Sunday, February 26

Shit I Don't Get Part 5

It's hard to believe this is the 5th edition of "Shit I Don't Get". It's not hard to believe I came up with that many things, because people never cease to amaze me with their shit, but I don't even remember writing four other editions. Before I start in I want to thank all the people who enjoy when I write these posts. Some people just think I'm a bitch (you're probably not wrong) but to the people who genuinely understand where I'm coming from - you rock. To the people who don't - you're just hating because you do something I openly dis.

Well, it's been 3 long months since Shit I Don't Get 4 so let's get the ball a'rollin.

The Real World
Do you remember being in school and you or one of your peers complained about homework or their part time job at the library? Maybe they complained about their fish dying or a friend being a total bitch except you didn’t say bitch. A lot of the time, especially if it was one you didn’t like coincidentally, the teacher would exclaim “Oh you wait until you get into the real world! Wait until you have a job in the real world. Wait until you go to university in the real world. Wait until you have to pay bills in the real world”. Fuck you and fuck the real world, teach. While maybe our problems in school weren’t the end of the world, they seemed real to us and it doesn’t make them invalid just because we were 13 and we weren’t paying our own bills and going through a divorce. Maybe a child in the class has parents who are going through a divorce, maybe a child works that part time job at the library to help single mom pay the bills. Furthermore, maybe a child in the class is being molested or lost their grandmother. I feel like when teachers say “oh life will be so much harder when you get into the real world” it is saying to a child (who may without your knowledge being going through some tough shit) that a)your problems aren’t a big deal and b)it only gets worse. That is not the right message to be sending to a student whether you care about their shit or not.
Disliking Water
I love the shit out of water. I try to live a healthy lifestyle so most days I drink a fuck ton of water, like way more than any human should be able to manage drinking. Even if I didn’t make a point of drinking water I would probably still drink it because its so damn refreshing. I fucking despise when people say “i don’t drink water because I don’t like it!”. What do you fucking mean you don’t like it? Your body is like 99% water or something!! Well..thats not right but its a lot of water. You need water to live. How do you not like it? Or when people are picky about brands of water.. just fucking drink it. Do you know how many people on this planet have to walk miles and miles (while dehydrated) just to get like.. a sip of water and its not even nearly the amount that they need that they are walking all these miles for? Cherish that bottled nestle water!! The water at my work tastes like actual egg farts and I probably drink about 80oz of it everytime I work – aint no thang but a chicken wang. Get over yourself and just drink the water!
Fer
Oh em effing G. I use a lot of shitty acronyms and I abbreviate 70% of my words but I have issues with spelling. The only two words I spell wrong on a regular basis are wiener and necessary. Wiener because weiner just looks better and necessary because it’s hard. The one word that really pisses me off when I see it misspelled is “for”. “Fer” is NOT for. FORRRRR. Say it with me. You’re not going fer a drive in your car, you are going FOR one. I have unsubscribed from people’s facebook feeds because they use this spelling and I hate it. Why? Like why do you need to spell it like that? The bigger idiots are the people who do the next thing I don’t get.
Mispelling Names On Facebook
When someone pops up in my chat and says Hey Baily I could die. My name is Bailey and it has an E in it. I don’t expect everyone to know how to properly spell it but when you had to FUCKING CLICK ON IT to talk to me I expect you to SEE IT RIGHT IN YOUR FUCKING FACE and spell it correctly. If someone comments on another status “Oh you are so right Sarah” and it says Sara right there, like..she WROTE the status, how do you mess that up? It’s ignorant and you are a moron.
Coupons and Harassment
Speaking of spellings I dislike, I thought Id mention some pronunciations I hate. There are a million words I feel are mispronounced but I can deal with it : caramel, about (Canadians say it correctly, the rest of the English speaking world is wrong), taco, bagel,etc – I can deal with those. Two that absolutely urk me are coupons and harassment. Its COO-pawns not QUE-pawns. Seriously? COU coes not make the QUE sound.. ever. The show about couponing brought this to my attention as seriously 100% of the “couponers” couldn’t even pronounce what they were doing. Get ahold of yourselves. And harris-ment. Oh my god. HA-RASS-MENT people, say it with me. There isn’t even a sneaky spelling that would make you think it is pronounced the other way! And its always like lawyers and police officers and people who deal with harassment who say it incorrectly. I hate it.

Default Pictures
I love me a good profile picture on facebook. I am totally one of those girls who when out with friends says “Lets get a pic, I need a new default on FB!” I think it’s okay to care about how you look in it because it’s sort of how you are presenting yourself to the online world and nowadays that’s pretty important. The thing I don’t get is when someone puts up a picture because ONE thing in the whole picture looks good. I admit, when I find a picture of me where Im looking a little slimmer than usual, I post that shit asap but if my face looks all fucked up its like.. clearly I don’t want that to be my default. Just because you look like your stomach is a bit flatter or your biceps are a bit huger (boys – you are SO guilty too!) does not mean you should put the pic as your default when your face looks like you’ve had one to many ( and im talking hits off the crack pipe not drinks). I know it seems really superficial of me to say but you look a FOOL.

Reposts
Another facebook dislike.. I really do need to have a facebook edition of SIDG. “You better post a link to my blog in your status right now because if you don’t you don’t love me and you are in the 2% of people who will not repost..and I KNOW who you are. Also, you don’t care about cancer victims, the cure for cancer or your other if you don’t do it. So there." Nothing like having your morals, your love of your mother, your friendships and your compassion threatened all in one facebook status. You know the ones. These things make me sick. Posting about cancer awareness or whatever the cause is and then basically saying you are a bad person if you don’t repost is like bullying. For one thing, not everyone has to actively support one cause – there are a billion causes in the world. Secondly, writing a status about something does basically nothing. Its just a status and a status that annoys everyone! You basically wasted more time not helping the cause you are supporting by sitting around making a status about it and we all got annoyed and we now resent your cause – good fucking job.
Okay. I am so fired up. These posts put me in like bitchy beast mode and I feel like I need to take a nap and regroup when I finish. I have no idea why this sentence is underlined or how to change it and It's sort of annoying so I feel I need to finish up this post. Hope you guys had an awesome weekend and I will be back someday soon with some updates from my weight loss challenge - its definitely been a challenge lately.
Big underlined love,
Bailey.
PS. If you havn't liked my page on facebook yet, you need to for all the latest updates :)

Monday, February 20

actin a fool cause you look a fool.


I love to go out. I love to drink and I love to go shake my booty until last call. There was one NYE where my friends and I were the first on the dancefloor (losers!) and the last ones off (bigger losers?). I love dressing up, doing my hair and make up, letting loose and dancing like im about to get paid. I also tend to transform into anything but the fat white girl that I am when Im on the dancefloor.

I don't really look like the typical girl dancing at the bar. There are all different types of girls at the bars, its true, but I look like about 1% of them. When I use to go to the bar and look around my soul would shrink a little - it's as if Im surrounded by a million girls with Victorias Secret bodies in dresses they stole from their little sisters costume closet. I would instantly feel like I was in the wrong place.

I first went out when I was 18 (see picture) (Bad girl bad girl..whatcha gonna do when the bouncer comes for you). I realized quickly it was going to be a self esteem diminishing process ( i looked like shit so .. clearly). If any guys at all noticed I was in the room it was only because Im huge or because I happened to be blocking their view of my friends. Starting from the very first time I went out I would be left dancing by myself while my friends got hit on. Fortunately, I had dealt with it before and it didn't completely kill me.

Parties on Grand Manan (my hometown!)panned out like this as well. To the day I don't really get hit on and guys dont particularly notice me. It's different here because they all know me in the first place. They all know me and what im like and that they already dont want to sleep with me - they also know I wouldnt sleep with them anyway. I wouldn't hit on me either though..this is what I looked like when I first started going out on Grand Manan :
I turned 18 in the Spring of 2009. I graduated that year and I also took a life changing trip to Guatemala. In Guatemala - I was legal (not the life changing part, might I add). I went out at least 3 times a week and it was a huge confidence booster for me. I would go out, get hit on, and dance all night with lots of different boys. I was excited because I was finally getting what everyone had always told me to expect - when you leave Grand Manan, boys will flock to you. In Canada - it didnt matter where I went, no one was flocking.
Guatemala was a great experience for me. I realized that somewhere in the world, even if I had to go to Central America, guys would think I was cute. I wasn't a freak of nature, at least not completely or it was adorable and attracted boys.. cute brown ones. When I went out I was confident, I wasn't worrying about how fat I looked and I truly would enjoy myself and meet lots of awesome people. Then I went back to Canada and the cycle repeated itself.
When I was back in Canada I went back to being the fat friend at the bar. Like most things, I would resort to humor to deal with how shitty it made me feel about myself. I would get ridiculously drunk and act a fool cause I felt I looked a fool. If I was laughing at myself, other people couldnt laugh at how I looked. I felt like I everytime I went to a bar people wondered why I was there. When guys tried to dance with me and their friend was with my friend, I insisted that they didn't have to be the wingman, I enjoyed dancing alone just fine.
My 19th birthday - first time out in Canada legally ;)
It doesn't matter how hard you tell yourself it doesn't matter because sometimes it does. What guys think of you matters because we all want to feel pretty and beautiful or atleast good enough. The difference is that we cannot let it decide our worth or how we feel about ourselves as a whole. Realizing this has made a significant change in my life and my experience with going out to bars.
Losing this weight has changed my life and Im not even half way done. It has given me the confidence and a beginning to self love that I've never experienced. I spent the weekend in PEI and hit two different bars with my girlfriends. I didn't notice it then but looking back I don't remember ever wondering why no one was hitting on me or giving a fuck either. I wore dresses that fit my body and I went out feeling like "its not my fault if they are too drunk to notice how sexy I am".
Attitude is everything. I refuse to let stupid, drunk guys at a bar affect how I feel about myself. Most of those guys are looking for one thing that I am definitely not giving to them so why their opinion ever mattered is beyond me. Yes, I love going out and drinking and dancing but I can do that without a guy and I can do it with one. I found myself dancing alone and actually enjoying myself - not telling myself I did. I wasn't comparing myself to my friends or to other girls, I was simply enjoying myself. I've come a really long way.
I will never go back to being Fat Bailey. Fat Bailey mentality still lives in my head. I have struggles and somedays I look in the mirror and see the exact same, insecure, fat, damaged girl. Somedays I look in the mirror and say "damn, you's a sexy bitch". It's all about having more days like the second one I mentioned. I am not perfect and when I reach my goal I still wont be perfect but I am a way better version of myself.. one that Im really starting to like.
So here are some pictures of me this weekend with my friends (I am so sorry for how poorly they are organized - blogger is being a total fucking asshole). No, I'm not a size 2 and yes, I'm sloppy and ridiculous. But I am confident and I don't give a fuck what any douchebag at a bar thinks about me or any guy at a Grand Manan party for that matter. I have friends and family who love me and think Im beautiful and for now...thats totally enough for me. I will resume going to the bar, shaking what my mama gave me and having an amazing time whether other people think im as sexy as I do or not.
Big Love,
Bailey.

Tuesday, February 14

Happy Bailentines Day!




Happy Valentines Day, everyone! Ahhhh the day of love! It seems like either you really enjoyed this day or you hate it. I seem like the sort of person who would hate it but I actually really enjoy it. I think Valentines can be all about love - no matter who/what you are loving. I have so many amazing things and people in my life to love, that there is no reason I should ever be a grump about this day! Whether you are celebrating someone you love or not.. did you remember to love yourself today?

Im a firm believer in the cheesy saying that before you can properly love another and let them love you, you must love yourself. Unfortunately, self love isn't the easiest thing in the world, no matter how many people are loving you and showing you how much you're worth. It is SO important though.

I've always had really low self esteem and self worth. I look in the mirror and I see stomach (and lots of it), frizzy hair, funny skin, horrible porportions, knock knees and more chins than face. I felt painfully unintelligent all through school and I had no idea what I was good at. I have felt pretty useless my whole life.

While losing weight I have also been trying to find my self worth. I want to be able to love myself and I know that some day I will. I'm finding out more of who I am and what I am capable of. I can't look in the mirror and think wow, you're sexy and I still have no idea what im good at or what i'm here for but somehow I feel closer.

So in honor of Valentines, and not only loving all the AMAZING people I'm surrounded with but loving myself as well, I thought I compose a list of 5 things I love about Bailey. Hopefully someday I, and everyone, will be able to compose a super long list of why we love ourselves.

1. My body is powerful and strong and shows improvement with every work out.
2. My skin stays relatively clear.
3. I can see good in almost anyone.
4. I inspire people through my writing and my actions to get fit and healthy.
5. My hair is long.. and I like it that way.

What do you love about yourselves? Can you come up with 5 things? If you can't, I need for you to work on it. Everyday I come closer to finding peace with who I am and how I feel about my body and I promise you - it feels really good. Tip : The biggest factor in that is that I try my hardest to not care about other peoples negative thoughts of me.

I hope you all had a lovely Valentines Day. If you are in a relationship and he forgot to say Happy Valentines Day - slap him. Then forget it because as long as he is loving you right every day of the year - what do you really have to complain about? If you are single, just do what I do - the future boyfriend needs to know that he is to make up for all the Vdays you spent alone. No big deal.

Love you all.
BIG valentines kinda' love.
bail.

thechunkygoddess

Sunday, February 12

sunday sweetness.

Before I start I just want to mention to you guys that I am on Facebook now! So if you havn't already liked my page - get on that shit! I will be updating that page with my new blogs instead of my personal page and I will also be keeping that page up to date with weightloss stuff! So like it up :)
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Being-Bailey-J/182780721829419

Most sundays I participate in this project in the blog community called Sunday Sweetness (formerly known as Comment Love Day). Yes, there is a blog community and no, you do not have to be vip to be a part of it. Sunday Sweetness is basically a day where writers leave their blog and then visit other peoples blogs and give their posts some comment love. If you blog you know that nothing is better than going to your dashboard and seeing you have 6 or even 2 new comments to approve.

The people who started this ran For The Love of Blogs which is a huge networking tool for bloggers. Recently they made a change and are now iblog4.me and it seems as though most members aren't figuring out the changes so well. Sunday Sweetness has gone from almost 100 participants weekly to 5-10. I hate this and I've also noticed that EVERY single time I participate- my post NEVER shows up. Maybe this is happening to 90 other people.. either way.. I miss reading all the amazing blogs.

If you guys love reading on sunday, especially blogs, I thought I would link you to some good posts I've read this week. If you are a blogger and you miss Sunday Sweetness, this could be for you. I love to hook my readers up with blogs I love because if you love my blog you may love their blog and everyone loves a good blog. Thats a lie but.. a few of us do!

I won't keep you waiting. Here are some blogs I enjoyed this week.

Amy Rose Brown - This week she wrote a really nice post about loving your body regardless and the skewed opinions of what "fat" is. It was to the point and I really appreciated it.

Leftists Have No Rights - I love this guy. He is awkward and ridiculous and his stories, whether true or untrue, crack me up. I linked you to the first one I ever read.

Life Plus Fitness - While most girls are wishing to slim down their booty, I'd go to pretty extreme lengths to pump mine up. I hate my shape and I wish I carried my weight through my legs and booty. Im always looking for work outs to build my bum and this one looks killer. Exercises like these work for whoever- if you have a big booty it will tone and shape it, if you have a flat one it will lift and shape it. While I do these exercises I scheme up ways on how to make enough money for cheek impants.

Tri-ing to be Athletic - Chronicles her journey on becoming a tri-athlete with lots little cartoons to accompany her humorous posts(she does the cartoons herself).

Georgias Trying Something New - I already made a post abut this post but its still good and not all of you saw it. Basically the post is about her dislike for being labeled as gay or bisexual because she isn't attracted to genitalia, she just loves the person. It's an amazing post and I think everyone should read it. I love her blog (its actually mostly a weightloss/healthy lifestyle blog and thats how I originally found her!)

Live Happe - This is a post in honor of Valentines Day that my sister in law wrote for my brother. I thought it was really nice as it mentioned all the reasons shes thankful for him. I hope I can marry a guy with these qualities someday and I hope I can be the supportive and amazing wife/mother that my sister in law is and like my own mom as well.

Awkward Sex And The City - She is absolutely 100% offensive and sometimes I think I would hate her but she is fucking funny. This post I linked you to has definitely influenced me to write one like it because I am the exact same way. It is a bunch of words she hates and I have so many words I do not like to hear or say because they just sound ridiculous or disgusting. Check this out and check out the rest of her blog if you enjoy crude/sexual/offensive humor or mayo.

So that is it for now. I want to leave you with a little saying I read earlier on my blog friend Tims blog. He has been writing about his journey to go from 245 to 175 - WHICH HE DID! He is amazing and his blog definitely inspires me. He wrote "Little pickers where bigger knickers." It sort of struck me because Ive been stressed about my injury and not being at the gym adn its making me pick at food which is a horrible habit. (and for those of you who live under a rock - knickers is another word for undies!). Anyways.. unrelated completely but this is a part time weight loss blog and I want to share it. You can check out his blog at Fat.Boy.Thin

Happy Sunday
Big Loooove.
Bailey.

Saturday, February 11

Self Respect

As you guys may know I am a huge fan of Pinterest. Surprisingly I have gone about a week without using it (gasp) but before this happened I came across a pin that posed the question "If more women were willing to be ladies would it challenge more men to be gentleman?". I loved it. I think yes, men would feel a challenge to be gentlemen if we challenged them in the first place.

Sometimes I feel as though girls have no respect for themselves anymore. They let guys treat them like shit and they treat themselves like shit. In my opinion, why should a guy have to give you respect when you can't even give yourself any? The door swings both ways as well - guys need a little self respect before I consider them an option for a boyfriend.

I consider myself to be a good girl and I'm pretty old school. I'm a virgin (yes, the rumors are true) and while I have zero intentions of waiting for marriage. I will be waiting for a guy who shows me constant respect, has proven that he loves me and who I love as well. I try not to keep sex on a pedestal and I don't necessarily plan on only having one sexual partner. But I do know myself and I have an emotional attachment to sex. I do see my virginity as something special, I like to think that someone who actually cares about me will have that part of me.

I don't think all girls should treat sex like I do, it is just what works best for me. I think that if you want to have casual sex until you die, if that makes you happy and confident and empowered or whatever it does for you - then do it. You live once and you need to do the things that make you happy.

My issue is that, because I've waited, I want a guy who holds sex in the same regard. I have never felt like I want to lose my virginity to another virgin - that sounds messy and not fun at all to be honest but I would like a guy who has respect for my choices. I want a guy who is willing to make love to me, not have sex with other girls and chose to not "fuck and chuck" me. It's actually not that much to ask regardless of what you may think.

I would think that if I meet a guy who has that sort of respect for me, that he probably wouldn't have respect for the girl who feels the opposite way about sex as I do. Which leads me to my first argument - if you don't treat yourself like a lady with a bit of respect, you're probably not going to attract a gentleman.

Sexuality is huge and out there nowadays. I think that's great - I don't think sex and sexuality should be this like hidden secret because it's a huge part of who we are. I think it can be talked (generally) about openly. Not everyone agrees, some people choose to treat it like it's some huge sin and if you talk about it out loud you're going to hell - this virgin disagrees. You can be sexual and be sexy while respecting yourself though. Look at me - I'm like sexual desire in a fat suit.

If I could give one piece of advice to people in high school, especially girls, it would be to take it easy and feel zero pressure to have sex until you want to. Date, hook up, have fun.. but be careful. I have no friends who have told me they regret having sex in high school but they do regret who they had sex with.

My second piece of advice, to everyone in general, would be to demand respect. Respect is earned and no one is going to give it to you if you don't even ask.

Big love,
Bailey J

PS! I updated my Before/After page a bit!

Wednesday, February 8

injuries and victories.


herrow readers! sorry my blog has been a tad lame lately! my life is sort of busy with my job and my side job and my naps but that's no excuse! i miss writing and making myself cry and making you guys cry and then making you laugh.. and then making you scowl at my profanity. I promise to be shooting you some better blogs once my lapotop is fixed and home! oh - that was what i meant to tell you -along with many other things in my life this week - my laptop decided to get a virus and go totally ape shit. The guy who usually fixes it is SO amazing and always does a wicked job so im hoping he'll deliver.. again. (shout out to Bill Edgar - get this dude to fix your computer if you live on GM and need your computer fixed!)
So the other things in my life that is broken are my knee and my car. My car just needs new tires and I'm a drama queen but I put way too much money into that thing. As for my knee it's not broken but it's fucked. My knees are pretty bad on a regular basis and I'm guessing that's from 20 years of having way too much weight on them. Then I decided I need to train for 10ks and be fitness barbie while still overweight... stresses them out I suppose. I think it's just inflamed but if it gets worse i'll head over to the hospital.Anyone have any ideas for keeping active while injured? I have no swimming pool so that's out but I need to do something. Im getting super anxious about gaining weight.. I'm such a psycho. The stress of that is leading me to eat which is leading me to be more stressed.. lord help me.
Hmm. What else is new in my ridiculous life? Nothing interesting has been happening but I did finally decide on my last day of work and its March.9. So on the 11th I'm headed to Nova Scotia. It's scary. I have no idea if I will find a job or if I will make friends or be happy but it's worth a shot - I'm as free as a bird... or as crazy as one.. one or the other. And if you like my countdowns, its 84 until my trip to Cuba with Courtney WAHOO!. Anyone else heading down south for a vacation to escape the stupid cold?
Last but most certainly not least I wanted to share some pictures with you guys! If you have me on facebook or have "liked" my blog page Being Bailey J you may have seen the pictures I posted of my mom and I! They make me so happy. I'm going to post them here because I'm so proud of us! The first is us almost exactly one year again right before I left on my backpacking trip to Central America. The second is last night before we went out for dinner. We have lost a combined total of 72.2lbs and I am just so excited for both of us and all that we have and will accomplish! Enjoy the pictures and enjoy the rest of your week, guys!
Big Love,
Bailey

Sunday, February 5

the shit i do for money.

I have found myself saying this phrase almost too much in the last 6 months.

I have a regular person job - well, mostly regular. The store itself is a little awkward. It is a cross between a small sit down restaurant with take out, an ice cream shop, a blockbuster (we rent and even sell vhs and dvds), a benjamin moore outlet, a halmark (we got your greeting card hook up!), and a gift shop which has regular giftware and giftware that caters to the tourist population during our touristy spring/summer. Oh and did I mention we fix watches and sell watch batteries? Oh and we also clean scratched discs. Its pretty bizarre when I get thinking about it.

I live on a small island so this sort of hybrid business thing works. Our save easy and our gas station are at the same place, not to mention a Greco (that has a new drive thru - quite exciting for my smalltown) that is attached at the back. Our pharmacy is in a small store that would be comparable to a convenience store that also sells greeting cards and is a christian book/movie store. Sometimes it's easier to just have things in one place because having, say an actual Halmark or a Blockbuster, would simply not survive in such a small town.

Aside from the quirkiness of the business, I basically am a cashier. I ring in your food or ice cream after I serve it to you and if you chose to stay and eat I serve you. I consider it a cashier/waitressing job. Not everyone would agree, some people don't consider it waitressing at all. I have to put up with a lot of peoples shit and give them food - in my experience, that is waitressing.

I love my job. I love most of my customers but sometimes it can be a little frustrating. One of the big arguments with my job is whether the workers deserve tips. I think we do because a)I've been a waitress in more than one restaurant for like 6 years and I tip everywhere so it's simply how I roll and b)i'm serving you. There are exceptions of course. If you come in everyday, you order a hamburger, I bring it you and you leave..no I definitely do not deserve a tip. If I fix you up a poutine or you call in an order, no of course not. But you know who does deserve a tip if you call in a 50$ take out order? The girls in the kitchen do, the girls who busted their ass to do your 10 item order and still do all the other orders they have to do, especially if you liked your food.

Sometimes I have families of 5-10 people come in. I try my best to cater to them and I make several trips to bring them their food and any extras they ask for because thats the job and I don't think they should have to get up and go grab everything they need. After they finish eating I usually whip up sundaes, tornados and ice cream cones for them and then wait as they fight over who is paying and I ring them in.

After that I clean up their undoubtedly huge mess while trying to wait on the rest of my customers. I don't mind this - its my job and like I said I do love it and I love those families who come in! I love their kids and I love having people around and being entertained. I also expect a mess, you are there to eat out and you have kids and you can leave me a mess - dont worry about it, enjoy your meal out!

BUT think that after a 70$ bill, if you liked the service and the food (which im guessing you do if you come back) that maybe you could throw me and the girls in the kitchen a toonie to split.

I dont want people to tip so I can have more money because I don't keep my tips! If you give me 1$ I probably get about 10 cents of it up to 2 weeks later when I am paid. The point is that it's nice to feel appreciated every once in a while and it's nice for the kitchen to know they are appreciated as well - you should see those girls hustle on a busy night. So a big thank you to those who do tip, and those who tip every time and who say thank you and genuinely appreciate us because we appreciate you guys!

The point of this is not to make people tip because I put in my notice and I will be done at my job soon. The point is that appreciation is nice. This is mostly a Grand Manan mentality - 85% of off island customers tip- many Grand Mananers just do not feel we deserve them which is fine. Even though this is frustrating, I still love my job and the people. Im also a bit tip spoiled after working at a different restaurant in the summers where I can get 10-40$ tips per table.

I sort of went off on a tangent but that is the first example of shit I do for money. It's the most lame of them all because its a totally normal job. The rest of them are a little odd but.. you gotta do what you gotta do.

My second job is housesitting. I was asked to housesit one Thanksgiving weekend and it sort of spiraled from there. It is mostly pet sitting - people go away for a vacation and don't want to leave their dogs alone or pay to have them put in a kennel. I actually LOVE this job..well..most of the time. Growing up I was never allowed to have pets but absolutely loved animals, especially dogs.

This job does not come without a few frustations either. I have had to clean up a LOT of dog shit, wipe a lot of piss, clean puppy versions of the runs off of walls, feed pills to both cats and dogs, stand in the cold in the middle of the night with dogs who have "run away" tendencies, etc etc etc. It is worth it, otherwise I wouldn't do it but its just another example of the shit I will do for a dollar.

The third and most interesting job I have taken up recently is sober driving. I find my hometown to be a bit boring since about 90% of my friends go off island for university after the summer is over so going out doesn't overly appeal to me. Instead, when there is a big party and a lot of people out, I sober drive. The money is good but I also love knowing that people got home safe and didn't take their own vehicles - which happens a lot around here.

Driving can be a little tiring considering it usually happens after a long day at work and can go until 3 or 4 in the morning. I have to deal with a lot of.. we'll say personalities, and it can be a little overwhelming. For the most part people are hilarious though and I usually get all the juicy details about the parties. I also have to deal with the tears and the yelling but luckily no puke yet! *Knock on Wood!*

So why am I so obsessed with side jobs when I already have a job? Well my job isn't always full time and I don't really have much else to do. I like to know im secure and I like to always have money saved. I like knowing that at the end of the month I will spend two weekends with my friends, one out of province and one in Fredericton, and come home and still have money in my bank account. I love knowing that after a few months, if i wanted to take off.. I could. There is a sort of freedom that comes with having a bit of money saved that I enjoy.

At the end of the month I will be finished at my current job and be moving off the island. It could be a short lived move or it could last but all I know is that for know, the shit I do for money will be taking a break. No more pets and no more driving around fools.

Hopefully I will have luck finding a job in Nova Scotia. I will just be a regular person working an average job, paying rent, buying my own groceries *panic sets in*..breath in.. okay. Yep. Im good. I like to think Im a good worker with the right personality for customer service and someone will see that and hire me. You never know but I choose to hope for the best. Wish me luck. :)

Big Love
Bailey.

Saturday, February 4

211

Four years ago, with my mother, best friend and my best friends mother, I joined weight watchers. I started at 251 and about 5 months later I weighed 212. Weight watchers is an amazing program but I was stupid and I was not eating enough, I wore myself out and gave into binge eating. I couldn't keep it up. 212 was as far as I got and that summer I started to gain the weight back until I was back to square one at 251 lbs.

Last January I was still 251. I lost 5 lbs in February and during my backpacking trip I dropped another 25lbs. I lost the weight from binge drinking, eating one or twice every other day and walking pretty much everywhere. This was not on purpose or to lose weight, it was simply my lifestyle. This lifestyle was clearly not one I could keep up. By the time September rolled around, 3 months after my return to Canada, I had gained most of the weight back and was at 242. That is when this journey started.

I have never seen a number lower than 212. I didn't weigh myself while growing, the last time I remember weighing myself I weight 100lbs and I was ashamed because none of the girls my age weighed that much. In middle school I never weighed myself out of fear of what I would see. I didn't weigh myself in high school out of an even greater fear of what I would see. I didn't step on the scale until i was 16 and I was at that first weight watchers weigh in. Then I saw the number go as low as 212.

As you can tell, 212 holds a special meaning to me. To me it is not just the number I wanted to get back down to but the number I wanted to blow out of the water and say 'im stronger now! and i will kick your ass this time' to. I have been plateauing for about six weeks and I thought "Is this my fate? I will get to this number and I will give up just like I did last time. Am i destined to keep gaining and losing and gaining this 30 odd lbs forever? Is this it? What the fuck?".

It wasn't it. I trucked through that plateau. I never gave up even for a second. I wanted to, believe me, a few times. Every time I would get on the scale and it was the same thing after a week of great eating and awesome works outs. When I would get on the scale and not only did it not go down, but it dared to go up. I didn't care though.. I was going to beat it.

Finally last week, the scale moved. It was down 2 lbs. 38 lbs lost. I weighed 213. I was so close, TOO close, to that 212 I had been waiting to see. Not only did I want to see it but I couldn't wait to get past it. To see a number I had never seen, the lowest number of my life (besides when I was a growin girl lol). And it happened..

Today I weighed in at 211.5. PEACE THE FUCK OUT PLATEAU! And fuck you 212. It was a big moment for me. At first it flashed down to 210 and I almost shit in my pants but I was fine as it settled into 211.5. Some of you may not understand this and its okay. Truth is, I still weigh over 200 lbs and I have a ton of weight to lose so I shouldnt be getting too excited yet lol. its true. But I have come so far and breaking these tiny barriers and reaching goals.. its what pushes me to keep going.

For any of you who are facing a plateau or are struggling with anything at all in life I need for you to not give up. If you think it sounds cheesy well great, turns out I dont give a fuck what you think about it. Never ever give up hope and never stop trying to make the best of your life. There are oppurtunities for happiness and success everywhere, everyday and its up to us to seize them.

In blog news :
1)As you may have noticed i DID reach the 100 followers and I officially have my own domain www.beingbaileyj.com
2)I've been making some small changes around the site, more to come, including a header that isn't horribly ugly like the stand in one I have now aha
3)I have my own facebook page now! Being Bailey J - a fan/like watever the hell you have to do!

Okay guys! Thats it for tonight. Work+gym+housesitting and pet sitting = one exhausted bailey j. Have an awesome weekend and as always...

big love!
bail.

Wednesday, February 1

ninety-six.

Holy Shit. I have 96 followers and it's craziness!

When I started this blog I had two followers..and they were both me. I started it because I knew I had something to say..I just didn't know what it was. Over the past two years I feel I've found my voice - my loud, emotional, sarcastic, caring, dramatic voice. I found it because I have found myself more in the past two years, even in the past year, than in my whole life and I owe a lot of that to my blog..and to my followers!

My followers have made me feel understood and they have given me what I wanted from this blog. When I started writing I just wanted people to watch all the cool videos on youtube that I liked. As it developed and I started actually writing I realized I wanted something much more. I wanted someone to read my story.. and think.."hey, im not alone."

Not everyone can relate to all my blogs but I'm sure everyone here could find something to relate to. I've had so many emails from people saying they love my blog, they are inspired by my blog, my blog gave them hope..thats what it's all about for me. If I can wear my heart on my sleeve..or my blog..or whatever, and someone is affected by it at all then my job is done.

In the end my blog is for me. When someone else is affected positively by something I wrote then it makes it double the fun! Whether it is a laugh at one of my Shit I Don't Get Posts, a tear over understanding the struggle of weightloss or a moment of connection because you felt misunderstood in high school - I'm glad you felt SOMETHING here.

So since I am at 96 followers that means 100 is fast approaching -hopefully sooner than later. (You guys know what to do if you don't follow already - get me to 100 already - I know so many of you who read and DONT follow! GRR!). When I have 100 followers, as most of you know, I have decided to pay blogger for my own domain. I asked for you guys to suggest some ideas for what my knew blog name should be. My favorite was Being Bailey and I have my mind pretty set on it. What do you think? It's easy to remember and I'm a big fan of alliterations.

I also decided that once I have the domain I will make a facebook page. I was going to wait until 120 followers but I think I'm ready now. I'm sure people who don't give a fuck about my blog are tired of me posting it - not that I give too many shits about that but it will be nice to have something separate from my actual FB page.

So I just thought I'd thank all my followers and readers out there for making me love writing and love this blog so much more than I already did! I have found so much happiness in this blog - it is my therapy!

Make sure to follow if you don't already! Also if you have a bit of time click here and check it out. It's a great (and legit - I promise - a friend is a part of it) project "that was established to provide help to the Children of Maria Cristina in Cochabamba, Bolivia.". Give them some love!!

Big Love,
SUPER big love,
I love you guys! xo

Bailey.

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