Hi Hi Hi Readers who I feel I have abandoned. I had a nice half post written up the other day but it seems to have disappeared so here I am starting from scratch! Now.. I realize that my post says I'm in a strange new land which is a bit of an exaggeration because I've been to Truro before but it is definitely strange being there. I've also realized that I am a bit strange. Yes, I know, you're all "What da fuck? You just figuring this out" No, I've always knowingly been a fucking weirdo but I'm just noticing it more here. Here are 3 examples :
1) I am ALWAYS alone when I live on Grand Manan and typically okay with it. I work with the public but it was slow and I worked long shifts aone. When I wasn't working I went to the gym alone, I went home alone, if it was late my parents went to bed and I ate alone and hung out alone. I was all alone. I was a bit miserable on certain days but comfortable. I love alone time and after a day of being around everyone I can't wait to go home and be alone. Now? I am devastatingly alone. My roomie works like a champ and is rarely home long enough to eat or sleep let alone hang out - I am desperate for friends. The sad thing is that it was 4 days and I felt that way! I almost asked the girl who sold me my phone to hang out.. WHAT? Yeah. It's sad. Since when can I not be alone??
2) I have no qualms throwing myself into countries I've never been to where I don't speak the language, understand the currency or know where im going/staying or what I'm doing yet in Truro I'm a mess. I am so anxious everywhere I go and shy to ask anyone for help, directions or just to say Hi. It is so messed up. I used to talk to whoever while I traveled..and I didn't even speak their language! I'm a knob.
3) At home I bomb around in Blue Steel like laws are no object. If I had a dollar for every time I raced down the back road going 100 to get to work on time I'd have a dollar for every single shift I've ever worked. My theory is that life is too short to waste time being early for shit so I just cram things into a smaller amount of time - right? lol In Truro I drive like a little old lady and I get nervous every single time I go anywhere. This will make me sound like a huge hick but I'm honestly not used to so many stop signs, traffic lights, 4 way stops and lanes! I'm from an island where traffic lights don't exist. I'm not used to not at least having a friend with me in the city coaching me when I'm not sure what to do. It's scary as fuck!
I know, small town girl in the big city, I'm making a fool of myself. My biggest issue right now is not the traffic though, I just need to find a job and make some friends. I got so lonely that I ended up coming back to New Brunswick (Fredericton to see friends - not the whole way home) for the weekend. The thought of sitting alone on, not just any Saturday night but St.Patricks day, made me feel so alone! Im not one to miss a good time so I picked up and came to Fredericton. It was that or sit alone at a bar where I know zero people. I'd have to be out of my mind drunk for that one I think.
Coming here made me feel so guilty though. I only lasted four days? Really? I havn't even told my mother yet because I felt like she'd be ashamed of me. Why couldn't I just stay for more than 4 days and make friends? It's not that easy when you have no connections..I moved so I would experience new things and all I was experiencing was unpacking and tetris.
I will be going back tomorrow and I will continue trying to settle into my new home. I am going to put in more effort and I will eventually get a job and make friends, I know I will. . I just need to keep faith and not get discouraged - things will hopefully fall into place soon. But why not enjoy the freedom of not living on an island while I can? I dont have a ferry schedule dictating my own schedule and being able to take off when I can is actually really amazing.
Yes, I don't have a job and it's expensive to come to a city 3 hours away but money isn't going with me when I die, might as well do it up - one life right? Besides - if you know me at all, you know I have money saved off just in case I need to take off to some foreign country. I have no commitments right now and life is short. I was feeling guilty and my friend said "Will you look back and think of the money spent or think of the memories we make" and I decided I will remember neither when I'm old enough but I'd rather remember having fun and worrying less.
Before I sign off I'd like to ask for some advice from you guys. If you have ever moved to a new town, without a friend in sight, what was your game plan? How did you make friends and how long did it take you to do so? What would be my best POA? I've considered making a POF friendship account - sounds a bit risky though as the last thing I want is a relationship in Truro. Let me know what you think and as always..
PS. HAPPY St.Partys Day!!!!
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