Thursday, June 19

the happiness search. [Day 1]

I'm sitting in the place in the world where I probably feel most comfortable and most like me - at my parents home on Grand Manan. It's a shame because I absolutely hate living on the island but there is a certain comfort to coming home, even for a day, after even a couple of weeks of living my life in Saint John. Don't get me wrong - I'll always see my move as a good decision, but I am just so comfortable and at home here and a part of me wonders if I'll ever find that in another place and preferably not with my parents.

As I become more and more comfortable in Saint John and I try to build a life for myself, I find myself back to old issues of trying to figure out who I am and where my life is going and whether I'm leading a life that is purposeful and meaningful. For the most part I think no. I said last night to my girlfriends that I feel kind of helpless, especiallly when it comes to my weight, and Rachel said "you should write about it, it always helped you to keep track on your blog". Which is totally true but as I said to them, I can't write at all lately and I feel like my life is a mess and it would be a lot of...

"Everytime I find a new guy it fails, I'm fat, I'm broke and Im in love with someone who won't give me a shot. Being Bailey J!"

Who wants to read that? I bet you didn't enjoy reading it right then let alone every day over and over. Imagine what it's liek to be my friends? Depressing having to listen to that shit over and over! After that comment Rachel said "|Write about happy things".

Hmm. That's an idea. I wanted to say "I really don't have many happy things to write about... except for when Im drunk at a bar dancing and not worrying about why I'm not happy when I'm sober". I didn't but I said it to myself and then I thought.. hold the fuckin' phone Bailey. This is not you and it's not okay to feel like this and we're gonna stop this ole train right here.

So this is my new project. I'm sure you've all heard of, seen someone you know participate in or possibly even participated in the 100 Happy Days project. It's an awesome project that forces you to see the happy, positive things/events/people in your every day life and essentially can totally brighten your days and make you notice the good things instead of focusing on the bad and it's exactly what I need!

So every day, starting today, I'm going to blog about something awesome that happened to me that day or a beautiful thing I saw or a lovely compliment someone gave me and I'm going to show myself that though my life is a total mess and not together even remotely that there is beauty and awesomeness in it and I'm going to snap myself out of this funk. I'm also forcing myself into 100 days of writing on this blog which will probably do me a world of good - this is such a big part of me and I have been pushing it away and it's time to embrace it.

So without further adieu I bring you Day 1 : Finding Peace at Home

I took a long drive today to a spot on Grand Manan, pictured here, that for some reason makes me feel so calm. I always feel like everythings going to be okay when I go here and it was just so beautiful today that I had to snap a picture. Can you believe I actually took that? I'm so not a picture taker but it's not too bad, if I say so myself. Grand Manan kind of does the work for you though. I know that even if my life got real bad, like stripper bad, that I could come home and feel safe and comfortable and that counts for a lot. By the way.. I have no intentions of becoming a stripper..they'd probably pay me to leave..which is an idea for extra cash..hmmm. 

Anyways. Please follow along on this journey with me, every day for the next 100 days, either here on my blog or on instagram under the hastags #choosehappy #100happydays and/or #bailchooseshappy 

Thanks to Rachel for the inspiration - love you long time. 
See ya'll tomorrow. 
Big Love,

1 comment:

  1. I read this after day 2...I'll be checking it out daily so don't stop or I'll bug you XOXO


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