Friday, November 22

8 POF Users I Refuse To Reply To

Plenty of Fish is a piece of shit site but I keep my account up and running with a glimmer of hope that a decent guy is looking for a decent girl who is me. I know it's not going to happen but hey - crazier things have happened, right? ....right? 

I get a lot of messages, some aren't that awful and some are ridiculous. It's been an entertaining few months using POF and it's about time I introduced you to some of the guys I won't be meeting since I've covered the guys I have already met. These are the top types of users that will not see a reply from this fisherwoman. 

The Novelist. The novelist seems sincere and to someone who isn't totally cynical he might even come off as genuine. The novel is usually their life story about love and loss, being a good guy and how much he'd like to get to know me. Lucky for me I'm cynical as fuck and all I read when I receive these novels from hell is "I copy and pasted this to every single girl I could find on POF and even some of the girls on my Facebook". Next please.


The Trying Too Hard Guy This guy is a hoot. He is very excited about talking to you and uses tons of exclamations marks to prove it!!!!!! You have SO much in common and he is interested in all the same things you are - well at least the ones you listed on your profile. Really, John, you're interested in dancing, mini golf, travel, volunteer and volleyball? We must be soul mates.

The Car Even though there are rules about only using pictures of yourself, I still receive messages from cars and other inanimate objects pretty frequently. By this I mean that I receive messages from men who have stupid pictures or some don't have pictures at all. I almost never reply to these people because I'm human and attraction is important - chances are there is a reason you didn't post a picture and it's not because you're normal.

The Texter This guy says Hey and as soon as you reply instantly asks for your number so you can text. 3 words : DON'T DO IT! If he was cute and said something normal like "Hey, How are you?" then I reply but if his second message is about getting my number I instantly shut him down. Fuck all that. I have given out my number too early before and I won't do it again. Once they have it you can't take it back, ladies!

The HornyGuy29128 I have been messaged by multiple men who's usernames include the word horny and a series of irrelevant numbers (the most popular being 69 which happens to be relevant to them). Never will I ever even consider replying to someone with that username...ever. The obvious reason is that they're clearly looking for something that I am not providing and the just as obvious second reason because that they disgust me.

The Eager Beaver This guy barely says hello before he asks you to hang out and meet up. Maybe that is normal but not for this chick. I want to talk to you for a while, have you on fb, know you're a real person and probably hear your voice before I ever even think about meeting you. Relax, bro.

The Insecure Guy Like most people, I find confidence attractive and nothing turns me off quicker than a guy who harasses me asking if I won't reply because he's ugly/stupid/etc. I'm not replying because you are harassing me.

The Alphabet Shit Storm. This guy is just plain lazy! His username is alsdalsd and his profile is full of "asf;dg;kjfhlkjfhljalskf MESSAGE ME". Um.. no.

And without further adieu.. the absolute worst.

The Challenged Guy. Nothing makes me crazier than a guy who messages me and can barely spell his name. You don't have to actually know how to spell but you should at least have the dignity to use spellcheck - don't most computers automatically put in the squiggly red line these days? This causes me so much frustration. Also using 2 as to/too, 4 as for, U as you or any other ridiculousness will almost instantly turn me off.

There are exceptions to some of my rules. For example, if a guy with no picture sends me a message that says "Hi" I'm obviously not going to be that compelled to write back as I have nothing to be attracted to and he's immediately boring me. If a super hot guy without any 6's or 9's in his username messages me "Hi" I'm probably going to be shallow and reply. "Hi", "Hey" and "Hello" are acceptable conversation starters but I usually need something else like an interesting profile or picture to catch my attention in order for a reply to take place.

I am not the most beautiful girl in the world, or on pof, or even in this room (okay, maybe in this room since I'm alone) but I think I'm an okay catch and this post is not me being stuck up - it's me being funny and honest about the crazies I've encountered on that site. I've been lucky enough to meet some cool guys who are nice to talk to and that's better than nothing.

I have asked you to share your online dating stories with me before and I absolutely love hearing about them so please leave a comment if you have a good story about a message you received, a date you went on or if you just want to say hello!

I'm sure I'll be back with lots more tales from the POF Saga so keep an eye out.
Big Love,


  1. Wow! This is why i don't want to try online dating. I hear all of these types of stories, i just cant do it.

  2. I have probably gone on 50 POF dates, and yes...there are some crazies on there! But I have to say I've either walked away with a hilarious story or a plan for date #2. In fact, my current partner and I met on there. He was completely not my type and I decided to go out on a limb and respond, even our phone conversation was boring before our date...and guess what? We've been living together for year and couldn't be happier! Probably %50 of the couples I know met online. Keep hoping! I find the more jaded your profile and outlook the less likely you are to stumble across something great (not suggesting that you're jaded, at all). Anyway, my point is that POF has provided me the introduction to some really amazing people regardless of the fact that we weren't fated for each other and if nothing else, I've got a hilarious storey...or 40 to tell. (i.e managed to date half the months of 2008's Calgary Firefighters Calendar, once a date showed up in wheelchair...forgot to mention that tiny tidbit in his profile, and many other hilariously awesome stuff) Enjoy it, all of it, and let them buy you dinner :)



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