Thursday, June 28

Moving Forward

I have been having a huge struggle lately. I have been struggling with my weight and my relationship with food for the most part. I have even gained 7lbs. That is so not okay. It's time I blogged about it because I need to face it before I can fix it - that's always how I have been. Bare with me..

A huge reason I'm going through this "relapse" we will call it is out of pure frustration. I am frustrated and exhausted from the past six months of being in plateau mode. There is only so much "just keep going" you can take. I have been back and forth between 208-215 since January and that is frustrating when you are exercising and eating and trying everything to try to break a plateau. It's also frustrating when you still want to lose 40lbs at the very least, like, lets get a fuckin move on.

It is not lack of effort, or being open to and trying new things. I've always taken peoples suggestion, I've tried different food plans, calorie plans and even some supplements to help with my digestion. I don't eat too little so I'm not in starvation mode. I really am not seeing how six months later I'm still at this weight. I just don't get it. When I try to lose, I maintain and when I try to maintain, I gain. What the hell is going on here?

I started feeling like something was up at least four months ago. I just felt ..not right. I'm tired all the time. Exhausted. I can sleep for 10 hours, wake up exhausted, and by the middle of the afternoon I want a nap. I tried changing my less than stellar sleeping habits, going to bed earlier, waking up earlier but I still struggle with exhaustion.

This started to affect my work outs. I remember heading back to the gym after a few weeks of being pretty immobile and just laying on the floor and crying. Thank fuck it was sunday and there wasn't anyone around cause that could have been 10x more shameful and embarrassing if possible. I'm such a strong person. Anyway, that was a big red flag to me. Why the hell am I so exhausted and feeling so weak that I lay on the floor at the gym and cry after 10 minutes? I used to do 2 hours gym sessions after a full day of work and thrive. Something has changed.

As you all know (if you read semi regularly), I have also struggled with severe constipation since the end of last year. That has been very frustrating. I am starting to get it more under control but it has never been as regular as it used to be. So very frustrating and uncomfortable. I also started suffering from rough periods and an extra week of pms, some emotional issues and more recently, head aches.

After about a month of googling and trying to diagnose myself I finally made a doctors appointment. Most of my symptoms pointed towards Thyroid troubles, more specifically Hypothyroidism. This basically means that your thyroid isn't working as hard/fast as it should be which would make a lot of sense as to why I'm not losing weight as it is the control system for metabolism.

On Tuesday I went to my doctor, who is fabulous, and explained to her my symptoms. She instantly mentioned the thyroid and checked me out. She told me that it was enlarged and ordered blood work for me. So tomorrow early in the morning I'm going to go get some blood work done, and although that is not fun, I feel some relief in it.

My thyroid levels will be checked and she is also checking for anemia and some other possibilities. If there is news, although it seems a little scary, it would be sort of nice to have answers. I feel hopeful that maybe I will figure something out and my doctor is great, I know she will really help me out.

Maybe nothing is wrong , but maybe something is wrong. If nothing is wrong the I just keep pushing but if there is, I'm happy that I took this step to figure things out. If nothing is wrong, I'm going to kick it into 5th gear because I have given up lately and that's not okay. This is my time, this is going to be my year! 

With the family being here and starting work at 3 different places, my schedule is a bit off and my eating is a bit off. I will be honest and say the rest of this week I probably won't do awesome but I'm already revved up and ready for july. I made a huge homemade calendar with my work and work out schedules on it and I am mentally and physically so ready to get back on track with eating. I feel like shit and my body is aching for some nutrition. I'm also really excited to get to the gym and start some weight training again.

I just wanted to update and be honest with you guys. I have not given up, I am not laying down and dying - I'm really working to figure something out. I am sorry I have been distance and doing all these link up and not being my honest, this is whats going on in my life self involved self lately (which may not be such a bad thing aha) but here i am, laying it out for ya'll.

It's go time and I shall update you guys as soon as I know anything more on the testy poos.
BIG time love to you all,

ps. check out my artistically handicapped half finished schedule (its finished now :) ).i wish i could be like pinterestingly creative but.. i can't even draw stick people

Wednesday, June 27

i swear, i'm alive.

I'm totally sucking on the blog post front this week but you would be too if you were me!

I have these guys as house guests this week for the first time in a long time and there will be more time for blogging once they leave. My brother Jer, his wife Robin and the four kids - Will, Rusty, Max and Mollie are here for a week and I haven't seen any of them in over a year. As you can imagine with four little ones, and the rest of us all under one roof, it's a little hectic. I have also started getting more hours at work so blogging is on the back burner for the week.

I have some health news and stuff to let you all in on and I will be back big time next week, promise! I can't wait to catch up on everyones blogs and get back into mine. I definitely miss it when I'm not writing.

Hope all is well with everyone.
Big Love,

Sunday, June 24


I'm doing a link up today! For people who aren't bloggers, but read my blog and wonder what the heck I'm talking about when I say I link up or wondering why the heck I do it, it's basically to get my blog out there and discover new blogs in return. It's also pretty fun sometimes and I get to talk about fun topics or answer fun questions. :) I have found at least half of the blogs I follow by linking up and checking out other people who do the same.

This week I'm linking up at A Complete Waste of Make-Up for Sunday Social. I think this is the 3rd week but I haven't had a chance to get in on it until today. This week the theme is music which makes me nervous - I have never been able to stick with a particular genre I liked or chose a favorite song.. it's like I have music ADD aha. But here we go anyway!

What is your favorite song of all time?
I honestly have no idea! I have loved so many different types of music over the years and my taste is constantly changing. If I HAD to chose, I would chose Wannabe by Spice Girls. I've loved it for a very long time and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

Ps. never realized how fabulous this video is until right now ahah

Who is your favorite band? 
Again, I don't really have one. If I went by the Top 5 bands I have the most music by on my Itunes it would be Meg and Dia, Kings of Leon, Eminem, Lmfao and Usher. See? Totally wild mix of music. Meg and Dia is probably my favorite but sadly Meg is no longer a part of the band. :(

What song best describes your life?
Wide Open Spaces-Dixie Chicks

"She needs wide open spaces
Room to make her big mistakes
She needs new faces
She knows the high stakes

What song puts you in a good mood? 
Ride Wit Me by Nelly. It just makes me so happy everytime I hear, it reminds me of being young (like I was 10 when it came out ahaha). Plus it makes me dance and if a song makes me dance a good mood is almost guaranteed

What is your favorite road trip music? 
If it's a trip with my girl friends and the ultimate goal is to party and dance, I love a stellar list of party music. A bunch like old rap songs from when we were 13 is fun too cause we definitely all know every single word. Even if I'm alone it's fun and it keeps me awake aha.

What song are you embarrassed to admit you love?
I am not embarrassed of anything I listen to. I listen to Justin Bieber loud and proud, I listen to crazy spanish music no one understands and instrumental music no one cares to hear. I don't care. I'm embarrassed of listening to Chris Browns music because I feel bad supporting it at times but when Rihanna decided to sing about how she misses fucking him I figured I can listen to his music with less guilt. I don't support abuse or what he did but I don't think that means I have to pretend I don't like his music anymore.


The end :) 

What is your favorite music? Do you support Chris Browns music? Let me know how you feel about the subject and check out some of the other awesome bloggers who linked up for Sunday Social .

Big Love,

Friday, June 22

Am I The Only One?

I`m a total weirdo. Sometimes I will think up something and people will give me a crazy look and I`m like- Am  I the only person in the universe who feels like this way? So when I saw Dana at Five30Three writing her list of Àm I The Only One`s I thought I would join her!


Am I The Only One...

 who thinks anything strawberry flavored is some nasty ass shit? the only thing i like strawberry flavored is strawberries and im not even a huge fan of those either.

who hates touch screen phones? id rather have no phone! i like buttons and pressing and the feeling of it. touching screens are hard and not equipped for proper use if you have sausage fingers. 

who doesn't want to read fifty shades of grey? if you want some hot sex in your life, have some hot sex. you wanna be spanked? tell your husband you wanna be spanked. nothing wrong with a little s&m. i will buy you the fuckin whip. stop reading about it and do it. this coming from a virgin. cmon people. 

who doesn't love the sight of little dogs? i love all dogs. i love all creatures. but i want a big ole dog! a real dog! if i wanted a cat or a cat sized animal, i will buy a freakin cat. 

who thinks wearing mismatched shoes is cute? i dont mean two different shoes but like.. a pink dress and blue shoes. colorblocking - its fun. i feel like people look at me strange. that could just be cause im strange looking though. fair enough. 

who has no idea how to play poker? i have just ain't comin easily. 

who doesn't like the song call me, maybe? i actually liked some of carly rae's earlier songs - tug of war is a wicked song and bucket is super catchy. i hate call me, maybe. annoying. 

what about you guys? do you think any of these things? do you ever feel like you're the only one in the universe who likes a certain flavor of something or doesn't understand a game or whatever it may be?  

let me know! x

big love,
bailey j

Thursday, June 21

too much to say

This may be one of the most random blogs I have ever written - definitely top 10. I have a bunch of things swirling in my head, I had a bunch of different topics I wanted to cover sometime soon and I almost wrote another blog yesterday which would have been 3 in 24 hours. I feel like I can't do that as a blogger - that's for tumblrs (which I don't have, if you were wondering).

Anywho. I know it's my blog and I can do whatever I want but I want my readers to have a chance to take my blogs in and if I'm posting new blogs ever three seconds that complicates it. Makes sense right? Okay. First random topic that I didn't even plan on covering has been covered.

The second, that I actually did plan on talking about, is that my friend Tamara has started a blog. Shes an IRL friend and we've been friends since I was super little. Well lets face it I was never LITTLE but since i was young! I've learned at least 50% of my beauty secrets and tips from her so I was really excited for her when she said she was started a beauty blog. It's super fresh and new but head over to her little slice of blog universe and check out her first few posts!

The next thing I wanted to mention was a post that one of my favorite bloggers wrote a few days ago. Her name is Raven and she blogs at A Momma's Desires and Pacifiers. She's  hilarious and captivating and she wrote a fabulous piece about Blog Snobs. I have had a few encounters with blog snobs and it gets me fired up so I'm going to avoid the subject altogether. It's a shame because some blogs I really like, some with 50 followers some with 1500, are written by huge blog snobs. Not cool guys, not cool.

 The funny thing is that Raven has a ton of followers, a really amazing and popular blog and is so down to earth. I was starstruck when she not only replied to a tweet of mine but she followed me on twitter and followed my blog. I thought it was so cool. (Im SUCH a dork!)

Moving onnnn - I'm reading The Book of Negroes right now and it is so good..and so sad. It makes me feel a little hopeless to be honest but it's amazing. If you haven't read it, read it and if you have read it again? No. You don't have to do that if you don't want to but don't you agree - such a thought provoking novel.

How amazing is this cover of David Guettas Titanium? It's amazing.

I was blogging about other things and didn't have time to mention about my goals from last week. If you haven't read my two previous posts, I had been linking up with Peanut Butter and Jenny for Go For The goals - a link up where we set goals, and go for them. Pretty self explanatory aha. Last week my goals were :
  • Yoga! I want to go to atleast one class this week. It has been two weeks and honestly my body misses it!  Check! Maddy and I hit up Yoga Tuesday of last week and it was wonderful. Unfortunately this week we didn't make it so I need it again asap!
  • Bike! My grandmother has a really nice bike (yes, my grandmother - shes a machine) and told me I can use it anytime. I need to take advantage of that. Check! I love the bike - its so nice around sun set when it's cool down and the colors in the sky are so pretty and the water..ahh. Its wonderful! I may go tonight :)
  • Find some paleo sauces. I miss ketchup, ranch and other dressings but I don't want to eat those processed sauces so I want to learn to make some fresh ones at home that are tasty and guilt free! Semi check. I didn't make any of my own but did find some recipes. I also found a pure Balsamic dressing at the grocery store that is pretty darn organic for grand manan and pretty darn delicious!
  • Try to put together a budget - you can do it, Bail! I have decided that until I have money flowing in this just doesn't make much sense.
  • Once again fight hard to maintain 90% paleo and get moving more! Im having a lot of struggles lately with food in general, not just trying to stay paleo. More on that in another blog.. im having troubles facing it let alone blogging about it.
  • Make more progress on my sleeping schedule. I would like to be up everyday by no later than 10 by the time next monday rolls around. I'm up pretty much everyday by 10 or 10:30 which is so much better than before
  • Try to do more working out in the morning so that i can...didnt happen lol
  • Shower and get ready for the day more often! I'm always running around in work out clothes, unshowered, looking like a slob. happen a little. i tried to be more put together last week and I think I did alright aha
  • Check out more blogs! I have been getting into lots of new blogs lately and I love it :) check
So that's that and this week I have a few simple goals
  • Hold myself to fucking gether.
  • Drink more water. Lot's more. 
  • Drink less diet soda.
  • Try harder to avoid the dairy. I'm PMSing so I could live off cupcakes. 
  • 10 push ups everyday. Don't ask lol
  • Try for 9:30am 

  Upward and onward - I see work in my future! I am so fucking bored and excited to start working more. I have three jobs lined up but it is just not busy enough right now that I am getting many hours. July.2nd I start breakfasts at one of the restaurants I work and hopefully in July will be getting some hours at the other. This weekend I start my first shift at a little gift shop (primitive wishes for those of you from GM) which I will be doing just a few hours at once in a while. I started by dog sitting for the owner and it lead to this so that's exciting. Plus I get to be around the doggie too! Anyways - someday, hopefully soon, I will be working more steadily. Wahooo!

Hmmm..what else did I want to say? I have said quite a bit, haha. If you have made it through this whole post of crazy unorganized thoughts, not only do I commend you, but you have also taken a trip through my brain sort of - so that's kinda fucking cool. :)

So anyways. This is usually what I do when I have weird emotional things going on and I try to avoid the really big stuff that's on my mind by shitting out all kinds of random useless shit at you guys. Hope you enjoyed it. Once I get some stuff figured out I will be writing about it but for now I'm not ready. Hope you can put up with my random bullshit posts for now aha.

Big Love,

Wednesday, June 20

wednesday wisdom

How far is too far?

A rant to kickstart your Wednesday! 

I got an email today from Sugarlips Apparel. Sugarlips is a clothing store located in Los Angeles with some very cute and decently affordable clothes (coming from someone who is cheap and considers anything over 40$ to beextravagant). I thought it was exciting to be getting an email from them and it was the first time I've ever been contacted for anything to do with advertising/sponsorship.

I let myself get excited for a second but my smile turned to a frown quickly and my bugged out eyes went back into my head. They told me, or Sasha told me, they were looking for fashion bloggers and they love my blog, my personal style, and especially my photographs. In trade for pictures of me advertising their clothes, they would give me clothes basically - sweet, I like clothes. That's great, I would advertise for you, but if they had even opened my blog for ONE second, they would know I'm the furthest thing from a fashion blog.

And is it that much trouble? Is it that much fucking trouble to spend 5 seconds at my blog to figure out whether I'm actually a fashion blogger or not? Whether I'm worth the time sending the email to even? I know it's a real program, I have checked it out and I have a friend who advertises for them. I believe they run on a referral system - kind of like a a pyramid scheme - if you refer 20 blogs, you get more clothes sort of thing - and I was approached by an affiliate. You would think she would email people who were actual fashion bloggers for her own gain but apparently that's too complicated.

 But whatever, that's fine, that's great, I like their clothes, I may even be interested in doing something like that whether I'm a fashion blogger or not. It turns out I do wear clothes! But don't try to get my blog in on something when you know nothing about the blog. Don't tell me you like it when you've never been here. Now I don't even want to shop at that store!

It made me think - how far would I go to get free swag or advertising for my blog? Apparently this chick would go far enough to just email random bloggers she knows nothing about so that she can get free clothes. Real classy. She probably saw my account commenting on my friends advertisement for them and took her shot. Nice try. People have probably done weirder things though - but not me. Fuck that.

Yes, every blogger loves to be talked about kindly by other blogs, it would be fun to advertise for something cool and get paid or get swag -  like..obviously! And to get paid for doing something I love?? Kick ass. Serious ass. A blogger who says they don't like advertisement is full of fucking shit. The thing is - I don't want to compromise myself or my blog to get to there. I want to stay true to myself as much as possible. ( I sound like I think I'm a rising star ahah.. I don't and I'm not).

While I get excited every day when I have a new follower or comment (lets face it, i live for that shit) I like for it to be people who actually like my blog, like what im writing about, can relate to me. I like comments from peope relating to what I wrote about, giving me advice not saying "Hi come follow my blog".. like..did you even just read what the fuck I wrote?? I'd rather stay at 139 followers who really like my blog than have 5000 followers who only want me to go follow their blog back or something. Follow my blog if you like me and my writing and my ridiculousness..not because you feel obligated or you want me to go follow yours. Lame. I will follow yours if I like it and want to hear more from you!

That being said, if I were to ever advertise I would like it to be for things that have to do with anything I write about or just a product I love and want to share with the world. I would love to advertise for blogs I love or for clothing I love, whether I am a fashion blogger or not (so had they actually checked out my blog and still been interested -so would I). I would love to advertise for anything health related - things I believe in and actually blog about. I don't blog about fashion. I like it, but I know my place. I hate when people blog about fashion and have no fashion sense - seriously? Nice try. I blog sarcastically about weight loss, travel and stupid shit because I'm a sarcastic person who is losing weight, likes to travel and has an interest in stupid shit. Anyone need that advertised?!

Anyways. It just sort of pissed me off and I usually write about things that piss me off because I know you are all so interested...,naaaat.. I would now like to soothe my soul and wind down. Want to wind down with me? I'm going to share some pretty pictures that Maddy took when her, I and another good friend Karl hit the sunset the other night. Be prepared for my serious Tyra Banks modeling skill - you will see me in a whole new light. (serious sarcasm- as if I haven't given you enough yet) She has a new camera and a great eye and I can't wait to see how awesome her photos get as she gets used to her new camera!

Big Love,

so serene


Add caption

yeah - my home is gorgeous. 

glad i gained 100lbs just for this photo.

im a fan of this one. my ginger locks are glowing like the setting sun

Sunday, June 17

a fathers day rap.

Okay. So I didn't write another rap. You may have seen the Mothers Day Rap I wrote for Joan earlier this year but I pretty much used up all my creativity on that one piece. It's not that my father doesn't deserve it. My father is a great guy and I inherited a lot of pretty awesome qualities from him. He is kind and hardworking for example. He taught me a lot about respect, being kind and being helpful to people, whether they ask or not. He also gave me my dark skin and the ability to tan quite easily - thank you, john!

I think father-daughter relationships can be a bit complex and not always easy, or perfect. Its also not something you will hear me talk much about on here. Yes, there ARE things I'm not open about. Can you believe it? That being said, I did grow up with a great father, who was always there not only for me but for my two brothers and my mom. Now you know! 

 I decided today I would share the words from the card I got my father because they are pretty lovely and I think they most likely ring true for a lot of us. So Happy Fathers Day not only to my own awesome father but to all the fathers out there, whether biological or not, who stepped up for anyone who needed them.And to my Big Brother who is an amazing father to his 4 children and has always been a great role model to me as well.

A Good Man is one who is loved for the warmth and caring in his heart. 
A Wise Man is one who teaches by the fine example of his life. 
A Strong Man is one who has worked hard and always done his best for the family. 
A Successful Man is one who has earned the respect and admiration of others.

A Fathers Day Wish to celebrate you -
a man who is good, wise, strong and the truest kind of success-
a man who is loved more than he could possibly know. 

the fam jam. me in my early human stages

My father, my oldest brother, and be in baby form

When I arrived home from my first trip to Guatemala

My senior prom
Happy Fathers Day Pop, I love you! 

Friday, June 15

from blog life to real life.

Kaity from Bee-eautiful Blessings joined this link up from The Magnolia Pair today (and we are both a day late but.. better than never. I thought it was a really good idea and it looked like fun so I decided to be a copy cat! It's an awesome opportunity to let you guys know of some awesome other blogs and meet other bloggers etc etc. If you are a blogger or a reader of blogs you know how awesome this can be. I love finding new bloggers who I love and connect with - it may be a blogger thing, haha. So without further adieu - here I go's! 

1. Do you have any real life blog friends? 
I do! I actually know quite a few of my blog friends from real life first. Lindsay @ My Life As A Foreigner is my good friends older sister and she graduated with my brother. My sister-in-law Robin blogs at Live Happe. Two friends I graduated with write blogs, Cassidy @ The Wooden Cemetery and Robyn @ Uncharacteristically Me as well as Cassidys sister who writes at Made in China My friend Tamara is just putting a make up blog into the works which should be really awesome - I will keep you posted! Sorry if I forgot anyone - I know quite a few bloggers! 

2. Which blogger are you just dying to meet?
Bri @ Just Bri seems like one of the most down to earth bloggers that I read! I also would love to spend a day with Natalie @ Awkward Sex In The City - this girl just attracts craziness. Last but not least I love Erin @ Shades Of Grey and a Pinch of Pink. She is small town living in the big city and I adore her sense of humor. I just found her blog and really love it!.

3. Which blogger's closet do you want to raid?
Most likely Nali @ Cocoa and Pearls. She has really nice taste and though I coul never afford any of it and have a lot of things that are nothing like her closet, she really does have some adorable pieces. She has a fashion blog and I love just looking at her posts and wishing aha. Erin mentioned coral, neon and crochet in her blog lately though so chances are she's got it going on as well! My girl Kelly @ CurvyFitGirl has a fucking dump truck full of Victorias Secret stuff, so cute - if only my boobs were big enough - damn you and your awesome boobs Kelly!!! 
4. You are stuck on an island. Which blogger would you want with you to help you survive? 
I could survive without food and live off my body fat alone for like years so I'd much rather have someone with a great personality whether they had keen survival skills or not (I have my priorities straight). That being said, I will have the best of both worlds and go with Lindsay @ My Life as A Foreigner She's a lot more intelligent than me, she's a nurse (and i will definitely get hurt) and she also has a great personality. On top of all that, she's traveled and lived abroad - she is headed to Thailand super soon. She's savvy! It's a win win.

5. 5. The first blogger you remember "meeting" and connecting with ? 
I haven't yet. I only know of two bloggers who even live in my province, Georgia and Jennie, and I would LOVE to meet either. They write great blogs! Hopefully someday I will meet some bloggers that I love, that would be a really awesome time! I get so jealous when I see girls who I follow go to meet ups together. I'm like..I should be there! haha. 

6. Any blogger that you admire and look up to? 
I obviously admire and look up to many of the writers of the blogs I read. I respect everyone who goes on the internet, the most accessible thing ever, and spills about their self image, their love life, their fears, their dreams, etc. Even bloggers who go on and make me laugh or share an awesome recipe with me- you rock. I love real bloggers, with real lives who don't act all holier then thou "look at my pinterest life". Real men and women with faults that they celebrate and people who I can really connect with. I admire them all! 

7. Who is the craziest/funniest blogger? 
Oh it's Natalie - hands down. She's fucking wild. 

8. There's a reality television show for bloggers, who would you want to be casted with you? 
I think Raven from A Momma's Desires and I could create some funny reality chemistry. I love her sense of humor and the way she tells stories. I think we could feed off of each other well. I love her blog and her outlook on things. 

9. Some bloggers have really cool jobs, anybody you'd like to swap careers with? 
Hmm. I really had to think about this one.
I'm not sure if this really counts but I follow Meg Framptons blogspot and she is in (or was in, she quit just recently) one of my favorite bands - Meg and Dia. If you are unfamiliar you may know of Dia Frampton - she was on the voice the first season and almost won. I would love to be in a band, I would love to be a vocalist in a band - it has been a dream of mine forever. One I have let go of mostly but a tiny piece of me will probably want it forever. Anyways - she also makes her very own (A-FUCKING DORABLE) jewelry that is all robots and awesome. Check out her spot! 

10. Favorite blog design?
So many people have cute blog designs. I have neither the skill nor creativity to ever have a very nice one. One of my favorite is at  Ruthanne With An E. It is SO simple, like.. SO simple but I just love it. I like simple. Whites and pinks and simple print.  This does it for me! 

That's the end of the questions! I hope you guys check out some of these blogs and hopefully find something you like! 

Whats up this weekend for everyone? As usual I am not working as far as I know but it's giving good whether so that's a plus! Today I babysat the cutest little boys, they are twins, and they were so good! Other than that my life has been pretty slow. I'm reading the book of Negroes - have you read it? Since I started reading it I have nightmares every night but I am enjoying the book - in the most depressing way possible. 

Anywho, have an amazing weekend everyone! 

Big Love,

Bailey J

Wednesday, June 13

swag dubs.

I hinted to an adventure on Monday and I am getting around to telling you guys all about it today! It was one of the funnest things I've done in a long time and I will never forget it.

  It started out with me and my friends Will, Diana and Maddy having a few drinks at Maddy and Wills house. We were complaining about how brutal the night was going to be because nothing fun was going on like most nights on Grand Manan. We continued the complaining for about 45 minutes, calling all of our friends, seeing if they had heard of anything. In case you are wondering this is what a lot of weekends are like for us.

I wrote about Life on Grand Manan a few weeks ago and you may remember me mentioning that it is an island. We have to take a ferry to go anywhere. That night we entertained the thought of just taking the ferry and driving to Saint John (the nearest city) and spending a night with a friend. Unfortunately, when we thought of this brilliant idea, it was about 8oclock and the last ferry had left 30 minutes prior. Well fuck.

"We should just charter a plane and take the fuck off" mentioned one of us. We all agreed, in a humorous "yeah right" sort of way, that we should do it. Then Diana, the craziest of the four of us said, no seriously, we should seriously do this. For the next 20 minutes we tossed the idea around, we searched up Atlantic Charters (the only way to get off of the island by flight unless you are dying which is not the way we wished to get off) and asked on facebook if anyone knew prices.

We argued about who would call and ask about flights and possibilities. Not surprisingly, Diana got that job. She called, got the information, and said we had 15 minutes to decide what we were doing. We agreed that we had to do it, YOLO. And the rest is history.

She called them back, confirmed the flight, and we had 15 minutes to collect anything we wanted to take and get to the airport. The only real obstacles were my mother, who looked like she might shoot me when I told her what I was doing and the road block that was set up in the 50 zone before the airport as we flew through at 100. Ooops. My friend explained "I know this is outrageous - but we have a PLANE to catch". Luckily, they let us through, and we were off.

The flight was amazing. We were in this little six seater and we flew over as the sun set - absolutely beautiful. Who does that? We're pretty regular people, just working 20 somethings, going to school, enjoying the summer - we dont do things like this. We had a drink and flew over our beautiful island and it was so awesome.

When we got to the other side, after a photoshoot of course, we got a taxi to the city and stayed at a friends house like we would have if we had taken the ferry for a lot less money. Yes, it was a bit more money than we could've spent, but it was SO worth it. The flight, the adventure and the fun we had that night were totally worth it! Yolo, people, YOLO!

love it.

We went out and had an awesome time - what we wanted all along

So there you have it! My quick and crazy adventure from the weekend. I love my friends and I love life! haha. Today I'm linking up with The Vintage Apple for Oh, How Pinteresting and I'm sharing some of my favorite "Yolo" pins to go with my weekend :)

Big Love,

& this one just kind of made me laugh! you do only live once but live with a bit of logic too ahahah.

Source: via Celinda on Pinterest

Monday, June 11

paleo and productivity!

Today starts week 3 of paleo. This past week wasn't amazing. For the most part I did well but the weekend sort of messed it up. I ended up drinking and then having unplanned adventure (which I will tell you about later this week!) and unplanned adventures, as some of you may know, mean it's SUPER hard to stay on track with eating!

I like paleo, and I love the way it makes me feel but it definitely has downsides for me. The big one is that because of the isolation of where I live, it's really hard to find a variety of things to eat. We pretty much have the basics, there's not much for ingredients if you like any foreign food and especially if you have special dietary needs. There are not options if you are vegetarian/vegan and as you may know if you are vegan, you DO eat more than just celery sticks.

My options here are very limited. The basic vegetables and fruits, which is fine, I love fruits and veggies, but it's getting SO expensive. Meat, fruits and veggies are so expensive and in order to buy enough that I'm eating enough calories a day, its costing a fortune. I'm lucky to have my mother who supports me and buys me groceries but I can't help but feel guilty that the grocery bill is astronomical, more than once a week, because I'm fat and need to change my life.

I'm not giving up at all, I'm just bitching because this is my favorite place to bitch. I just wish I had more options. I wish I could avoid all the processed food but I can't - I would starve. I wish I could enjoy the benefits of having huge health stores or large grocery stores with at least a few more options than what I have. No one is to blame, it just sucks!

Bitching session - done. I am definitely excited for another week of paleo because it definitely is awesome. I think it will be a really successful way of life for me. My stomach feels so awesome - life without constant belly aches is pretty bitchin, for real. This week is going to be good and I'm going to be focusing on being a bit more strict!

Ps. My loss this week was .8 I am actually really happy with that loss. I had a huge week last week so to lose again at all is great. Hopefully I will see more movement next monday after a wicked week which I am going to have! haha

Peanut Butter and Jenny

Last week I joined a link up called Going For The Goal at Peanut Butter and Jenny. I talked here about needing to be more productive as I am not getting much work for the time being and I need to keep up my productivity so that I won't go batshit insane. My goals for the week were :
  • Work out 5 days!
  • Maintain 90% Paleo all week
  • Finish my Victorias Secret Box. (will explain below)
  • Make steps toward a better sleep schedule 
  • Make a summer budget
Im not sure I got 5 days but I definitely was more active than the previous week, progress is progress! Until the end of the week I definitely had a good paleo streak going but this week I need to work harder on it. I finished the box yesterday and I like how it turned out - maybe post a pic sometime! My schedule is definitely getting better. I've been getting up at 10:30 or 11:00 for a few days which is better than 12:30 or 1:30 which I had been getting up at.The budget has not been started, but after the weekend I just had, it definitely needs to be!

This week my goals are :

  • Yoga! I want to go to atleast one class this week. It has been two weeks and honestly my body misses it!
  • Bike! My grandmother has a really nice bike (yes, my grandmother - shes a machine) and told me I can use it anytime. I need to take advantage of that.
  • Find some paleo sauces. I miss ketchup, ranch and other dressings but I don't want to eat those processed sauces so I want to learn to make some fresh ones at home that are tasty and guilt free!
  • Try to put together a budget - you can do it, Bail! 
  • Once again fight hard to maintain 90% paleo and get moving more!
  • Make more progress on my sleeping schedule. I would like to be up everyday by no later than 10 by the time next monday rolls around. 
  • Try to do more working out in the morning so that i can...
  • Shower and get ready for the day more often! I'm always running around in work out clothes, unshowered, looking like a slob. 
  • Check out more blogs! I have been getting into lots of new blogs lately and I love it :) 
Hope everyone had a fabulous weekend and that you enjoy your week. If you know of some awesome and easy primal recipes - hit me up!! What are your goals this week? 

Big Love,

PS. sneak peek of my adventure!

& im also linking up with Lets Talk Fashion today :)

Saturday, June 9

tis the season.

It's graduation season which is honestly one of the best seasons ever....but only for the select few who are actually graduating. Graduating means a lot of things, most people get excited about university but I'm talking about the GOOD shit (cause i clearly never even attended university.). Here is my list of the most important aspects of your graduation month. (some are Grand Manan specific - sorry mainlanders) :

Money. You get wads of cash in lots of cards you barely read from a group largely consisting of people you've never heard of. Mom decides you deserve the best in everything, everytime you go to the store you deserve a treat. I didn't pay for a thing for a whole month. Those were the good old days. If you are smart and you decide to not go to university, said cash goes toward a plane ticket straight the fuck outta here.

Privilege. All of a sudden you are hot fucking shit. Everyone treats you like you just won the fucking nobel peace price.  Believe me - for the average joe, a high school diploma can be attained by simply showing the fuck up to school and remembering the most minimal of shit. I did it, we can all do it. I certainly accepted the special treatment though - best time of my life.

Safe Grad. My safe grad trip was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on...and I've been on quite a few trips. You pick your favorite teachers, your favorite parents in the class and then you and all your friends take off and have a fucking wicked vacation together. I loved my grad class, loved the teachers we took and we (well at least I did) had a genuinely fun time! We were done high school - the world was our oyster! My class went to Boston, hit up a beautiful mall which most of us wasted lots of previously mentioned graduation money at, and spent a day at Six Flags. How could anyone ever complain about going to Six Flags with a bunch of friend and a pocket full of money? You are a horrible person if you could. We also went to Ihop - obviously awesome.

Emotion Graduation is full of emotion. I'm a girl, I kind of like it. You all of a sudden fall in love with all the people you've been complaining about for the past 13 years and you feel sad to be leaving the halls that you use to want to take large shits in the middle of. The day is great. All the shit you took, all the days you wanted to strangle someone, all the times you felt like you couldn't write one more fucking essay.. its great, its over, and everyone says nice things about you and tells you that you can do whatever you want and be whoever you want - which is actually pretty true. Graduation offers freedom and it's up to you to grasp it.

Prom. This is more fun for us girls, its hard to convince guys how amazing it's going to be but if you get lucky, you might have an awesome date who makes you feel beautiful and cares about it because you do. I took an awesome friend to my prom who did both, thanks Will! It is your day guys, kind of like your wedding. You get to look hot and everyone tells you how hot you look, even if you don't. Live it up and whatever you do, don't freak out. Just relax and enjoy it because its going to be over SO quick and it is really not worth the fuss and stress that some people put into it. Just fuckin enjoy the ride!

Food. So much food. I love food. There are picnics and bbqs and parties and the food just does not stop flowing. It's magical.CAKE EVERYWHERE. 

Graduation can honestly be one of the funnest times you will have in your life up until that point. My advice to grads is to let it stay that way. Let it be the funnest part of your high school career but after graduation, start trying to make every moment count. Your life becomes more your own - you can move where you want, make your own choices and be whoever you wish to be. Don't look back on high school and say it was the best years of your life, look back with a smile but look forward and turn each coming year into the best years of your life.

We leave Grand Manan with crazy ideas of what the world is like and most of the time we are wrong. We leave with reputations, ideas of who we are influenced by other peoples ideas of who we are. The truth is that we can be whoever we want, be who we are and this is your time to embrace that whole heartedly.

Congratulations to all graduates of 2012! The future is as bright as you chose for it to be.

Big love,

some little treats from my grad month/prom 3 years ago. yikes.

Thursday, June 7

It's Okay, Today.

It's okay that I can't run fast. 
at least I'm out there running. 

It's okay that I had a bit of ice cream yesterday. 
It's better than a lot of ice cream everyday. 

It's okay that I check to see if I got any new followers 10x a day
My blog means so much to me. 

It's okay that my little blog means so much to me,
at least I care about something. 

It's okay that I can be a zombie,
I can also leave my cell phone home and enjoy kicking it with friends and being unreachable.

It's okay that I may buy a cheap elliptical,
even if I have close to zero dollars.

It's okay that I still don't fit into my Christmas dress,
I just fit into a new size in skinny jeans :)  

It's okay that I'm losing this weight slow,
I'm not starving myself, I'm not fad dieting, I am more likely to keep the weight off and I still haven't given up

It's okay that I talk about my weightloss 5x a day,
it's basically consuming my a good way. 

&its okay that my blog has no particular category,
i like to keep it interesting.

whats okay in your life? 

big love,

Tuesday, June 5

Getting Productive

Because my work life is so slow right now my life feels insanely unproductive. I am still on a "call in" schedule so the hours I work depend on how busy the restaurant gets. Because the tourist season isn't in full swing yet, it's not particularly busy yet and I am bored and broke!

All this lack of action becomes a pattern. I stay up late, I sleep in and waste my days, I'm left with little energy to work out or do anything productive. I'm getting tired of it and it effects my moods but when there is nothing to wake up for there is little motivation to do so.

Today Georgia, at a blog I really enjoy called Georgias Trying Something New, participated in a link u called Going For The Goal In June which Jenny at Peanut Butter and Jenny started. I was first excited to be introduced to Jennys blog because it's a really great blog. So thanks to Georgia for sharing it! Second, I thought that this was exactly the type of thing I could use.

Basically, at the first of each week, or Tuesday if you are a slacker like me (see, I really need this), I set out goals for the week to accomplish. I could do it on my own but.. I do everything on my blog so I thought I might as well drag you guys into it and introduce you to some good blogs at the same time. Also, it might motivate you to get some things done you've been needing to do!

Peanut Butter and Jenny

This weeks goals are 
  • Work out at least 5 days! I have been so slack with being active and it's time to be a machine. 
  • Maintain 90% Paleo all week
  • Finish my Victorias Secret Box. (will explain below)
  • Make steps toward a better sleep schedule 
  • Make a summer budget 
Not too hard this week - taking it easy on myself, apparently, haha. My sleeping is something that will take a lot of work because I love my sleep but I will eventually straighten it out. I'm just trying to hopefully back it up by an hour or two this week! I think the being active thing is achievable just not easy - I'm so lazy nowadays! With a better sleep schedule, possibly more possible ;) I did pretty strict paleo all week so I don't see why I can't do it again - its making me feel good and week 1 was pretty great results!

As far as the Victorias Secret Box goes .. well, it's a like a reward box. I have never been sexy, skinny or wealthy enough to shop at Victorias Secret. I don't think I own a single sock from there let alone lingerie, swim suit or clothes. I love their clothing line though, I love panties and bras like most ladies, I even think their scents are delicious. So I decided I would plan a little spree for myself.

I am decorating a small box with pictures of fit, hot women (yeh.. it sounds weirder than it is) on it as inspiration - sort of like, when this comes into play, you will be fit and hot like one of these women aha. Anyways, I throw my spare change into it and some of my tips through out the summer. Then, in probably October, I plan to give myself a spree at Victorias Secret. I may wait until goal weight or I may do it in September, it all depends on when I feel ready to spend it. I may get there and decide to spend the money at a different store or whatever but I just feel good saving up to reward myself with something. I save most of my money throughout the summer or travels or adventures and don't do much shopping or anything so it will be good to be working hard to get healthy and then be able to reward myself with something like that :)

Anywho! Wish me luck on my weekly goals and next week, when I set new ones, I will let you know how I made out :)

What are your goals for this week? This summer? This year? :)

Big Love,

Monday, June 4

I'm A Primal Beast

Well, not really. I did do pretty well this week though! For those of you just tuning in, I wrote here about how I was going to attempt to start eating Primal/Paleo starting last Monday! I planned to do about 75% and I definitely did. My best guess would be that I actually did about 90% paleo - I was very focused!

I don't have many bad things to say about my first week. Yes, it is hard. It is hard because there is not a lot of options, especially when you are just starting out and still unsure of what all is a no no. It's also hard because I live in a pretty isolated place with not many alternatives for things like cheese and milk and not the grandest and freshest supply of fruits and veggies (especially if you don't want to spend a fortune!). But I made it through!

As far as feeling good goes I feel great! I feel healthier, way less bloated and I have been pretty regular for any of you wondering how dairy affected the whole poop situation. I'm feeling pretty confident that slacking off on the dairy will do wonders for my bowels and though its hard, Im willing to mostly cut it out for good if I feel this awesome all the time. Aside from that I have a bit more energy, my skins seems to be nicer and I seem to be in a better mood. I'm most likely in a better mood because I've been able to work out more often this week and that always makes me cheerful!

So without further adieu, you may be wondering how I did scale wise this week. If you have been keeping up with me through my blog or myfitnesspal you may know that I gained 7 lbs - BOOO! I am excited to reveal that this week I lost 4.2 lbs! I am super excited about that number and I am super excited to lose the rest of what I gained and more. :) My inches all stayed the same but I don't expect any serious measurement movements until I get to 200 and eventually enter Onederland.

You may have noticed that I've brought my Operation Sexy Bitch page back to life! I took it down when I gained because I was feeling all ashamed and also because I hadn't been updating it. I brought it back this week because I had a loss to be proud of and I had some people ask me where it went, so it's cool to know you guys like it and check up on it :) I changed it up a bit so make sure to check it out :)

Anyways, I just wanted to check in and let you guys know how primal went. I've had so many awesome responses to my choice to attempt primal eating and so much support - all these great links and people coming out of the woodworks saying they do it too. It's not easy, and I will never commit to it fully because I think you should always allow room in your life for things you love - just in moderation :)

Before I leave, I wanted to participate in something I was nominated for the blog world but never saw it or did it and now I feel horrible. About a month ago I was nominated for the  "Tell Me About Yourself" award at Lets Talk Fashion so I wanted to participate because thats exciting!

Basically I just tell 7 facts about myself and try to make them interesting or  facts you don't know. If  you are one of my best friends or my know this shit for sure, and Im sorry about that, aha. But to the rest of you, here are 7 random ass facts about me! :)

1. I am messy as fuck but I find so much peace in cleaning and organizing shit. I don't like to actually do it when I have to but when I get super stressed organizing feels so good. I like to scrub things.. it like gets out all my aggression. I'm a weirdo.
2. I love to write and read as you can see but I'm also pretty extroverted. I loved drama when I was in school, loved to perform music and I loved to write and compete in speech competitions. I thrived off that shit.
3.I'm also big into volunteering and I always planned on being some sort of activist back when I was in high school. I love volunteering and my favorites were food bank and Invisible Children back in the day. I'm very interested in human rights but it's not something I talk a ton about on here. If you have been here for long enough, you know I spent time volunteering at an orphanage in Guatemala on two separate occasions and I blogged about it both times :)
4.My favorite color is purple. I hate orange but at one time I loved it because the boy I like loved it. How stupid.
5. When I was younger I wanted to be a singer but I was also considering a career in being a host on YTV. I thought all the hosts on that station were the absolute coolest.
6. Finding hair in my food at restaurants doesn't phase me, I just eat it. People eat crazier things out of desperate hunger - fuck that complaining first world shit.
7. I used to collect weird shit like greeting cards and stickers. With this little fact at the 1st one you may conclude that I have mild OCD tendancies and you may be correct.

Now I am suppose to nominate 7 people to also participate in this! These are random and as usual, I won't be offended and may not even notice if you do not participate. But if you do, leave me a comment so I can see your answers even though I probably stalk your blog anyway and will see it as soon as you post it. Readers : check these blogs out! :) Until next time!

big love,

Anne-Marie @ That Girl
Kaity @ (Bee)autiful Blessings
Kayla @ Close Encounters
Lilli @ BlushnCheeks
Bri @ Just Bri
Robin @ Live Happe
Gillian @ A Daft Scots Lass

Sunday, June 3

Hey, Fat Girl

[written by the author of]

Yes, you. The one feigning to not see me when we cross paths on the running track. The one not even wearing sports gear, breathing heavy. You’re slow, you breathe hard and your efforts at moving forward make you cringe.
You cling shyly to the furthest corridor, sometimes making larger loops on the gravel ring by the track just so you’re not on it. You sweat so much that your hair is all wet. You rarely stay for more than 20 minutes at a time, and you look exhausted when you leave to go back home.  You never talk to anyone. I’ve got something I’d like to say to you.
You are awesome.
If you’d look me in the eye only for an instant, you would notice the reverence and respect I have for you. The adventure you have started is tremendous; it leads to a better health, to renewed confidence and to a brand new kind of freedom. The gifts you will receive from running will far exceed the gigantic effort it takes you to show up here, to face your fears and to bravely set yourself in motion, in front of others.

You have already begun your transformation. You no longer accept this physical state of numbness and passivity. You have taken a difficult decision, but one that holds so much promise. Every hard breath you take is actually a tad easier than the one before, and every step is ever so slightly lighter. Each push forward leaves the former person you were in your wake, creating room for an improved version, one that is stronger, healthier and forward-looking, one who knows that anything is possible.
You’re a hero to me. And, if you’d take off the blaring headphones and put your head up for more than a second or two, you would notice that the other runners you cross, the ones that probably make you feel so inadequate, stare in awe at your determination. They, of all people, know best where you are coming from. They heard the resolutions of so many others, who vowed to pick up running and improve their health, “starting next week”. Yet, it is YOU who runs alongside, who digs from deep inside to find the strength to come here, and to come back again.
You are a runner, and no one can take that away from you. You are relentlessly moving forward. You are stronger than even you think, and you are about to be amazed by what you can do. One day, very soon, maybe tomorrow, you’ll step outside and marvel at your capabilities. You will not believe your own body, you will realize that you can do this. And a new horizon will open up for you. You are a true inspiration.
I bow to you.

[Once again - this was NOT written by me. I just loved it as someone who is fat, out of shape and trying to become a runner, a healthy, in shape, runner! I wanted to share it with you guys as soon as I read it! Big Love!!]

Source: via Bailey on Pinterest

Saturday, June 2

happy happy.

Happy Weekend :) Thought I'd do a light hearted post as my last post was a pretty serious one - it had been a while eh! I was sitting here feeling good so I thought I'd share with you the top 5 things that are making me happy today!

1. I can't eat cupcakes but if I could, I would be raiding Winters house. Winter is a girl I housesat for once, and as far as I know, the cupcakes she creates were not around. I probably would have sniffed them out if they were. I follow her on pinterest and she started an album called Nailed It which I'm guessing is where she posts all the pinterest stuff she tries that she nails (good logic, eh?). Otherwise, these are just pictures and I'm crazy and she didn't make all these delicious cupcakes but Im pretty sure she did. Anyyywhooooo, since I can't actually eat them I've just been admiring them and they look SO awesome. They look pretty and I bet they taste even prettier. This one I am posting is a Smore cupcake and even saying the word Smore makes me drool a little. How yummy does this look? I feel very happy looking at these pins as should you. 

2. Even though I can't eat cupcakes I feel awesome! It is making me VERY happy today. This primal thing has got me feeling really good. I always feel healthy and not bloated and it's fabulous and I am definitely crediting it to the primal lifestyle so far. I'm not sure if my body has totally caught on but I feel like it is starting to after my MAJOR headache last night. You see, I decided that I would have 10 potato chips, half a hot dog and some ranch dip yesterday. I had got enough sleep, worked out and had enough water so I really think my head ache came from having that processed not good stuff in my system. I could be crazy but.. I NEVER get head aches. Anyway, even if it isn't from that, I feel fucking awesome!

3. Breakfast in general makes me happy but today was even better. My friends Ash (and her awesome son Ryker), Diana, Courtney and Michi all got together for a breakfast date at a restaurant that just reopened for the summer in my hometown. It was super yummy, good service and of course good friends. Breakfast is a good meal for me when it comes to eating out. There's eggs, bacon, ham and it's enough to make me not wish I had toast, hashbrowns or cheese. At dinner it's more tempting, so many delicious foods that I shouldn't eat - its better to just avoid it. I was lucky today because this restaurant also serves fruit and they gave me a HUGE plate of fruit - strawberries, kiwi, orange, canteloupe and watermelon. It was delicious and insanely affordable (not gonna lie, i was kinda surprised at the cheap part). It was such a good morning. :)

4. This is a bit vain but I am very happy to be a color that is better suited for me and my native features. I am white but I have portuguese in my blood and it ended up being sort of dominant..who knew? I look pretty native, thats what people tell me at least, but my skin gets super pasty in the winter (I don't use tanning beds and neither should you.). It looks so wrong because of my features and I am always happy when the sun starts to come out and I get a little mocha action going on. Everyone looks a bit better with some color and I am the perfect example of that. I was at the gym today (which is where I usually feel most pasty) and felt pretty pumped that I had a healthy glow going on! Keep bronzin me up, sun!

5.  The 5th thing that made me happy today was hearing the total for the Relay For Life that was held on Grand Manan last night (and into this morning - props to those who stayed the whole night!!0. It can catch me by surprise to be reminded of how many big hearts there are in this tiny comnunity. They raised over 28 000 dollars for cancer research and that is just absolutely amazing! It's become a huge event here and I am so excited about that. I hope next year I can join a team and get more involved. I played in a volleyball tournament for it and I went out last night but there's so many more ways to get involved and hopefully I will next year. It's things like this that make me proud to be an islander. :)

There you have it! So my question for you is What's made you happy this weekend? :) Enjoy xx

Big love,

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previous blog entries.