Saturday, April 14

One of Those Days

Disclaimer: at least I think that's what im suppose to call this little blurb. This is all over the place.. its one topic really but.. Im just rambling and ranting and getting things off my chest. Even my most dedicated readers - you are totally excused from reading this, haha. Kthxbye.

I'm having one of those days. The kind of day where you shop and nothing at that stupid stitches store fits even when you thought that finally you deserved to fit into the clothes. The kind of day when you try round 2 of making a soup you really want to try and it blows up all over you..again.. and tastes like absolute garbage. The kind of day when the scale says you are up way more pounds than you can handle. The kind of day where everything seems to be off, you feel like crap about yourself and you want to throw in the towel on anything you're trying for. No, I don't actually plan on throwing in the towel, at least not with weight loss. I'm just having one of those days.. like I said.

I guess it's one of those couple of days. I actually feel like I have PMS which I shouldn't for at least another week but.. blahh - what is UP with me? I've been doing really well with exercise but craving shitty food like crazy! I stay strong, avoid it, eat something healthy....then cave at the last minute. WTF BAILEY? Needless to say, the scale will not be down this week unless some sort of crazy miracle happens.

The scale is a big stress for me. I worry about it and now that I have placed the weight goal on it it seems like even more pressure. Maybe that makes the 195 challenge a bad idea? I don't thinks so, its good motivation for me. I do feel bad having to blog on a weigh in day though and say "hey everyone who reads my blog. i sucked this week and i gained.". But as Im writing that down right now.. I realize how crazy it is.

You guys are awesome readers and support me on my best and worse days and so many of you are struggling with your weight as well. You understand there are good weeks, bad weeks..terrible weeks, and that I cant expect a perfect loss every weigh in day. But i WANT them. I need to work my ass off and I dont every day.. and I should.

The big thing I need to focus on is the journey as a whole. One day I will be at my goal and these will all just be the ups and downs of the journey. I highly doubt anyone has ever lost 100lbs+ and had a loss every single week and never had a bad week. I have emotional addictions to food, I have horrible self esteem and I am still obese. I am going to have bad days.. and I have to remind myself that it's normal and it doesn't mean every day from now on will be bad.

I know I sound like a bipolar broken record. One day I'm empowered and this is it, its down on the scale from here, Im an exercising beast, Im so confident and fabuous and then its "fuck. this day sucks". Its annoying but its honest and I always promise to be honest with you guys, whether its good news or bad and I hope you appreciate that even on the bad news days.

So the scale probably wont be down this week. In fact, it will probably be up. That doesn't mean I won't reach my 195 goal by my birthday and it definitely doesn't mean I won't reach my goal weight. It also doesn't make me a failure or any of the things I let it make me feel at times. It just means that this week I gained and that is that - the scale (and my bad week) can suck it. I'm still going to keep on keepin on.

I am sorry to be the downer tonight but its just the way it is... spreading my blah apparently haha. but to be fair - i warned you!! Im still trying and that's better than nothing :) Im really trying to be well behaved and on track before I leave for my vacation next Saturday..and in general haha.

I want to go feeling in control, strong, focused and of course, slimmer ;) haha. I want to feel those things not just because they feel great but feeling those things usually brings MORE success. I want to go to Cuba feeling like I cannot let myself down and eat like shit while im there, it is NOT an excuse to gain weight! My mother is amazing proof it is possible. On her Disney Cruise(hello awesome food) and road trip across the USA (hello fast food and shitty options for car treats) she maintained her weight. 2 weeks of travel an she maintained. HOW FUCKING HUGE OF A ROCKSTAR IS SHE? She inspires me. I want to maintain while I am in Cuba.. that would be amazing.

Anyways. It feels good to get this off my chest. I'm sorry that I am a roller coaster but I promise that.. in the end this crazy ride will have crazy awesome results and be worth it. :) One day at a time.. one week at a time. Eventually it will all come together and I will get things right. For now..I'm pretty proud of how far I have come and I need to focus on that. :)

love to you all,
bailey. xx


  1. There will be days which totally suck but other days which make you feel on top of the world like the day when you kept on running!

    When you're struggling, it's important to do the best you can. Yeah, you might make the wrong decisions but it's how you react to those decisions and how you learn from them.

  2. I love your honesty and that you post about the bad days too. The process of losing weight is bound to have some bad days along with the good. Reading your positive posts keeps me motivated and reading about your bad days helps me realize that I'm not the only one who has bad days and that I shouldn't let a bad day or week get me down and out. You continue to be a huge inspiration to a lot of people, so keep up the inspiring work! Oh yeah, and the food really sucks in Cuba so you prob don't have to worry too much about avoiding tons of delicious, pre paid for food. Have a great trip!

  3. We have good days; we have bad days. You're too young to know this but the most important thing is that we have days. Waking up, with the opportunity to enjoy life, is a rare gift. We foolishly take it for granted. When you get to my ripe age, you realize how lucky we are just to be alive.


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