Sunday, March 31

Mini Eggs and Body Pump

Thought I'd keep it light on this gorgeous Easter Sunday and link up for Sunday Social! Go to A Complete Waste Of Make Up to link up and/or see other bloggers thoughts and answers to these 5 questions. Happy Easter everyone, love you guys so much! Ps - check out how close I am to 300 followers! WOOP WOOP!!

1. What is your favorite type of work out to do? I love classes like body bump. I love getting my heart rate up, feelin like a machine and then pumping out some strength exercises and feeling like a monster. Those classes always get me sweating and I ALWAYS feel sore the next day. We don't have any of that in my town right now and it makes me sad :(

2. Favorite guilty pleasure candy or sweet? Oh my soul - in the spirit of Easter I could say Mini Eggs cause I could eat those things like my life depended on it. All day, errrry day!!

3.What is one thing you continuously forget to do? I even have an alarm set for this but I always change it or turn it off for something else and I CANNOT remember ot do it on my own : my birth control. It's horrible - I know. Lucky for me I won't be getting laid for years so it's no big deal.. may as well reclaim my virginity.

4. Post its or phone reminders? Why? I'd say phone reminders since I always have it on me - there's a larger chance I'll actually see it. I'm so scatter brained I could post a post it somewhere and just totally ignore it.

5. Favorite picture on your phone that makes you smile? I dont really take pictures on my phone since it's not an android and I don't have internet on it aha. I can't do anything with the pictures so I use my ipod but I love this picture. I know, I'm the crazy girl uploading pics of her and her ex but we're still really good friends and I just love this picture - we were weird around each other from the start. I plugged his toilet the 2nd day I was there.. we didn't really have a "hide your weirdness" phase.

Big Easter Love,

Thursday, March 28

Why First Impressions Don't Last

"You never have a second chance to make a first impression"

I've been told to make a good first impression before and it's true.. a first impression only happens once. I kind of think the first impression thing is bull shit though. I don't believe you can have even a baby idea what someone is like at their core from a first impression, I believe in giving people a chance to show you their true colors and that's why I think we should care less about a first impression and more about actually getting to know someone for who they are not what they have to offer you in the first 10 seconds of meeting them.This works both ways - I believe some people may seem fabulous and good from the first impression but those types of people can also be fake and manipulative. For those of us who like to believe in the good in people.. we fall for that easily.

Here is why I no longer trust my first impressions. When I was 17, I met Cassie. Cassie was new to Grand Manan and Cassie drove me fucking insane. She was a mutual friend through a group of girlfriends in the grade lower than I was, which she was also in. She quickly found a spot in their group and I quickly knew I didn't wanna be around when she was. I thought she was loud and too much for me.

My [what I thought would be] last straw with Cassie was when we were drinking at friends camp on the water one summer. Looking back now we laugh but at the time I wanted to smack her. My friend Jason and I sat on the dock as a drunken Cassie screamed about how much she loved Jason and while jumping off a raft into the water over and over. She was something else.

Cassie, jason and I in High School 
I decided then I didn't want much to do with Cassie and I wouldn't spend much time around her from then on but the universe had something else planned. As time went on I got to know Cassie better and began to see her more for who she was, and less for how she acted in groups or when drunk. For the past 5 years I've learned about Cassie's life before she moved to Grand Manan that summer and more about who she is as a person.

Cassie is now one of my best friends and one of the best human beings I've ever known. Her heart is so huge, she is such a giver and I don't know if I have anyone in my life who is as strong as she is. She has been there for me so many times and I hope that I can be there for her even half as much.. I could be proud of that.

The past few weeks Cassie has helped me get through my break up and has been such a good friend. She picks me up and helps me get out of the house, she hosted a bunch of us for lobster dip and girl time, she got me off of the island for a day and she's currently visiting me as I type where i'm housesitting. The past few weeks would have been 10x worse without her and I feel so thankful to have her in my life. So many tears were not shed because I had her cheering me up and keeping me in tact.

Cassie taught me that first impressions don't mean anything. If I had gone off my first impression of Cassie and not given her a chance to show me who she is I would've missed out on one of the best friendships of my life. I've had so many good times with Cassie, she has taught me so much and I woud've missed out on a lotta love! I owe her so much.

Have you ever had a Cassie come into your life?

Big Love,

Wednesday, March 27

My Constant Battle

226.6 I'm down just a bit again this week. If I am down "just a bit" each week I can reach my goal weight in almost exactly two years. Two fucking years seems a bit longer than I'd like though so I know I need to step it up which I have been doing.

For example I went to Boston Pizza yesterday. Do you know what I wanted at Boston pizza? I wanted to start with the Chicken Thai bites and then rock the Baked Chipotle Penne - I wanted to SO badly. Instead I opted for the App sized Caesar salad with a shrimp skewer and baked Salmon with veggies. The meal I wanted was 1960 calories and that's not including Garlic Toast or Caesar Salad that it probably comes with and that I most likely would have ate. 1960 calories is more than I eat in a day if I'm trying to lose weight.

Its not that I couldn't or wouldn't eat that much, even knowing those numbers, but that's a lot of food. I do believe in treats and moderation but.. I will never get to goal weight eating meals like that. Are you wondering the difference in calories with the meal I chose? 580 calories for the salad, shrimp, salmon and veggies which was big, filling and super delicious (minus the fart tasting broccoli). That's almost a 1300 calorie difference. When I compare that - I feel proud of my decision. At the restaurant, I wasn't too happy about it.

I've also decided to step up my work outs. I have been working out since January, hour long work outs, sometimes 90 minutes, with cardio and lot's of strength. I know that the exercise I'm doing is great for my body but I was discouraged that I never felt sore and on top of that - I haven't been losing any weight. So I'm trying to really push myself, lift heavier, dig deeper, run longer. I'm doing a running program and I want to wake up and not be able to move.. I want proof the next day that I kicked my own ass.

So that's kind of where I'm at. I'm back at the gym to work out my emotions and stop laying in bed all's just not healthy. I'm really working on changing my eating habits because eating is my biggest issue - I really struggle with portions, emotional eating and eating junk food. It will take me years, maybe my whole life to really get that control I need with food but I have to keep trying. My relationship with food is a constant battle..constant.

So this week I'm down .4 but I've seen flashes of a number I enjoy, 225, and this week I'm determined to get a good, solid loss. I know you've heard me say that over and over again but .. you're going to keep hearing it til I get there.

What's your biggest struggle when trying to lose weight? Do you struggle to get exercise in, to give up the sweets, with eating in general? Do you struggle with the time it takes to lose weight? I can get a bit impatient and it wears me down. Let me know - you're so not alone.

Big Love,

Monday, March 25


I read a lot of blogs - like A LOT. I read blogs about weight loss, blogs about fitness, blogs about make up, blogs about travel, jobs, hair, pregnancy, children, fashion, everything. It's very hard to keep up sometimes but it also keeps my mind open and I learn a lot about things I wouldn't know about otherwise. I'm exposed to lives that are 100% different than mine which I enjoy.

For example : Sinead Bradley from Sinead In The Sun who's blog is now Sinead In The Disney Sun. She is a cute and creative Kiwi who dabbles in graphic design, just finished University and will be headed to Florida this summer to begin working at Disney World. She is 100% different than me but I find her so intriguing. She inspired my post today with her post : Lust List.

I wrote a post about awesome Plus Size Fashion and how to be sexy in it that if you haven't read, you should, because there are so many awesome options out there. I have been lusting after so many cute things on Forever 21 I wanted to share and see what you guys think :my very own lust list. As far as writing about my actual emotions and feelings I don't know what to say. Emotional constipation is still in full swing even though I'm home, in my zone. I don't know how I feel besides sad a lot of the time and I'm not about spreading my sadness all over the blogosphere. I will spread my shopping addiction though.

I have a list on my Forever 21 account called "210". It's summer clothes I will buy myself when I get back down to 210lbs - definitely a good reward! I'm hoping to reach it by my birthday so I can justify spending the money as a birthday gift. Keep in mind that in the summer I work a lot so most of the clothes I buy myself are things I will wear to work.

                 1. 2. 3.

These are all from Forever 21 and shirts I have in mind for work. I work in a restaurant and in the summer the heat is insane so I have to keep the clothing light but appropriate. The reasons I love these shirts : they meet those guidelines and 1 is a gorgeous color, 2 is sequins but not too much (I'm so picky about sequins!) and 3 is pink and peplum - need I say more? My favorite is the peplum and it WILL be mine and I WILL reach 210 before summer! 

This row is a little less for work. I can't really wear the shorts but I LOVE them for a day off and I've been looking for the perfect blazer and I'm in love with this nautical one on F21. The skirt I can wear to work and as you can tell from the top above I'm having myself a little obsession over royal blue. I have skirts in every other girl : red, pink, black, purple, even tie dye and I need this to complete the skirt collection. 

Dresses are my absolute favorite for work and this tribal print dress is perfect - I love the neckline/straps - I will definitely be ordering this one for summer.  

What are you most excited about buying for summer? Do you like the shorts, the fun summer dresses or are you a beach bum who's only worry is bikinis? I can't wait for the warm weather and cute clothes. I am more than ready. 

Big love,

Saturday, March 23

one of those times where I ask for help.

**Afterthought : This goes all day SUNDAY as well and you can vote as many times as you want!!

The help isn't for me per se but for my community. A while back I talked about how we're all famous here and stuff because we have a commercial about us ... this commmercial.It's all about how our hockey rink came to be, how Mars paid for our heated mezzonine and now we have this amazing hockey rink. Then there's this one guy who, I don't really think I've ever spoken to, but every time I'm there I see him. He's one of "those guys". He's the president of the minor hockey association I believe. And he's always there. And this guy needs your vote.. but again, its not for him, per se. The hockey on this island needs your vote. Kraft is giving away 100,000 to a lucky minor hockey association. Ours is new, and growing and I know we all see a bright future of Hockey on Grand Manan and that money would be a helluva boost. So you can go to THIS site and press vote beside Chris' face and write up and that would be a huge favor to.. a LOT of people.

In case you missed the link it's this :

You don't have to make an account or do anything that takes very long, just simply press the large red Vote  button. If you could share it with your friends, on your fb page, blog page, whatever that would be even better.

And just because I freakin' love this video about our island, made by Mars (like the bars), I'm going to share it. And Chris is actually in this video.. just for a factoid.

Thank you to anyone who votes - I know I can always count on the blogging community!

Big love and happy Saturday,

PS. I love you all. To anyone who has asked how I am or left a comment - Im doing well! I'll be okay. Thanks everyone for all your love. xo

Wednesday, March 20

I will fill my heart with sugar.

On Friday I asked myself "Will I be the girl who gains weight after her break up or loses it?". I'd like to think I will lose it, obviously but the crumbs left over from the weekend tell a different story. I ate everything that I could fit into the Mark sized hole in my heart. Feeds at Mcdonalds, Tim Hortons, Greco - none of which I particularly like but were convenient to me and felt great in my belly. I ate large bags of chips, cookies, squares and indulged on meals that were so not healthy. Don't forget the chocolate, soda, juice and penny candy cause I sure didn't.

When the breakup happened I felt too sick to eat. In a way I hoped it continued but I know myself and I knew it wouldn't. I felt pretty nauseous for a few days but I am an emotional eater to the core and I knew I couldn't run away from it. Instead of letting it continue and getting back up to my highest weight again, I've decided to nip it in the bud..or the butt..or whatever the phrase is. No more junk food for me. Today is day 2 and I'm determined. I may still have times where I over eat but I'm not going to let it be on junk food and I will get to a point where I will have better control over my portions.

Considering the amount of food I've eaten the past few days I'm okay with my weigh in - I guess the not eating I did for a few days balanced it out. I weighed in today 227lbs which is a loss of .4 from last week. I'll take it. This is also TOM so.. considering everything I'm sort of impressed with this weigh in. I wish it was 150lbs but that will come.

I'm so happy I made the decision to say adios to junk food. I need that. I need to focus on something else to heal like exercise, writing and just being with the people I love. I plan to head back to the gym asap, as soon as I feel ready face anyone I may come into contact with. So far I've stayed under the radar but I have to venture out eventually. I want to get back into Yoga too, I think it would be great for me right now. We'll see what happens.

I bought a second hand ipod shuffle today too for the gym. I love my ipod touch but the screen is smashed and it's really annoying to lug around at the gym. The ipod was cheap and though I'm broke I think it was a good investment to have something smaller and more convenient.

Do you have any good song suggestions for my new gym ipod?

Big Love,

Tuesday, March 19

The Weekend From Hell

As most of you know I recently went through a complicated break up.. like very four days ago. I wrote *this post* as I flew, drove, bussed and ferried the long 5466.5 mile journey back home. For those of you using the metric system..which is anyone who isn't american I believe, that's 8797.47km and yes I calculated all of this. From the taxi to the airport, to the flight to San Francisco, over to Chicago and Halifax. To my drive to Truro, my bus to Quispamsis and finally my drive to the ferry and the ferry to bring me to my new nesting spot :my bed.

Now.. all that travel with a broken heart was enough to make this the weekend from hell. I can say confidently that this has been the most horrible weekend of my life. It was heartbreakingly terrible. You would think that the universe thought that my situation was enough but little did I know that it was going to hurl a few more curve balls my way before the weekend was out. It started at the airport.

I spent the taxi drive from Moos apt to the airport trying to figure out if I was going to turn around or not. Clearly, I didn't, but I considered it the whole way. I continued to consider it until I flew out from San Francisco..I knew then there was no turning back. At the airport in Sacramento I did okay. I didn't cry as I checked in and walked up to wait for security. I kept my cool.

I told myself if I could get to the plane before I started crying that was something to be proud of. At least on the plane you can turn your head to the window or pretend to sleep. I sent my belongings through the security xray and I walked myself through the human one. If I had a dollar for every shot they have of my basically naked in that thing I'd only have like 20$ but seriously.. why do they need that thorough of an xray of me? Anyways. I made it through fine but my things did not. This is where the real fun began.

They sent my luggage through the x ray 3 times before telling me that they were going to have to search my things. They wouldn't tell me why but I thought "Great.. this is totally what I need right now" and waited for them to find the very threatening thing in my bag : nothing. They couldn't find what they were looking for but said that they would need to pat me down. Perfect. A lady came to politely pat me down and I figured thatd be the end of it. Unfortunately, whatever they were searching for was apparently "all over me".

I was patted down 3 more times, after the 2nd I was taken to a room to be more aggressively patted down. My things were gone through (including my underwear.. jokes on him, one pair was dirty) in front of everyone passing through before I was exiled to the private room and I was totally mortified. Did I look like a criminal? By the 2nd pat down I started to cry and explain that I had just gone through a break up and I just wanted to get home. They didn't really give a shit and as I set off alarm after alarm.. Id say I was about one more BEEP away from a lovely cavity search that was sure to maim me for life emotionally.

Fortunately, after the 4th pat down the alarm didn't go off. I believe she was swabbing her gloves after patting me down, then they would test the swabs on a machine and on the 4th try nothing came up. I have no idea what was all over me, no idea what they believed it was and honestly, I don't care now. That wasn't the end unfortunately. When they gave me back my bag - the zipper was completely broke. I almost shit my pants. They taped it up with TSA tape and I had to walk around the airport with a taped up carry on that looked like it may contain something partially threatening. Fuck my life.

Source: via Sawyer on Pinterest

The rest of the day went reasonably well. I ended up being in the middle seat once, so I had to hold in my tears so I wouldn't look crazy as fuck and the only other downside was the man sitting near me in Chicago who smelt like someone took a shit on him and he hadn't bothered to clean it off. I arrived in Halifax a bit late but it felt good to be a bit closer to home and further away from the smelly man.

On Saturday I decided to be so emotionally unstable I almost hit about 4 people when I was driving (2 on foot, 2 in vehicles). I was visiting a friend until I could head home and she let me use her vehicle while she worked. Apparently this notion that one can be too emotionally unstable to drive is real because I was so distracted I almost made a lot of boo-boos. The universe must've been working with me at this point since I didn't actually hit anyone or anything. Praise.

Later that night on my way to pick Sheri up, I took the wrong turn and all of a sudden I was on the darkest highway I've ever driven on headed to butt fuck no where. I began to panic, lose my cool then I took the first prohibited u turn available and made me way back to Truro. It took some searching for a GPS pin and some loud music to calm me down but I eventually ended up where I needed to be. We missed Jungle Jims for dinner because of my poor judgement which really pissed me off. We ended up eating nasty Greco food and it was WAY too garlicy. I was fighting back the garlic burps and pukes for the next 24 hours. Absolutely awful.

The next day I hopped on a bus to Quispamsis where my Aunt lives. My mother was flying in from her trip to Florida and we would drive home that evening..not before I almost had my head chopped off though. Okay so it wasn't that dramatic but the events that occured had me spooked. I'm not sure about where you're from but taking the bus in Canada isn't the most reassuring way to travel. Anyone can take the bus and I mean anyone. You don't need any sort of ID, nothing gets checked, no one gets checked, anything can be brought onto a bus.. it basically can be a disaster. It wasnt that long ago that a guy simple cut off a mans head on a bus in Canada and held it up for the rest of the passengers to see. Yeah. Fucking sketchy.

I normally don't worry about those sorts of things. I'm a seasoned traveler, by all means of transportation, and I can't let it get to me. When we stopped in Amherst I got concerned - why were we waiting around? Oh .. we were waiting for the police. Four cars hauled up, came on the bus, escorted a man off, and proceded to arrest him. For what? I'm not sure. I was at the back of the bus so if there was information passed around about him, it didn't get to me. Of course I had been the one to text a friend and say "there is a really cute guy on the bus" .. "never mind. he's a criminal". Honestly this man looked no more suspicious or threatening than I did but you just never know.

We kept on truckin'. Once in Sackville, we let someone off, let a few on and we should've been on our way. I've done this bus route, I know there is not a break in Sackville yet we waited for 20 minutes. All of a sudden I knew what was up.. we were waiting for our arrested friend to rejoin the crew. Sure enough a police car showed up about 2 minutes later and the man was let back on the bus. Shit was awkward for EVERYONE. We all felt uncomfortable - were our heads going to be chopped off by this man? And imagine the embarrassment he went through. He apparently was innocent and being taken off, then let back on would've been mortifying. I felt horrible for him.

The rest of the trip home went pretty smooth. Mom and I had lots of life chats, stopped for a yummy dinner and discussed both of our trips on the way home. And now here I am..back at square one.

This week is already going much smoother than the weekend. It may not be so smooth without the love and support of friends, family, anonymous strangers, blog friends, MFP friends etc who have helped me through this super tough time. To be clear, Mark and I are best friends, on good terms and I am doing okay.. definitely not easy though. The amount of emails I have received  even from people who I've never spoken to , has been positively overwhelming. I don't know how I became lucky enough to have so many people care about me but.. thank you to whatever reason.

Have you ever had an "incident" while on an aiport, bus, train etc? Let me know in the comments.

HUGE love to you all,

Friday, March 15

They Say I'll Be Okay.

I'm sitting in San Francisco International Airport and I don't know how I got here. Well, I know how I got here, I flew here from Sacramento early this morning.I don't know how I got to this place in my life, in my relationship, as a person. Not even two weeks ago I was headed back to Sacramento to surprise Mark, to work on our relationship, to resume our life together and now I'm sitting in an airport again surrounded by strangers who probably think I'm fucking psycho as I sob into my sleeve.

Nothing lasts forever. No relationship is perfect. Time heals all wounds. We'll always be friends. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I keep repeating cheesy inspirational and motivational quotes to myself as my heart breaks inside my chest.. I keep telling myself someday I'll be okay. It's not really a promise I can make to myself though.. how should I know? This is my first break up and I don't know what to expect. How do I live without my best friend, my first love? I'm not sure but I guess I'm going to have to figure it out.

To be honest I ended things, he didn't break my heart or cheat or anything you might expect. It's not like there was a huge break up, it wasn't like someone didn't feel the magic or cheated. It just needed to happen. Mark and I love each other very much. We went from strangers, to friends, to best friends to falling in love and embarking on this crazy adventure together. Mark will always have a place in my heart. I felt some of the happiest emotions and experienced some of the best times of my life with Mark. It just wasn't working.

I could sit here and give you all the regular stuff - we're too different, we're in different places in life, we want different things, the distance is hard. Those things are true but there are lot's of complex issues and it's always more complicated and harder to explain then you think it will be, than people think it is from the outside. All I know is that either way my heart was going to break.

I'm torn. I knew this had to happen but I'm stuck between that and feeling like I'm making the worst decision of my life. I feel like no one will love me like Mark does, and I will never feel the way I feel for Mark for anyone else. I feel like we should work on this more but.. we've been working. We both need to grow before we could try this again. Our relationship was getting unhealthy and I know that there are reasons we're breaking up but right now all I feel and see are reasons I need to stay - reasons I need to just leave this airport, get on the bus and run back to my Moo Bear.

Mark knows me better than anyone else. I never thought anyone would love me.. let alone know me in the deep, personal ways he knows me and still loves me. Our bond is something special and this experience is too. Mark and I are not on bad terms. We love each other and will continue to be best friends if we can. It just didn't work..

So I will be back in Canada tonight, only 10 days after I left. I fear going home, facing people who know I'm suppose to be gone for 3 months. I fear people asking about my trip.. I fear breaking down while admitting to them and myself that it's over with Mark and I. I fear the next months or years of healing from this and trying not to miss Mark with my whole being.

But I'm going to be okay.. they say I'll be okay.. I think I'll be okay.
Thank God for great friends.. I would not be making it through this without them. I love you guys.

I always promised honesty on here.. even when it hurts.

Big Love,

Wednesday, March 13

Any Excuse To Shop.

Two days in a row.. I'm back in the blog game! I shouldn't speak too soon I guess, but I knew I had to link up for WIW after missing last week. Consistency is good and I love hearing from and reading all the other ladies blogs! You should seriously go to and check out some of the other blogs who link up. I always feel inspired after seeing how everyone else is doing.

When I weighed in two weeks ago I was way up at 230. This week I'm back down at what I've sort of been hovering around at 227.4 Way better than 230 but not really much of an improvement considering I'm on month 3 of trying to lose weight again and I haven't even lost 2 lbs. Story of my life oh well. 

That's sad but what makes me happy? Shopping. When I realized I have no good shirts for working out in I took it as an excuse to head over to target. I left with a new coral sports bra which I love and a really nice work out tshirt. I normally just wear old shirts but this one is legit and if I like it I may head back for another. There was no picture of the tshirt on line but I did find the sports bra.  
I also bought a scale which I'm so happy to have. Last time I didn't have one here and I gained 10lbs so at least if I have it here and don't lose weight I can keep in check and not gain. I also can participate in WIW which I love to do. Hopefully this scale will track an actual loss though..that's what I'm hoping for. It's actually really cool and literally tracks my loss for each time I step on and overall since the first time I weighed in. It does that for up to 4 people which I think is pretty nifty. 

So I'm down to 227.4 and my TOM is coming this weekend. Hopefully I can fight the forces of my period and have a loss to show next Wednesday. We'll see. :) 

Do you find you gain during your period week? I usually see a 2lb gain that goes away once it's over. I tend to not fret over a gain during this time of the month. 

Big Love,

Tuesday, March 12

ducks and other highlights.

Hey guys! Have you all given up on me? It's been a week since my last post, I know. The last post was a lot to take in though - you needed a break right??.... right? aha. I know, I'm making excuses, but I promise to try to be better around this here blog o' mine. I get a little blogstipated when I come to California and I have some clues as to why and when I'm ready, I'll share more of that with you. But for now I'm gonna let you in one what's been up.

As most of you know from this post, I arrived here in West Sac last Monday night to surprise Mark a week and a half early. Most of the last week was spent cleaning. I cannot believe how messy this man is. I've been unpacking, organizing and trying to make a comfortable living space for us both this past week. It is hard to just fall into a life here, especially since we struggle as a couple at times, so for me it takes baby steps to get comfortable.

Last week Mark and I went to Target and I bought a bike. I'm glad I bought it because it's a fun way to get some activity in and Mark has an unhealthy obsession with his bike so it's something we can do together. On our first day as a biking couple we bought some bread and headed to a duck pond - we have way too much fun at duck ponds. I was overly excited about the greediest duck of them all eating right out of my hand. I was one with nature - check out me and my duckfriends.

& we also made a friend with this lady who comes almost every day to feed the ducks and has since she was a little girl. I love that! She just brings them her crushed up bread after it goes bad. She says she tries to get them all fed.. I just loved her. She was a firecracker! 

Other activities included buying a new phone, (yay I have a number - message me on fb if you would like to have it), stocking up on groceries and reactivating my account and heading back to 24 hour fitness. I had a total NSV at 24 hour fitness as well. I wrote this on my blogs Facebook Account yesterday with the following picture.

"Some people might find this hard to believe but I have a bit of social anxiety, especially when i alone. Whenever I go to my gym in Sacramento (24 hr fitness) I get SO nervous! I seriously fear anyone looking at me and figuring out how lost I am. I make a bee line for the first free piece of cardio equipment I see and I stick to it. This would be fine if I didn't love lifting.. I just can't get the nerve up to go near people and use the weights or use the weight/resistance machines etc. Well, today I was brave! I tried a new cardio machine I was nervous to try and I lifted some free weights. You may not realize how big this is for me but it's a baby step towards getting more comfortable at the gym which I need to do. So yay me!! lol My workout today helped me clear my head and I'm going to start working on a new post asap :)"

I know some of you are probably thinking "man the fuck up" but it was a big deal for me. I'm headed back today and hopefully will feel brave again. I'm going to continue training for a 5k (and eventually 10 in hopes of running one this summer) because I find running does great things for my weight loss and my body in general so today will be running and maybe if I get brave I'll go near the weights section. 

Other than that I've just been trying to adapt to being back at Marks. We have a lot to work on because as I wrote here, we weren't going to stay together after my last visit. For me, our relationship was unfinished and I knew I needed to come back and we love each other and wanted to give it another chance, Mark felt the same, so here I am. If you want my honesty : I don't know what's going to happen but that's why I'm here. 

Last but not least I've been trying to cook. I made a chicken curry that I was pretty impressed with considering my past in cooking and tonight I made Blackened Salmon w/ Sweet Potatos+Mushrooms with Thyme. You can find the Salmon recipe HERE and the veggie recipe HERE

The verdict? Well, I messed it up at first by burning the sweet potato. It was the exact time on the temp suggest but I think I went wrong when cutting the sweet potato - they weren't big enough pieces so they cooked much quicker. Still yummy though. The mushrooms were great (you add them in later) and so tasty. I will try this recipe again for sure but I will try to do better next time. 

The salmon was amazing. It was cooked to perfection unlike the veggies and it was spicy (there's cayenne) which was different for this Grand Mananer - we don't eat spicy food and we definitely don't cook our fish spicy (anywhere I've eaten it). Since I LOVE hot, spicy food, the salmon was a fun and delicious recipe for me. I will be making this again for sure.

You may be wondering where I got proper salmon in Sacramento if you're an islander lol. I don't know about the rest of GM'ers but I'm a fish snob! I'm not down with packaged frozen seafood form God knows where - especially of the lobster and crab variety - but I found a brand at Walmart that I was willing to try (mostly because the packaging was convincing and it was on sale.) I was very pleased with it, will buy it again when it comes on sale. Some of my seafood snobbery melted away with this experience! I will still never buy anything but fresh lobster though. Seafood snob.

So this is what I've been up to lately! What have you guys been up to lately? If you are form GM, or anywhere really, are you a seafood snob? Are you a snob about other types of food? Let me know! I can't be the only one! 

Big Love,

PS. Stop back tomorrow as I'll be back with a Weigh In Wednesday after my two week hiatus. 

Tuesday, March 5

You Raised One Helluva Liar

Dear Parents : you raised one helluva liar, maybe even 3, but definitely one. That one is me. (Rhyme time!)

Something my dad likes to say is that Mom and him raised a good group of liars. This sounds bad, and yes, lying is bad, but we tend to be sneaky and lie about things for the good of someone - usually Mom! For example we have a tendency to sneak behind moms back, join forces and buy her fun gifts. I personally LOVE surprises. There is nothing better than surprising people and I totally over do it when it's deff not necessary but I just love a nice surprise!

"What is your latest scheme, Bailey?" you may be asking! Surprising The Moo is my latest scheme!! AMPED. In January I decided I'd book a ticket, but tell Mark I was coming a little later and surprise him. I messaged his sister to see if she'd help me execute my evil (in a sweet way) plan and she was down! So for the last two months I had Mark believing I was arriving on March.15th when in fact I arrived 11 days early, on March.4th. You guys knew I was coming but I was vague on here because he just might decide to actually read my blog the one day I revealed the secret. He is smart and intuitive -he guessed all his Christmas gifts-so I knew I had to be super stealth!

For two months I had countdowns going for the 15th and we constantly got all mushy gushy about how close it was coming. We planned our first day together, I told him what I wanted him to cook me (burritos of course- yum) and in the airports (for 1$ a fucking minute) I even kept up my charade of being at Sheri's for the week (which I was for the weekend -perfect cover) and texted him saying I was going for drives, going to the movies, and my excuse for not texting all morning was that I stayed up all night and slept in until noon. Golden. Lucky for me he had two classes and was pretty well distracted. Unless he was bored he normally wouldn't freak if I didn't text him all afternoon.

The day of flying and airports was a fucking long one and I mean looonnng. It started at 3am when I woke up to do any last minute packing and make myself look like I had slept more than 2 hours. Sheri and I were on the road by 3:30 and after a quick Iced Cap run at Tim Hortons we were off. My first flight was a few hours to Toronto and was pretty smooth sailing. Once in Toronto I had 90 minutes to get through pre-clearance (customs to get into the states) and then I was off to Colorado. As I waited in line to clear Customs I was particularly urked by a large businessman in olive pants, a floor length olive trench coat and a repulsive attitude. He was so socially inept and his presence alone annoyed me. After that, and a few weird looks from the Customs officer, I was off to Denver.

Of course - the Olive man ended up sitting in my row on the plane and blabbering the whole time. Not only that, but he took off his shoes and let his toes get some air the whole plane ride. Fucking weirdo. Lucky for me I had headphones and a cold. I was also sitting near 2 situations where grown men (who were strangers) fought over who was REALLY in the window seat. Seriously guys? Grow the fuck up and sit your ass down.

The most unfortunate issue with that flight was that it ended up being 75 minutes delayed and I missed my connection to Sacramento by half hour.DA FUQ? I had to rearrange with Marks sister about picking me up but it ended up being not too stressful. A super friendly airport dude stole me away from the long Customer Service line and booked my ticket. Apparently the airline had booked me one for late at night even though there was one at 3:30 (about 4 hours after my scheduled flight). He hooked me up on the earlier flight and i was so freaking thankful. He's an angel.

Although I had an earlier flight, this one also ended up being delayed but only by 30 mins and we made up a lot of that time. For all the travel shit, I got some good karma and ended up being seated alone on this flight! I got to stretch out a bit, have a little nap and fart a few times. 2.5hrs later I was in Sacramento, shaking in my boots with excitement for the surprise! But there was one more setback waiting for me. Because the airline booked my ticket for later, they left my baggage in Denver. At this point I didn't even care - I just wanted to get to the apartment. So I went outside, breathed in the warm Sacramento air and waited for Marks sister to arrive.

On the drive there she told me she had told her mother that day about my surprise. So their mom, realizing how dirty Marks apt would be and how he might want it to be a bit more welcoming, headed there to clean up. This is what happened when I arrived at The Moos apartment :) Sorry in advance - I think its sideways aha.

His sister totally called him getting all emotional and I knew he'd go into shock. All he said for a few minutes was "I gotta clean my room" and he locked himself in there to clean up. There were literally things he hadn't cleaned since I left - so gross. So today I'm starting the make over of the apartment. I just cleaned the freezer out an almost vomited. I don't know if Mark is super special or if all dudes would be this disgusting if left to their own devices..either way - not okay. 

So here I am, back in Sacramento until June 4th. I'm not sure what the next 3 months hold for me but hopefully good things and lot's of good memories with The Moo! :) I'm off to open up and try on all the clothes I bought and sent here over the past 2 months lol. Cough *shopaholic* Cough. 

Big Love,

PS. People definitely get annoyed of my annoyance of using the word "gay" as a synonym for stupid but the chances are likely that I won't ever stop. Here's why.

Sunday, March 3

Identity Thief

Hey friends! I just wanted to check in quickly and wish you all a happy Sunday! Remember that brief stint in Truro Nova Scotia I did a year ago? Well I'm back here for a couple of days visiting the family I lived here with. I'm havin such a nice time-it's been way too long! Just wanted to let ya'll know the reason I'm neglecting the blog for a few days. There is no Internet here and I don't even have it on m phone so I'm currently updating from Sheri's phone. It's so frustrating - I'm not a fan of touch screen lol

Before I go I just wanted to mention that last night Sheri, Hannah and I saw Identity Thief - fuckin hilarious! I recommend it to anyone with a sense of humor!

Seen any awesome movies lately? Let me know!!

Big love

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