Monday, September 24

i want it back.

I miss the days when I looked forward to a 90 minute gym session. I was working 30 hours a week and literally didn't have a single friend on the island back then. Life can get in the way.

I miss when I knew exactly what to eat, and how much to lose weight in a week. 9 months of constipation, stomach pain and one ovarian cyst later, I have realized that sometimes you have to work with the situation your body gives you.

I miss the feeling of a good loss after a a good week. The feeling of maintaining my weight doesn't feel horrible though.

I miss the passion and the drive to do what I had to do to lose weight. I also know that that just sort of hit me one day and it is not something that is easy to get back. Hell, a lot of people never find it in the first place.

I will lose the rest of this weight. Maybe no today but I will. Today I am choosing to be focused on the fact that I am not this girl anymore.

I want all those things back. I want to be a weight loss machine. Apparently I don't want it bad enough yet because I've been stalled for 9 months now. But that's the way it is. I am happy that I will never go back to that weight. I will never go back to the struggles that 251 entailed. 208 or 212 or whatever my body chooses to rest at these days isn't fun and it's far from where I want to be, it brings it's own struggles. 251 was worse though and I would choose to be here forever than to ever go back to 251.

Bottom line : I'm happier with myself, I'm happier with my body and I'm still no going to give up.

Big Love,
Bailey. 



10 comments:

  1. I understand your stall, but it's great you realize you are happy! I've never looked forward to a 90 min gym session, or any gym session for that matter, but I'm sure you can get back there.

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    1. I hope you're right! Looking forward to gym sessions was a weird stage for me, clearly I couldn't keep that shit up ;)

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  2. love the attitude -- this is a constant journey with no set destination and you never stop. life DOES get in the way and yay for maintaining -- that is definitely worth a pat on the back and then some!
    YOU ROCK!
    xxoo

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    1. thanks cyn! you always know just what to say! <3

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  3. I am in an unhappy stall as well. The point is, you are not that girl anymore. And sometimes (at least for me) I think it takes just looking at the then picture next to a now picture and realizing that again. Our brains don't often catch up with the mirror. Either way, congratulations on what you have done, maintaining is harder than losing IMHO.

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    1. It is hard but it sucks to be trying to lose and maintain. Better than trying ot lose and gainging I suppose (which I have done..and it's pretty shitty aha). Thanks for the support - lets get outta these stalls and kick some ass.

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  4. I totally get where you are coming from Bailey. Before I met Dyl I didn't have anything to do other than go to work and then go to gym, I spent so much time at the gym because I was so bored with life that I actually enjoyed gym the most.
    It is really hard when life gets in the way but I also need to learn to work around life and get happy and healthy!
    xx

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    1. Totally. I guess the trick is to just find the balance with everything in life.. which I think some people spend their whole lives trying to find aha.

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  5. I like the bottom line :o) So true! You'll find that drive again, but in the meantime you're still making healthier decisions over all so you've changed things for the better and for long term. xx

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