Thursday, June 28

Moving Forward

I have been having a huge struggle lately. I have been struggling with my weight and my relationship with food for the most part. I have even gained 7lbs. That is so not okay. It's time I blogged about it because I need to face it before I can fix it - that's always how I have been. Bare with me..

A huge reason I'm going through this "relapse" we will call it is out of pure frustration. I am frustrated and exhausted from the past six months of being in plateau mode. There is only so much "just keep going" you can take. I have been back and forth between 208-215 since January and that is frustrating when you are exercising and eating and trying everything to try to break a plateau. It's also frustrating when you still want to lose 40lbs at the very least, like, lets get a fuckin move on.

It is not lack of effort, or being open to and trying new things. I've always taken peoples suggestion, I've tried different food plans, calorie plans and even some supplements to help with my digestion. I don't eat too little so I'm not in starvation mode. I really am not seeing how six months later I'm still at this weight. I just don't get it. When I try to lose, I maintain and when I try to maintain, I gain. What the hell is going on here?

I started feeling like something was up at least four months ago. I just felt ..not right. I'm tired all the time. Exhausted. I can sleep for 10 hours, wake up exhausted, and by the middle of the afternoon I want a nap. I tried changing my less than stellar sleeping habits, going to bed earlier, waking up earlier but I still struggle with exhaustion.

This started to affect my work outs. I remember heading back to the gym after a few weeks of being pretty immobile and just laying on the floor and crying. Thank fuck it was sunday and there wasn't anyone around cause that could have been 10x more shameful and embarrassing if possible. I'm such a strong person. Anyway, that was a big red flag to me. Why the hell am I so exhausted and feeling so weak that I lay on the floor at the gym and cry after 10 minutes? I used to do 2 hours gym sessions after a full day of work and thrive. Something has changed.

As you all know (if you read semi regularly), I have also struggled with severe constipation since the end of last year. That has been very frustrating. I am starting to get it more under control but it has never been as regular as it used to be. So very frustrating and uncomfortable. I also started suffering from rough periods and an extra week of pms, some emotional issues and more recently, head aches.

After about a month of googling and trying to diagnose myself I finally made a doctors appointment. Most of my symptoms pointed towards Thyroid troubles, more specifically Hypothyroidism. This basically means that your thyroid isn't working as hard/fast as it should be which would make a lot of sense as to why I'm not losing weight as it is the control system for metabolism.

On Tuesday I went to my doctor, who is fabulous, and explained to her my symptoms. She instantly mentioned the thyroid and checked me out. She told me that it was enlarged and ordered blood work for me. So tomorrow early in the morning I'm going to go get some blood work done, and although that is not fun, I feel some relief in it.

My thyroid levels will be checked and she is also checking for anemia and some other possibilities. If there is news, although it seems a little scary, it would be sort of nice to have answers. I feel hopeful that maybe I will figure something out and my doctor is great, I know she will really help me out.

Maybe nothing is wrong , but maybe something is wrong. If nothing is wrong the I just keep pushing but if there is, I'm happy that I took this step to figure things out. If nothing is wrong, I'm going to kick it into 5th gear because I have given up lately and that's not okay. This is my time, this is going to be my year! 

With the family being here and starting work at 3 different places, my schedule is a bit off and my eating is a bit off. I will be honest and say the rest of this week I probably won't do awesome but I'm already revved up and ready for july. I made a huge homemade calendar with my work and work out schedules on it and I am mentally and physically so ready to get back on track with eating. I feel like shit and my body is aching for some nutrition. I'm also really excited to get to the gym and start some weight training again.

I just wanted to update and be honest with you guys. I have not given up, I am not laying down and dying - I'm really working to figure something out. I am sorry I have been distance and doing all these link up and not being my honest, this is whats going on in my life self involved self lately (which may not be such a bad thing aha) but here i am, laying it out for ya'll.

It's go time and I shall update you guys as soon as I know anything more on the testy poos.
BIG time love to you all,
bailey.

ps. check out my artistically handicapped half finished schedule (its finished now :) ).i wish i could be like pinterestingly creative but.. i can't even draw stick people


3 comments:

  1. Oh Bailey - I'm so glad you went to the doctor! We all need to listen to our bodies when they tell us something is up. Thinking of you and hoping it's nothing. If it's something, I'm hoping it can be remedied.

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  2. So glad you went to the doc, I should probably make an appt myself. Hope they figure out what's going on and get to fixing it asap.

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  3. Good for you for getting to the doc and figuring this thing out. You've got this~

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