Monday, October 7

life, love and tequila shots.

Hi Friends!! How are you all doing? If you are reading this right now you are awesome and I love you - I know it is hard to consistently check in with blogs who do not post consistently! I am blessed with people who generally give a fuck what is up with me and what I have to say and for that I am thankful - like SUPER thankful (tis the season!)

I have no good excuses for where I have been or what I have been doing that is so important that it keeps me from blogging once in a while. I generally work, eat, sleep and have a couple drinks on the weekends and thats my life right now. I did go to the mainland last weekend to celebrate Taylors birthday and we had a blast! It was my first time out in Halifax and I will hopefully have the chance to again sometime soon!

The Bday Girl and I doing some Tequila Shots!

Since then I have been working, working, working. To be honest I'm feeling a little bored and unsatisfied with life as work is slow and no one is around anymore. I think it's time for a change which is in the works. For now I plan to be at home until Christmas but what comes next I can't be sure of - hopefully something new and exciting!

Also on the new and exciting list - I'm 95% committed to buying an Iphone. For those of you who don't know me in real life you probably don't know that I'm a Grandma when it comes to phones. Until a year ago I used a flip phone and then I bought the only non android/iphone available in the world at the store (in the year 2012) and hooked myself up with a Samsung Gravity. Grandma.



I hated touch screen forever so that was my main reason for sticking to old school but now that I've had an ipod touch for a while Im better at the whole touch screen thing (still not thrilled about it though - love me some T9). The second reason is that I'm an eagle who needs to spread her wings and I never know how long I will be local and committing to contracts of any sort freaks me out. Oh and don't forget the whole 700$ price tag thing. You're talking about a girl who pays 1000$ for cars.

I am not sure if I will be staying in Canada or if I should be spending the kind of money I plan to on a phone but I think I'm gonna go for it. I'm not going to get the newest model and people with a lot less money than I have spend their money on stupid shit so .. fuck it. Should I do it?! I think so!

What else is new in my life? Well I head to California in 10 days! Ash and I will be in San Diego next Thursday afternoon - should be a fun little adventure. Her and I will be there until Sunday then she flies home and I head up to Sacramento. Yes, I am going to see Mark! Sounds crazy, I know so I'll elaborate.

Truthfully, I thought Mark and I were going to get back together. When I first agreed to go to California with Ashley it was just for her event. At the time Mark and I were still talking all the time and I missed him so I planned to go up and see him for a couple of weeks. For a while, I think we both thought we were getting back together. We planned to see how things went and discuss getting back together because we were both still in love.

Over the past few months I have realized how awfully stupid love makes me and how much a Mark and Bailey reunion does not need to happen. Mark and I could have something very special and awesome but if we got back together it wouldn't work for the same reasons it didn't work before. Mark didn't treat me right and he drank too much and neither of those things was about to change if I moved back there. As much as I want to believe that I am worth being treated well, I will never be worth it to him and that's that. So the subject will not be brought up - Mark and I will not be getting back together.


That being said, he was my friend before our relationship and he always will be. I miss him and I'm going to see him and yes, it's probably stupid but I'm young and I'm okay with making stupid mistakes. I am in a good place now where I know that me being single is a much more healthy choice than being in a relationship that no longer serves me. I am talking to guys and open to new relationships - I'm trying and that's all I can do.

My fear right now is that my friends are wrong and that I don't deserve to be treated any better than I was treated by Mark. Maybe I didn't deserve to be told I was pretty and maybe other guys would think I wasn't deserving of fidelity and dates and all the things my relationship with Mark lacked. I'm still single, I've still never been on my first date and no one has shown interest in dating me since Mark. Maybe that's what there is for me and I should just go with it. That is my fear, and though I am keeping the faith that something really great is in store for me, I can't help but wonder if I'm making a mistake.

Either way, I am going to see Mark for 3 days and then I will be on my way and head home. For me - this is closure. When I left California in March I was very much in love, wounded, confused and totally lost - I had no idea what was right or wrong. Now I have a better grasp on why I had to leave and why being home, although awful at times, is a better environment for me even if it's a bit lonely. This is our goodbye.

Onto things that aren't completely depressing! I decided recently I was going to cool it on the red meat and today was my first day of attempting to avoid it. So far so good! I just think it does funky things in the tummy and I am slowly trying to change my habits and I decided to start there. I'm not saying "never" I'm just done for now. Kelly mentioned in her blog yesterday about not liking labels like "Paleo" or "Gluten Free" and I agree with her - I reserve the right to not eat red meat and decide in 3 days I'm going to eat it again lol. It shouldn't be an issue. Kelly always knows just what to say!

Other than that I can't think of anything new or exciting about my life that I can mention. I wish I could - I truly wish my life was super exciting and I could tell you guys all about it but it's not aha. I'm about to grab some late dinner with a couple of friends and although it's not the most exciting thing in the world it makes me happy so that's all that matters.

What is new with you guys? I love you all so very much xx

Big Love,
Bailey

6 comments:

  1. :-) You're too sweet - and believe me when I say I am NO authority on food plans! You have to listen to your body. Think about how you feel after you eat certain things. That's how I decided for me. But again, never say never. Love you girl!

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  2. Well I'm sat on a bus, surrounded by annoying kids, listening to 90s music going to a job I hate. So I'm glad someone's life is a little more exciting than mine! Haha. California sounds great. I would love to go to the West Coast, in particular Seattle. Yeah its not as hot as Cali but I'm British and I need rain. Anyway, sorry for the boring comment. Just wanted to pop in and say hi and catch up. I know I normally leave it a month before writing about 10 comments so think of this as your lucky day!

    PS I could have sent this twice by mistake so either delete one or read it backwards so its a little different.

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  3. You totally deserve to be treated well in a relationship! Don't settle and don't doubt yourself! You are awesome and should be treated as such!

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  4. Have a safe and fun trip. Sometimes we do need closure to start taking the steps on the journey that we are meant to be on!

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  5. Truly make the 3 days with Mark a full closure. Don't fall for any promises he makes. You're a strong and independent woman!

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  6. I hope you have a wonderful trip and are able to get the closure that you need with Mark, but do just that. Like Cassandra said, don't fall for any promises - just go see him and then be on your way. Now for a little tough love: you DO deserve to be treated well; you DO deserve to be told you're pretty; you DO deserve to feel special and loved every minute of your relationship. DO NOT settle for someone who gives you less than that - they are not the one for you. Sounds cliche, but the best things in life take time and often present themselves when you aren't looking for them. So be patient; don't settle for anything less than amazing just because you feel pressure to be in a relationship or to be in love. These things have a way of working themselves out :)

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