Wednesday, February 20

the ole' hamster wheel.

I'm pretty sure using 'hamster wheel' to describe when you're running and running but staying in the same place is a common thing to do. Right? It's a normal metaphor I think. Anyways, if it is, it's the metaphor of my freaking life.

I want you to take one guess as to what happened this week at weigh in. My pattern seems to be down 1.5lbs, up 1 pound, down .8, up .6, bang head off wall, gain 3lbs, cry myself to sleep, lose .5 in tears..and so on and so forth. I lost .8 so I'll give you 3 guesses as to what happened this week. Clearly you only need one because I gained.

Now, I will pretend to excuse this by saying that I do have my period, I ate seafood alfredo and cheesecake for grams birthday last night and I really struggled this weekend . I probably deserve a gain. I'm not going to say "this week I hit the gym every day and stayed on track to a tee and I gained and I'm so pissed" because it's not true. So my frustration today is mostly with myself. - With my new diet I'm hoping to reach my original weight of 6lbs 7ozs.

I struggle with food big time. I've wrote about my emotional issues and bad relationship with food, and sometimes I feel like I'll never really get over the issues. When I'm doing well I think I have left the unhealthy relationship in the past but all it takes is one trigger to put me right back where I started. Im not sure how I will ever get better but I'm determined to do so.

All I can do is keep moving forward. These are my 3 goals for the week :

Stick to my 1600 calorie goal and log every single bite. I have lowered my calories to 1600 for a week but definitely fucked up for most of the days I was trying so this week it's on. I also need to focus on recording it all. Logging works really well for me but sometimes I suck at actually doing it! MUST LOG.

Run. Running seemed to be a huge aid in my weight loss last time around and I have felt like I'm not doing enough cardio. I've started Couch to 5K again and I'm ready to run off this belly. & an update on yesterdays post about prospective surgery - it won't be until summer and my doctor told me I can still exercise on it so we're golden in all aspects. Here I come, California and more importantly (just kidding Moo) here I come 24 hr fitness!

No Sugar.I need to stick to my Lent goal and stay away from the sugar. The biggest trigger for me is when I'm with my friends, there is ALWAYS sweets around and I clearly want them and feeling like the only one who is fat and can't eat them sucks! I need to just suck it the fuck up because I know I can do it and I know how awesome I feel when I avoid it.

4 weeks ago I joined a contest, which I clearly lost, but I took a before picture and decided to take an after one too just to see if I saw any physical differences to make myself feel better. I see absolutely no difference, I may even look bigger, which deff correlates with the scale. Motherrr ffuuuckkk.

Oh well. Keep on keepin on. I have to remind myself that when I'm eating healthy and working out every day that I'm doing awesome things for my body and whether it's showing up on the scale or not, it's still bringing me great benefits. It is not for nothing and there is no reason to give up. 

By the way, I weighed in at 228.4 so I gained 2 lbs. This is actually super normal for my period week so I am expecting great things next Wed or at least to go back to 226.4. Bare with me, friends. 

Big Love,

PS! Giveaway coming as soon as I get to 300 followers so if you love it but don't follow - get on it! So excited for a giveaway :) 


  1. You only see yourself as bigger in your after pic, because you expect to see yourself bigger. They are actually the same. You seem to have a very proportionate shaped. That is a win!
    I think you are beautiful, just the way you are. Continue trying to lose, because it will decrease the chances of impaired health as you get older, but you are a beautiful woman even if you don't lose weight.
    Look for the positive things about yourself, and love who you are. The diet will get easier, and you will get results when you least expect them.

  2. Shark week always f's up my week too! Hang in there!

    Cheers to a new week!

  3. The only difference I see in these two pics is you're smiling in one - letting that gorgeous Miss Bailey out - and frowning in the other. I think it's awesome to want to lose weight, to set goals and try to meet them, just don't forget that you are BEAUTIFUL as is - no assembly required <3

  4. Stoping by from the link up. Girl you got this. I know the whole emotional eater thing but we can kick this weight. I know we can!! Here's to a better week!! I will be praying for you. :)

  5. Did you poop before you weighed yourself? ;) If your stumped up, it could make for that 2 pounds!


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