Saturday, June 8

The Cheeseburger

I have a problem and my problem is food guilt. Okay I have a lot of problems but one of them is food guilt. I know that a bit of guilt when I eat shitty is good because I'm recognizing that I'm over eating and I can put a stop to it. My problem is that when I get back into the swing of things and I'm eating really healthy and working out - sometimes my food guilt is possibly a bit disordered and I'm not okay with that.

I see the issue and I want to stop but I don't know how.. Maybe I should feel guilty.. and I guess that's where my problem is. I realized today it was an issue when my mother came in and asked me if I had eaten the cheeseburger that was in the fridge and it made me cry. It didn't make me cry that she was accusing me of eating the cheeseburger, it made me cry when I admitted that yes, I had ate the cheeseburger and now it was no longer my secret. Everyone knew I ate the cheeseburger.

I will spend the whole weekend worrying about the scale on Monday and if it will just pop up "You ate a cheeseburger, idiot" when I go to do my weight watchers weigh in. If the scale says something I don't approve of I will see my body differently in the mirror than I had just 30 seconds before I stepped on. I'll blame it all on the cheeseburger, my self sabotage and my lack of will power. I'll tell myself I was stupid to think I'd ever make it to goal weight eating like that.

I will waste my entire weekend having food guilt because I ate a stupid fucking cheeseburger. Whether I should feed guilty or not.. I don't want to. I don't want to spend my life feeling like shit because I eat something that I probably should avoid. I know I can't lose weight if I eat those things though so I don't really know how to stop the cycle.

All I know is I don't want to feel like that anymore and I have no idea how not to.

Help me?
Bailey. 

5 comments:

  1. The Eat-Clean Diet, by Tosca Reno.
    It's a no-brainer once you read it.
    It's a life changer once you do it.

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  2. I am the same way and I know my sister is as well. We will vent to each other and feel guilty together! You are not alone!

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  3. Honestly eating a cheeseburger every once in a while is not a bad thing. It is when we deny ourselves completely that we end up falling off the wagon all the way! Yes a little bit of food guilt is probably a good thing but don't let it ruin your day!

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  4. I see where your coming from girl. I find myself feeling that way at times. Despite how I feel about myself, once I step on the scale or if I get sick after eating something I know I shouldn't have, I feel extremely frustrated and full of regret... this often leads to more eating of crappy food since I already don't like what the scale just told me.

    I have found that dedicating a specific day a couple treats is best for me! I will try and only eat my junk food or splurge worthy foods on that day. It also gives me something to look forward to :)

    Boo for those nasty feelings. I know nothing will makes them go away, but you got this girl!! I have confidence in you!

    (It's been awhile - good to catch up on your blog!)
    xoxo
    Erin

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  5. Man do I know these feelings all too well. I've gotten realllllly good at suppressing them though...

    I too remember my mom asking, "Did you eat ____ ?" I usually got defensive and sometimes cried too. Secret eating was always a problem for me.

    The good news: One cheeseburger isn't going to make or break you. I also agree with the girl above - read Tosca Reno's book. It's important to start establishing a health relationship with food (something I'm working on) or else we will always be going through the same cycle.

    Sending hugs your way!

    ReplyDelete

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