Friday, December 13

Things That Make Me Poop My Pants

If you have ever considered dating me or at least kissing me please do not read this.
Also.. call me. :)

Okay, I don't ever actually poop my pants when im sober but I recently started thinking about all the things that make me nervous and anxious to the point where I could shit myself (with good reason, I promise it didn't just pop into my head). First of all - is that an issue? I get so worked up sometimes that I get the nerve shits over things and I'm just now considering that that might not be okay. Anyways, not my point.

Right now I'm in major transition mode. I'm planning to move to the big stinky city, find a new job, have a new place and start a kind of new life. This scares the actual shit out of me and if I dwell on it my stomach rumbles. My awesome cousin is kindly trying to set me up with an interview at her place of work and although it excites me, I have been doing major stressing about starting a new job. I was very comfortable at my previous job and though at times I was the only waitress with a full house, I felt in control because I knew the job so well. I'm nervous but I'm excited and I think it's important to push myself to do things that scare me.

After thinking about this I compiled a small list of other examples in life that make me poop my pants a little. Here goes nothin'.

Driving somewhere new. My legs go numb and my stomach drops.
Driving Uptown Sj. Specifically, this area makes me so nervous. I almost come close to killing someone every time.
When someone yells at me. I'm a passive aggressive baby who avoids confrontation. I WILL cry. And then shit my pants. Just kidding. Kinda.
Meeting A Fish. Unless I'm 10 drinks deep I spend the first few minutes clenching. No more of that though - read this to check out why.
Ordering food from a man. This one is fucked but I'm honest with you all. I will almost always avoid ordering from a place in a mall or a restaurant if the employee is a dude. Im guessing it stems from my insecurities, weight issues and total bad luck with guys. I have starved myself in an airport before because it was all dudes and I'd feel sick every time I went to order. I'm totally wild - I know.
Singing in Public. This is a fairly common one. When I used to sing in public often be on the verge of neerve shits all day and I would get crazy nervous until I was on the stage. Once I was up there I was totally fine.
Hanging out with a guy I like. I've clearly got a story for this one. One night I drove from Sj to Freddy to see a guy I really liked after eating 10lbs of chinese and poutine. Not only was I nervous to see him but eventually I started getting nervous that my nerves combined with the Linn Chau would make me shit myself at his house or at least some other disgusting bodily function would take place around him. We were definitely NOT in a fart around each other stage so I was freaking the fuck out. Luckily, he was kinda awesome and once I was there I wasn't nervous... coulda been bad.

& last but not least Guatemalan McDonalds. Every time..and not because I'm nervous.

What makes you nervous and anxious? I hope you don't poop your pants but its okay if you do.

Big Love,
Bailey J


  1. The thought of running into someone from my past now that I'm 60 pounds heavier. I get so embarrassed and frightful... that is the only thing I can think of. (oh, and Shrimp Alfredo from Red Lobster, probably the same as your Guatemalan McDonalds).

  2. bahahahaha I totally know how you feel!

    Lots of things make my stomach hurt, tho if you read my post today you would know that I would KILL for a poop. Nervous or otherwise.

    Job interviews, obviously, are one of them. Any time my boss says he wants to talk to me... Anytime I recommend a restaurant or movie or anything to anyone and I ask them what they thought. I get hella nervous then. I am a weirdo too :D


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