Monday, July 7

a love worth waiting for. [Days 15-19]

Hello Lovely People!

I am using the wifi at work to catch up on the past couple days of my 100 happy days challenge. The bad news is that my data charges on my phone are going to be out of control his month due to not having wifi but the good news is that my modem is on the way and I will soon have wifi and be able to update regularly from home. Can I get an AMEN?

So I'll jump right into my updates starting back at Day 15.

Day 15. Mistake Pizza. I know food should't affect my happiness but it probably affects it more than most things. I love pizza and I love free pizza even more so when someone called and cancelled their 2 medium pizzas on friday night and the boys in the kitchen asked me if I wanted it I was over the moon. Even better? Kristy came over with some other treats and we had a little girls night which is another thing that makes me super happy. Lovely. 

Day 16. Surprise Adventures 

I was scheduled to work Sunday AM so my plans for Saturday night included work, food and a lot of sleep. At work Kristy and I started entertaining the idea of going out and before we knew it we were all dressed up and headed to the bar. I love the nights when you don't plan to do anything and it turns into a whole bunch of fun. Ended the night cuddling a very handsome guy too so.. an even better surprise! WOOP WOOP. 

Day 17. Movie Love
Yesterday I was able to see the kind of love I hope to find someday. An older couple came in, prob in their late 60's/early 70s and the man was pushing his wife in her wheelchair. As I waited on them I became more aware of her state - she was their mentally, seemed aware of the conversation and laughed along with it but she was unable to do much physically and didn't communicate much if at all. Her husband seemed very happy to be out to eat with her and sat there for over 90 minutes sharing his meal with her, feeding her and smiling at her. 

That is how I hope I love someone and that is how I hope to be loved - even when we are sick or angry or whatever I want us to be in it together to the bitter end because we dont want to spend our lives with anyone else. Over the past year or so I've kind of lost my faith in love or finding anything even close to that. I always believed so much that I was going to find this perfect love, not one without struggle but one that outlasted those struggles. Then I started seeing relationships I admire deteriorate and I was hurt over and over and people I love were hurt over and over and I started to wonder if anyone else in the world even wanted the kind of love I dreamed of. I still wonder. If there is any chance of me finding that kind of love though it's totally worth waiting for. 

I don't know whats ahead for me and I don't know if I'll ever find a beautiful love like theirs but seeing that it can exist helped me. I don't know their story - I don't know what awful things they have done to each other if any, I don't know if they have been married for years and I don't know how long he will stay by her side but I believe that it will be as long as he can and I just totally fell in love with their love yesterday. 

Day 18. Painting my Nails 
Todays Happy Moment is much lighter and more easy going than yesterdays. On my break today I decided to tackle my disgusting toenails and finger nails. I almost NEVER make time to do those little things for myself because I'm lazy and don't really care about myself enough but I was happy I did it today. I'd like to make more effort to do those sorts of things and maybe that will bring up my chances of finding that love I was talking about earlier cause my nasty ass chipped purple nail polish sure wasn't. 

So now that I've caught you up and shared my most deep, dark, depressing feelings on love I think I'll let you guys decompress because that was a bucket load. 

Remember to follow along with my 100 Happy Days not only here on my blog but through instagram. You can follow me with the username beejsmallz ( or with the hashtags #100happydays #choosehappy and/or #bailchooses happy. Let me know if you decide to take the challenge as well so I can follow you!
BIG love,

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