Wednesday, February 4

Why Whitney Thore Is My Spirit Animal

If you don't know who Whitney Thore is you need to get the hell off my blog... just kidding. But you seriously need to go check out My Big Fat Fabulous Life on TLC or at least watch a trailer to catch a glimpse of this inspiring creature. If you do know who she is or have now checked her out...please continue and don't get the hell off my blog.

Before MBFFL premiered on TLC I had seen Whitneys viral video floating around. From the minute you see footage of her you can feel her energy - she's intense and amazing. Honestly, her and I are different in a lot of ways and I might even find her a little obnoxious if I didn't have this crazy girl crush on her. Either way, her spirit is inspiring and contagious and there's this fire about her that is just undeniable whether you like her or not.

I am convinced that all girls out there who struggle with their weight, with self love and body image issues and feel held back when it comes to dating, shopping etc are going to love Whitney once introduced to her and this show if they are currently hiding under rocks and haven't seen it. MBFFL covers so many of the issues that I have personally faced as an overweight woman and she is a very empowering lady and role model. She is suffering from a disease she can't control (PCOS) and fighting like hell to love herself regardless and get as healthy as possible. Watching her kick ass and take names makes you want to fight too.

Something Whitney touched on this week during MBFFL was feeling like a fetish. This is something I have struggled with a little and I totally knew where she was coming from. I find it very hard to find guys who are attracted to me and that could be because I'm ugly but I mostly think it's because of my weight. When guys are attracted to me it's wonderful and awesome but when it's this weird like "oh you're big and fat and I wanna rub my dick in your fat creases" kind of attraction, shit gets weird and all of a sudden I feel like an object and not an attractive, desirable woman.

Being a fetish is not something I want to be. Everyone falls into a fetish category - there is literally fetishes for everything - but its not something I'm particularly comfortable exploiting myself as. I want someone to be attracted to me for me or just because they think I'm beautiful or sexy because of not only the way I look but the way my personality radiates and fills their life with sunshine (yeah.. a girl can dream). Ideally a future boyfriend would be cool if I lose weight and cool if I gain weigh as long as I stay true to the girl he fell for in the first place.

Unfortunately I have had an experience with a guy who told me he liked me but if I lost weight he wouldn't really be attracted to me anymore and he would prefer for me to gain weight if possible. Most girls are probably like, "right on, stop complaining and bring on the cake," and i do love cake but to me it was a red flag. This situation for me is no different than someone telling someone to lose weight to be attractive which most people would find a bit offensive. So why wouldn't it be offensive to be told to gain weight, no matter the persons original weight?

Whitney is sassy, self aware and confident - she knows she deserves love and deserves to be with someone who is perfect for her and that is something that I personally could take a lesson in and I think a lot of other people - big, small, male, female, etc - could too. She says so many things that resonate with me and make me think and I honestly think that MBFFL coming into my not so fabulous life was a blessing in disguise - I have a lot of lessons to learn from Whitney Thore.

Have you seen MBFFL? What do you think of the show? Whitney? Babs? Babs is taking over. She's outrageously funny.

Big Love,

Sunday, February 1

No Booze January in Review

Well guys, I made it! Today is February 1st and I made it through a month without drinking. I know for many people it's no big deal but for me, it's pretty damn impressive. I honestly had no idea whether I would make it or not and I'm quite surprised and proud of myself for doing so.

In the past two years and specifically the past year, I've been doing a lot of drinking and a lot of partying. I honestly don't know if I went more than 2 weeks without a drink in the past 3 years and it just became a lifestyle for me. I felt like I had to go out every weekend, I had to always be on the go and it was eventually just habitual for me to go out, just because, not for any particular reason.

I was at the point where if I was stressed, drinking instantly helped and I craved it all the time. I would plan not to go out but then work would be crazy and we would all go out after. The question was rarely ,"Are we going out?" but "Are you coming out with me?" and I'd be looking around for someone to come out with me, convincing everyone I knew to join the fun. And believe me, I was having lots of fun, but maybe a little too much.

Am I an alcoholic? I no longer think so because I made it through the last month without too much trouble but I certainly have tendencies and can see how it could be my future if I'm not careful which is part of the reason I took the month off. Other reasons included how broke I am and the fact that I was spending up to $400 a month on drinking. Had I not given it up, I never would've made it through this month as money is SO tight for me currently. I chose the right month, financially, for sure.

I was kind of hoping not drinking (and not taking part in 3am pizza and hangover food) would take a couple lbs off but honestly I don't think it did. What it did do was give me more time and energy to go to the gym and commit to healthy eating. Over the last month I lost about 6.5lbs which is better than nothing but like I've mentioned, the scale isn't something I'm majorly concerned with.

The best part of taking the month off was just feeling better. I felt generally happier, more energized and confident in the past month. I felt proud of myself and it was really nice making my mom proud because it's something I feel I rarely do. I was able and willing to go to the gym, I was never binge eating on hangover food and then feeling like hell for 2 days, my quality of life was simply better.

Has the month inspired me to stop drinking permanently? Lets be real - that was never going to happen. The point of it though, was to get back to a place where drinking is something you do for special occasions instead of something you do 3 times a week and I feel I'm definitely back in a mindset like that. For example, last night I was suppose to host a party for my friends birthday but because of the storm we didn't. I could've had a couple of drinks of the vodka thats been sitting in my freezer sine NYE but I didnt - even after a long 31 days of not drinking. It really wasn't worth it to just sit at home and drink and that's a really good start. I want to be someone who drinks 2 or maybe 3 times a month not 2 or 3 times a week and before it wasn't even something I wanted so thats progress right there.

I want to thank all of my friends who were so supportive over the last month. They could've tried to force me to come out and drink but everyone was respectful and awesome about it. I kept busy and worked a lot and only had one tiny weak moment where I almost gave in compared to the 10 I thought I would have. The month seemed very long as it went but now that it's over I feel like I could do another month... but who am I kidding? ;)

Have you ever quit drinking, smoking, fast food or something that was extremely hard for you? How did it work out? Let me know in the comments.

Big Love,

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