Thursday, May 30

Being Honest With Myself

I'm taking a minute to be honest with myself about the last few days. As far as Sat-Today have gone - I don't deserve a loss on Monday. Here is why :

- I haven't tracked on Weight Watchers since last Friday. I had been doing so awesome with tracking and I'm paying to do it so I'm really annoyed at myself.
-I haven't been working out as much. I skipped a couple of work outs and have been phoning it in with cardio. Smarten the fuck up Bailey J.
-I let my birthday eating get out of control, to the point where it has made me sick. No more of that.
-I'm having a hard time getting back to eating well again after so many days of not logging and eating whatever I want.
-I'm letting the stress of my cleanse ending psych me out. I've done so well while on it and Im afraid of what will happen now that it's over.

So there. I said it. I faced it. Sometimes I just need to lay it out, talk about it and face it so that I can overcome it. I've done some thinking and here is where I'm at :

-I started my day off well and have been tracking and eating great. I just need to get back to being strict.
-I know I need to just keep eating like I have been on the cleanse. Now that I'm done I can't just start eating junk again and expect to keep losing weight. I know how to do it.. so I need to put my head down and get to it.
-Im going to continue to work out like I have been. It makes me feel so awesome and strong. No more days off (except or Sunday which I always take off!).
-Keep positive. I can totally do this I just need to believe I can.

Tomorrow I'll be back with my full advocare cleanse review! I'll be talking about how it went, how I felt and of course my weight loss and measurements and whether I would recommend it and/or do it again! So tune in tomorrow for all that good stuff. :)

Big Love,
Thanks for letting me vent.

Wednesday, May 29

Weigh In Wednesday [Link up]

Pretty Strong Medicine

Hi guys! I've been having a bit of trouble getting my first post as Co-Host of Weigh In Wednesday together. I had it all written, lost it, then there were problems with html. Unfortunately I don't have a good post and now Im headed to work (late, mind you!). Sorry - such a bust. I am so excited to be a part of this though as it is the only link up I do regularly so to be a part of it is great. Please link up if you're currently blogging about anything health/fitness/weightloss related and be sure to check out the other awesome posts.

Search my Label weightloss and I'm sure you will find lot's of posts to interest you. For the sake of weighing in, this week I lost .6lbs and a sitting at 221.6 YAY! :) Have an awesome week!

 Big Love,

Tuesday, May 28

WW Week 6//Advocare Update+HappyBirthdayToME!

I know, I know, I'm late but lets pretend : Its Weigh In Day! If you read my last few posts you know three things : A)I really wanted to see 220 on the scale b)I know that is unrealistic so I was hoping for 221.7, a half pound loss and c)The chances of me seeing a loss after my surprise birthday party (with lots of treats) was not high.

I did see a loss though! I weighed in at 221.6 which is a .6lb loss and I'm totally happy with it. It will help me not feel so guilty when I cheat a baby bit at my birthday dinner tonight. I have had almost no sweets during my advocare cleanse so Im pretty excited for my birthday cake from Sugar & Spice and a dinner out with my family! And yes - it's my 22nd birthday today! Check out my last post for a video of me being surprised on Saturday night! I had no fucking idea!

I'm on a quick lunch break - I've been lucky enough to get a full time fill in position at the Day Care this week so I've been busy! I better head back but I just wanted to check in! I'll be back for my final Advocare Weigh In and a full update in a few days. YAY!!

Have an awesome day and don't forget to do a Randon Act Of Kindness in honor of my bday!

Big Love,

Sunday, May 26

my birthday surprise! (w/ video footage!)

I love to dance. I love to drink tequila and shake my booty. So it comes as no surprise to my friends and family that on my birthday all I wanted was a big, fun, party with awesome music and lots of dancing. I had to work this weekend so going to the city to celebrate my birthday was out of the question. Since I live in such a small place I knew the chance of a dance party was pretty bleak. I planned to get some friends together for dinner, have some pre drinks and hope for a decent party. I headed to pick up Ashley at her house for dinner but as I arrived she said she needed help because her basement had flooded and she needed to bring boxes up stair. I ran in to help and as I came down the stairs into the basement, this happened :

Yeah. I was pretty freakin' excited and I had no clue. My friend Ashley knew I really wanted a dance party and she's the best friend, party planner and decorator in the lands so she made it happen behind my back. Her and my friends put together this amazing surprise all week and I ignorantly was planning my own bday festivities and they went along with it. There were some awesome dance related decorations, awesome music, yummy treats, great friends and of course - some delicious adult beverages. There was homemade wine and not homemade wine and tequila - a personal favorite. The night was SO much fun. I felt so much love and it was the best birthday EVER!

My birthday is on Tuesday and I asked on my facebook that for my birthday everyone do a RAOK (Random Act Of Kindness) in my birthday honor! It doesn't matter what it is, just go out of your way to make someone happy or smile. :) I hope you guys will all consider it. 

Have you ever had a surprise party? They are the BEST. 
Tell me about a RAOK you have given or received :) 

big love,
Bailey J 

Saturday, May 25

I'm Greedy.

I'm greedy for a lot things but this week I'm greedy for weight loss. Here's the break down : in 5 weeks I've lost 10.8lbs which is right on track for where I would like to be..a bit higher even - fabulous. In 2 weeks i've lost 6.6 of that which is over half - I've been on a roll and I'm super happy about it. Happy as a clam.

Here is the thing : I've been doing this weight loss thing for long enough to know that that shit doesn't last forever if it happens at all. Though I am still working hard and eating well I know that it's super possible that I will stay the same this week or maybe even go up a pound. I'm working so hard and although I know its normal and okay to stall, I would prob shed a little tear if I gained. This isn't even the greedy party though : I REALLY want to lose this week.

I feel bad though because if it was anyone else I'd be like "girlfriend! not only are you bound to have a week where you dont lose but you're lifting hella weights and that makes you retain water AND you're building muscle which may cause a little gain". But instead Im all "I NEED A WEIGHTLOSS".

I am being realistic though : I'm hoping realistically for .5 just to keep it going - half a pound is awesome. My unrealistic goal is 2.2lbs cause I had this pipe dream of being 220 by my 22nd birthday on Tuesday. I know that the chance of that happening is like.. ridiculously low but I can't help but have a little hope for it. You may say I'm a dreamer..but I'm not the only one..

Anywho. I just wanted to check in and talk about my greed apparently. My greed is also continuing into tomorrow where I act like im 13 and try to celebrate my birthday with way too much enthusiasm. Tuesday is not really a "lets party and celebrate birth" kind of a day (though I will prob do it again) so I'm hoping to get together with a small study group of people (hopefully there is a huge huge party somewhere that I can shake my booty) to enjoy a casual drink. We'll see what happens - send me awesome party vibes. If I visualize will happen.

Enjoy your weekend folks,
Big Love,

Wednesday, May 22

The Day I Moved In With My Internet Boyfriend

Back in October I wrote this post and surprised a lot of people in my life with the fact that I had not traveled across the continent out of adventure and need to explore California but instead to meet my first love and boyfriend whom I had never met in real life before. Yeah, it shocked a few people and was a little fucking crazy, but I did it. Check back on that post for more juicy deets.

There was so much information in that post that when it came to the moment we actually met, I just sort of mentioned it was awkward for a few minutes then we were good. This is true, but clearly there was a whole event that happened that I skipped over. Here's what went down.

I had flown hella hours to get there which usually makes me a little cray cray, not to mention bloated, so add meeting my first love for the first time to the end of the trip and you've got a pretty wild Bailey J on your hands. I remember stepping off the plane and preparing myself for him to be there at every turn. I had never been to Sac Int'l so I didn't know how it was laid out and when he would all of a sudden be a real physical thing in my life. Imagine the anxiety and excitement of being in love with someone, also craving physical intimacy with them and going from not being able to touch them for 2 years to having them right there in your reach after all that time? It's a crazy feeling and it scared the shit out of me.

On top of that there was a million other anxieties and ideas floating through my head. Would he be as cute as I thought? Would you be someone different? Would he think Im cute? Would he murder me? Would he bail?! Him bailing became a real possibility as I got to the final stage of grabbing my luggage and waiting nervously at the doors. He wasn't there and I started to panic. I got on my facebook and Diana soothed me, asked how it was going and kept my mind occupied. After 10 minutes I used my skype to call him...panic.

Luckily for my sanity he had just gone to the wrong building and he was on his way to find me. All of a sudden his voice and his being was different to me because it was so close to me. I knew soon he would be real to me, not just an intangible lover. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him outside the window and I was super brave and I turned away from him. Yep. I did it. I didn't want to be the first to see him, so I made him have to do the scariness and approach me from behind (that sounded dirty).

He tapped me on the shoulder and it was the craziest moment of my entire life. I turned around and basically hurled myself at him and all of a sudden I was exactly where I had wanted to be for two years - in my boyfriends arms.

The next few hours were blurry. I remember buying chips so that I could have change for the bus - something this island girl had definitely not planned for. I remember him telling me how much prettier I was in person - what a relief. I remember having to walk a few miles with all my luggage as the buses didn't go to his part of town by that time of night. I remember loving how strong he was carrying my bags and I remember being thankful we bought vodka on the way home.

We spent the night eating dinner he had made for me - I was happy he was a good cook considering my lack of cooking skills. We had a few drinks and loosened up and it was totally normal and felt amazing to be with him. It was like I had imagined and there was no regret. When he showed me his room I had laid down, and he sat down and accidentally touched my arm. I remember pulling it away, scared he might not like me yet. We got over that real quick.

I waited days for my first kiss if you can believe it but things with us came easily and comfortably. Now that we are broken up it doesn't make me sad anymore, instead it makes me thankful for the amazing love I experienced and how much he changed my life. The past 9 months since I met him have been a roller coaster ride and although I wish I could take some of the pain I have felt and throw it away, it has made me a stronger person and I have come so far since I left in March.

I still miss and love Mark but I am healing and it's good to be out of the phase where I felt like I would never be okay. I've taken control of my life, started getting healthy again and I know that there are good things for me, that there is life after first loves.

 Do I get upset and cry over him? Definitely. Do I drunk dial him? Of course. Do we still talk every day? Yep. He's my best friend and that probably won't change for a while but I'm okay and I'm happy and for the first time in a while I feel like my future looks bright instead of lonely and scary.

And over all, at least it is a good story to tell. How many people do you know who moved in with their boyfriend on the first day they met? At least I'm interesting.

Big Love,

Monday, May 20 weightloss was wrong.

Okay. I didn't lie.. I was just uninformed. When I weighed in this morning, as I mentioned, I was dunged up and bloated. I still had a loss though and since I don't poop regularly I came to terms with the fact that I probably wasn't going to this morning - I know, so much information lol. So I recorded my weight loss on WW, myfitnesspal and I blogged about it like I do every monday morning.

Before I got in the shower I was relieved to finally do my business and when I got out of the shower I decided to step on again since I was no longer bloated and I had that light, empty feeling I enjoy for stepping on the scales. Well wasn't I the happiest girl in the world when I saw the exact number that I had been secretely hoping for all week - 222.2 The scale had gone down another 1.4lbs - yay me!

My plan was to just stay happy about it and record it with next weeks weigh in. I told Tamara because she's like my weight loss cheerleader - always there for me through the gains and losses, and believes in me more than I believe in myself. She thouht it was crazy that I was going to wait - after all, it was still Monday and I still lost the weight. She said "it counts as this week, it's a really good loss that you earned". Well shit.. she's right, I did earn this, and I'm gonna freakin' shout it from the mountain tops.

So this week my loss wasn't 1.2, it was 2.6 and Im damn proud of it! I'm lost 10.8lbs with WW now, over 10 lbs..almost 11..AHH! Yay! My total weight loss from my highest weight is 28.8 and Id love to lose 1.2 lbs this week to hit 30 lost. I hate to go on and on about it but Im just really proud of myself because Tam is right, I am working hard for it and I'm going to keep working hard for it.

I feel so awesome. If you can't find the will power to go to the gym or eat healthy, just consider how much happier you'll be. I've spent a long time not being able to get into it but now that I'm into it - Im so happy. I am appreciating my body and takin better care of myself - I feel more confident and though I have a ton of body issues Im working on loving it and appreciating it's ability to get me through the work outs it gets me through. I found this and thought it was worth sharing :)

Something to consider :)

big love,
bailey. :) 

WW Week 5 + Advocare Update

Another Monday has rolled around and it really does seem like I just weighed in but here we are again. This is my week 5 weigh in with weight watchers and im still loving it. I could be doing better with tracking but for the most part I'm dedicated. I am dedicated in general - I'm so determined to get healthy, fit and yes, I'll say it, thin! I feel so on fire and so ready to do this - I'm so glad it has finally clicked!

I'm still very happy with the advocare cleanse. I'm on Day 15 (Ive been so confused about the days!! Last week I titled a post Day 10 adn I was like omg I fucked up its Day 14 but it really was day 10. Can't keep my shit straight!)I think that I know I need to eat clean to see results and it's keeping me on my toes. I have to remember that when Im finished the cleanse it doesn't mean I get to eat whatever I want lol. When I was away on the weekend I was surprised at how well I did. I packed my own snacks and supper and I planned on drinking so it wasn't something to feel guilty about. The only baddy I did was havin about a cup and a half of chicken alfredo which isn't really cleanse approved. I didn't eat pizza after the bar which is probably a first for me aha. So I'm proud of the weekend and I feel like it shows that Im making some progress with my eating habits.

So are you ready for my weigh in? Last week I weighed in at 224.8 and this week I weighed in at 223.6 which is a loss of 1.2lbs! I'm 100% happy with that. I knew that expecting a 2-4lb loss was unrealistic after the awesome loss from last week and 1.2 is realistic and still really great so I'm happy! The one thing that made me grumpy though was that I haven't been able to go #2 so getting on the scale feeling bloated was annoying. Even if I had got on and saw the same number but didn't feel like my stomach had rocks in it I would've been happier. Oh well!

So in 5 weeks on weight watchers I've lost 9.4lbs! SO close to 10! Next week - I can smell it! :) Guess what else is going to happen next week that is pretty darn exciting? Okay it's not that exciting for anyone but me but it's my 22nd birthday is next Tuesday! Inbox me for an address to send all my birthday gifts too - you guys are just too kind. ha. Sort of kidding.

As for the goals I set last monday, here is where I'm at :)

1. Stay OP. Total check!
2. Don't Under Eat. Check - I did much better this week. It's crazy how I have to watch both ends of the spectrum lol. I guess I'm an all or nothing kinda girl.
3.Run. Could've done better. My knees are in terrible shape so I know I shouldn't push it anyway but I so want to get back into running!
4.Yoga. Fail. I'm going to try again this week.
5.Be Positive. I think I'm doing well on trying to be more positive. :) I'm such a bitcher so I certainly bitch and I will probably never stop but I've been trying to just be a better person and put more into the world!

New goals for the upcoming week

1.Sweat more. I want to have some more intense work outs! I'm considering trying to do some crossfit stuff! I need a trainer so badly.
2.Eat hella clean. My birthday is coming up and I know I'm going to misbehave a bit with the cake and what not so I want to pound out an AWESOME week with food!
3.Yoga. I know if I go once I'll remember why I love it so tomorrow night I'm hoping to go before I do my Community Weigh In since it's right there in the same building right before.
4.Blog more. I've been a bit slack and all I've wanted to write about is weight loss. I just need some inspiration, that's all. I'm currently working on a "fashion blogger for a day post". Should be entertaining at least.
5.Try something new. I love trying new things and going new places so this week I really want to try something new and experience something different. It could be anything!

What is something new I could try this week? Food, place, exercise, anything!
Have you tried anything new lately? :)

Thanks for stopping by everyone and make sure to go check up the other posts for Five For Five at Fantastically Average!

Big Love,

Thursday, May 16

But What Do You Eat? Advocare Update Day 10

And by Day 10.. I mean Day 14. I'm a fucking knob.

When I tell people I'm on a cleanse and even sometimes when I tell people I'm on Weight Watchers the most common question I get is "Well what do you eat? Are you eating enough". Cleanses are often seen as a negative, fad diet sort of thing and I say that because I'm the first person to say "Well what the fuck are you eating because if it's lemon juice and cayenne pepper get out of my face!". If you know me well, you know I would never do a cleanse that had crazy limitations with the knowledge I have now. I don't believe in restricting your diet to under 1000 calories to detox or only eating liquids or any malarkey like that.. I believe in eating clean and giving your body the supplements it needs to be restored and detoxed back to the way it should be- and that's what I'm doing.

The 10 Day Advocare Cleanse diet is strict but I eat almost anything I would if I was behaving on a clean diet. There is no sugar and no alcohol and very limited grains. I eat most of the things I normally would :tons of veggies, tons of fruit, lean protein (chicken and fish - fish is more highly recommended but I'm not rollin in dough here, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? i eat a lot of chicken), healthy nuts and oils. The next 14 days are less strict - they recommend a 90% "on" diet with limited dairy and alcohol. I will be slipping up with alcohol as I am celebrating some birthdays tomorrow night and then its my own birthday next week but I'll be mixing with Crystal Light! Don't fuck with me - Crystal Light Gets me CRAZY. Just kidding.

So I thought I'd share with you my daily diet - I eat a TON. I'm allowed like a gillion points on WW because I'm so large and I meet the requirement pretty much everyday - I am definitely not under-eating. I repeat : I AM NOT UNDER EATING ON THIS CLEANSE.

Breakfast : 1 Cup Blackberries
Lunch : 1 Avocado, A Big Green Salad w/ 1.5Tbsps of Garlic Parmesan & Roasted Cauliflower Dressing and 4oz of Chicken Breast. (I used montreal steak spices on my chicken. Delish).
Dinner : 3/4 Cup Brown Rice, 1 Cup Raw Brocolli, 1/2 Cup Cucumber, 5 Oz Chicken and 2Tbsps of Ranch (Huge dinner! Im so eating!)
Snacks : An Apricot & an Apple through out the day.

I had big meals yesterday so I didnt do much snacking but Im a snacker. You can definitely find me eating lots of fruits through out the day. Sometimes I eat eggs with my breakfast or tuna at lunch. I do try to make my plates dominantly vegetables as I know it's good for me. I do admit : sometimes I have to force that because I don't want to eat a cup of raw brocolli BUT it's good for me and it makes me poo. I definitely don't eat "rabbit food" all the time and have certainly messed up! Don't take yesterdays menu as a representation of every day.

I'm on Day 14 of my Advocare Cleanse which starts what is called the MNS 3 packs. You can go to this webpage and read all about them. Basically I'm taking 4 different packs through out the day for a total of 14 vitamins/supplements each day which is way better than having to take the fibre drink which I am officially done - WOOOP WOOP! I take one packet 30 mins before breakfast, one 30 mins before lunch then the other 2 I can take with either breakfast or lunch but they recommend both with breakfast.

So how do I feel? Awesome. I still feel awesome. I have been working out hard, getting lots of sleep and eating healthy which normally would make me feel awesome anyway and it's good motivation to keep up the healthy eating with or without the cleanse. Its my lady week this week so yesterday I felt pretty crumby but all things considered, I'm still feeling really great! Day 14 was a lot like day 4 when all of a sudden I was "very regular". Between days 7-13 I wasn't as regular as I wished to be but I caught up this morning that's for damn sure. That is a huge priority for me so if I'm good in that area I'm a happy lady!

I'm working very hard and will be surprised if I don't see another loss but totally okay with it because I feel so great. I do a lot of weight lifting so on weeks where I know I work my ass off and don't see a loss I know that that can contribute.  I'm obviously not building 10lbs of muscle each week but Im certainly building muscle - feel my pipes! Im just really happy with where Im at and proud of myself..glad its finally clicking. The cleanse has definitely helped it click so a big thanks to Meredith for  doing this with me and supplying me with the products and cheering me on. She's an awesome partner!

So yeah.. just feelin good, feelin positive! haha. Headed away tomorrow to celebrate some birthdays - so Happy Birthday shout outs to Rach, Cass and especially Kim who is turning the fabulous NINETEEEN today, big day for Canadians (19th birthday not Kims birthday). Sucks to be you - americans, 2 more years SUCKASSS.

Big Love,
Bailey J 

Tuesday, May 14

Forgiving Myself

This morning I read this post Letting Go from Carb Monster. She writes about letting go of all the times she didn't succeed in the past so that she can succeed now. This is something I totally struggle with.

I have a lot of guilt and resentment over the fact that I gained half my weight back. I gained a few pounds through the summer, then after I was cheated on I lost and then gained more weight. When I moved in with Mark I gained 10lbs and when I came home for Christmas I gained a bit more. I started 2013 with half of my weight gained back and now, in May, I'm still struggling with it.

I torture myself over the fact that I could be at goal weight and I Let the guilt I feel for getting so close to my highest weight consume me. The worst part is that I let these negative emotions effect my weight loss now, they consume me until I feel like giving up. What's the point anyway? Might as well binge and gain back the rest. Fuck that.

Today I'm letting go of all that negative shit and I'm forgiving myself for the failures because that's what humans do.. We fail and we makes mistakes. Instead of letting the failures define me I'm going to come back from it and let my comeback define me. I can't let old mistakes hold me back from the successes I'm totally capable of.

So you heard it here first. I forgive myself.

Big love,

Monday, May 13

Positively Tickled.

I'm over the moon right now! Monday is my weigh in day as you all know and it was a very lovely morning indeed. I'm going to make you wait though and give a quick mothers day shout out as I missed it yesterday while I worked (which was so much fun! it was busy and i miss being busy and working and being productive. WAHOOOO!)

Happy Belated Mothers Day to Joan, my mama. I definitely told her in person a few times just to make that clear. For a gift I'm treating her to a trip to the city for some shopping sometime in the next few months so I can buy her some new hot summer clothes. My mother has a lost a TON of weight and I'm a firm believer that she needs to buy some smaller clothes and show of what she's workin' with. She might not agree but I'm excited for a little trip away with her. When I was younger she took me on shopping trips and waited while I tried on all my clothes (and cried about how fat I was) so now it's my turn to take her (and still cry about how fat I am).

So that's mothers day..and this is weigh in day. I wrote here about how well Advocare was going for me as far as the way I feel, my energy levels and especially my regularity - if you didn't read, it was all good stuff. I feel great! I have certainly cheated a few times but nothing extreme and I've been keeping active! With all of this good behavior and Advocare cleaning out my system, I can't lie, I would've been upset without a loss but lose I did.

Last week I had a 1lb gain and was at 228.8lbs This week I weighed in at 224.8 which is a loss of 4 pounds since last Monday. Can I get a WOOP WOOP? I am so happy with that number I almost cried when I stepped on the scale this morning! I haven't seen a number that low in a while and I'm out of that stupid 226-230 range I have been in for so long! So as long as it keeps going down I'm on cloud 9. So far I've lost 4lbs on the advocare cleanse and 8.2lbs on weight watchers. I've been on weight watchers for 4 weeks so 8.2 is right on point for where I want to be. Wish me luck for another good, binge free week!

Before I check out I need to catch up on my goals from last week and set some new ones. (If I complete and move on, I cross it out and replace it. If I'm keeping it the same, then obviously it just looks the same lol)

1) Stay OP. I never went over this week but I had a few days that were under, too far under, which can be just as bad. I need to keep that in check. Glad I never went over or binged though - thats huge for me. This goal is always a constant for me.
2.) Don't UnderEat. Like I said, I did have a few days where I under ate so I'm keeping this one as a goal for this week because I need to be careful. I know myself and I can get a bit obsessive and disordered.
3.) Run. I did this a few times but wish to do it a few more this week so I'm keeping this goal for next week as well.
4.)Beach Comb. I was dog sitting and able to walk on a bunch of different beaches a few times last week which was great. New Goal : Go to Yoga once this week.
5.)Be positive. I'm keeping this one for the week but I definitely tried to be more positive. Focusing on good is so much easier on the heart than focusing on the bad!

Comment and answer one or both :
What did you guys do for your moms this mothers day?
What goal(s) did you accomplish this past week?

Big Love,
Bailey J

Also if you haven't seen this Mothers Day video from Kid President, you need to take a few minutes out of your day to watch it. So adorable.

Friday, May 10

Advocare Update : Day 5

Five days ago I started the Advocare Cleanse. I am doing the 24 day cleanse with my blog friend Meredith from Is This Thing On? I've been writing about it a bit this week but wanted to give you guys an update of my experience so far now that I've had a few days and used all the products you take for the first 10 day cleansing portion.

I wrote on Monday about how it went taking the fiber drink - picture included. Check THIS post out to see my reaction- not so cute. The next few days of taking the fiber drink were smooth sailing though. I drank it asap after mixing it and it wasn't delicious but it was easy to drink. My disappointment for days 1-3 was that I wasn't going number 2. Now for those of you who have been around a while, you know I talk about poop a lot so you're used to it. For the new ones, a bit nervous about this topic, bare with me - it's all a part of life lol.

So as I said - I was hoping for some "relief" in that area during the cleanse since I have been eating SO good, drinking tons of water and taking the supplements and fiber drink. I was disappointed but not for long - then day 4 came. On Day 4 you stop taking the fibre cleanse for a few days in the  morning and instead take 2 probiotic capsules and holy shit, pun intended, that must've been the freakin' key. I went and I went and I'm still going on day 5. They were not kidding about the words "Detox" and "Cleanse" because those babies are clearin it all out.

Since I started losing weight I've had a lot of trouble in this area. I've tried pills and drinks and drinking more water and fibre loading and lots of exercise. I still struggle with it but I am loving what this cleanse is doing for me. Once I finish I figure it will go back to the way it has been but for now I feel great!

And that is how I generally feel on this cleanse. I feel clean and healthy and so much more energy. I am such a sleeper - I can go to bed at midnight and sleep until almost noon the next day. I've been going to bed before midnight, anywhere from 10:30-11:30 and waking up by 9 or 10 each morning, ready to go. In fact, this morning I woke up at 5:30 wide ass awake - so not like me! My friends are probably gasping at this shit because seriously.. I can sleep for days.

As far as weight loss goes I haven't been on the scale in a few days. I feel so good and I haven't beens tressing about it. Because Im on weight watcher and actively trying to lose weight, of course I hope I lose this week, who wouldn't? But I am not expecting some drastic 9lb loss from the cleanse as I have read that the first 10 days are about detox, the last 14 are about weight loss. I've been doing so well with my eating and exercise though that I have to say, I'd be a little disappointed if I didn't at least lose the pound I gained last week.

So do I recommend it? So far, I don't see why not but I have barely started so I'll wait to sing Advocare praises for 19 more days. All I know is that so far I feel great and I'm mostly really impressed at how well I've done. No chocolate or chips or junk food in 5 days.. so not like me.

Have I cheated? Yes. I had a few french fries, some whole wheat crackers, 2 small veggie spring rolls and a cup of yogurt between 2 smoothies in the past 5 days. Those things aren't allowed but they aren't things I feel guilty about or that I'm going to fret about. I feel so great and I'm really proud of myself.

So there it is. An update on Advocare. :)

What do you guys think? Would you give it a try?
Also.. wait til you see my befores, they are so heinous. I really hope this a difference after because Im so embarrassed to post the befores!! AHH!

Big Love,
Bailey J

Thursday, May 9

I Fucking Hate Pig Tails


I thought this would be fun so I'm joining hosts Holly and Jake for this super fun "finish the sentence" link up! 

Unlike my siblings....I'm a gurl. With a U. 

My best friend says....the word tootsies as a replacement for "toes". I despise it.

People call me.... sexy, and you dont care what they say.. see everytime you turn around they' screamin' ya name.  LA LA LA LA. That's not even the right lyrics but when I saw that written its all I heard in this twisted head o' mine. When I grow up, I wanna be famous, wanna be a star....

I really don't understand....females over the age of 10 who think it's okay to wear pig tails. 

I get really annoyed...when I'm waitressing and people snap their fingers at me. 

There's nothing like a... good laugh with friends to cheer me right up! 

Lately I can't get enough....sweet potato! I've been making sweet potato fries with cajun seasoning. Delish.

One thing I am NOT is....a cheater. I'm very loyal and though I may cheat at a game of cards, I would never cheat on someone I love. 

I spent too much money old car. I put thousands of dollars into it and it wasn't really worth it in the end. I miss him though.. wah :( 

I want to learn.... at least 2 languages and sign language!

If I ever met Jake in real life I'd....ask if he'd be my diva twin because I know we'd get together and just bitch it up about shit that bugs us. Read his post this week to understand what I mean.

I can't stop....crushing candies!!

Never have I ever....lived in my own apartment. That's kind of sad. I've always moved in with a friend for free/cheap, lived with a host family or lived with my boyfriend (only 1 boyfriend to be fair to me) or my parents. Very sad and pathetic of me to admit ahah. I swear I'm not almost 22. 

Reese Witherspoon....would probably be creeped out if she knew that I think of her like a friend after seeing Legally Blonde so many times in my life. 

Your turn .. finish this sentence...

This weekend I am....

Let me know!! 

Big Love,
Bailey J

PS. Go checkout, love and "like" Island Hemp On Facebook - I promise you'll love it! 

Monday, May 6

Why I Want My Clothes Ripped Off.

I was 21 when I lost my virginity. I'll be 22 in a couple of weeks and I've had sex 30-40 times and only with one person. He was my first and only love and I do not regret it. We are no longer together and I no longer have sex. I don't know when I will ever have sex again but my insecure self tells me a long time because it will take another 21 years to find another man willing to have sex with me.

This is my mindset and it has been for most of my life. I've spent the better part of 21 years wondering if I will ever find someone who can love me. If I do find someone who will love me, will they be attracted to me or settle for my charm (kidding..sort of)? Because it seems like I can probably find someone who is desperate enough to lower their standards to my level if they need it bad enough but they don't want to wife me up or anything crazy. I know how awful it sounds because I know how awful it feels. Who knows how I got to this place?

When I had my first serious boyfriend I thought those feelings would change. I was very comfortable with Mark and sex with him was never uncomfortable or nerve wracking for me when it came to the intimacy and my body etc. I never felt insecure and I enjoyed having sex with him - I was always extremely attracted to Mark from the start. I thought that being this comfortable and having sex with someone who loved me would bring on a healthier relationship with my body and self love. I thought that since someone else would love my body and like to see it naked that it might make it easier for me.

This should be the part where I tell you that it didn't and that though Mark loved my body and made me feel beautiful, it had to start with me, I had to love my body for what it is and love myself for who I am. But it isn't that part. It's the part that I tell you that I have still never been naked with a guy and I hate my body even more.

I spent all of my relationship yearning to be told I was beautiful and every time we had sex I ached to have my clothes ripped off (sorry Mom) - neither of those things ever happened.I wanted so much for him to view me as beautiful, to want all of me, to make me feel like all my insecurities were craziness. Instead, I learned that my body was not only something I hated but something that my boyfriend, from what I could understand, was settling for too, dealing with because he loved me.

From that I took away that finding someone someday who will truly know me, love me and want to be with me and also consider me sexy and beautiful is pretty much impossible. Mark loved me very much and I don't know if anyone will ever love me like that again and since he loved me like that and couldn't find me sexy or beautiful than how can I expect to find someone else who will? Not that I'm looking anyway but.. it's a pretty depressing thought.

This still brings me to the same conclusion though..that I need to love my body for what it is, not for how someone else sees it. Maybe I will find someone who is into all this.. I can't imagine why they would be but who knows. All I know is that even if I don't ever find someone, I might as well learn to love myself so at least I know someone digs it..even if its just me.

Will I ever be okay with my body? I have no fucking idea but at least I know I have to change.. that's the first step.

Big Love,
Bailey J 

Here Goes Nothin'

So as I wrote yesterday, my cleanse started today! Today all I have to do is take the fiber cleanse in the morning before I eat breakfast and then some vitamins at night while eating clean through the day. Easy enough except that the fibre drink isn't exactly delicious. I thought I should get a shot of my face after my first drink and I kid you not, this beauty is what I got :

Not a picture Id normally enjoy sharing but cmon...thats pretty priceless. But don't let that stray you from considering the products. It doesn't mean they won't work, it just means the fiber cleanse will take some ahh.. getting used to lol. If I'm still going to use it, I must have some faith in it right :)

Mine was a bit extra atrocious because I made it, then remembered I had to weigh in (which I do after I use the bathroom, totally naked and before I drink or eat anything lol seriously ritual). In about 3 minutes it started to harden and become less like a drink and more like a jelly. Not exactly easy to choke down but I'll stop deviating from weigh in and hit you with the harsh truth :

I gained 1lb. To be honest.. I was kind of happy about it. I'm not happy I gained obviously but it could have been worse, I thought it was going to be so much worse and it was a good wake up call for me to see that I DID gain and I can't fuck around. So I'm taking today as a lesson and honestly planning on such an awesome week!

Before I let you go I need to check in with my 5 for 5 goals with Jessica from last Monday and set some new ones.

1. Stay OP. I did this until the weekend but not very well, clearly, since I gained a pound. I didn't track at all Saturday or Sunday and I didn't have internet so I couldn't have anyway but I need to plan ahead of trips away so I can always be on point.

2.Sleep Like A Normal Human. My trip away helped me achieve this. I had to be up earlier on Saturday to catch a ferry and then a pigeon (not a joke) woke us up Sunday morning and today I woke up at 10am after going to bed at midnight which was exactly my goal. I'm considering this a success and hoping I can keep a somewhat normal schedule up :)

3.Possess my Car. Check! It's so amazing to have wheels again :)

4.Run. I wrote yesterday about how I ran for 15 minutes! Earlier this week I ran during a walk too so I could've done it a few more times but I worked out 5 or 6 times and I DID get some running in so I think success.

5. Be Money Smart. Pretty much a fail. I didn't spend a ton but .. I just wasn't particularly smart.

This week

1. Stay OP. This will always be a goal. It's a daily thing for me trying to do it but it's not that easy. I need to focus on it or I get off track.

2. Don't Undereat. On cleanses it can be easy to undereat I feel but I want to focus on still fueling my body well and reaching my points!

3. Run. I want to try to run 3 times this week even if its 5 minutes during 3 separate work outs. My knees are really bad right now but we'll see what I can do.

4. Beach Comb. I had been going to the beach for a bit and collecting glass and I need to get back this week. I'm working on a pretty decoration with the beach glass and I find it tremendously relaxing,

5. Be Positive. I just want to put some positive into the world and see the positive in it. I sound like a hippy but.. I just want to have a positive week.

Speaking of positive... I just won a 20$ gift card to Relish! Remember yesterday when I posted that drool worthy picture of a burger and poutine? It was from Relish and I tweeted it the day we were there and they messaged me saying they were giving me a 20$ gift card basically for tweeting about it.

They are fabulous to their customers and make AMAZING food so visit them if you can. They have locations all over the East Coast in Saint John, Fredericton, Moncton and Oromocto in NB, Halifax NS, Charlottetown PEI and St.Johns NFLD so if you can get to one, GO to one! They even have veggie and chicken burger options for those of you not into red meat (deff not me).

Anywho - wish me luck this week and hope you guys have an awesome week.

Big Love,

Sunday, May 5

Super Bailey Paid Me A Visit

Super Bailey is my alter ego who I haven't become yet. She's the woman I want to be and know I can be..but need to learn some lessons, change and grow before I become her. She is the smarter version of me and is strong,independent and has the will power of a.... whatever has a lot of will power. She's a tough bitch who runs half marathons, lifts weights, is an awesome friend, wife, mother and human being. As I grow, she grows and hopefully some day I will be her.

Super Bailey paid me a visit today. I was arriving home from a quick impromptu road trip with Ashley to visit Diana for a night where I ate a little bit like shit. I may have consumed a cupcake or 3 (and not just any cupcakes, the big ass cupcakes with 4 inches of forsting from Piece o Cake in uptown SJ), a chocolate bar, fast food and this amazingness :

Yeah. The Great One from Relish and their poutine .DELICIOUS. Now let me clarify :eating these foods and enjoying yourself is not something I consider bad, evil, unhealthy or negative but I went a little overboard. I feel pretty disgusting and there was no need to eat how much I ate. Super Bailey just stopped by to remind me that having this wkd can't let me spiral out of control. So when I arrived home, I put on my shorts and headed to the gym to do a work out.

I proudly did 20 minutes on the bike, did some strength exercises and I even ran for 15 minutes straight (good for me) which inspired me to actually start training to do a run this summer. I was full of fast food and garbage and really preferred a nap but I'm so glad I went.. I needed to do that to get my head in the right place again.

So the truth of the matter is that tomorrow when I do my weekly weigh in it won't be good. I will definitely have water weight and the scale might be right back up to 233 where I started weight watchers at. I have accepted that, and not in a "im giving up, its okay to be fat" kind of way but in a "I'm not going to let this make me feel like shit and emotionally eat" kind of way. I know what I did, and I'm gonna turn it around.

Tomorrow may mark a sad weigh in day for me but it could also mark an awesome (but difficult) day for me as I start my 24 day cleanse I mentioned to you guys. As some of you may know, some won't, I was offered by a reader the 24 day cleanse from Advocare as long as I would participate with her. I thought why not, graciously accepted and we start tomorrow. I'm nervous but really excited - I will definitely be recording it all here so check in often :)

I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how the weigh in goes but I think we all know what's going to happen here lol. Either way, I'm going to have an AWESOME week! I also have to check in tomorrow with my goals list from last Monday so I'll talk to ya'll then!

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend!
Big Love,

Wednesday, May 1

Psych! The Giveaway Isn't Over!

So first off, I won a freaking awesome giveaway today!! I entered a 125$ Amazon Gift Card giveaway at Nathans blog (which you should totally check out because he is always doing awesome things for people.. like giving me amazon credit..but actually way better things than that) about a month ago and then today I found out I won it. YAY ME!

I also won 25$ to Amazon at Mish's blog about a month ago so I'm just rolling in Amazon dough. What do you guys think I should buy? Aside from obviously wanting beauty products I'm considering three things big time : a heart rate monitor, a juicer or a kindle! I'm not leaning more towards any of them so I need you guys to help me figure it out! Let me know in the comments which you would buy or which you think is the best choice for me.

So 2nd order of business is this : I'm choosing (well I've chosen.. as in rafflecopter chose for me) another winner for my giveaway. Krystal won but Krystal lives in Puerto Rico and since it would be a racket to get the prize to her, I asked her if she would prefer to receive a larger gift card in exchange for the extra goodies that were in the giveaway. Krystal was down, of course - who wouldn't be, which means I still have those extra goodies!

Instead of being the greedy gremlin I'd enjoy to be and keeping everything for myself I thought I could just pick another winner and that makes TWO happy Being Bailey J readers. I was totally down for that and then when I chose the winner - they lied about their entry. I check the entries when someone wins because I don't think it's fair to me or to the other people who were honest about their entries if someon says 'Oh I liked your facebook page' but they actually didn't. So SUCKS to be you almost winner of the giveaway round 2.

SO THEN I picked ANOTHER winner! And THIS happened :

I am SO happy! Morgan is a girl I met through MyFitnessPal and we've been cheering for each other for over a year I'm guessing -it's been forever. I was so happy to see someone so awesome win! Morgan I sent you an email telling you to read this so I'll be waiting for your reply! aha. I know it's not as exciting without the gift card but products are products! hehe

What a great day :)
Big love,

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