge me over this probably wouldn't read my blog..and I hope they don't. I love my readers, they are all supportive and amazing and that's why I feel I can post this without worrying what the reactions of those reading are.
The important thing here is that I've lost 37lbs. It's a lot of pounds. I've become stronger and more confident. I've made a lot of change and I'm about to make more. I just put in my notice at my job (which I'm not insanely fond of) and I may even make a change in location. Life is short.. and I believe in making positive changes for yourself and doing things that scare the shit out of you often.
I still want to lose 64 lbs (this may change as i get closer to goal). I am going to do it and some day I'm going to be able to say I lost 100lbs. That's great and I can't wait and I'm thankful for those who are supporting me and are here for the long haul :)
This is all going to happen because its possible and .. mostly anything is possible :)
Thanks so much to everyone for all the support. :)