Tuesday, January 28

Pof Saga : Same Girl

Yesterday I told ya'll about my awkward bowling session on Sunday and I promised to fill you in on another POF blooper today and I'm keeping that promise. I'm actually surprised at myself because I've been super randomly blogging - once a week, once every two weeks - so the fact that I remembered and I'm following through is pretty incredible.

(because this song will be good background music for this story)

So onto the story. As I mentioned yesterday, I am back on POF and keeping my options open. I don't talk to many people but you just never know what could happen. Last week I was having a drink with a friend and a cute guy started messaging me through POF. Him and his friend were drinking too and asked us to come over. We thought about hanging out with them as he lives in the building beside mine, but it ended up not working out. He invited me to come over after the bar and I declined - I don't do booty calls. We talked a bit more but the conversation eventually dwindled.

Once we made it to the bar a new cute guy started messaging me. He was interesting and had cool designs shaved into his head so I chatted him up. He was drinking what my cousin and I were drinking and since the bar was kind of boring we considered going there and drinking with him and his friend - why not enjoy a smirnoff ice and some cute good company? Couldn't think of a reason so I asked where he lived.

This is where it gets funny. He let me know that he lives right beside my building and after showing his friend my picture and saying I might come over, his friend said he had just invited me over too -- I had been messaging two guys that were friends, in the same apartment, and my neighbors to boot. Too fuckin' funny.

We all laughed about it and I am still chatting with the 2nd guy - he seems cool and like someone I could just chill with which works out since he lives so close. One thing is for sure - Saint John has not brought me success with dating but it is definitely bringing out the wild in me little by little and I'm excited for the adventures that will take place. I'm ready for it.

If you like hearing my POF stories let me know because I will keep em coming!

Big Love,

Monday, January 27

POF Strikes Again

I think it's safe to say that I have bad, or at least weird, luck with men. They love to hate me and I can't get a date to save my life. When I CAN get a date, he's a midget with no teeth or he asks me to pay and it would kill the universe to let me go on a date with a decent guy who isn't a total scrub.

That being said, a couple weeks ago I started talking to a really nice guy on POF (yes, I got it back, I'm a weakling) and though it wasn't flirty, he had potential - nice, cute, goes to school, could form full sentences - a winner for POF. We didn't talk much but I had hope for it.. until the pieces started falling together. It didn't take too long to find out that he was seeing one of my best friends roommates (who I happen to really like). FOR FUCKS SAKES.

I messaged him, let him know we couldnt talk anymore and she messaged him and mentioned he had been talking to her friend. A bit awkward but -- it had to be done. So now it was out in the open and since him and I had never even met I assumed the situation was over... until I went on a date with them. Yep.. I did.

Last night, Bre messaged me and asked if I'd go bowling with her, and her roommate and the guy. Instead of being awkward I thought, what the hell, and off I went on a bowling date with the 3 of them. I'm not an awkward person - I believe situations can only make you feel how you let them make you feel, and I truly thought it went pretty well. Obviously it was a bit odd but this is MY life we are talking about.

I know you guys like my POF stories and I have another awesome one for you so tune in tomorrow and I'll fill you in on the hilariousness of last Wednesday night and my POF adventures.

Big Love,

Monday, January 20

Event Of The Year : My 1st Ipsy Bag!

Hopefully it won't be the actual event of the year but since it's only January it's safe to say that FINALLY getting off the waiting list and receiving my first Ipsy bag was pretty damn exciting. For the few of you who don't know what ipsy is here is the jist : you pay 10$ a month and they send you 5 products in a free make up bag so you can test out new, nice products and maybe find some that you love. Some people think it's worth it some dont and so far I fall into the group of people who do.

I didn't receive anything I wasn't excited about so that makes me happy. I will add that I'm super easy to please though and products of any kind make me happy. I am not a make up or beauty blogger so my opinion of these products is super irrelevant but I'm still going to share them with you guys in case you want to try ipsy or try one of the products - you just never know!

1. Elizabeth Mott Smooth Shadow in Pearl - The color is lovely and looks so pretty on my waterline! It's good quality and I can see myself buying the full size product when my sample runs out.

2. Apothederm Bright Skin Serum - Warning : if you have a pimple or anything - this stuff will sting! I know that seems like a red flag but I have continued to use it because it's not particularly painful. The downside to this serum is that it is a weird texture - kind of sticky but you are suppose to apply moisturizer once the serum has been absorbed. Once you do its all good and my skin always feels super lovely after. I'm going to use it until I run out of the sample and see if I notice any difference in my skin. I've never used a product like this but I'll keep you updated if I think it's worth the 70 fucking dollars for the full size product. I'm not a good person for testing skin products as it's not my trouble area but I will let ya'll know!

3. (Malin+Goetz) Mojito Lip Balm - Really like this product and have noticed its effectiveness after just 3 days of use. The consistency is different but I like it - it has good staying power if you wanted to just use it as a sheer gloss and treat your lips at the same time.

4. Willa On The Go Face Towelettes - Nice smell and super gentle. They are hypoallergenic, non-comedogenic (whatever the fuck that means), oil-free (just what this chick needs) and have aloe and green tea - can't beat it. :)

5. Healthy Sexy Hair Soy Tri-Wheat Leave In Conditioner - I haven't used this yet but I was super excited to receive this! In the past year and a half I've been on a healthy hair journey after 2012's stress left me with clumps of my hair falling out - not cool. I haven't been dying my hair and have been trying to use healthy hair products so I've definitely had my eye on this line. I'm anxious to see how I feel about this leave in conditioner! If I like it I just might order some of their other products.

So as you can see I got some pretty decent products, not to mention the cute make up bag and it was only 10$. Plus the excitement of opening the package is priceless aha. I personally think it's totally worth it. Just so you know - in case you were totally unimpressed with my bag - you do a quiz that determines what kind of products you receive so everyones bag is different and based around your wants and needs. Pretty neato!

Do you subscribe for any bags like this? If so - which ones? Let me know!

Big Love,

Friday, January 17

My Name Is Bailey..And I Have A Period.

Disclaimer : This disclaimer is totally contradictory to the point of this post but I do respect my readers and understand that not everyone is comfortable reading about other peoples periods so.. I do go into detail and I just wanted to put that out there. :)

The other day as I walked through Walmart, grocery shopping with my friend, I left my purse open and aloof in the cart as I searched for the perfect zucchini (found 3.. chicka chicka yeah). My purse contains all the essentials - lip gloss, pens, cell phone and of course, tampons. Apparently my tampons were out in the open which I didn't even notice until my friend mentioned it. "Bailey.. your purse is open and there are tampons in there.." I'm pretty sure my reaction to this was "I don't care. I'm a girl. I have a period"

Then today a facebook friend posted this article "Sorry, We're Not Sorry : The 20 Things Women Should No Longer Have To Apologize For"  and having our period was number 1. When I read this all I could think was "A-Fucking-Men!" SERIOUSLY. Since I went to youth group as a pre-teen and learned women who were on their periods were shunned back in the day, I had serious struggles understanding what is so disgraceful about having my period - I was totally perplexed. Half the fucking population has their period eventually- why aren't we over it yet?!

I am not one to be ashamed of my period. I don't care if a boy sees my tampons, I don't care if my father sees my tampons, I don't care if someone knows I have my period and if I have an emergency, I have no trouble explaining to someone that my period is the reason I need to miss work/school, run to the bathroom, eat a cheesecake or tear a strip off of them. Why should I be ashamed that I am having a totally normal physical experience that all women have and that I have no control over?

I was very lucky when it came to my first boyfriend and dealing with my period around him. I was very comfortable with him and he was pretty cool about the fact that I'm a girl and once a month I get buck wild and shed my endometrial lining. But I wasn't always so "don't give a fuck" about my period.

I wasn't very lucky when it came to my period especially during middle and high school. I have suffered some pretty insane periods - heavy, painful and the emotional side effects were wild. I sometimes had to skip school and my period was so heavy and uncontrollable I spent my days at school worrying whether the teacher would let me go to the bathroom and if she didn't how was I going to ever survive leaking through my pants with my classmates and believe me - it happened if I couldn't get to the bathroom.

I remember one incident on a school trip that I always wince at whenever it pops into my head. I was probably 16 and although most people would consider that old enough to be able to control what's going on with your body - my period was wild and I wasn't able to at times. I can't explain to you how insane life was for me during that time but as an example, I would never be able to go more than half an hour without changing my super tampon, EVER. I could not keep up with it and especially so far from the comforts of my home. I remember leaking in the mall and no one would help me or console me or really acknowledge that I was having a mortifying experience. I just remember trying to figure out how to deal with being in a mall with blood all over my pants on my own at the very vulnerable age of 16. The details are blurry and I have certainly tried to forget it but I remember the embarrassment and shame and how mortified I was. I could cry right now thinking about it but I have been drinking wine so .. that could be making me more emotional than needed.

This experience is not unique - many girls go through things like this and you feel so alone and ashamed and it's awful but it shouldn't be. Yes, it's always going to be embarrassing and never going to pleasant but we should never apologize for our periods - period. Now that I'm older and more confident and my period is MUCH easier to handle, I have learned to never be too serious about it and go with the flow. Pun intended.

Am I saying you should let everyone know when that time of the month rolls around? No - it's totally up to you but there is no reason to let our periods isolate or embarrass us. If you are a dating a guy, eventually he is going to have to face the fact that you have one so letting it be an issue is just silly.

I'm tired of being asked if I'm on my period if I'm grumpy, I'm tired of explaining why I ate that 12" pizza and I reserve the right to writhe in pain on my bed for a day in my disgusting granny period panties if I fucking feel like it. I definitely will not be apologizing for my period any time soon.

And that's that.

Big Love,

Thursday, January 9

2014 so far.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

I've been doing that awful thing where when my life is a jumble I totally avoid my blog and writing because I am either embarrassed to write or my head is such a fucking mess that I can't spit the words out. Life is kind of all of the above right now and that's why I haven't written but I'm here to give you a bit of an update on what has been going on since Christmas.

We left Jer, Robin and all the little stinkers on the 27th. It was a great Christmas with them and its always a little hard to leave as I'm ever sure when I'll see them again but whenever it is.. I can't wait. How could I not love these guys?

I made it home in time to see Tamara who was home from BC! YAY! I spent some time with friends and started packing up my room because on NYE I moved all my things to Saint John into my new place - it was a bit of a whirlwind. After Tamara and I moved it all into the new place in the frigid cold (Thanks Tam!) we were off to Fredericton for New Years Eve... until Tamaras car died. The funniest part of that day was Tamara and I trying to push her car closer to my car to boost it... wasn't happening. So I braved the snow and drove my car into the snow drift beside her car and we tried boosting it to no avail. Finally we found a fella who figuring it out for us and we were off!

So we spent an awesome NYE in Freddy! Pre drinks at Nats place with lots of friends and then we danced the night away. Best part of the night? A man giving Tamara 80$ and Bre and I 20$ each to buy drinks because "we were too beautiful to not have drinks in our hands". I actually DID have a drink in my hand but.. I took the money and ran. 

New Years Day Tam headed to PEI to visit all her friends and fam there and I chilled in Freddy as my ride back to SJ wasn't until the next day. I promise honesty with you guys so I'm gonna say it - on January 1st I broke my resolution and hung out with a boy. LOL - I suck. BUT, no regrets. It was actually the guy who I met on POF who ended up seeming like a bit of a dick but after hanging out with him sober I really enjoyed him and we have decided to be friends. No, there is no love in the future but he's cool to be around and I like that. So I kind of didn't break it.. except that we kissed so I did but.. I kind of didnt lol. ANYWAYS. 

The next day I headed back to SJ and that is when the anxiety set in. That morning I had received a call for an interview with a restaurant my cousin works at. I was so nervous but excited that I might have a job so soon after arriving in SJ. When I got into my car to head to my interview my car was acting weird but I ignored it - I was not missing this interview. The interview went well and I got the job which is exciting buuut, when I left I knew something was not right with my car. I called my friends to come help me out and when they got there I asked them to just follow me home in case something awful happened. After driving about a meter I knew something was drastically wrong so I picked up my phone to call my friend but she was already calling. "YOUR TIRE IS TOTALLY FUCKING BUSTED" is all I heard from the other end. 

See, I had been checking my tires but was in total denial that it could possibly be a flat tire - here is why. On Tuesday I had 4 brand new snow tires put on my car which was NOT cheap! The idea of, 2 days later, having a busted tire that I would have to replace made me see red and when it became a reality I wanted to kill someone. I was so anxious about having a new job and suddenly my car was useless and abandoned in a parking lot in a new city and I just wanted to go home and hang out with my mom. 

Luckily my friends are amazing. Nat hooked me up with her CAA for a free tow and some friends in SJ helped me find a good place to get a new tire. That didn't stop me from having the craziest anxiety ever for a couple of days but it certainly made it better. That night I didn't sleep until 9:30am the next morning and even then I only had 2 hours of sleep. Eating and sleeping didnt come easy for a couple of days. Thankfully I had some friends around - otherwise I don't know what I would've done! 

Things have definitely been better but I can't act like it hasn't been hard. I feel lonely sometimes even though I have a lot of good support up here. It's just new and challenging and once I feel more settled I know I will feel better. My room is a disaster as it still has all of the previous tenants things in it (my cousin - no big deal) so I haven't been able to really make it mine yet. I'm still living out of suitcases and it's hard to feel at home that way. Things are turning around though. I'm starting to get a feel for my job and hopefully by the end of training I'll rock it - for now it's making me pretty anxious. 

So that's what's up with me. Today I don't have any shifts so I'm doing some laundry and just relaxing. My training shifts have been short but I spend the whole day worrying about them so it's nice to just relax and not think about it for today. A friend and I are going to go to a basketball game later and I have to admit - being able to go do things besides go to a convenience store is exciting - there are definite perks to living off of GM. My roommates are awesome, I have lots of support if I need it and Taco Bell is in my vicinity - I really shouldn't complain. 

Have you ever struggled with anxiety when making a big life change? How did you deal with it? I'll take any tips I can get. 

Again, Happy New Year guys, and of course,
Big Love,
Bailey J. 

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