Wednesday, May 16

feelin' cleansed...mostly.

Day 1 of the cleanse went really well.. well, it's going well I should see, it's not quite over yet! I ate well, felt like I was feeling clean and can't wait to hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow. I'm still having the stomach pains and feeling disgusting but more on that after.

When I first woke up I started with a tea while I prepared breakfast. For breakfast I did a mango and raspberry smoothie with 4 egg whites on the side. I decided to leave out the greek yogurt I planned to put in because I felt like any dairy wasn't really cleanse food and I don't react well to dairy all the time anyway. I feel good about the decision!

Lunch was 4oz of chicken breast with some tasty veggies in chili powder over a big plate of lettuce. The chicken tasted awesome - I think I was predicting how many more veggies and fruits I would be having and really enjoying the chicken aha.

For a snack in the afternoon I had some baby carrots, a pretty simple snack. Later on I had a green tea and enjoyed two pieces of bacon. I definitely shouldn't have had the bacon but.. as I have wrote in Shit I Don't Get Part 4 - I find bacon 100% impossible to resist.

At Dinner I did a bit of a repeat of lunch because lunch was so yummy. I had no chicken this time but instead added a ton more veggies and some fresh garlic. It was SO delicious, filling, obviously healthy and super cheap on calories.

For a snack after dinner I chopped up an apple and a banana and put some yummy almond butter on it (my new favorite!) and called it a day.

This ended up being about 1200 calories which is way under what I would normally eat but it's just for a few days to cleanse out.

Now I'm going to bring up a sort of nasty topic. If you are not an open person and don't enjoy other people being open about disgusting bodily functions then I wouldn't recommend reading on - I'm gonna be laying it all out for.

So as I have mentioned, I have felt disgusting later. Most likely, this is due to constipation. I have been having issues with constipation for many months since I started the whole weight loss deal and before then I had never really dealt with it.

I had an instance before my move to Truro where nothing moved for two weeks. At this point, I felt so nauseous and out of options that I took a laxative. I don't prefer turning to laxatives as I feel there are other options, they are SO harsh and I fear developing a dependance on them. It was a horrible experience and I vowed to not do it again...until tonight.

I have felt so disgusting lately! I deal with this quite often but in most cases its 4-5 days and then I'm good for a while. This time was so bad though even though it wasn't for long. I haven't ever felt so horrible from constipation until now. I've had some horrible pains and I feel full, nasty and crazy sluggish. I can feel SO hungry but eating just makes me feel like I'm feeding a full stomach, as soon as I eat something the indigestion is full force. I hate feeling like this!

I look in the mirror and I feel like Im back at 250 lbs and I can't suck in or feel that clean feeling that being regular gives you, if that makes sense. I have felt bloated for days and days - no breaks. I feel gross on the inside and fat on the outside. I tried crazy amounts of water, yoga, bubble bath and stool softeners followed by a day of cleansing. So that's why tonight, after feeling like I was out of options and just ready to do what I had to do to feel better, I took the laxative. Now I am sitting here fearing the morning or waking up in the middle of the night - it is such a "shitty" experience.

The worst part of this is the fear that it will never change and the fear that maybe something else is wrong on the inside. I am guessing I will eventually have to seek medical help for it but I just thought I'd take the issue to my blog

To those of you still reading, do you or someone you know ever deal with this issue? What do you do? How severe is it? Have you sought medical attention?

I'm really tired of dealing with it. It's so uncomfortable and painful and even hard on the self esteem. I don't feel like going anywhere and definitely don't feel like exercising. It's bullshit.

So help me out if you can and wish me best of luck with this laxative and day 2 of my cleanse.

Big love,
Bailey. 

2 comments:

  1. Oh my. Bailey, are you getting in enough water everyday? By enough, I mean at least 64 oz? More, if you work out consistently. I drink a ton of water everyday, and I've found that it has helped me to stay "regular" everyday. What about fruits/veggies? Upping your intake of them helps with that issue too. You should have a BM at least once a day.

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  2. Over here we have something called Fibre Gel which helps for stuff like that. Personally I think going to the doctors is the most sensible thing to do especially if you've been suffering for a while.

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