Friday, August 30

8 Stupid Things I Want In A Man

I know we all have unrealistic expectations for our dream man - that's why it's called a dream. My dream man looks somewhat like Shemar Moore and I haven't given up hope yet but chances are he isn't showing up in this lifetime.

Everyone knows I have a preference for mocha but besides that I don't really consider myself picky. I don't need perfect-in fact I enjoy imperfections-I just want someone who I mesh really well with and who treats me way better than I even deserve. That might be asking too much but I wont back down!

That being said, I do have a few conditions that may seem a little odd. If the right person came along and broke some of the rules then so be it, but here is a list of...

8 Stupid Things I Need Want In A Man

8. A Boogy-Er As in dancer, not something to do with boogers. I love a guy who dances and if you dance well you are SO in. I love to go to the bar and shake my booty so if you can't join, we can't be happy together. That's a little dramatic but seriously..huge points to guys who like to dance!

7. Great Taste In Shoes I notice a guys shoes almost immediately, in fact, I notice everyone's shoes sooner than later. A mans shoes don't have to be fancy, or expensive, but if I find a guys shoes ugly, I find it hard to be attracted to him. I know - its SO superficial, but I really like a nice pair of shoes on a guy.

6. Only Half Pretty  I want a guy who looks good but not TOO good. I don't need a guy who is prettier than me, I'm insecure enough. I don't want to have to fight you for the bathroom and I don't want to share my beauty products with you. If a guy is super into his appearance I find it very unattractive. I love a well dressed guy who doesn't smell like an armpit but it shouldn't be your top priority.

5. Big Tipper This is a big one for me as super serious waitress of the world. I need a guy who tips well when the service is good and who treats all customer service workers politely and with respect. If I went to a restaurant or a store with a guy and he turned into the customer from hell I'd be shouting "NEXT!". Not okay! You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat those in customer service.

4. An Eater (this could've gotten dirty)I don't want to out eat you at every meal. I don't need a total glutton but I like I guy who can put some food away. After all, your manliness is judged solely upon your ability to eat multiple cheeseburgers, right Rach? (fyi, anything under 3 is wimpy, boys).

3. A Fabulous Speller Spelling and grammar are important to me. I love a guy who can spell well ( not what I meant!) I have a Plenty Of Fish account (is that an embarrassing thing to admit? Im single and I live on an Island with NO guys, of course I have a POF!) and I pretty much ignore anyone who messages me and spells something wrong or uses "U" for "you", "2" for "to/too" or anything else like that. I've made exceptions before but it totally irks me.

2. A Friendly Drunk After dating a not so friendly drunk, I know now that I need someone who gets giddy, silly and as friendly as possible when they drink. I cannot do the angry, crazy drunk for any longer. Because I drink and enjoy to party and go dancing I don't really want to date someone who doesn't drink altogether but I need me a friendly drunk!

1. Think Im Gods Gift To Men Some girls are secure and confident enough that they don't need to constantly be told how pretty they are..this chick is not one of those girls. Bailey is my name and constant reassurance is my game - I pretty much need to be complimented through out my whole relationship. Every day? Not necessarily. But I enjoy being told I look pretty when I try to look nice for a guy and you will have much more luck with me if you try your best to convince me Im the most beautiful girl you've ever met. Hey - at least I'm honest! I spent a long time in a relationship where I was never told I was attractive and now I know I don't like it.. like I said, Im honest.

What is something a little odd that you need/want in a boyfriend/girlfriend?! I dished, now it's your turn!

Big Love,

Monday, August 26

I am missing.

I read a blog called Hey,Amber Rae and today she wrote a post called "You Are Missed." If you feel like it go take a look and check out her blog - she is a great writer with a great purpose. In it this post she wrote the following:
""Something feels missing from my life but I can’t quite put my finger on it." 

I can’t tell you how many times I hear some variation of that every week. (It’s a lot.)
I hear it from tech entrepreneurs who are on the verge of burn out. I hear it from writers who are experiencing a temporary block. I hear it from photographers who are making tons of money working with big brands. I hear it from designers who have a full plate of client work. I hear it from friends at Facebook, at Google, and at Apple. 
After listening to unique story after story, and each person attempting to describe what is happening in their life, it dawned on me that what was missing from every single story was very simple.

You are missing from your own story,” I said aloud to my friend the other day. “You’ve lost touch with yourself, and that’s what feels missing.”"

I can't help but feel that way lately. I've always been a bit of a lost soul. Im 22 and I'm still not sure what makes me tick, what I'm good at, where I'm going or what I feel passionate about. Lately I just feel like I have nothing going for me and that's hard. I've totally lost a sense of who I am.. who am I really right now if I'm not the crazy bitch who works 24/7 at a dead end job?

I don't write much on here because I don't have anything to write about. I don't think about much besides work and getting enough sleep to get me through work. I haven't been to the gym or done much for myself in 3 months. I don't really know who I am or what I'm doing right now and that scares me. 

Today I had a very scary thought - am I going to wake up, be 30, and wonder where the fuck my 20's went? I know.. I have 8 years before that can happen but really...where is my life going? People offer me these matter of fact suggestions (which I totally appreciate when it comes from a good place) like "Duh - this is what you should do Bailey" but it's nothing I'm at all interested in. I don't know what Im interested in though.. I want to want something!

I'm just at a weird place in my life right now. I see all these people graduating university, in serious relationships, getting engaged, married and pregnant and I see myself at the restaurant..even in my dreams..I literally serve tables all night. I'm not ashamed of waitressing, I love waitressing, I'm just embarrassed that Im the only person in my life who isn't accomplishing anything. It's exhausting to think about.

For so long I was planning my life around Mark, until this week I was planning my life around Mark and we've been broken up for almost 6 months. I decided this week I was done, that we won't be getting back together, or working on it anytime in the near future. We are just too different and I deserve different than what he has to offer. Though it is a certain type of freedom it also means Im at square one...the "where am I going" square.

I don't know why I'm writing this.. I guess it was just on my heart and needed to get out. I wish someone would be like "hey, you should do this" and I'd be like "you're so right" And then Id do it and it would be fulfilling and wonderful. But nothing is ever that easy.

Big Love,

Wednesday, August 21

I'll Always Try [Weigh In Wednesday Link Up]

Weigh IN Wednesday

I woke up today and stepped on the scale for the first time in a few days. The last time I weighed in it was before my period started, I was up to 226 and I thought 'This is my period. Im not going to weigh in for a few days.' So today I got back on and I definitely was not ready for it. The stupid thing flashed 230. What the fuck?!

Normally I'd be really upset. I'd get this gross disgusting feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'd start to cry and maybe throw something. Instead, I rolled my eyes, got off the scale, went to the kitchen and got to work. I mixed up a fiber drink - something I used to do every single morning. I made a big glass of lemon water, grabbed a banana and sat down to write this post.

People use the excuse "I Don't Have Time" all the time and then people reply with "No, you don't make the time". I'm sure I could've made the time this summer to be healthier and get to the gym and blah blah blah but I didnt, and that's my fault but I really could not make it work.

To be honest, this summer has been pretty awful. I like my job, but in the past 3 months I've had one weekend off and my regular days off have been fleeting. Hanging out with friends was going for a drive late at night when we finished work or getting together after my Saturday shift, drinking and then not seeing each other til the next Saturday. Work was stressful and I dealt with it by eating. Working at a restaurant doesn't help - I had no self control.

I can make all the excuses I want, it doesn't matter, here I am and I have to deal with the weight I've gained (again for the millionth time) and go from there. I NEED to go back to logging with weight watchers - it works, even if it's a hassle when Im busy. If I can just make it through the next few busy weeks of work I will be thankful - then I can have a normal persons schedule most likely and make it to the gym more often.

Maybe this will work out..maybe it wont. But I gotta keep trying. I may spend my whole life trying but Im cool with that.

How is everyone else's week going? Link up for Weigh In Wednesday and let me know.

Wednesday, August 14

Weigh In Wednesday

Blogging seems to be the least of my worries lately.. actually, I am always thinking and worried about it but I have nothing that interesting to write about. I'd rather my blogs be spread out and worthy of reading than a bunch of bullshit every day. I miss the days when I constantly felt inspired but summer is busy for me and working 50hrs a week doesn't leave much room for blog inspiration (unless you want me to to blog about the RIDICULOUSNESS of people at restaurants.. I could write about 15 fucking posts).

Weigh IN Wednesday

Today is Weigh In Wednesday. I'll put it out there - I feel like shit. I've been eating too much lately and I need to get back into the "you don't have to deprive yourself..but you SHOULD nourish yourself" mindset because Ive just been eating junk and I constantly feel icky. So I'm saying it here right now : this is bullshit and I promise to do better.

I'm not drinking enough water, eating enough fruits and veggies and I have been going way too crazy on the food. I've been noticing a LOT of emotional eating lately and I don't have time to actually deal with my shit right now so I just eat instead. Bad idea, I know.

I'd love to do another advocare cleanse just to get back into the mindset come September. I felt s good after that cleanse and I didn't gain all the weight back which I see as a good sign. I'm Canadian though so if anyone wants to hook me up with the 24 Day Cleanse - please give me a shout. You can't order it from Canada - it sucks - they totally need to spread it up here!

I'm excited for the fall because work will slow down and I'll have more time to focus on my eating and get back into the swing of things with the gym. I know you shouldn't wait but fuck all that - you gotta do what you gotta do. It just doesn't work for me right now.

How is everyone else doing? Is summer time hard for you to lose weight? I know some people say that the winter is hard to lose weight but I find it the opposite - I have more time to focus and I live in such a small remote town there really isn't much else to do but work out and make meal plans aha. Pathetic.

Link up with Heather, Ash and I and let us know she goes!

Wednesday, August 7

A Brief Weigh In Wednesday [Link Up]

Weigh IN Wednesday
It's 7am and I haven't personally seen this time of day in quite a while - early mornings aren't my thing. I'm awake right now so that I can catch a ferry (I live on an island) and head to the city for a mini overnight vacation. I've been working pretty steady and I need a little time away to clear my head and de-stress so I'm heading to visit my cousin and maybe get in a little retail therapy.

So this week I'll be mostly skipping Weigh In Wednesday but will leave the link up so you guys can check all the posts out and join up if you're interested :) As far as my weigh in goes, I guess I'm down. Last week I was in between 225-226 and this week I have been seeing as low as 221 but today was at 225. Meh. I'll take it :) Check out my most recent post before this one for a bit of inspiration :)

Happy Wednesday Guys!

Monday, August 5

It's All In Your Head

I've had this conversation with a couple of my friends and I wanted to share it with my blog and the world because I feel like it's the best kept secret on the planet. Okay, it's not a big secret but if I had known to attempt it before now, I would have and my life would've been of a much higher quality.

Lately, when we go out on the weekends, we've been trying really hard to have fun. I go out with a "this is going to be fucking awesome" mindset..and then the craziest thing happens : it is fucking awesome. And maybe NO ONE else there is having fun - but we are. Imagine.

I used to go out and worry about who would be there, what would go on, if I'd have fun. I'd stand at parties waiting for Mark to text me, or texting Mark or fighting with Mark. I'd worry about what I looked like, I'd compare myself to all the girls there and feel so uncomfortable. In the past few months I said fuck all that. I get ready, I tell myself I look great and I plan every night to go and have a blast.

I've realized that it's ALL in my head and it's totally up to me whether I want to have fun or not. People who have a miserable time are just miserable - they have a shitty mindset. When you stop depending on other people to make you happy - you will be. It's totally up to you.

It works the same way with loving yourself. Ever since I made the decision to at least attempt to love myself and my body I feel so much happier and I'm so much more confident. I can't let other people determine how I feel about it because frankly, they don't really matter.

Life is never going to be perfect but if you look at it from the right perspective, with the right attitude, it can still be awesome, even when it's shitty. Remember that.

Big love,

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