Wednesday, March 20

I will fill my heart with sugar.

On Friday I asked myself "Will I be the girl who gains weight after her break up or loses it?". I'd like to think I will lose it, obviously but the crumbs left over from the weekend tell a different story. I ate everything that I could fit into the Mark sized hole in my heart. Feeds at Mcdonalds, Tim Hortons, Greco - none of which I particularly like but were convenient to me and felt great in my belly. I ate large bags of chips, cookies, squares and indulged on meals that were so not healthy. Don't forget the chocolate, soda, juice and penny candy cause I sure didn't.

When the breakup happened I felt too sick to eat. In a way I hoped it continued but I know myself and I knew it wouldn't. I felt pretty nauseous for a few days but I am an emotional eater to the core and I knew I couldn't run away from it. Instead of letting it continue and getting back up to my highest weight again, I've decided to nip it in the bud..or the butt..or whatever the phrase is. No more junk food for me. Today is day 2 and I'm determined. I may still have times where I over eat but I'm not going to let it be on junk food and I will get to a point where I will have better control over my portions.

Considering the amount of food I've eaten the past few days I'm okay with my weigh in - I guess the not eating I did for a few days balanced it out. I weighed in today 227lbs which is a loss of .4 from last week. I'll take it. This is also TOM so.. considering everything I'm sort of impressed with this weigh in. I wish it was 150lbs but that will come.

I'm so happy I made the decision to say adios to junk food. I need that. I need to focus on something else to heal like exercise, writing and just being with the people I love. I plan to head back to the gym asap, as soon as I feel ready face anyone I may come into contact with. So far I've stayed under the radar but I have to venture out eventually. I want to get back into Yoga too, I think it would be great for me right now. We'll see what happens.

I bought a second hand ipod shuffle today too for the gym. I love my ipod touch but the screen is smashed and it's really annoying to lug around at the gym. The ipod was cheap and though I'm broke I think it was a good investment to have something smaller and more convenient.

Do you have any good song suggestions for my new gym ipod?

Big Love,


  1. Sorry about your breakup! I'm like 12 years older than you but here's a fun fast playlist that won't make you cry: Thrift Shop/Macklemore, All I Do is Win/DJ Khaled, Headlines/Drake, Get Low/Lil Jon, Not Afraid/Eminem, Kush/Dr.Dre, California Love/Tupac, Fighter/Christina Aguilera, You Can Do It/Ice Cube, Rearview Mirror/Pearl Jam

  2. sorry to hear about the break up, my advice for songs for the gym, pick some empowered badass breakup songs (let be honest anything by alanis will do) and use them to motivate you to sweat it out. I find that a hard workout is the best way to work through negative emotions! Way to be strong and cut the junk food response quick!

  3. Actually I'm 15 years older than you-exactly. We have the same birthday! Have a great rest of the week!

  4. There are all kinds of great gym mixes on Spotify! I'm a strong believer in time heals all wounds, and this one will heal if you do just what you're planning!

  5. Sorry about the breakup :(
    Great decision to cut out junk food, I think you'll see a lot of amazing results! :)

  6. Found you through Weigh in Wednesday and I am your newest follower! Break-ups are tough, but I know you can make it through without undoing all your hard work! My favorite gym song is Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys. That gets me pumped every time :) You can do it!

  7. You made the right choice, a day will come when it will be easier. You will be stronger, more confident, and a whole person. You'll fill that Mark sized hole with something else, something even better, beyond what you could imagine. xoxox

  8. Sorry about your break up. I'm an emotional eater too and would have done the same thing! Good for you for realizing so quickly and correcting it. I'd bet the sooner you get back to the gym, the sooner you'll start feeling better!

    I'm lame and don't do the music thing, but I think the Alanis Morsett (Sp?) suggestion is great!


  9. I am sorry to hear about your breakup! But good job on a .4 loss within an emotional week!

    Some of my favourite songs are oldies but goodies:

    I second the Christina Aguilera Fighter! (LOVELOVELOVE that song)

    And of course Dirrty (Both Fighter and Dirrty have been on every get Psyched Mix I have ever created.)

    Heartbreaker by Pat Benatar (Seriously this song makes me wanna bust a move any time I hear it.)

    Sabotage by the Beastie Boys

    Cemetery by the Headstones (If you like rock, the lyrics are morbid but it's meant to be funny and I love the big drums, plus they're Canadian! :)

    We Will Rock You by Queen (Totally cliched, yes, but who cares, it's a fun song.)

  10. You can do it! Once you make it a week or so without junk food you will definitely lose the craving for it and making that healthy choice will be so much easier. My favorite work out song right now is Ke$ha - Die Young. Don't particularly love her but that song gets my heart rate going. Also, Stronger by Kelly Clarkson.

  11. I'm so sorry about you break up. Good for you for taking a weekend to indulge and then letting it go. The junk food won't make you feel better. Getting healthy will! I was just curious how tall you were? I hope you are feeling a little better.

  12. I joined WW a week ago today, so looks like I'll be joining you for weigh in Wednesdays! I hope you're doing okay, breaks ups suck, and I know all about trying to make a long distance relationship work (not nearly as far away, but for a very long time). *Hugs*

  13. Ugh, sorry to hear about your break up. Those are never fun. But it sounds like even though you took a few days to indulge in some unhealthy foods, you seem to be getting back on the right track now, and not letting it overtake you. Keep up that determination to leave junk food alone and eat good, and you'll rock it! Maybe you could even start running. I just started about two months ago, and I'm actually starting to get used to it and like it a little bit. It's not like it's "fun" but it's definitely rewarding, and a great way to push myself. Good luck girl! Visiting today from the WIW link-up :)

  14. Aw, break-ups suck! Sorry to hear you're going through one--I totally sympathize with the driving need to eat away the pain. And actually, I think on some level, EVERYONE does it--it's just the culture we live in. But you're so right--now is the time to get obsessed with exercise. I personally love love LOVE running for getting lost in my thoughts. Lately my high emotions all have to do with my job, and on mornings when I get to run before work, I come in much more calm and ready to deal with the insanity. :)

  15. I'm sorry to hear about your break up! Good job on your loss though - keep up the good work - you'll get to your goal before you know it!

    Lacey @ CHARM + Sass

  16. I've been reading along and I'm so sorry about the tough time... so glad you finally made it back home and hopefully you can get back to a sort of "normal" now and the weight loss will continue. Good luck girl... we're right there with you!

  17. I think you are my new idol :)

  18. Girl you got this!! Break ups suck!! I had my first one last year!! I gained weight. It sucked!! You got this!! I will be there supporting you here!!

  19. For me, it's anything Britney Spears! Her songs just make me want to get up and dance, which helps me stay motivated when I'm working out! Sorry to hear about your breakup. Boo. Good for you, letting yourself indulge but not completely overdoing it. Keep up the good work!


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