Thursday, January 9

2014 so far.

Happy New Year, Everyone!

I've been doing that awful thing where when my life is a jumble I totally avoid my blog and writing because I am either embarrassed to write or my head is such a fucking mess that I can't spit the words out. Life is kind of all of the above right now and that's why I haven't written but I'm here to give you a bit of an update on what has been going on since Christmas.

We left Jer, Robin and all the little stinkers on the 27th. It was a great Christmas with them and its always a little hard to leave as I'm ever sure when I'll see them again but whenever it is.. I can't wait. How could I not love these guys?

I made it home in time to see Tamara who was home from BC! YAY! I spent some time with friends and started packing up my room because on NYE I moved all my things to Saint John into my new place - it was a bit of a whirlwind. After Tamara and I moved it all into the new place in the frigid cold (Thanks Tam!) we were off to Fredericton for New Years Eve... until Tamaras car died. The funniest part of that day was Tamara and I trying to push her car closer to my car to boost it... wasn't happening. So I braved the snow and drove my car into the snow drift beside her car and we tried boosting it to no avail. Finally we found a fella who figuring it out for us and we were off!

So we spent an awesome NYE in Freddy! Pre drinks at Nats place with lots of friends and then we danced the night away. Best part of the night? A man giving Tamara 80$ and Bre and I 20$ each to buy drinks because "we were too beautiful to not have drinks in our hands". I actually DID have a drink in my hand but.. I took the money and ran. 

New Years Day Tam headed to PEI to visit all her friends and fam there and I chilled in Freddy as my ride back to SJ wasn't until the next day. I promise honesty with you guys so I'm gonna say it - on January 1st I broke my resolution and hung out with a boy. LOL - I suck. BUT, no regrets. It was actually the guy who I met on POF who ended up seeming like a bit of a dick but after hanging out with him sober I really enjoyed him and we have decided to be friends. No, there is no love in the future but he's cool to be around and I like that. So I kind of didn't break it.. except that we kissed so I did but.. I kind of didnt lol. ANYWAYS. 

The next day I headed back to SJ and that is when the anxiety set in. That morning I had received a call for an interview with a restaurant my cousin works at. I was so nervous but excited that I might have a job so soon after arriving in SJ. When I got into my car to head to my interview my car was acting weird but I ignored it - I was not missing this interview. The interview went well and I got the job which is exciting buuut, when I left I knew something was not right with my car. I called my friends to come help me out and when they got there I asked them to just follow me home in case something awful happened. After driving about a meter I knew something was drastically wrong so I picked up my phone to call my friend but she was already calling. "YOUR TIRE IS TOTALLY FUCKING BUSTED" is all I heard from the other end. 

See, I had been checking my tires but was in total denial that it could possibly be a flat tire - here is why. On Tuesday I had 4 brand new snow tires put on my car which was NOT cheap! The idea of, 2 days later, having a busted tire that I would have to replace made me see red and when it became a reality I wanted to kill someone. I was so anxious about having a new job and suddenly my car was useless and abandoned in a parking lot in a new city and I just wanted to go home and hang out with my mom. 

Luckily my friends are amazing. Nat hooked me up with her CAA for a free tow and some friends in SJ helped me find a good place to get a new tire. That didn't stop me from having the craziest anxiety ever for a couple of days but it certainly made it better. That night I didn't sleep until 9:30am the next morning and even then I only had 2 hours of sleep. Eating and sleeping didnt come easy for a couple of days. Thankfully I had some friends around - otherwise I don't know what I would've done! 

Things have definitely been better but I can't act like it hasn't been hard. I feel lonely sometimes even though I have a lot of good support up here. It's just new and challenging and once I feel more settled I know I will feel better. My room is a disaster as it still has all of the previous tenants things in it (my cousin - no big deal) so I haven't been able to really make it mine yet. I'm still living out of suitcases and it's hard to feel at home that way. Things are turning around though. I'm starting to get a feel for my job and hopefully by the end of training I'll rock it - for now it's making me pretty anxious. 

So that's what's up with me. Today I don't have any shifts so I'm doing some laundry and just relaxing. My training shifts have been short but I spend the whole day worrying about them so it's nice to just relax and not think about it for today. A friend and I are going to go to a basketball game later and I have to admit - being able to go do things besides go to a convenience store is exciting - there are definite perks to living off of GM. My roommates are awesome, I have lots of support if I need it and Taco Bell is in my vicinity - I really shouldn't complain. 

Have you ever struggled with anxiety when making a big life change? How did you deal with it? I'll take any tips I can get. 

Again, Happy New Year guys, and of course,
Big Love,
Bailey J. 


  1. Great honest blog Bail! Love you! XOXO

  2. Glad you had a good Christmas! I've missed seeing your posts!

    It really sucks living on your own. Trust me, I lived alone in SJ for 2 or my 4 uni years. You've got a job though, and people you know are always coming and going from the city. You'll find your rhythm there, and it'll be great. Good luck!


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