Wednesday, May 22

The Day I Moved In With My Internet Boyfriend

Back in October I wrote this post and surprised a lot of people in my life with the fact that I had not traveled across the continent out of adventure and need to explore California but instead to meet my first love and boyfriend whom I had never met in real life before. Yeah, it shocked a few people and was a little fucking crazy, but I did it. Check back on that post for more juicy deets.

There was so much information in that post that when it came to the moment we actually met, I just sort of mentioned it was awkward for a few minutes then we were good. This is true, but clearly there was a whole event that happened that I skipped over. Here's what went down.

I had flown hella hours to get there which usually makes me a little cray cray, not to mention bloated, so add meeting my first love for the first time to the end of the trip and you've got a pretty wild Bailey J on your hands. I remember stepping off the plane and preparing myself for him to be there at every turn. I had never been to Sac Int'l so I didn't know how it was laid out and when he would all of a sudden be a real physical thing in my life. Imagine the anxiety and excitement of being in love with someone, also craving physical intimacy with them and going from not being able to touch them for 2 years to having them right there in your reach after all that time? It's a crazy feeling and it scared the shit out of me.

On top of that there was a million other anxieties and ideas floating through my head. Would he be as cute as I thought? Would you be someone different? Would he think Im cute? Would he murder me? Would he bail?! Him bailing became a real possibility as I got to the final stage of grabbing my luggage and waiting nervously at the doors. He wasn't there and I started to panic. I got on my facebook and Diana soothed me, asked how it was going and kept my mind occupied. After 10 minutes I used my skype to call him...panic.

Luckily for my sanity he had just gone to the wrong building and he was on his way to find me. All of a sudden his voice and his being was different to me because it was so close to me. I knew soon he would be real to me, not just an intangible lover. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him outside the window and I was super brave and I turned away from him. Yep. I did it. I didn't want to be the first to see him, so I made him have to do the scariness and approach me from behind (that sounded dirty).

He tapped me on the shoulder and it was the craziest moment of my entire life. I turned around and basically hurled myself at him and all of a sudden I was exactly where I had wanted to be for two years - in my boyfriends arms.

The next few hours were blurry. I remember buying chips so that I could have change for the bus - something this island girl had definitely not planned for. I remember him telling me how much prettier I was in person - what a relief. I remember having to walk a few miles with all my luggage as the buses didn't go to his part of town by that time of night. I remember loving how strong he was carrying my bags and I remember being thankful we bought vodka on the way home.

We spent the night eating dinner he had made for me - I was happy he was a good cook considering my lack of cooking skills. We had a few drinks and loosened up and it was totally normal and felt amazing to be with him. It was like I had imagined and there was no regret. When he showed me his room I had laid down, and he sat down and accidentally touched my arm. I remember pulling it away, scared he might not like me yet. We got over that real quick.

I waited days for my first kiss if you can believe it but things with us came easily and comfortably. Now that we are broken up it doesn't make me sad anymore, instead it makes me thankful for the amazing love I experienced and how much he changed my life. The past 9 months since I met him have been a roller coaster ride and although I wish I could take some of the pain I have felt and throw it away, it has made me a stronger person and I have come so far since I left in March.

I still miss and love Mark but I am healing and it's good to be out of the phase where I felt like I would never be okay. I've taken control of my life, started getting healthy again and I know that there are good things for me, that there is life after first loves.

 Do I get upset and cry over him? Definitely. Do I drunk dial him? Of course. Do we still talk every day? Yep. He's my best friend and that probably won't change for a while but I'm okay and I'm happy and for the first time in a while I feel like my future looks bright instead of lonely and scary.

And over all, at least it is a good story to tell. How many people do you know who moved in with their boyfriend on the first day they met? At least I'm interesting.

Big Love,


  1. You are going to have the most interesting stories to tell your grandchildren someday.

  2. You are my hero in so many ways. I love and admire you more than I can ever find words for. I just want to world to know how wonderful you are. I'm glad this blog leaks a bit of that out.

    And I agree with Charlene, your kids/grandkids are going to think you fucking rule. And they'll be right.

  3. Such an amazing story! You're a brave woman.

  4. Good for you for taking a leap and doing something for you & your heart! I agree with everyone above - you're going to be the cool mom with a great memories to share.

  5. I love you. That is all. :-)


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