Wednesday, January 30

Weigh in Wednesday




Technically I "officially weigh in" Tuesdays but the link up is wednesdays, and it sounds better, so here I am updating you a day late. I skipped last week. Last week I stayed the same. Yes, I am SO frustrated about that. Like I said, it's suck to be working hard and seeing no change on the scale but I feel better, I see something better when I look in the mirror and I'm so proud of myself for getting back on track and keeping at it even through the frustrations of plateaus.

Last week I weighed in at 228.8 Ugh. Sucks to be back there when i was 208 in the summer! SUCH A BUMMER! Anyway, gotta get past it. I WILL get back to 208 and lower. This week I weighed in at 226.6 - down 2.2lbs! This makes me so happy. Looks like the scale is finally going to start working with me! Fingers crossed!

As far as the gym I've been keeping it mixed up. I do cardio and lot's of weight lifting during every work out. Some days I do legs and I bike, some days I do step aerobics and arms, some days its running and abs. I like to do on and off - 5 mins intense cardio, weight lifting, 5 more minutes, etc. It works for me, makes me feel stronger and I honestly see the changes in the mirror. I need to start measuring - I don't know why I haven't been. Laziness probably - I'm good at lazy.

So other than the loss and the gym - I do have some other health related news. Today is my TENTH day sugar free! My plan was to give up added sugar for Lent but then I was just like.. "FUCK IT!" and I gave it up cold turkey 9 days ago. (yes i just said Fuck and Lent in the same sentence. That can't be good) Unless I see something extra delicious on Pinterest or I'm surrounded by bags of chips and friends who are eating them - I don't mind it! I really have not minded it at all and I have to say - I'm really freaking proud of myself!

Things I avoid? Well, I check labels for added sugar and avoid all the obvious things. Chocolate bars, ice cream, cakes, cookies, muffins, cupcakes, etc. I don't eat chips, drink soda or juice and I avoid sweetener like splenda as well and I cut back on my Crystal Light intake. I find if I eat sweet things it makes me crave more so if I avoid that stuff it's easier for me. I do NOT pay much attention to my fruit intake because I'm working my ass off to avoid the added sugars - I'm not going to kill myself cutting back on fruit - fruit is fine. That's my opinion. Some people watch their fruit intake but if I want an apple, a banana and some raspberries in the same day and you think it's wrong then kiss my booty.

Do I still treat myself to a YOLO treat? Yes. Not often but I did have a piece of Banana Bread which was homemade and may or may not have had sugar, I honestly don't know. I kept my portion small and enjoyed it and now it's back to hardcore. I probably won't do this every week but you've heard me say a million times - moderation is key. I do not plan to never eat peanut butter fudge crunch ice cream again or enjoy a piece of birthday cake on my own or a friends big day. I just don't need it as often as I was eating it and that's the plain truth. Showing myself I can go a few months without it is rewarding for me and it also becomes habit - healthy habits are important. That is what this journey is ABOUT - changing my habits and becoming a healthier me who makes healthier choices!



As far as goals, I've learned to not set time limits. I find they make me nervous, they psych me out and 99% of the time I just find myself so disappointed. Originally I wanted to be back down to 215 by the time I go back to Marks. I don't see it happening because I have just over a month and my January loss was very small and slow but you never know.

I'm just so happy to be back at this. I want this so much, I want to be healthy and slim and confident and fit.

What is one major change you've made in your diet or gym routine since NY? Have you given up soda or sugar? Have you started running or lifting weights? Let me know what you're rocking at!

Big Love,
Bailey

Ps! Don't forget to check out my Reader Poll! It's one simple question! Click here or just move on to the next post :) 

Tuesday, January 29

I want to hear from you!

Hey Guys! While I do write for me, it's a release and a passion, I do like to keep my readers happy and I've always prided myself on being real and writing about topics than my readers can understand and identify with. If you can't relate to me, I at least want you to laugh at me instead of with me. I can sort of gauge by comments and emails which topics you like to read about most but I'd love to get the answers im looking for straight from you and not by guessing. I put together this little poll in hopes you would take a second to let me know what you would like to read about most. For each topic I gave a few examples of things I've wrote about in the past to give you an idea of what sort of posts I consider each topic to consist of. I tried 4 times to give you the option of multiple answers but even though the box was checked, unfortunately it will only let you leave one. :( So let me know the topic you want to read about most! Leave me a comment if there's something else you'd like for me to write about again, take a stab at writing about for the first time or if there's an issue or product or whatever you'd like to get my opinion on.My opinion isn't very valuable but you never know aha. If you want, also leave a comment letting me know some other topics listed you would enjoy reading about but since the poll creators are stupid, you couldn't choose more than one.

Thanks so much guys :) Check in tomorrow for Weigh In Wednesday! =] Did the scale FINALLLY move?

Which topics do you like to read about most?
  
pollcode.com free polls 
Thanks again.
Big Love,
Bailey

Sunday, January 27

Happy Birthday Maddy!

Happy Sunday, friends! Hope everyone is enjoying what's left of their weekend. I just made a status on my FB page about not posting since tuesday and what not. I mentioned (like I have a few times on here)that I don't like to post just for the sake of posting - I want my blog to have more substance than that. So please don't give up on me when you see I haven't written in a few days - I just don't have much to say so you're not missing out anyway aha.

So some highlights from this week :

  • I've been working! I had a short shift thursday, a long shift yesterday and a short one again today. I really need the money so this is awesome news!
  • I babysat for the first time in a long time on Thursday. Again, I need the money, but it was also just a fun little experience. The little cutie was only 2 months old and it gave me baby fever for a few hours - Mark would barely speak to me I was so annoying about it lol I'm back to not wanting children for another 10 years though now so we're good.
  • I was asked to speak about my travels at a local Beavers meeting. Beavers, for anyone who doesn't know, is a thing for kids sort of like brownies, cubs, girl guides etc. I'm going tomorrow night - should be fun.
  • We celebrated Maddys birthday last night - she's 23 today. Happy Birthday Maddy! She deserved a post dedicated to her bday..its true.

Maddy and I on my birthday on may - seemed half appropriate lol



  • I went to the gym for 3 days..and haven't been there since. I was on a good roll the past few weeks so I'm kinda regretting it but there was work, then friends came home, then more work..just didn't happen. This week we'll be back to kicking some ass and taking some names!
  • I smashed my relatively new ipod touch and im very upset. Im surprised Im even talking about it because Im so upset. It was in my pants pocket and I went to pee and it slipped on out and crashed to the floor. It still works but it looks hellish. So sad. :( It was my favorite possession.
  • I had to work Saturday so my awesome friends took my fundraising stuff to the local Market and sold tickets for me! It went well which makes me super happy :) Read more here.
So that's my week in a nutshell. Not very exciting.

I'm going to link up with Neely at A Complete Waste Of Make Up for Sunday Social for fun this wk.

1. What is your ideal way to relax? I love to have a bubble bath and read with a glass of wine. Never really thought of myself as that type of girl until I tried it and its super relaxing. I love doing it after a big work out. Mark got me wine and bath bombs at Christmas and I had some wine and use the bath bombs and watched Christmas movies while he was at class. It was so nice aha.

2. Where is your favorite place to be? That is the question of the freakin year for me. I'm always torn on this topic because I have such awesome, close friendships with my friends and some of my family but my boyfriend lives across the continent and I adore being with him. I really can't answer it.

3. Who do you consider your biggest role model? Again, I suck at this question. I really see role models in so many people. I admire different things about different people, whether they are my friends or family or people I don't even know. I've always looked up to my brother Jeremy because I wanted people to see me the way they see him - strong, resilient, loving and always there to lend an ear or a hand. He takes care of business and he's so much more driven than I am and I've always looked up to him. I have a lot of great people in my life to look up to, my mother is amazing, my brothers and father are good guys, my sister in law is smart, and driven and I have friends with a plethora of amazing qualities. I'm just sitting here praying it will rub off on me!

4. What does your life look like in three years? I honestly have no idea. I'm never the girl who knows. I like to think I've made a big step in my life towards finding a career I want and going to school. I like to think that I will either be living more permanently with Mark or him here and hopefully I will be rich and successful lol. Not.

5. If you could go back and change one decision what would it be? This is going to sound crazy but I would go back and hold tightly to my purse or at least my Camera in Cuba last may. Mistakes are mistakes, its life and you make them, so I dont wish to change them but I do wish I had all the pictures from my trip to Cuba! I mourn them constantly and it's been almost a year lol

6. What is your biggest accomplishment in life thus far? This blog. I know it's not much but its growing, and it means so much to me. I love this blog, I've learned so much about myself and people and met so many cool people because of it. I've shared everything here, it's like my memoir lol. It's been such a positive thing for me and I'm so thankful for it. I'm proud of this blog, I really am.

So, where is YOUR favorite place to be? Since I couldn't come up with an answer, you guys will have to!

Talk to ya's soon.
Big Love,
Bailey J

Tuesday, January 22

If I Were A Boy

Best link up idea ever! All us lady bloggers are joining together at Living In Yellow to say let the guys know what we would do if we were boys - Beyonce style. First of all, I'd do all the stuff Beyonce sings about - girl knows whats up. Then I would NOT name my child Blue Ivy.

Moving on.

If I were a boy I'd clearly pee everywhere, standing up, because it's amazingly convenient. Anyone who doesn't mention this amazing blessing is cray-cray. Id just go around test driving my new talent.

If I were a boy I'd eat whatever the fook I wanted. My metabolism would rock and even if I gained a few pounds, we all know it would only take me a few weeks to lose any excess weight. Cause I'd be a boy.

If I were a boy I'd spend a lot of time praying about and being thankful for not having a period. I would maybe even do some weird ritualistic spiritual offering to whichever higher power I believed in thanking him for not having been created a woman who has her period. Too far?

someecards.com - Sorry I used my brief gas cramps as a way to relate to your period

If I were a boy I would treat the women in my life like queens during their special time - tampon runs, bubble baths, chocolate fondue - you name it.

If I were a boy I'd play the players. I find girls are much more viscous when they're shitty at relationships and I'd like to really give em some of their own medicine. Boys who are shitty boyfriends just end up unhappy with shitty wives but girls who are skeezy, cheating, bitches usually just hurt nice guys and make them miserable forever... unlesssss my male alter ego shows up em what the fucks up.

If I were a boy I'd condemn my friends shitty treatment of good girls - NOT COOL, GUYS!

If I were a boy I'd manscape, do my brows and trim my arm pit hairs. Ain't nobody got time for that.

If I were a boy I'd dress like Will Smith in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. For reals. Dream style.



If you were a boy..what would you do?

Big Love,
Bailey J

Monday, January 21

kiki la rue, win some scentsy and help a sister out.

I've written here, and here and in many other posts about living on a small island in the Atlantic ocean. It's tiny, it's population is 2500 and while we're not totally remote, we lack resources and things to do. In the run of a week on Grand Manan, besides working, I usually hang out with friends and go to the gym. That's about it.

In 2011 I started my big journey to lose 100lbs. I'm still working on that journey and still attending the gym. The problem is that the gym is under funded and REALLY needing some TLC.It has been needing TLC for years. I remember going with my mother as a little girl (at least 12 years ago prob more) and some of the same equipment is still there. That can't be right.

I know how hard it is to lose weight. I know how hard it is to get the gumption to go the gym. I know it's hard when you're insecure to go to the gym and see not just people, but people you know (yes, its that small here - you know everyone at the gym) and make it through your work out without feeling like you're going to throw up. It's scary, it can be embarrassing and I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt that way. So to get up and go, and then get to a gym where you're scared to get on the equipment for fear of it breaking under neath you or just plain not working is just one more thing to keep people from going. I want people to want to go to the gym - I want people to fight like hell and have the resources to do so if they are ready to make that change in their life. This is why I'm fundraising to get the gym some new equipment.

Right now for cardio there is a rower from the 1600s that does work so that's a plus. The one elliptical we have beside the rower doesn't function. There are two treadmills - one that works, one that works but sometimes you have to restart it (sometimes in the middle of a work out)to make it work. So not right.  There are two working bikes, and one stone age stair climber that kills me every gym session - but it turns on. Ideally, I'd love to get all new everything but no amount of fundraising will get me there anytime soon (especially by March.4th when I head back to Cali - yes! im going back!). So I'm focusing and setting my intentions on a new Elliptical and hopefully at some point a new Treadmill. I know the men of the gym want a hack squat for the weight section which is also a great thing to work towards. (Ps. I do plan to continue to fund raise whenever I am on the island).

So I need your help. I'm doing some fundraisers and I was hoping some of my blogging friends, readers and all your friends could help. Whether you want to buy tickets Im selling or just send in a donation from the kindness of your heart - I thank you. I'm not looking for 100$ donations - just 3$ can make a difference - it gets me that much closer! All donations will go STRAIGHT to the Fitness Centre!

One way to donate and have a chance to benefit form that donation is to buy tickets on this gorgeous Scentsy Basket! I had mentioned on Facebook that I was fundraising for the fitness centre and a local Scentsy consultant Christine approached me about creating a basket to sell tickets on. She is like an angel sent form heaven - seriously. She put together this Scentsy basket of 125$ value
  • it has a premium full size warmer, a buddy, 3 bars, room spray, fragrance foam, scent pack, scent circle and a Scentsy water bottle! 
Tickets are 3$ea or 2 for 5$ (4 for 10$ 8 for 20$ etc) and for now you can either buy tickets from me or if you are in the area and at a Scentsy party that someone is hosting through Christine, she has awesomely offered to sell tickets at the parites as well! How awesome is that? Thank you so much Christine. You can visit Christine at her Official Scentsy Page and her Scentsy Facebook page! If you are interested in getting involved in Scentsy products do so - they are amazing, even The Moo (my boyfriend) loves them!

If you are not from the island and wish to buy tickets you can paypal me. You can paypal me the money at bailey.j.small@hotmail.com with subject line as "FITNESS CENTRE FUNDRAISER".  I know that you may find it questionable but I'm a very honest person and I promise that 100% of the money will be going to the fundraiser. My whole heart is in this fundraiser and believe me - it will get to them! If sending money through pay pal AND purchasing tickets - please include that in the message box - it's as simply as writing "tickets" with your full name and email. If you want proof, I will take a photo of the tickets after I have filled them out for you and send it your way.

If you are from the island and interested in buying tickets you can email me, pay pal me, inbox me on fb, call me, or come straight to my door! I will have them out and around and tickets will be on sale until Feb. 28th! Thank you so much in advance to everyone who buys tickets, donates, volunteers or supports me in any way - you're awesome!!

Now to my second order of business - Kiki La rue. If you havent heard of Kiki La Rue -- well, that sucks for you but you're about to. Kiki La Rue is a cute little online boutique run by Becka from Busy Becka The clothes are cute, comfy, stylish, affordable and something I always support - she includes plus size items! A few months back (well like 6.. I hoarded it) I won a 50$ credit to Kiki La Rue from Neely at A Complete Waste Of Make Up. After Christmas, I finally spent it and today I received it and I am a happy happy happy girl. I ordered the Maddie Top and the Red Eye skirt and I'm so happy.

I will let you guys in on the skirt asap but today Im going to share the top. I ordered the Maddie top and when I say I'm in love.. I mean it, sorry Moo! This is in Sand and when you see me from now on I will most likely be in this top. No jokes. It's so comfy and it hides my belly and I love it. You need one. They run large, Im normally an XL and this Large is very spacious. You can shop Maddie tops here - check out all the gorgeous colors.


On top of the great products the customer service is amazing. Becka is quick to reply to any questions, comments, tweets, instagram comments etc. On top of that, my order came wrapped in cute pink tissue in a shiny pink package with a hand written thanks from Becka. That's what I call service. Make sure you check out Kiki La Rue immediately!



Alright guys. That's it from me tonight - thank god for you cause that was one hell of a post. If you made it here - I salute you. Now buy some tickets, spread the word and get your hot asses over to Kiki La Rue and buy me some presents yourselves something cute!

Big Love,
Bailey

PS. Keep an eye out on my Operation Sexy Bitch page tomorrow - its weigh in day! Then Wednesday I will be linking up for Weigh In Wednesdays and letting you in on whats up with me in the diet and fitness world lately. Have a good one guys. xo



Saturday, January 19

What Cheating Did To Me.

Cheating made me cry.
It made me hate me, you, everything.
It changed my self worth.
It stole my self worth.

Cheating rocked my world.
It made me doubt anything and everything.
It turned everything I knew upside down.
It stole my hopes of and belief in happy ever afters.

Cheating made me hate everything I saw in the mirror.
It made me wonder if I would ever be worth waiting for.
It broke me down, and it chewed me up,
and then it spit me out.

Cheating made me ugly.
It warped my mind.
It made my hair fall out.
It formed black bags around my eyes,
and it stole my appetite.

Cheating changed me.
Some days it doesn't cross my mind,
others it consumes me.

Have you ever been cheated on? What did it make you feel? Have you ever been the cheater?
No judgments.

Big Love,
Bailey





Tuesday, January 15

yummy treats and real talk deets.

I have two super yummy and even decently healthy recipes for you today. I know - I'm on crack trying to be a food blogger, we all know I can't cook, but I'm only doing this for the sake of you knowing about and trying to make these yummy treats. I'll be back to talking about weightloss, sex toys and internet boyfriends in a flash.

The first recipe I'm sharing is one I've been waiting a few weeks to try. When I was doing some Christmas visiting with my friend Sandra she has these yummy cinnamomy tasting pecans set out. I could've ate all of them, and I almost did and I knew I needed to try to find a recipe online (it was a gift so she didnt have it). I will say that the recipe I tried isn't AS good as the first ones I tasted, but they are still pretty yummy. I will prob mess with the ingredients a bit the next time I try. Here is the recipe though (food.com)

First off : heat your oven to 325 degrees

1/2 Cup Granulated Sugar
2 TSP Ground Cinnamon
1/2 Tsp Salt
1 Egg White
4 Cups Pecan Halves

before going into the oven.
I divided all ingredients by 4 because I just made a Bailey sized portion but it's a great recipe to make big, divide, wrap up and give as little Christmas treasures. Onto the baking! Mix the cinnamon, sugar, and salt together. Whisk the egg white until it is frothy. Roll the pecans in the egg white, add in the dry mix, and mix it all together (gets a baby bit messy but thats the fun of it in my opinion.) Bake for 10 min, turn over, bake for another 10 and presto! So yummy!


The second recipe I try is from Cassie Ho's blog for her Blogilates business. If you haven't heard of Blogilates, you need to crawl out from under your fitness rock and check it out. She does work out videos as well as writing health blogs, sharing yummy healthy recipes, owning a work out clothing and bag business..and probably every other accomplishment you can think of that is somewhat related to fitness. Yes, I wish I was her and no, I will never be her.

Anyways, this recipe is a two ingredient cookie! I love cookies, and I can't cook so 2 ingredients sounds just about perfect for this chica. You just take one cup of oats, and 1 banana, mash it all together and bake for 20 min on 350. Yeah. Easy as pie. You can add some berries or whatever you wish if that's your style, I added a bit of cinnamon cause I put that shit on everything.

Today I doubled the recipe so I can share with my gym buddy, Ash and her son Ryker who is joining us for a weight lifting sesh. Ps. Ryker is 15 months. And the cutest thing I ever did see. Wanna see? I know you do.



Yeah. He's a pretty awesome gym buddy too. Anywho - try these cookies. I wish they were filled with flour and chocolate chips but.. this is a pretty good alternative if you're craving a cookie but strong enough to avoid them. She also has 2 ingredient pancakes which are eggs and banana. It's really yummy too - it tastes like a banana crepe! I totally recommend those!



So why am I trying all these healthy recipes? Well..here comes a rant. I've spent my time since New Years trying to get my eating habits and exercise back on track. I've been pretty religiously going to the gym, started up yoga and volleyball starts this Wed. And what has happened? I've gained weight. 

Now. My eating isn't perfect. I figure that is where I go wrong. So I'm trying to try these healthy recipes and get my head in the healthy food game so that I don't freak the fuck out and eat all the chips on the island. But you know what? Maybe THAT would help me lose weight because during Christmas time I was eating at least 2x what I'm eating now and moving absolutely never. WTF? 

You know those like 2lbs (or even 6 or 8lbs depending on your weight and your habits) that you're suppose to lose in "water weight" when you first go back to a healthy lifestyle? I haven't even lost that! About 85% of the beverages Im drinking are water, I can actually think of all the times I drank anything different (a diet soda, a bit of apple juice and drinking at the bar). I went from eating pasta, chips, chocolate, cheese fucking galore and SO many sweets to eating a ton of veggies, fruits, protein and very few high carb foods. So why am I not losing anything? I understand not losing 5lbs a week but really, nothing? And a GAIN this week? WTF AM I SUPPOSE TO DO?

It's frustrating. And this is my way of venting. And I won't give up because I can't, I can't do that anymore. Even if I never lose any weight I know the exercise is good for me, both physically and mentally, so if anything I need to focus on that. It is just SO discouraging. I see people losing 3lbs or even 6lbs. One friend lost 11lbs! I can't help but be jealous, I want that for myself! And not just because I'm greedy but because I'm working for it! 

I have been telling myself that as long as I keep it at it, the weight eventually has to come off. And it does, doesn't it? I'm going to try to be more strict with food, because if I'm around it, I eat it and I've been around it. I can't resist chips - kryptonite. I need to focus on making the healthiest choices possible. Focus .. definitely need more of that. 

Anyways. This week I'm going to work hard again and maybe I'll see better news next Tuesday. Maybe I'll gain again. Either way, it ain't over, scale! 

Big Love,
Bailey




Saturday, January 12

naughty naughty.

I already took this post too far when I had a totally different title that made even ME feel uncomfortable.This is going to be an awkwardly amusing thing to write about because my mother reads this, I know several older ladies who read this and who knows who else but - you're all bad ass and I'm sure it won't make you too uncomfortable.

What am I writing about? Sex Toys. Okay, it won't be TOO explicit I promise but the inspiration for this blog started the other day when I entered a giveaway over at my girl Cyns blog The Racy Redhead - and that she is ( I love this woman, you have no idea, she's so bad ass.). She was giving away a 30$ credit to Edens Fantasy - an online sex shop. I was like hmm - MAZAL (may as well for those of you who don't speak Stupid) and I WON! I was probably more pumped about this than any other giveaway I've won.

Now, some of you are probably wondering why I'm so excited when I just lost my virginity in November. Its true, I'm not some sex toy professional, but I'm certainly not against it. Heres the thing : I'm all about letting your freak flag fuckin FLY, man. If you don't want to ever have sex -rock it & if you want to be whipped, hand cuffed and covered in whipped cream during your sexy time w/ your partner (or even on your own ) then own it!



When the Fifty Shades trilogy came out my first thought was - you ladies are trippin'. There was all this talk of "Oh I wish I had a man like Whats-His-Nuts Gray" and I'm like - YEAH FUCKIN RIGHT. Because honestly, I think many of these women would have had a serious problem if their man tried to do some of the shit he does to Anna in the book to them. I can hear the girls CHIRPIN across the lands all "Oh my god! So degrading! He can't treat me like that. I'm not an object" But since it's not their husband and the character is suppose to be so perfect they are like "Oh I'd let him do that to me". Well then let your partner do it! In my humble, young, naive head it's not degrading or offensive when it's something you're interested in (which you clearly are if the book makes you tingle!)

Stop reading about sexual fantasty.. create a sexual fantasy! If you're nervous, just start small and talk about it with your partner. In my opinion, doing these things with someone you love and trust is probably the best approach - that is what I'm comfortable with. If it all makes you uncomfortable, then don't do it. But I stick to my guns when I say don't just read about it - do it. Yes, I'm young and not particularly experienced so maybe I can't say shit but.. you know what, I think I can. If you read this post, you know I'm all about doing all things sexual (and things in general) on your OWN terms and that involves getting blind folded and letting someone do unspeakable things to you. Don't feel guilty for liking it either - we're humans, we're sexual creatures and there's nothing wrong with being a freak-a-leak and theres nothing wrong with Vanilla sex or no sex at all - do what you wish.

What do you guys think? Should we let our freak flags fly? Let me know in the comments.

Big Love,
Bailey

PS. Visit my Facebook Page and like it up! When I reach 200 LIKES over there and 300 GFC FOLLOWERS here, it's giveaway time baby!!

Thursday, January 10

I was there.

I was tired - I got out of bed.
I wanted to nap - I headed to the gym.
I struggled on the treadmill after no time at all - I walked on.
My thighs rubbed together, I wanted to cry with embarrassment- I kept peddling.
My arms shook as I lifted the smallest weights available - I did another set of reps.
I feared what people would think when they see I've gained weight - but I'm there. I'm at the gym.

& that's all I can ask of Bailey. I'm there, I'm trying. I'm eating well, I'm trying to do better, be better.

I can sit at home and worry about failing, about looking fat, about my thighs rubbing together or I can go to the gym and attempt to improve myself. I'm making the decision day after day to try to get back, to lose this weight, get healthy, feel better and that's all I can ask of myself.



I've been at the gym every day this week so far. That is something to be proud of!
In 'Biggest Loser' spirit, in any part of your life, what have you done today to make you feel proud?

Big Love,
Bailey


Monday, January 7

victorias fucking secret.

Good day, friends! It's the first Monday after New Years- and you know what that means. How many of you went to the gym today feelin on fire? Aha Guilty.

I try not to torture myself with things like Victorias Secret - it is the most depressing thing in the world. Not only do I not look 1/100th that hot but I never will...and it's depressing. Thats not the only issue - their clothes are so FREAKING cute (and they do come in my size) but holy shmokies - this broke chick couldn't afford a pencil from that place. If only their spring line wasn't so cute. Thanks to my friend Tamara for mentioning it - now I'm just double sad that I'm not a Victorias Secret model and I can't even afford to pretend. Instead.. I'll write a blog about it and make you guys go look at their spring line and we can suffer together.

Here are my 5 favorites from the Spring preview :

 How freakin' gorgoeus are these cover-ups? They can be yours for the low low pricse of 108$ and 70$ Yeah right. Unless I win the lottery I won't be spending more than 20$ on a beach cover up but FACK - Im in love with these. Wait -do I even GO to the beach?! Good thing I'd look like a beached whale or else I might be more tempted to make the purchase.

Anyone else seeing a color trend here? Aha. I love it. I know that the top has been done but I love this one and I still haven't caught onto that trend yet as I can never find one that I love. This one, of course the 50$ version, is perfect. And the dress? At first sight, it's totally not something I would wear but I'm thinking the less fat, tanned up version of me could rock it. What do you guys think?





















And this? Well.. this dress.. I love. Tamara does too so if she buys it I probably shouldn't BUT I've made myself a deal. If by the middle of May the dress is still in stock, in my size, and I have lost 29lbs (so I will be at 200) - I will buy myself the dress as a birthday gift for my 22nd birthday on May.28th. I don't really have the dollas to drop 50$ on a dress that I would feel totally insecure in so if Im feelin sexy - I will treat myself. It's sooooo pretty.



What do you guys think of the new Victorias Secret spring line? Do you normally shop there? I don't - but I wish I could aha. If you had limitless money - what would be your favorite store to shop at? Look at me blogging about fashion - what the fuck?! ahah. It won't happen often I promise!

Big Love,
Bailey

Saturday, January 5

hummus is the devil.

It's January 5th and I'm 5 days deep into being "back on track". I'm with the people who say that you shouldn't start trying to lose weight on Jan.1st you should just start any day and I agree with the fact that people who just start on some random wednesday are the people who are committed and will have more of a chance at success. But NYE is a great chance to feel like you're starting fresh, that's for sure.

I don't know how many Mondays I've tried dieting or tried to quit soda or junk food or start working out.. a lot of Mondays. I've probably had at least half as many tuesdays where I needed a break from the restrictive diet I started the day before. Same with New Years and although I think most people fail at New Years resolutions it didn't stop me from setting them as well.

And why did I set them? 229.2 This totally embarrassing number is why I knew I needed to get my ass into gear and chase after some goals. I am up 20lbs from my lowest weight - half of my weight gained back. So embarrassing, horrifying, disappointing..everything. But I refuse to cry over it. I just need to get back there..and then I'm going to surpass it..and I'm going to feel amazing. I look at pictures of me from the beginning of summer where I was inching closer to Onederland, tanned up and feeling good and they make me so upset at myself. But I knew what was happening in the fall and after I moved in with Mark I knew it was getting worse. I was just spiraling back into my old ways. And I caught myself. I caught myself before I found myself all the way back at 251 and I'm so happy and thankful for that. I never wanted to get to this place let alone go all the way back there. So that's why 2013 is my year - I have to do this - for me.

I decided to start Whole30 on Jan.1st. It's basically like paleo but more strict with a lot of strange rules. I thought it would be great to get my body back to eating healthy and ENJOYING eating healthy. I quickly regretted the decision when the headaches started. Nothing was making me full - no matter how much chicken or carrots I ate and I was dreadful to be around - I'm talkin 'hangry' to the max! Day 5 is better. I'm still emotional at times and I'm sick of carrot sticks but I'm not so hungry and my head isn't pounding so that's a plus.

They call that shit the carb flu and once you get over it you're suppose to feel this burst of energy. To be fair, I do feel better and today I worked at the gym decently hard for only being back at it for a week. Here's my issue with Whole30 - I just feel like it's TOO restrictive for me. I believe that moderation is key -you just have to learn habits that keep you from pigging out and eating like shit all the time. Cutting everything out can be stupid because, if you're anything like me (and if you've struggled with your weight you prob are) - cutting everything out leads to binging and ultimately failure.

I know people swear by whole30 and I think it's prinicpals are great. They dont expect you to eat like that forever but they do expect you to pick up healthy habits and rid yourself of all the shit from processed foods and bad carbs and then make a decision to just eat like that because you want to (HAHAHAHH yeah right). Fair enough. I just find its TOO strict for me so I've decided to make acceptions. For example : I ate some hummus the other night. (I know - I'm a rebel). It had about 4 ingredients but chickpeas are forbidden (they are a legume im guessing) but honestly.. I don't give a fuck. I felt like the whole30 gods were watching me for the first few days of January and I felt like if I even looked at cheese I was going to be shot down and kicked out of the club. WHY DID I FEEL GUILTY FOR EATING HUMMUS??

So I guess I won't say I'm doing Whole30 because I know hardcore Whole30'ers won't want to be associated with my hummus eating ass but I am still sticking to it. Avoiding starchy foods, sugar, soft drinks etc. But if I want some hummus you bet you're skinny ass I'll be eating it and I will prob allow myself a little "Yolo Treat" every once in a while. I know myself and deprivation doesn't get me far - I get hungry, sad and frustrated. My biggest issue is that I start feeling so sad that I'm in such rough shape health wise that I have to deprive myself of hummus - like really? I'm this fat? Then I cry more.

So this is what will work for me for now. I plan to stick to it but make a few modifications so I don't kill anyone or binge. Seems fair. I encourage everyone trying to get their health in check to do the same - do what works for you. I don't recommend diet pills or meal replacements or starving yourself of course, but if you find a diet that mosty works for you, tweak it. It's okay to have a little treat if it won't throw you off track and if it keeps you sane.

My friend Sara and I talked today and I said "If I have to give up everything I love and be nuts for abs - then I'll take the extra 5-10lbs - I like my sanity." Whether you like yours or not is up to you.

What changes have you made with your diet this year? And what is the most crazy/stupid thing you have ever done to lose weight?

Big Love,
Bailey J

Wednesday, January 2

im boring.

I'm boring for two reasons. 1) I forced myself to wait until the countdown before I could call for a drive home last night on NYE and definitely started dialing at 12:01 and b) I'm going to share my best posts of 2012 with you today and that's not very exciting.

I'm sort of starving and having withdrawal from junk food as I'm starting whole30 today - read more here. I will go into greater depth in a day or two when I'm not ready to tear someones head off because Im so hangry. The starvation and hanger doesn't have me in the best blogging mood so I just thought I'd share with you my top 5 posts of the year and you can check em out in case you missed em. They're worth it, I swear!

So Happy Reading and Happy New Year!

5.) That Time I Lost My Virginity - my retelling of when I lost my virginity, my thoughts on the right time to have sex and my over all feelings about sex and the fact that i was a 21 year old virgin.

4.) 10 Steps To Bringing A Girl Home - My sassy and sarcastic tips for (not) getting a girl to come home with you. A "how to" in reverse with my own special bailey j twist.

3.) Hey, Fat Girl - The repost of a powerful message to those who are over weight and attempting ot get into shape from someone who is already in shape. It makes me cry every time.

2.) You're A Disgusting Pig -My thoughts on how hard society is on womens bodys, thinspiration, healthy vs skinny and many other subjects triggered by disgusting and offensive articles written about Kate Upton

and the #1 most read post in 2012 wasssssss...

1.)And You Thought I Was Single Part 2 - My first post from California when I came clean about my relationship status, Moo, how we met and what I was REALLY doing in California.

Thanks for an awesome year, readers! It's so much more fun with you around.

Big Love,
Bailey

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