Saturday, January 5

hummus is the devil.

It's January 5th and I'm 5 days deep into being "back on track". I'm with the people who say that you shouldn't start trying to lose weight on Jan.1st you should just start any day and I agree with the fact that people who just start on some random wednesday are the people who are committed and will have more of a chance at success. But NYE is a great chance to feel like you're starting fresh, that's for sure.

I don't know how many Mondays I've tried dieting or tried to quit soda or junk food or start working out.. a lot of Mondays. I've probably had at least half as many tuesdays where I needed a break from the restrictive diet I started the day before. Same with New Years and although I think most people fail at New Years resolutions it didn't stop me from setting them as well.

And why did I set them? 229.2 This totally embarrassing number is why I knew I needed to get my ass into gear and chase after some goals. I am up 20lbs from my lowest weight - half of my weight gained back. So embarrassing, horrifying, disappointing..everything. But I refuse to cry over it. I just need to get back there..and then I'm going to surpass it..and I'm going to feel amazing. I look at pictures of me from the beginning of summer where I was inching closer to Onederland, tanned up and feeling good and they make me so upset at myself. But I knew what was happening in the fall and after I moved in with Mark I knew it was getting worse. I was just spiraling back into my old ways. And I caught myself. I caught myself before I found myself all the way back at 251 and I'm so happy and thankful for that. I never wanted to get to this place let alone go all the way back there. So that's why 2013 is my year - I have to do this - for me.

I decided to start Whole30 on Jan.1st. It's basically like paleo but more strict with a lot of strange rules. I thought it would be great to get my body back to eating healthy and ENJOYING eating healthy. I quickly regretted the decision when the headaches started. Nothing was making me full - no matter how much chicken or carrots I ate and I was dreadful to be around - I'm talkin 'hangry' to the max! Day 5 is better. I'm still emotional at times and I'm sick of carrot sticks but I'm not so hungry and my head isn't pounding so that's a plus.

They call that shit the carb flu and once you get over it you're suppose to feel this burst of energy. To be fair, I do feel better and today I worked at the gym decently hard for only being back at it for a week. Here's my issue with Whole30 - I just feel like it's TOO restrictive for me. I believe that moderation is key -you just have to learn habits that keep you from pigging out and eating like shit all the time. Cutting everything out can be stupid because, if you're anything like me (and if you've struggled with your weight you prob are) - cutting everything out leads to binging and ultimately failure.

I know people swear by whole30 and I think it's prinicpals are great. They dont expect you to eat like that forever but they do expect you to pick up healthy habits and rid yourself of all the shit from processed foods and bad carbs and then make a decision to just eat like that because you want to (HAHAHAHH yeah right). Fair enough. I just find its TOO strict for me so I've decided to make acceptions. For example : I ate some hummus the other night. (I know - I'm a rebel). It had about 4 ingredients but chickpeas are forbidden (they are a legume im guessing) but honestly.. I don't give a fuck. I felt like the whole30 gods were watching me for the first few days of January and I felt like if I even looked at cheese I was going to be shot down and kicked out of the club. WHY DID I FEEL GUILTY FOR EATING HUMMUS??

So I guess I won't say I'm doing Whole30 because I know hardcore Whole30'ers won't want to be associated with my hummus eating ass but I am still sticking to it. Avoiding starchy foods, sugar, soft drinks etc. But if I want some hummus you bet you're skinny ass I'll be eating it and I will prob allow myself a little "Yolo Treat" every once in a while. I know myself and deprivation doesn't get me far - I get hungry, sad and frustrated. My biggest issue is that I start feeling so sad that I'm in such rough shape health wise that I have to deprive myself of hummus - like really? I'm this fat? Then I cry more.

So this is what will work for me for now. I plan to stick to it but make a few modifications so I don't kill anyone or binge. Seems fair. I encourage everyone trying to get their health in check to do the same - do what works for you. I don't recommend diet pills or meal replacements or starving yourself of course, but if you find a diet that mosty works for you, tweak it. It's okay to have a little treat if it won't throw you off track and if it keeps you sane.

My friend Sara and I talked today and I said "If I have to give up everything I love and be nuts for abs - then I'll take the extra 5-10lbs - I like my sanity." Whether you like yours or not is up to you.

What changes have you made with your diet this year? And what is the most crazy/stupid thing you have ever done to lose weight?

Big Love,
Bailey J


  1. Whaaat!? Is hummus bad for you? It's like one of my fav things to eat. If you eat it with carrots does that make it better? Hahaha
    I'm trying to lose some weight myself, but I think we're alike in the sense that I find hard out dieting too restrictive. I'd much rather eat what I want but in moderation!
    Good luck girl! I know you can do it!

  2. Oh girl... I went to college in the midwest, and the first year I lost weight... about 25 pounds. Then I proceeded to gain all of that back, plus an extra 20 pounds during the next three years. When I graduated, I managed to go from 180 down to 135, finally stabilizing at about 142 for 4 years. And then the inevitable happened. I got a desk job. And for the last year, I've been hovering around 155. 6 pounds over the weight I told myself that I would never, ever, ever exceed again (unless I'm pregnant).

    When I first started at my desk job 2 years ago, I decided to experiment with low carb, just for fun. I was in training to be a holistic health counselor, and we were encouraged to test drive as many different dietary theories as possible. I was really surprised how well I did with it! So I made the decision to start low carb on January 2nd this year. I was too hung over to not have carbs on the first =). And I FEEL you on the carb flu. It hit on the 3rd, really, really badly. Mine usually lasts for 4-5 days, then I start to feel better again, but it's no big "burst" of anything for me. Just a lack of feeling like shit.

    This is a really long winded comment to tell you that I feel you, and I'm in the same spot. We have different amounts of weight to lose, and we're doing it a little differently, but I would love to offer you any support you need. You can do this!

  3. I'm in the same camp as you. I feel being too restrictive can be the fast track to failure. Sadly, I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion. Sometime I feel like I have to be all in or it won't work. I'm wrong and I hope I can stop that behavior. Last year, I was doing well for about six weeks and didn't go over my 1600 calorie limit for 40 days in a row until my nephew's birthday party. I decided to indulge in the barbecue and birthday cake. It wouldn't have been a problem if I had stopped there. Instead, the next day my sister brought me leftovers of cake and potato salad. I should have thrown it away, but from denying myself of these things for 40 days, I thought two days wouldn't hurt. Two days, turned to three days and so forth. Being totally restrictive doesn't work for me. I still need a plan and structure, but this time I need to allow some treats from time to time.

    Best wishes for a great year!

  4. "So I guess I won't say I'm doing Whole30 because I know hardcore Whole30'ers won't want to be associated with my hummus eating ass..." This made me laugh. Having done the Whole 30 for the past 6 days, I TOTALLY get what you're saying. Sounds like you are on a great path. I know you will accomplish some wonderful stuff (hummus and all).

  5. "Cutting everything out can be stupid because, if you're anything like me (and if you've struggled with your weight you prob are) - cutting everything out leads to binging and ultimately failure." <----- Always does with me. :( I'm ridiculously stupid because I like to challenge myself. "You can't eat that," says my diet. I replly, "Like HELL I can't!" There goes my cycle. Haha!

    You're going to surpass your lowest weight. You can do it! You CAN do it! Make it your mantra and you'll see it happen. Anything is possible. ANYTHING. Chin up, girl. Go get what you REALLY want.

  6. Good for you. One thing that helped me was to do a diet personality test. It turns out I am a "rule" follower... so I do really well with a harsher plan, and I have just learned that I need to have a maintenance plan as well and this might help me not to yoyo when I get the gain-back off again...Friends of mine who are "rebels" do better with flex plans, like the ones offered by WW and MFP... stay in the range however you choose to stay in it.
    The 30 plan sounds interesting... I'll have to google it up :)


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