Wednesday, March 27

My Constant Battle

226.6 I'm down just a bit again this week. If I am down "just a bit" each week I can reach my goal weight in almost exactly two years. Two fucking years seems a bit longer than I'd like though so I know I need to step it up which I have been doing.

For example I went to Boston Pizza yesterday. Do you know what I wanted at Boston pizza? I wanted to start with the Chicken Thai bites and then rock the Baked Chipotle Penne - I wanted to SO badly. Instead I opted for the App sized Caesar salad with a shrimp skewer and baked Salmon with veggies. The meal I wanted was 1960 calories and that's not including Garlic Toast or Caesar Salad that it probably comes with and that I most likely would have ate. 1960 calories is more than I eat in a day if I'm trying to lose weight.

Its not that I couldn't or wouldn't eat that much, even knowing those numbers, but that's a lot of food. I do believe in treats and moderation but.. I will never get to goal weight eating meals like that. Are you wondering the difference in calories with the meal I chose? 580 calories for the salad, shrimp, salmon and veggies which was big, filling and super delicious (minus the fart tasting broccoli). That's almost a 1300 calorie difference. When I compare that - I feel proud of my decision. At the restaurant, I wasn't too happy about it.

I've also decided to step up my work outs. I have been working out since January, hour long work outs, sometimes 90 minutes, with cardio and lot's of strength. I know that the exercise I'm doing is great for my body but I was discouraged that I never felt sore and on top of that - I haven't been losing any weight. So I'm trying to really push myself, lift heavier, dig deeper, run longer. I'm doing a running program and I want to wake up and not be able to move.. I want proof the next day that I kicked my own ass.

So that's kind of where I'm at. I'm back at the gym to work out my emotions and stop laying in bed all's just not healthy. I'm really working on changing my eating habits because eating is my biggest issue - I really struggle with portions, emotional eating and eating junk food. It will take me years, maybe my whole life to really get that control I need with food but I have to keep trying. My relationship with food is a constant battle..constant.

So this week I'm down .4 but I've seen flashes of a number I enjoy, 225, and this week I'm determined to get a good, solid loss. I know you've heard me say that over and over again but .. you're going to keep hearing it til I get there.

What's your biggest struggle when trying to lose weight? Do you struggle to get exercise in, to give up the sweets, with eating in general? Do you struggle with the time it takes to lose weight? I can get a bit impatient and it wears me down. Let me know - you're so not alone.

Big Love,


  1. I have learned that I lose weight quite easily when I don't eat processed foods.
    Sounds simple, huh? It pretty much boils down to: if you didn't cook it don't eat it, and if has more than one ingredient in it, don't cook with it...
    On the bright side, I am starting to enjoy cooking again, and filling a lot of the time (that I used to spend struggling to stay away from the fridge) researching recipes online, looking for simple, but tasty low calorie meals. It keeps the mind busy, and if the mind stays busy, the mouth doesn't feel the need to party :)
    Instead of a struggle, make a journey of it, enjoy an occasional rest area, if you have to,just realize it's going to delay your arrival to your destination when you do.
    It is good to see your writing Bailey, hang there-you are doing great!

  2. I don't think I've ever ordered anything at Boston Pizza that wasn't pizza. At least I have downsized from the small size to individual. Maybe I'll have to try that shrimp salad next time.

    2 years is a pretty long time away. But it's a lot sooner than never. :)

  3. Food is also my problem, and I agree with wanting to wake up sore from an amazing workout. A little tip with the workouts? You don't have to spend 90mins in the gym, that actually might be counter acting your weight loss. Aim for 20-40 mins in the gym, but kick your ass with your time there. Constantly move, get your heart rate up even while you're lifting weights, and do lots of full body moves. You'll get there, I know you will.

  4. Agree. Two years sounds terrible, but it is a marathon.... I've been hovering with the same 15 pound range for two years, and it's upsetting because I want to be ten pounds less than that range, but I started 30 pounds above that. Sometimes, we have to celebrate daily choices and not gaining. If it's always about the long-range plan, it starts to feel impossible and it gets boring. I'm planning to set weekly goals.

  5. Just remember that doing something, is better than nothing. changing the way you live and eat doesn't happen over night, so try not to be so hard on yourself. And while two years may seem like FOREVER, it is better than never, right? And giiirrrl, I love my sweets! And bread. and cheese. While i'm not a huge fan of overly processed foods, I could happily live off a loaf of bread and some amazing cheese, with some fancy chocolate to match. I love food, and would rather have a few more curves and enjoy my life than be super skinny and hate it. It's all about balance. some days are just more balanced than others.

  6. I love the little quotepics you sprinkled through your post. Great inspiration for me! Yes, two years seems like a long time, but the hard work will pay off. Fast loss tends to lead to easy gaining back of the weight so I'll take a slow loss over no loss any day. I also wish I WASN'T so sore after working out! Good for you making all that effort in the gym. I know I need more of that motivation!

  7. Mine is everything. The food. The working out. Etc. I want to be my goal weight now. I look at cute clothes and it makes me so upset that I can't wear them. :(. It doesn't help my sisters are not overweight. It hurts so bad. :(

  8. I'm not currently trying to lose weight, but just to get in shape. I'm trying to cut potatoes and corn from my diet, which is hard since I already eat mostly vegan. And potatoes are pretty much my all time favorite food! It's difficult. At times you feel like you are depriving yourself and then you get rebellious and just say fuck it, I'm going to eat whatever I want! It's a daily struggle, but it's an important one. My friend posted a really inspiring post that I feel you could benefit from. If you'd like to check it out

    Jillian -


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