Before I start this post I just want to thank everyone for reading and sharing my last post. I was totally overwhelmed by how many people could relate and felt the same and shared and connected over my post. It was a blessing to be able to write something that helped people relate and helped me sort through all the confusing feelings following Danielles death. That post reached around 5000 people which is huge for my little blog. It's as if everything about her was far reaching and affected so many people...rest easy, Danielle.
How is everyone doing? I wasn't planning to do this post this soon but I have wifi and some crazy motivation so I decided to just come out with it and maybe it will help hold me accountable. Every time I've tried to get back on track and wrote about it on my blog I've given up and wrote a post about being back on track then never followed up with it and I hate that. I know that it's totally common - it's very hard to get back on track - but I don't like feeling like I look like a failure and Id much rather be an inspiration than someone who gives up all the time but alas, I have indeed given up many times.
So when I made this decision last week I told myself I wasn't going to write about it or really tell people for a month because I wanted to make sure I was in it for the long haul.Today marks only week and I'm itching to write about it so here it is : I joined back up with Weight Watchers last week and I am getting this fucking weight off no matter what stands in my stupid way! I signed up at the Weight Watchers Clinic here - I am not doing it on my own, I am being held accountable and getting weighed every Saturday with Kristy and my plan is to kick some ass.
So far it's been a good week. I had one cheat night but got right back on track - damn you, cheeseball. I'm not sure how I'm doing on the scale (it's my period week so Im trying not to totally discourage myself by looking and being up) but I feel awesome! For the first time in over a year on my period, I look in the mirror and feel better about how I look. Obviously I haven't lost any inches in a week but normally I look in the mirror and I have to cry it out and take a nap so this is a big step.
Right now I'm feeling really good about my decision. I know myself and I know there has to be a kind of breaking point before I'm ready to actually commit. I have been thinking about it and thinking about it but the truth is that sometimes you're just not ready to give up the unlimited supply of guiltless oreos and you're not ready to face the fact that you're overeating by like 10x every single day. But I'm ready and Im facing it and I feel really motivated and ready to make the appropriate sacrifices in order to feel better.
My goals right now are small. I'd like to get back to the weight that I was when I lost it a couple of years ago. I'm not looking to be a size 4, I'm not looking to have a flat stomach and I don't plan on never eating cake again. I love food and I love going out to eat with my friends and drinking and laying on a couch eating chips and I will probably love those things forever and if I have to give up on ever being super thin in order to have those things once in a while then I will. I'm okay with never being thin and chances are I probably wont ever be super thin even if I tried really really hard so why torture myself?
I just want to feel better in my clothes, do better things for my body and treat it with a bit more respect. I want to be more willing to get in pictures with my friends and look back on them and think "wow, that was so much fun" rather than "wow, I am disgusting". I want to have more confidence, like I used to and get back into working out because it made me feel powerful and energetic and happy. I'm not looking to be perfect.. I'm just looking to be better!
So I know I told you I joined a week ago but I didn't weigh in today.. I'm weighing in Saturday with my cousin. Saturdays will be my official weigh in day and I promise to update you all on my first week (week and a half technically) this weekend. I'm hoping for a big loss obviously, something to motivate the heck out of me, but honestly its just nice to feel good and shit normally again (major TMI, I know, but shitty normally is awesome when you usually dont).
So I'll definitely need motivation and people checking in on me! If you ever want to shoot me a message and say, 'Are you on track today, Bail?, 'What did you have for lunch today?', or 'How was your weigh in?' please do! My mini goal is 20lbs off by the time I leave for my cousins wedding in Florida which is a huge goal so I really need to power through this next 2 months and I'll take any support I can!
I'm also super out of the loop with weightloss blogs and such things so please leave me your own or leave me your favorites so I can be inspired by all you fabulous people!