Tuesday, July 31

Is she getting fat again?

That's what I feel like everyone says when they see me. Do my friends discuss it? Do people in public discuss it? When I'm waiting on a local table, can they tell my face has gotten a bit fatter? Do people who I once inspired feel let down, uninspired? I spend a lot of time worrying about this. Last night my mother and I were talking and she said "back when I started losing weight you were my inspiration". Were. Ouch. That hurt. It made me feel like it was just one more thing I failed at and I feel like that is what people have come to expect from me - that I start something great and then I fail. That's hard.

I haven't gained a lot of weight back. I gained about 8 lbs in June and I am 3.5lbs away from being back at my lowest weight . Am I getting fat again? Well I haven't been skinny yet but no, I hope I am not gaining back all the weight lost in the fal, I don't intend to, I'm going to do all I can to make sure I don't. And Am I still working to lose weight? Definitely.

I have been struggling for about 7 months, August will start the eighth month I have been in plateau mode, which I'm sure you are tired of hearing about. When I was thinking about the other day I'm really proud of myself. I have endured eight months of bullshit and I haven't given up. I had a weak moment but I still haven't just given up and thrown in the towel. Some people try healthy eating for a week, don't lose 5 lbs so they give up. I have gained and plateaued for over seven months.. I'm so proud of my will power.

Still, it is frustrating. I expected to be near goal weight by September of this year and I am not even half way. I know I just need to keep trucking though. I was recently motivated when one of my favorite bloggers, friend and HUGE inspiration Kelly informed me about a year where she lost and gained the same 15lbs over and over again. I was so surprised. I had found her blog after this and I have basically been watching her on the last leg of her incredible journey. It was crazy to me that someone who is so hardcore and looks so amazing had struggled like that for a year. I thought to myself, if she can overcome that, then I can and WILL overcome this. I will.

Right now I weigh 211.4lbs. My heighest weight is 251, my lowest weight is 208 and my goal weight is 160. 160 is not set in stone, it is just what I have in my head for now. Either way, I have come far and I am proud of what I lost in the fall but it's time for more - 50 more to be more specific. I am still attempting to live mostly paleo. It works best for me, my stomach aches are less frequent and I love the way eating more clean makes me feel. I don't do it 100% as I like me some desserts and eating nothing processed on this island is just a laugh - seriously impossible. I am doing okay, as I said, I am back down to 211 after a 3 lb loss this week.

To be honest I could be exercising more. I will make an excuse though and say that by the time I get home at 10pm, and knowing I have to be up at 6:30 again, I really don't feel like fucking working out. When I get home from Job 1 at 10 and Job 2 starts at 12.. I'd kinda like to shower, or nap, not go for a run. When I work at four though, I should be working out. I need to start. Someone needs to kick my ass. I get in a walk here and there -not to mention the 5-12 hour days I spend on my feet) and I am really going to try to incorporate more when I can, but it is definitely a struggle with my work schedule and my les and feet just ache after those long days on my feet. Just gotta do what I can do -- that's all I can ask of myself at this point.

Eventually things will click. I'm going back to the hospital to check into more options for whats going on my stomach. I just know something is up.. I just have that feeling. I know something is off. I feel like no one can help me or no one thinks I am a big deal ..I dont know..but I will figure it out eventually. Some day the scale will start moving again and things will fall into place, hopefully sooner than later. As I have said, and I will keep saying it - im gonna keep on keepin on and never give up. Never.

So can anyone inspire me? Have you ever come out of an insane plateau on top? Do you have any advice for me? I know eventually I will make it happen but.. holy shit some days I could scream. Thanks for listening to me and to everyone for always being there for me, cheering me on and motivating me. I seriously need you and appreciate you SO much - even tough it's something so many people struggle with, I feel very alone at times. It's nice to hear words of encouragement and wisdom when I'm down and feeling a bit hopeless!

Big Love
Bailey


Source: instagram.com via Debby on Pinterest

15 comments:

  1. Dont give up! Hang in there. You can do it!

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  2. Definitely don't give up! I started a complete lifestyle overhaul two weeks ago tomorrow and so far so good! I've lost 5lbs and my goal is 7 lbs a month. I'm giving myself a year to get down to 130 which I'm not even sure is possible but I'm going to attempt it! I started the 30 Day Shred yesterday and will be reviewing my progress as I go on my blog. I know it's going to be hard and almost every day I wish it would go faster but slow and steady is how it's going to have to be. This time I'm motivated. Last year before my wedding I lost 15 pounds and then gained 30. Awesome. That's not going to happen this time. Hopefully we can keep each other motivated! Good luck!

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  3. Bailey, for me, getting down to 199 lbs kept messing with my head. I would get to that number, then freak out & immediately put on 10-15 lbs. Don't ask me why that was, it just was that way. And that was me for about a year - maybe a year & a half. It was a self imposed plateau, which is the worst kind. But then, I bought my place, moved out on my own, and all these changes started rapidly happening - including the weight loss. It is possible to break through B. Don't ever give up. Love you - and thanks for the shout out!!! :-)

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  4. This post makes me so sad. People make the cruel mistake of defining us by a simplistic measure and it sounds like your family and friends view you as either fat or formerly-fat or future-fat. That's so sad. There is so much more to Bailey than your weight. You should be reduced to that.

    My advice is to not be too hard on yourself. Your comment about not wanting to exercise at the end of the long day is valid and something I feel often. Life can demand only so much from us.

    Hang in there. Live the life you want. Ignore rudeness. Celebrate your many facets of beauty.

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  5. Bailey, hang in there. and just remember, it's what's on the inside that makes you beautiful!

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  6. I don't really have any inspirational advice but if you want a trans-atlantic training partner who will constantly annoy you into working out on same days as me then i'm your man!

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  7. I dont have any advice, just here to thank you for linking up - but as someone who is self-conscious about weight, I say good for you for putting it all out here. I wish I had that kind of courage. Hope to see you next week.

    Rachel
    Wonderful Wednesday Co-Host

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  8. I've read the comments, and I really don't have anything new to say. I think it's amazing that you continue to try. 2 years ago I got within 15 lbs of my goal, hit a wall for 3 months and threw in the towel. As a result, last year I had to lose all that weight all over again. You CAN do this and you are so much more than just what people see. You're really doing great.

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  9. wow.. i SO could have written this post... i feel exactly the same way!!!!

    all you can do is keep on keeping on! go back to basics -- what works, what doesn't?
    do it and don't do it!
    simple as that!

    who cares how long it takes you to get there??
    or if we even get to that glorified weight -- as long as we don't go back to where we started we are still rockin' balls!!!

    xxoo

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  10. I'm still inspired by you--you've lost 40 lbs. and kept it off!! You're sticking to eating much healthier, working TWO jobs, and still managing to exercise! I'm sitting on my @$$ at home...I'm in charge of my own schedule...and yet, I don't "manage" to fit in a workout, somehow. Oh right, because I'm sitting on my ass! As for your digestive problems: Maybe you have gallbladder problems? Check into that.

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  11. Definitely dont give up! You have come so far! 40 lbs is AMAZING!! In time you'll start losing again!

    Thanks for linking up!! We are all here to keep you motivated and encourage you!!

    -Kristen

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  12. You havent failed yourself, its a setback. There is a difference. The major and most important thing is you want to and are in the process of doing something healthy for your, mind, body and soul. Your not alone. My 17 year old cousin just joined a gym because she is unhappy being overweight. She needs to lose about 50 pounds also. She is the girl in the Rugged Maniac photos with me, if you checked out that post. We all have moments when we are busy, lost inspiration, we caved for cookies. Dont worry. Also dont set such a high weight loss goal. Set them by smaller increments like 10 pounds. Your ultimate goal could be to lose 50. But say and go for losing 10 pds now. when you lose those, go for another 10 and so on. It makes your goal that much more achievable and it also doesnt look so scary. thats what I told my cousin to do and she was much happier looking at it that way. She was like "10 pounds thats nothing" lol. she is so cute. about your tummy issue, do you have a gluten or dairy intolerance? I do and both those issues came late in life to me. totally sucks. I became lactose intolerant last year. and gluten intolerant about 6 years ago. xoxo

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  13. No giving up! :) You've done great, it's a life style change and not a quick fix so make small goals for yourself. 160 feels far away because it is, but is 10 pounds by mid September? After that is 10 pounds by Thanksgiving? And so on. Small goals will ad up to your larger one.

    Good luck, and the girls and I over at Cut the Crap would love to inspire you - we've all started at 200+ and are now 170+/-.

    Excited to follow you!

    Amanda @ Cut the Crap
    crapcutters.blogspot.com

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  14. Wow...I was reading your comments and you sure do have a lot of supportive blog readers. You are still a big inspiration to me! You have managed to keep off the weight you have lost for quite some time and that in itself is an accomplishment not to be overlooked. Back when I lost a ton of weight, I didn't keep it off for more than 5 minutes. The instant I hit my lowest weight, the scale slowly crept its way back up over time, and now I am back at square one, well, almost. I don't think it is making excuses to not feel like working out after a long day of work. I never do! You seem like you are still super focused on being healthy, regardless of the plateau, and that is the most important thing. Oh, and by the way, I am excited to hear about your top secret plans for the fall :)

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  15. hey bailey! i just want to say that all summer whenever i went into gallaways i was always struck by how truly beautiful you are! i know that you probably get 'inspirational talk' a lot, and i'm sure that you rarely fall prey to this, but never let your goals get in the way of you self image. you are gorgeous right at this moment even if all you may see are the pounds that you want to lose. Never forget that when others look at you, the positives always outweigh the negatives. :)

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