Saturday, February 11

Self Respect

As you guys may know I am a huge fan of Pinterest. Surprisingly I have gone about a week without using it (gasp) but before this happened I came across a pin that posed the question "If more women were willing to be ladies would it challenge more men to be gentleman?". I loved it. I think yes, men would feel a challenge to be gentlemen if we challenged them in the first place.

Sometimes I feel as though girls have no respect for themselves anymore. They let guys treat them like shit and they treat themselves like shit. In my opinion, why should a guy have to give you respect when you can't even give yourself any? The door swings both ways as well - guys need a little self respect before I consider them an option for a boyfriend.

I consider myself to be a good girl and I'm pretty old school. I'm a virgin (yes, the rumors are true) and while I have zero intentions of waiting for marriage. I will be waiting for a guy who shows me constant respect, has proven that he loves me and who I love as well. I try not to keep sex on a pedestal and I don't necessarily plan on only having one sexual partner. But I do know myself and I have an emotional attachment to sex. I do see my virginity as something special, I like to think that someone who actually cares about me will have that part of me.

I don't think all girls should treat sex like I do, it is just what works best for me. I think that if you want to have casual sex until you die, if that makes you happy and confident and empowered or whatever it does for you - then do it. You live once and you need to do the things that make you happy.

My issue is that, because I've waited, I want a guy who holds sex in the same regard. I have never felt like I want to lose my virginity to another virgin - that sounds messy and not fun at all to be honest but I would like a guy who has respect for my choices. I want a guy who is willing to make love to me, not have sex with other girls and chose to not "fuck and chuck" me. It's actually not that much to ask regardless of what you may think.

I would think that if I meet a guy who has that sort of respect for me, that he probably wouldn't have respect for the girl who feels the opposite way about sex as I do. Which leads me to my first argument - if you don't treat yourself like a lady with a bit of respect, you're probably not going to attract a gentleman.

Sexuality is huge and out there nowadays. I think that's great - I don't think sex and sexuality should be this like hidden secret because it's a huge part of who we are. I think it can be talked (generally) about openly. Not everyone agrees, some people choose to treat it like it's some huge sin and if you talk about it out loud you're going to hell - this virgin disagrees. You can be sexual and be sexy while respecting yourself though. Look at me - I'm like sexual desire in a fat suit.

If I could give one piece of advice to people in high school, especially girls, it would be to take it easy and feel zero pressure to have sex until you want to. Date, hook up, have fun.. but be careful. I have no friends who have told me they regret having sex in high school but they do regret who they had sex with.

My second piece of advice, to everyone in general, would be to demand respect. Respect is earned and no one is going to give it to you if you don't even ask.

Big love,
Bailey J

PS! I updated my Before/After page a bit!

6 comments:

  1. So true! I guess I am one of those bitter feminists you hear about, but seriously how can we expect men to treat us with respect when we don't treat ourselves and each other with respect? You are smart to have figured it out early. Keep you standards high for a man and you will find that great one. I wish I had figured this out years ago cause I wasted a lot of time and grief on the wrong ones.

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  2. Great blog.
    I personally don't believe that any woman enjoys casual sex or having a big number. Some gals say they don't care, and are playing the game, but all too many times I've seen these girls break down and wonder why they are meeting all the wrong men.
    We tell these girls "It's not you, it's him," but that's not the right message. Both are at fault. I also feel that a lot of men take advantage of damaged girls. My father said about a whore-man that we knew: "If something goes wrong, and she's not a girl that you would want to step up and do the right thing for, then you shouldn't sleep with her." More men should subscribe to that, and as a society, we should stop celebrating, sex-addicted men.
    What you've chosen to do is admirable and reasonable.
    Sex is for lovers; you wouldn't choose to love a jerk, so why sleep with one?
    I am so proud to be your big sister. You rock.

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  3. I feel hopeful for a better life after reading this.

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  4. I have to say I disagree with Robin. I enjoy casual sex, and while I wouldn't love my number to be huge I don't let it bother me. I have good friends that range from people with values such as baileys, and people that think sex can just be sex.

    I don't feel I'm meeting all the wrong men, these times when casual sex occurs it is not with men that I feel could be the right ones. I feel I don't have an issue with finding the right ones, and in all truthfulness how many guys from the age of 20-25 are wanting to settle down, and truthfully I have no idea where I will be in the next 5 years so I'm not overly looking for the right guy, I'm looking for Mr.right now.

    Anyways my point is I believe its possible to have self respect, self confidence and be happy with yourself and still have casual sex.

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  5. Like you, I believe that people can do what they want, but I'm also pretty old school when it comes to sex. I could never just have sex with anyone, it would only be with someone who I love and want to spend the rest of my life with and they'd share similar views.

    I've had women ask me for sex, for one night stands etc but i could never do that just because it's not for me. My friends probably think I'm crazy but I don't care. I need some sort of connection with somebody rather than "wham bam thank you ma'am".

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  6. Disagree with the comments above about casual sex and confidence.

    Girls that are self-confident don't put out casually. It's trashy.

    Think about it. A girl can have casual sex whenever she wants it. There is zero power in it.

    If I'm 9 months pregnant, 700 pounds, and I have cold sores all over my face, I guarantee you that a man at the bar would take me home.

    That's your clientele if you're into casual sex. I know lots of 20-25yo men who brag about action with gilfs, cougars, obese pros... and that's who you're attracting.

    Atleast get paid for the casual sex and get some of the power back.

    Or better yet- have the confidence to challenge yourself and lock down a winner. You won't find winners in the casual sex market though... just saying.

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