Sunday, October 11

Please Stop Asking Why I Dont Date White Men

If that title didn't get you here, I don't know what would. I've always wanted to write this post but it's kind of a weird and touchy subject so I never tackled it. After the same "Why don't you give a white guy a chance" conversation 3 times in one week, I decided it was time. The running joke about me is that I like brown guys. If you're in my friend circle or we are acquaintances you probably know this or have heard one of my friends crack a joke about it. I've never been in a relationship with a white guy and every time I have a date my mother asks me where he's from. It's just the way it goes.

Here's some fun facts about me : My first kiss was when I was 17, I've only had one real relationship and to this day I just do not have luck with men. I joke around that men hate me but I've always felt like there's a bit of truth to it - I repel them. I never had boys who liked me in high school and now I don't have much luck either. I don't know if it's me, if its the way I look or if it's a sexy combination of the two but my luck with men is non existent.

When I graduated I took a trip to Guatemala to volunteer in an Orphanage for a couple of months. My life totally changed there when I discovered among many things that men did not in fact hate me, at least not in Latin America and that some men even thought I was, GASP, pretty. It was mind blowing.

Living in a country where I was getting attention from men was exhilarating and overwhelming. I had a lot of fun and made some mistakes and learned some lessons that I would not have had I been living on Grand Manan. When I came home I went back to being plain old me and worked until I could go on a trip again. Meanwhile I met Mark and moved in with him a couple years later.

Since my break up with Mark I've met a lot of men who were raised in different societies and have different definitions of what beautiful is. Mark never thought I was beautiful and I always felt as if he simply tolerated my body - it was made clear I wasn't exactly what he wanted through out our relationship. Being exposed to men who don't necessarily see my body as disgusting but beautiful has been a confidence builder and has helped me come to love  and appreciate my body for what it is - it took a long time and a lot of hard work to get to this place. I had always seen my body as something to be put up with - maybe a man could love me through it - and now I see it as something to be celebrated. That's a big deal. Up until recently I had been made to feel like I was disgusting which is so not okay - no one should ever feel that way, no matter what!

So here is why I want to stop being asked why I don't date white men : because white men don't date me. I am a very open minded person and I would go on a date with almost anyone who asked politely and seemed genuine. It's actually kind of offensive when people ask me why I only date black guys or why I don't date white men. White men don't even notice I'm alive let alone ask me on dates - they bump into me because they don't notice I'm there or they notice who I'm with and talk to me as a way to talk to a girlfriend. This is fine.. but I don't like being treated like I shut someone out when there's never been an opportunity there to give it a chance.

I don't know why it is this way and I don't know if I care. I think there's a lot of stigma around dating girls who aren't thin and I'm living in a tiny city with limited options and close minded people. My dating pool is tiny.. more like a kiddy dating pool but not in a weird way. It is what it is. Right now absolutely no one is asking me out but if they were, their race or height or weight etc would be irrelevant. I want to meet someone who is ambitious and hard working and funny and who treats me with respect - if you meet this criteria and you're purple, I'll give it a go.


So in summation, yes, I've hung around a lot of guys who were not Caucasian and yes, I kind of prefer tall, dark and handsome men. If a tall, dark, handsome man thought you were beautiful and was chasing you - making you feel desired- you wouldn't be turning it down either, I promise. But that doesn't mean "I dont date white men" it means someone else put them self out there and I obliged.

If you've asked me this question and are now wondering if it offended me - don't worry about it. It's a running joke that I actively participate in. What you can do is set me up with a nice guy you know and all will be forgiven.

As always, Big Love,
Bailey 

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